Book
I'm Writing a book randomly. Tell me what you think, honestly.
~Without A Doubt~
For Douglas Adams
*~*
The books that kept me going.
Someone was knocking at the door, and jeff was quite clearly too tipsy to open it correctly.
Usually it he left it alone, but this time he was waiting for someone. “What do you want man...” he said. “Well you told me to come here didnt you? You fucktard, I drove 6 miles to see your sorry ass because you said you found it.” said his totally sober friend. They had been friends for quite some time, and ever since jeff had known him, he always seemed to be a little too tense yet not at all at the same time...it wasnt easy being jeff. Nor was it easy being jon.
“Well man, yeah, I did...but I totally forgot to call you back.” said jeff.
“Call me back? Said jon.
“Yes” jeff said sounding more and more helpless
“What for?” Asked jon.
“I realized it was just my computer coming up with a bounce IP, and it really had nothing to do with the Crest Project Database....I wanted to tell you to go home.” said jeff
It was at this time Jon pulled out the Vodka. It had been a long night, and jon didn't want to drive all the way home emptyhanded. Jon worked at a programming company designing programs for people who know nothing at all about computers. It was a pretty intresting job, given the hours of bordom spent in debugging. Wheras jeff worked at a surf shop, and worked as a hacker at night.
“You do....have the disc I asked for...yes? Asked jeff.
“Yes, I finished designing your stupid ass GUI for you stupid ass operations..but your going to get busted man, i'v told you time and time again to stop fucking with that Company” Said Jon
“I'v almost gotten it man, you've got to believe in me...gosh” Said Jeff with a burp
“Since when in the hell did you start saying gosh...?” Asked Jon
“Im wasted man...”
“Point made”
With that, the computer started to make the familiar moo that it always made when it found an available port to the server. Jeff wasn't sure why he had it make a moo every time, he just liked the familiarity of it all.
“Dude! Look man, I told you...” Jeff said as he pointed a shaky finger at a highlighted IP
The next morning when Jeff woke, jon had already gone to work. Jesus christ does my head hurt, he thought. He went to the kitchen to look for something to put in his mouth. He found some ice. Clearly he wasnt thinking straight and decided to go back to bed.
Later that day as Jon looked at his computer screen he saw a small flaw in the program he gave to Jeff.
“Wow” he said to himself
“What's that?” said his manager overlooking his work
“Oh, er....just some program error” he said hastily
“Your doing it again...” said his manager
“Sorry Mr.Davidson...your so right and correct!” he said with over enthusiasm
“Shut the fuck up and go to work” said Mr.Davidson with slight embarrasment
He knows he shouldent use foul language at work, but it doesnt phase him. It never has, and its not going to today. Hes got many important meetings reguarding the productivity of the company on this day, and it seemed obvious to him with all that under his belt he could afford to have frumpy language.
The error in the program, was that it actually worked. He had set an error purposfully in the hopes that his friend wouldent have a hope of correctly pinging the server...however not only did it ping it, it ran a portscan without a hitch. On top of all of that, he added a feature that was supposed to run the built in brute forcer so it would crack the password...it was only for show...but it somehow worked.
“Fuck it...” said Jon to himself.
Jeff got back up and decided it was time to check out the port the computer had mooed to him about. He connected to it...and....
He decided to call into work to tell them he wouldent be going. He then sat back down at the computer and somehow it connected. He was in. He dropped his cigarrette and laughed...it didnt seem possible.
“DUDE! I'm in!” he screamed at Jon
“I figured as much...” said jon as he sipped his frap.
“Wait, how did you know? It's only just happened.”
“I made the program didn't I? Your going to get busted man, they've got some mean ass tracers on their client.”
Bullshit thought Jeff
“Like 3 goddamn years in jail dude, I even bugged that program so it wouldent work...but somehow my bug...got bugged.” said Jon with zest
“Nah”
“Yeah man, ill see what strings I can pull for you here on my end...but iv got no promises. That company has a select group of people working for us I suspect.” said Jon
“What??? How??” said Jeff
“Its called corporate selection. Since they cant go ahead and hack us, they do the next best thing. Bring in overqualifyed people to apply here, and weve got no choice but to hire them...it could really be anyone” said Jon
“....come to my place later, we shall go hit the beach afterwards” said jeff without registering what jon had said.
“Alright” said Jon. He put his phone in his pocket, and spilled his coffee on his keyboard.
“GODDAMNIT” He shouted.
At that moment a pidgion flew into the window....appearantly even nature was having a bad day.
Jeff called his ex-girlfriend Bri. Bri was'nt anyone in particular, just some girl he hooked up with and was hopelessly addicticted to him. He had no intrest in her, but hey...he was quite a bored guy.
She was there in five minutes.
“Hey...” said Jeff “Why did you call me...you know I dont like to see you” Bri said
“er...hey, right yeah. Me and jon are hitting up the beach later, you in?” asked Jeff
“No”
A few hours later they were all in the car driving to the beach. Jeff had his laptop as usual, trying to see what he could poke around in the server. He had a satillite connection and he was clearly looking for something.
“Dude, your clearly looking for something” said Jon
“No shit” said Jeff
“Iv got a mac...” said Bri
Both Jeff and Jon exchanged looks, they had silently decided not to hang out with Bri anymore. Nothing in particular is wrong with Mac's, they just think the whole OS is bogus, a mistake, and should be put down.
“Yes...you do have a Mac” said jeff with again, with a degrading sneer
They reached the beach, and it was packed as usual.
“The spot I suppose” said Jeff
They travalled 20 minutes along the beach, to where the cliff met the water it was almost an entirely good spot for surfing, and taking girls in the hopes of getting them to play FFXI with you.
“Yeah, were here and put that goddamn computer in the car” said Jon
“But.” “No, It goes in the car” said Jon with a finalness to his voice
He put the laptop in the trunk, and slipped a PDA into his pocket.
“I saw that” said Bri
“No you didn't”
“Yeah”
He chose not to respond. The PDA was linked to the laptop using a wifi adapter he had. It could be used to run programs directly from the laptop, which was exactly what he needed. He decided to just go out and surf, which was something Jon or Bri coulden't do.
“I think that guys playing with fire” said Jon
“Why? Oh wait no...let me guess...hes hacking a huge underground server running a project for some secret government funded company, yes?” said Bri
“Well no..yes...what the fuck? How do you know anything about computers??”
“I used to be a hacker...then I got branded” said Bri
“Jeff never told me about you, he just said you were some chick he hooked up with, nothing spectacular...just this girl”
“Theres a lot of things he never even found out about me”
Jeff looked like he was going to eat it. Bri and Jon took five second bets on it...and...Jeff ate it.
“Well, what did you do to get branded?” said Jon
“...”
“I see what you mean” said Jon
It was at that moment a moo errupted from Jeffs pants which lay on top of a coconut.
“Hey shitbrick, your pants are mooing. I told you not to..”
“Yeah yeah yeah, whatever man” said Jeff as he got out of the water
“Hey...iv gotten an email” said Jeff after a few taps on the PDA screen
“It moos when you get an email too?” said Jon
“Yeah, i love the monotomy” said Jeff
“Alright, its from some guy who goes by 'TigerDuel', he says...that hes got root access to CPD and hes offering it to us for help” said jeff
“.....”
“.....”
“get in the car, we've got places to go” jeff said as he put on his pants
They went to the city where they were told to meet him. Jeff didn't like this area, but it was for the good of his intrests. He only wished, that he had put on his AOIT shirt that morning, it made him appear more technically savy.
They reached a grey building.
“It's in the grey building right?” said Bri
Jeff and Jon exchanged looks again, they decided not to even greet her if they ever ran into her. She repeated the very very obvious.
“Yes” said Jon
They walked in. They were immediately greeted by a potted plant which was on the left, which had a small note on it.
The note was smudged with a red smear, and had on it two confirmation numbers.
“What the fuck...?” “ It says delta, and it gives a long ass code thingy or two” said Jon as he read the note.
They threw the note away. They figured it was just some bullshit nub.
A Nub by definition, is a person who is in total lack of skill of any kind. He sits on his computer and attempts to play Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games (MMORPG) and totally sucks at it, dragging everyone else down with them.
“Ok bri thanks for coming.” said Jeff
“Yeah, well...your a rapist” said Bri
They drove off.
“Dude, why did she call you a rapist...” asked Jon
“Shes just pissed because I dumped her for someone else” said Jeff
“Oh...thats right, that other girl”
“Yes”
“Her name was...”
“Don't go there” said jeff sounding sort of pissed
Jeff dropped Jon off at his apartment building
“Whatever dude, i'll just drop the CDP for a while. Im sure those rumors weren't true. I mean the sheer..” Jon interupted Jeff by giving the face of a man who had soiled himself
“Whats wrong dude?” asked Jeff
He turned to look to his right and saw what Jon had been so shocked of.
A man wearing a trechcoat, or rather a woman wearing a trenchcoat...something wearing a trenchcoat had an envelope in its hand.
It reached up and took took off the hood, and it was a beautiful young girl, with a sad look in her eye.
“Oh my god its Ash...” said Jeff
“You threw away my note, it had two flights that you have 50 minutes to catch” said the girl
“Why must I go Ashley?”
“You just....must” said Ashley
She handed him yet another red smeared paper with the same two numbers on it. Jeff remembered she loved hot pockets for some odd reason.
“Fine”
“Do I have to take you home or you got your...”
“Yes, I have my bike”
Jon and Jeff were pulling 120mph on the highway. Jeff had installed a very powerful engine with dual Nox tanks in the trunk. He loved the speed, all too much.
“Crazy womans got nitrous on her motorcycle” said Jeff
“I know...I don't even understand the dynamics of it. It should flip over, yet it doesn't.
“Why are we flying to Japan again?” asked Jon
“I'v got no idea man, we just are” said Jeff
The stewardess was walking towards them.
“Excuse me miss...you got anything to make me forget im in an airplane?” asked Jeff
“Got ID?” asked the stewardess sweetly
“No”
“Fine”
She pulled out a bottle of vodka from the cart.
“Will this do?” she asked
“Probably”
Jeff got out his battered copy of 'The Hitchikers Guide To the Galaxy', he always read the damn thing. It was taped together using scotch tape. A shotty job at that too. Looked more like random strips running along its back.
“You really need to throw that book away man, its falling apart” Jon said
“Quiet my pandawan, your not nearly learned enough” Jeff said
Jon tapped the keys on his laptop more timidly as he began to wonder why it was he was sitting on an airplane with his best friend heading for japan. Japan was neat, it was far, and it had girls...but these facts didn't put him at any ease, for the fact remained that he had work the next day and had no idea how to explain to his boss that he was randomly going to another country.
It would probably sort itself out.
“Yes” jeff said into the mic of his laptop
Jon looked at him as though he had snapped, then he saw the microphone and dismissed it as jeff talking to one of his 'online' friends that he's never met.
“Well, iv gotten contact with our little santa in japan” said Jeff
“Why santa?”
“Why not? Anyways, we are going to meet him at a coffee shop 20 minutes outside of Tokyo” continued Jeff
“And?”
“And what? Theres no catch, just dont freak out when we get there without a way of getting to the cafe” said jeff
“Of course not!” said Jon unreassuringly
Truth be told, Jon had no idea what was going on.
The sign said 'Max's Coffee House' in japanese.
Neither of them could read japanese, but had a picture of the weird japanese symbols that spelled it.
“Well, this is it. We finally get to meet the ma..”
“Yes, yes we do, lets go in shall we? Interupted Jeff
They walked inside.
“Yo, can I get you anything?” asked the girl behind the counter
“Frap for me, and get a coke for the kid” said Jeff
“Shut up man, give me a bawls” said Jon
“We were told, there was a man who goes by the name 'TigerDuel' in this cafe” said Jeff
“I'm not sure what yo..”
“Yes you are”
“If you'd allow me to expl...”
“Yes I am the man, who goes by Tigerduel. Come, we have much to do” said a man who walked up to them.
They followed him to the door at the farside of the cafe.
“Continue with protocol, understad?” he said to the girl
“Yes” she replied
When he opened the door, it appeared to be an empty janitors closet. The walls were metal, and a single unlit lightbulb hung from the ceiling. He unscrewed the lightbulb and an ethernet cable fell out of it, which he pulled down and connected to his laptop.
“You see, we cant take any chances. Youve got to be a damn good hacker to access this server. Im going to run a decypher”
A cypher is a random amount of numbers cycled in a process that a program is required to organize and break the cycle. It's impossible to do so without a powerful decypher, as jeff could tell by looking at the screen. He hadnt seen a cypher move that fast or in such a large quantity in a while.
The computer let out a voice that said complete, and with that the whole room seemed to rumble and drop very quckly.
Jeff let out a shout and Jon seemed to grab at the walls for something that wasn't there.
“Our operations are held underground, deep under the sewer system” said the man
“What's your name by the way, im Jeff and this is Jon” said Jeff
“My name isn't important at the moment. For security purposes I cannot let you in on too much information” said the man
“Why are we here...can I at least know that?” asked Jeff
“Easy, your one of the best hackers in florda...no better yet, in all the states. Your international material too, considering your feat with the CPD....we've had keyloggers on your system for a while now” said the man
“What??? How? I have so many virus scanners and firewalls running that its like the computers not even online to other hackers” said Jeff
“Actually, you do, yes. Considering we helped engineer most of your scanners we made an update that allowed for our trojan to get into your system without a bleep on anything at all” saying this, the man smiled and the elevator came to a halt.
“We're here” said the man