..don't ask.
okay, so when randomly looking at facebook graffiti and also at the old graffiti I had saved, I came across one that the great lashia69 did for me. Which she did years ago, waaay before certain TR things. I was amused. Made an icon.
...wrote a ficlet. (ahaahaha, title from a TCR episode last week and has nothing to do with anything, shush.)
I Can't Believe It's Not Plasma!
618 words. ummm.. crossover? heh. yes, I am embarrassed for myself. takes place.. long ago.
Okay, so when Stephen said he had wanted to be a vampire, he really only meant for Halloween.
Okay, so when Stephen said he had wanted to be a vampire, he really only meant for Halloween. As a costume. And you know, he was a little delirious with self-pity at the time and Steve wouldn’t give him any of the damn candy, the jackass, so basically Stephen shouldn’t be held accountable for his words.
Ever, actually.
But especially for that.
But fine, whatever, he said it on the air and apparently that was as good as dropping an invite for actual bloodthirsty creatures of the night to attack him after a show. Silly him for not assuming that would happen.
So now Stephen was an actual damn vampire. He figured he could still do the show, since it was at night and all. He wouldn’t be able to go in earlier to yell at the interns or anything, but being able to scare them with his fangs was a close second, he guessed.
He was pretty unimpressed with the other vampires. Except for the whole fast moving, incredibly strong and violent thing, and the part where they basically killed Stephen dead dead dead for a while...they just weren’t that scary.
He only told them that a couple times, though. Three times at the most. They didn’t seem to appreciate it, but hey, that’s what they got when they turned Stephen Colbert.
But seriously, sure they killed people. But there was a fucking Pomeranian wandering around, for God’s sake. A tiny ball of fluff! And one of the Rottweilers seemed to like Stephen for some reason. Sure, the dogs all had mouths way scarier than the ex-humans’, but come on. They were cute.
The other vampires didn’t seem to Get Stephen, either. The woman in charge - which was ridiculous in itself because come on, a woman in charge? - kept threatening to kill him for good whenever he offered suggestions about how to Rule Over Everyone. He only narrowly-escaped her wrath after telling her she should try growing some balls.
He overheard her and her brother comparing Stephen to a king or something, which he took as a compliment. But apparently they were saying he was worse than a king, so it was both mean and didn’t make any sense. Kings weren’t American at all.
So with all of these annoyances, plus, you know, no longer ever seeing his wife and family again, vampire life wasn’t that great. And honestly, sucking blood straight out of the vein was messy. What was wrong with a damn bottle or mug or something? He would have to suggest that at the next gathering.
It was those daily brooding and obsessive thoughts that Stephen was left with as he paced around, waiting for nightfall. Waiting for the time when the others would escape to wreck whatever havoc they did while Stephen went to the studio.
Oh, the studio. How he enjoyed threatening writers who tried to make him do things that were beneath Stephen T Colbert. They had been scared of him before, but now that he could kill them in the space of a blink? It was fun.
Actually, now that he thought about it, maybe the whole thing wasn’t so bad. Stephen had always valued his power, but now he had physical power along with the cult-like leadership power he had always held.
Power.
His mood swung around all the time and this was no different. Now, oh, now Stephen decided to embrace it. He could turn all his fans! They would be putty in his hands, they would offer up their blood in goblets of pure gold! They would fix contests and get things named after him and get him his own show.
As the sun set, Stephen cackled.
end
...wrote a ficlet. (ahaahaha, title from a TCR episode last week and has nothing to do with anything, shush.)
I Can't Believe It's Not Plasma!
618 words. ummm.. crossover? heh. yes, I am embarrassed for myself. takes place.. long ago.
Okay, so when Stephen said he had wanted to be a vampire, he really only meant for Halloween.
Okay, so when Stephen said he had wanted to be a vampire, he really only meant for Halloween. As a costume. And you know, he was a little delirious with self-pity at the time and Steve wouldn’t give him any of the damn candy, the jackass, so basically Stephen shouldn’t be held accountable for his words.
Ever, actually.
But especially for that.
But fine, whatever, he said it on the air and apparently that was as good as dropping an invite for actual bloodthirsty creatures of the night to attack him after a show. Silly him for not assuming that would happen.
So now Stephen was an actual damn vampire. He figured he could still do the show, since it was at night and all. He wouldn’t be able to go in earlier to yell at the interns or anything, but being able to scare them with his fangs was a close second, he guessed.
He was pretty unimpressed with the other vampires. Except for the whole fast moving, incredibly strong and violent thing, and the part where they basically killed Stephen dead dead dead for a while...they just weren’t that scary.
He only told them that a couple times, though. Three times at the most. They didn’t seem to appreciate it, but hey, that’s what they got when they turned Stephen Colbert.
But seriously, sure they killed people. But there was a fucking Pomeranian wandering around, for God’s sake. A tiny ball of fluff! And one of the Rottweilers seemed to like Stephen for some reason. Sure, the dogs all had mouths way scarier than the ex-humans’, but come on. They were cute.
The other vampires didn’t seem to Get Stephen, either. The woman in charge - which was ridiculous in itself because come on, a woman in charge? - kept threatening to kill him for good whenever he offered suggestions about how to Rule Over Everyone. He only narrowly-escaped her wrath after telling her she should try growing some balls.
He overheard her and her brother comparing Stephen to a king or something, which he took as a compliment. But apparently they were saying he was worse than a king, so it was both mean and didn’t make any sense. Kings weren’t American at all.
So with all of these annoyances, plus, you know, no longer ever seeing his wife and family again, vampire life wasn’t that great. And honestly, sucking blood straight out of the vein was messy. What was wrong with a damn bottle or mug or something? He would have to suggest that at the next gathering.
It was those daily brooding and obsessive thoughts that Stephen was left with as he paced around, waiting for nightfall. Waiting for the time when the others would escape to wreck whatever havoc they did while Stephen went to the studio.
Oh, the studio. How he enjoyed threatening writers who tried to make him do things that were beneath Stephen T Colbert. They had been scared of him before, but now that he could kill them in the space of a blink? It was fun.
Actually, now that he thought about it, maybe the whole thing wasn’t so bad. Stephen had always valued his power, but now he had physical power along with the cult-like leadership power he had always held.
Power.
His mood swung around all the time and this was no different. Now, oh, now Stephen decided to embrace it. He could turn all his fans! They would be putty in his hands, they would offer up their blood in goblets of pure gold! They would fix contests and get things named after him and get him his own show.
As the sun set, Stephen cackled.
end