(Entry 12) Dear Diary...
Well, I'm writing this from the hospital. Stupid me went and fell down a flight of stairs.
I'm fine. The doc says I got off super lucky; I broke my collar bone and bruised myself up great, but nothing serious. I'm on some really good pain pills, so that part is good. I wish I could go home already, but they want to keep me under observation because of the coma. I was out for a good couple of days-that seems really surreal to me.
Everyone's been really great. I feel terrible for making them all worry so though. Shisui and Fugaku have been here alot, and everything I need they've been taking care of. Itachi's been here too; I see him hovering around and taking care of people. It's so weird; I never thought that beautiful, rich important people like the Uchihas could be so warm and caring. Even about stupid little me.
On a more serious note...
Oh, wait, I should make this private huh?
(OOC: Does not, because he's on drugs and not thinking clearly, so this is supposed to be private but is most definitely public. Ooops:)
On a more serious note, I talked to Raidou. I sort of saw my entire life flash before my eyes-maybe I was dreaming while I was in the coma? Anyway, I realized I couldn't let the situation drag out any more. I love him so much, but as a friend, a brother, maybe a father...not as a lover. I'm not IN love with him. And the longer I let it go, the harder it was going to be on him when he finally realized that. I should have been more careful, but I was so intent on taking care of him that I didn't notice how he was feeling. Stupid, stupid me.
I hurt him badly. I could tell by the look in his eyes. I feel like shit; he's been through so much, and I wish I could be the one for him. I'd really like it if I could...but I'm not. And eventually he'd know that and it would hurt even more. This is kind of surgery; one clean, quick cut and he can heal.
But oh, I miss him so bad. I haven't seen him since our conversation. I hope he's alright. Please don't be doing anything stupid, Raidou. Please? I'm so scared I almost talked to Shisui about it, but I don't know. I don't want to hurt either of them more, and I'm not sure that involving Shi would help right now. I know Itachi doesn't like him because of what he did to Shisui...maybe I should talk to Fugaku?
And on a different note, I think I'm turning into a giggly idiot whenever Fugaku is around. I hope he forgives me. I can blame it on the drugs, maybe? He's so sweet and kind and just...wonderful.