(no subject)
Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.
Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.
Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim !
Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered !
Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted.
The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")
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A Singapore English radio station, was holding a live radio segment at a shopping mall. The DJ was hosting a game show where prizes were given away to kids on stage if they could name the opposite gender of animals. The first kid to come on stage was a girl. "What's your name girl & how old are you?"
"My name is Cheryl & I am 8 years old."
"OK, tell me Cheryl, what is the opposite of cow?" "Bull."
"Very good! That's correct. Now here's a Barbie doll for you. Ladies & gentlemen, please give her a round of applause."
The game then continued for the next 15 minutes in a similar fashion with the kids getting all the simple questions correct until it was time for the 10th kid to come on stage. The audience were very impressed with this kid as he was very clever & articulate from the moment he stepped on stage, before being asked, announced, "My name is Johnny. I am 7 years old and I like English, Math & Art. My hobbies are collecting stamps & stickers."
The audience liked him immediately because of his confidence & had started to clap for him. His parents, standing right in front of the stage, were beaming with pride at how smart their son was.
"OK, Johnny, you should know the answer to this question very well. Close 2 eyes also can answer. Tell me, what is the opposite of cock?"
The young boy paused for a moment, scratched his head, moved closer to the microphone & finally answered proudly, "Chee Bai!"
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There were four Buddhist monks who played instruments and chanted everyday.
One fine morning, a lady in a mini skirt went into the temple to pray. When the lady knelt down to pray, one of the chanting monks saw the lady tsao k'ng (i.e. exposing herself accidentally).
The monk was shocked to see that the woman was not wearing any panties! He felt he had to share this valuable insight with his fellow monks, but also did not wish to alert the lady.
So he began chanting the message: "Wu lang bo chin nai ko....(Someone's not wearing panties...)"
The monk beside him was playing a tambourine, and he thumped this response: "Ti-to-lok, ti-to-lok (Where? Where?)"
The third monk, playing a horn, replied: "Duuu... Duuu........(There! There!)"
Finally, the last and the most righteous monk, sounded his cymbals in disgust: "Ti ti kua... ti ti kua! (Still peeping! Still peeping!)"
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One day, 4 babies were born at K.K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, a Filipino and a Singaporean.
However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn't differentiate between them.
However, the head sister had a bright idea. She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, "Heil Hitler!"
At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, "Clean that up!"
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Under One Roof...
Singapore is PAP,
Government wants Money.
Lee Kuan Yew is property,
Lee Hsien Loong is stamp duty,
Mah Bow Tan is COE,
Lim Hng Kiang is HDB
Richard Hu is GST
Tony Tan is ARMY,
Yeo Cheow Tong is JTC,
Tarmugi is 'apa ini?',
Lim Boon Heng talks NTUC,
BG Yeo talks health subsidy
Ong Teng Cheong si cho si mi?
Goh Chok Tong is temporary,
PAP is one happy family,
Join them get high salary.
Fight them and you sure mati!
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