End-of-year blues
The squirrel in the ceiling of the Latin classroom is making some pretty disconcerting noises...even for him (or her).
So there I was, studiously grading my finals last night, She gave me free cake smuggled from the F&CS Dept. & then she wanted to hang out. I told her I had to get my finals graded for today, so she proposed going to Starbucks where I could grade & she could work on the portfolio. Yeah right. Mid-drive we decide, "let's find a happy hour somewhere. That will make the work more fun." At some point, Luke called her cell, having apparently passed us, & we invited him to join us. He said he'd call after he ran some errands. We ended up downtown, ultimately, where we spent hours shopping for Kim's mentor-gift (apparently she didn't know there was this little thing called social grace & you really ought to get them something. I was so bored. I ended up grading while sitting on the floor in the middle of the aisle at Borders, while Kim looked at books on the history of fashion. I got the new Jack Johnson cd. Then we ran into some of her friends, so we headed to Sweetwater's for some drinks & dinner. I hadn't eaten since yogurt for breakfast, so my martini hit me pretty fast. Then we went to...somewhere (still not that up on the downtown scene), where we had a couple beers & some shots. This was all by like 7pm. Then those of us who were left went to Ake's 'til around 10. I wasn't really all that drunk, but I ended up feeling kinda pukey. Oh, & apparently, even though getting hit on by old guys is inevitable when you look about 12 like Kim & I, it apparently sweetens the deal when they find out you're a teacher. Good to know that if I ever wanted to pick up a really sketch forty-year old [married] guy in plaid shorts & sandals with socks, I could do it like that *snapping fingers*. Ooh, or a homeless guy who has a book being published *shudder*. These guys were like, "Oh man, you must be a sex maniac! English teachers totally are! Every teacher I ever had a crush on was my English teacher." It was gross. They kept saying it was cool we were hot young teachers, & did we like having all the boys lust after us? We were like: "Ew! They're students. There are laws about that, & even if there weren't we won't even date a guy one year younger than us, let alone five." Oh, & we also got asked if we were sisters. Again. WE DON'T LOOK ALIKE! Glasses don't make you identical!!! Needless to say, we were pretty over that scene by that point & busted on out.
Then I went home & had to wrap my mentor gifts. And write the letters. I cried so hard on Ruby's. It sucked, & I was so tired & sad that I went right to bed without drinking any water, which means that now I'm so hungover it's ridiculous. Ruby & I have been tearing up all day. It's so bad. I love her so much. And my kids!!! I can't take that, either. I can't take that I have loved them so much & worked so hard with them & for them, & now I have to pass them off to that bitch who stole my goddamn job that I worked my ass off for, that I gave my sweat & blood & heart & soul to. Those are my kids & she's going to ruin them. She's never taught anything!!! Yesterday they all were like, "Miss LeBlanc, please don't leave! We really want to have you next year!" A couple of them cried! What can I say to that? "Take it up with the dipshits who didn't check their facts? Who hired a total idiot?" The worst part is that we're not "allowed" to hug them! I hug everyone! And here's some kid who worked so hard & made so much progress & who I love to pieces, crying & saying goodbye to me...& I have to shake her hand? I was pissed. Hence the copious drinking last night. It's been really rough for me to deal with all this. Teachers are wicked brave or something. How do you say goodbye to people, teachers & students alike, who have literally become a part of you? It's like the poem "Ulysses:" "I am a part of all that I have met." The people in your life define you; you become a part of them & they become a part of you, & it's not only the magic of interpersonal connections, but also of self-discovery (on both sides). Teaching is amazing, because you have about a hundred different individual human beings that you have the blessing to come into contact with, who become a part of your soul, & who you grow to love & respect & understand & care about, & then they're gone. Half of them are glad to get away & move on, & the other half are going to miss you almost as much as you're going to miss them. Both are equally hard to deal with. I find myself plagued with their futures: will they continue to progress? Will they fall through the cracks because no one sees what I see? Will they...? I'm not sure I'm a strong enough person for this job. I mean, I've thought that on & off all semester, as situations arose for which I didn't feel prepared, but this part is nuts.
Anyway, I should go find Rubes. See if she needs any help with anything. Note to self: "Be...strong..."
So there I was, studiously grading my finals last night, She gave me free cake smuggled from the F&CS Dept. & then she wanted to hang out. I told her I had to get my finals graded for today, so she proposed going to Starbucks where I could grade & she could work on the portfolio. Yeah right. Mid-drive we decide, "let's find a happy hour somewhere. That will make the work more fun." At some point, Luke called her cell, having apparently passed us, & we invited him to join us. He said he'd call after he ran some errands. We ended up downtown, ultimately, where we spent hours shopping for Kim's mentor-gift (apparently she didn't know there was this little thing called social grace & you really ought to get them something. I was so bored. I ended up grading while sitting on the floor in the middle of the aisle at Borders, while Kim looked at books on the history of fashion. I got the new Jack Johnson cd. Then we ran into some of her friends, so we headed to Sweetwater's for some drinks & dinner. I hadn't eaten since yogurt for breakfast, so my martini hit me pretty fast. Then we went to...somewhere (still not that up on the downtown scene), where we had a couple beers & some shots. This was all by like 7pm. Then those of us who were left went to Ake's 'til around 10. I wasn't really all that drunk, but I ended up feeling kinda pukey. Oh, & apparently, even though getting hit on by old guys is inevitable when you look about 12 like Kim & I, it apparently sweetens the deal when they find out you're a teacher. Good to know that if I ever wanted to pick up a really sketch forty-year old [married] guy in plaid shorts & sandals with socks, I could do it like that *snapping fingers*. Ooh, or a homeless guy who has a book being published *shudder*. These guys were like, "Oh man, you must be a sex maniac! English teachers totally are! Every teacher I ever had a crush on was my English teacher." It was gross. They kept saying it was cool we were hot young teachers, & did we like having all the boys lust after us? We were like: "Ew! They're students. There are laws about that, & even if there weren't we won't even date a guy one year younger than us, let alone five." Oh, & we also got asked if we were sisters. Again. WE DON'T LOOK ALIKE! Glasses don't make you identical!!! Needless to say, we were pretty over that scene by that point & busted on out.
Then I went home & had to wrap my mentor gifts. And write the letters. I cried so hard on Ruby's. It sucked, & I was so tired & sad that I went right to bed without drinking any water, which means that now I'm so hungover it's ridiculous. Ruby & I have been tearing up all day. It's so bad. I love her so much. And my kids!!! I can't take that, either. I can't take that I have loved them so much & worked so hard with them & for them, & now I have to pass them off to that bitch who stole my goddamn job that I worked my ass off for, that I gave my sweat & blood & heart & soul to. Those are my kids & she's going to ruin them. She's never taught anything!!! Yesterday they all were like, "Miss LeBlanc, please don't leave! We really want to have you next year!" A couple of them cried! What can I say to that? "Take it up with the dipshits who didn't check their facts? Who hired a total idiot?" The worst part is that we're not "allowed" to hug them! I hug everyone! And here's some kid who worked so hard & made so much progress & who I love to pieces, crying & saying goodbye to me...& I have to shake her hand? I was pissed. Hence the copious drinking last night. It's been really rough for me to deal with all this. Teachers are wicked brave or something. How do you say goodbye to people, teachers & students alike, who have literally become a part of you? It's like the poem "Ulysses:" "I am a part of all that I have met." The people in your life define you; you become a part of them & they become a part of you, & it's not only the magic of interpersonal connections, but also of self-discovery (on both sides). Teaching is amazing, because you have about a hundred different individual human beings that you have the blessing to come into contact with, who become a part of your soul, & who you grow to love & respect & understand & care about, & then they're gone. Half of them are glad to get away & move on, & the other half are going to miss you almost as much as you're going to miss them. Both are equally hard to deal with. I find myself plagued with their futures: will they continue to progress? Will they fall through the cracks because no one sees what I see? Will they...? I'm not sure I'm a strong enough person for this job. I mean, I've thought that on & off all semester, as situations arose for which I didn't feel prepared, but this part is nuts.
Anyway, I should go find Rubes. See if she needs any help with anything. Note to self: "Be...strong..."