Spockunzel (Star Trek AU, Kirk/Spock)
Written as a birthday present to alexwish2005, she of the brilliant and twisted mind. Also a part of sacred_20 prompt 6: Dogma. This took a lot longer than I expected, so, uh, Happy Winterveil, fandom! Have some unapologetic fairytale schmoop!
Beta read by dissociate, thanks~~~ <3
Title: Spockunzel
Author: Renata Lord (snowlight)
Characters: Kirk/Spock, Sarek/Amanda, T'Pau
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~4,500
Disclaimer: There is a company called Paramount...
Note: Longhair!Spock. This story contains a very (and I mean very) loose retelling of The Motion Picture too, but in my head it's far more AU than either TOS or XI.
*
Sarek's Tale
A long long time ago, in a faraway kingdom called Vulcan, there lived a couple who loved each other dearly. The man was called Sarek, and the woman's name was Amanda. More than anything, they wished for a child of their own. Alas, Amanda was not a Vulcan but a Terran, and they had great difficulty conceiving a child. Thus when Amanda was finally pregnant, the couple was very, very happy.
A month after Amanda found out she was carrying a baby, she developed a terrible craving for plomeek soup, even though previously she had hated the dish and couldn't bear the smell of plomeek. Like a good husband, Sarek had weeded out all the plomeek plants around their house when they were married; and like a good husband, now Sarek was determined to find some plomeek for his labored wife, who told him that without the soup she would surely perish.
It so happened that miles down the lonely road there lived an old medicine woman called T'Pau. T'Pau was known for her strange powers, her many herbs, and having once told the King to stick it where the sun didn't shine, except in harsher words. But all in all, T'Pau was not an unkind womansurely she would be willing to let the anxious husband buy some of the plomeek plants in her garden? Sarek concluded that it was only logical she would, thus he finger-kissed his wife good-bye and went down the road to visit T'Pau.
To Sarek's great surprise, T'Pau was not at home. He stood before her gate for a very long time, hoping she would soon return.
Noon became afternoon, and afternoon became dusk, yet T'Pau did not appear. Sarek thought of his poor, suffering wife who only wanted plomeek soup now because of the part of him that was within her womb, and he made the decision that would haunt him for many years to come.
That night, Sarek brought back the stolen plomeek and made the most delicious soup known to Vulcans, and his wife's yearnings were assuaged. However, it wasn't long before Amanda began thirsting for plomeek soup again, and once more Sarek had no choice but to climb into T'Pau's garden and make off with the herbs.
On Sarek's third visit, just as he was heading out with the satchel filled with plomeek in his hand, the old woman returned home. She immediately realized what had transpired and descended on Sarek with a terrible fury.
"You no-good pointy-eared thieving fool!" T'Pau bellowed. "What you crushed and uprooted was no ordinary weed but The Plomeek of Eternal Awesomeness! Such a breed's seeds shall not ripen again for another one hundred years!"
Naturally Sarek was very sorry and begged for the medicine woman's forgiveness, entreating her to think of his poor wife and unborn child. Surely there was some way he could make restitution and secure enough ordinary plomeek for the rest of Amanda's pregnancy?
"You shall have your precious plomeek leaves," T'Pau decreed after some consideration. "But in return, I shall take the child who has eaten my plomeek while in his mother's womb. I will do no harm to the child, but he or she must stay in my tower and perfect the attainment of kolinahr, for that is the gift of The Plomeek of Eternal Awesomeness."
Sarek protested that such a separation would be too high a price and certainly kill his wife, who unlike Vulcans was not accustomed to reigning in her emotions. Even the imperious T'Pau finally relented and showed him a rare mercy by agreeing to to not take the child away until he was seven years of age and would allow his parents to occasionally visit him. Sarek gave T'Pau his word upon his honor as a Vulcan.
The husband went home to cook for his ailing wife, who was delighted by the new supply of plomeek soup. Sarek chose to keep the promise a secret from her, lest her fragile heart would be burdened by sorrow. In time, a beautiful baby boy with a patch of dark hair was born to them, and they named him Spock.
*
Spock's Tale
Spock grew up to be a calm and intelligent child, inheriting all of his proud father's Vulcan traits while retaining a soft and sensitive Terran heart. He, too, had a love for plomeek soup, but thankfully by this time Sarek had already planted their own plomeek bushes. They had a perfect life together, even though Sarek often wished his promise was only a figment of his imagination, or a remnant from a nightmare.
Time passed, and the family never heard anything from T'Pau. On the fifth year a rumor began to spread that T'Pau had left the kingdom altogether. With a guilty hope, Sarek chanced a visit to the old woman's house. He found that the fences had rusted, the house's roof had caved in, the great tower looked as if it was about to crumble, and the once-lush garden had became a barren wasteland where not even weeds grew.
Sarek reasoned that T'Pau must have gone back to wherever witches came from to die, and with every passing day without signs of T'Pau's return, he felt more at ease. By the time Spock's seventh birthday came around, he had already almost completely forgotten his promise.
On that night, after Amanda had sung him a lullaby and tucked him into bed, Spock slept soundly. Yet he somehow could not wake up from the dream, for when the morning came and he opened his eyes, he found himself not at home but on the top of a great tower, overlooking a beautiful and forbidding garden.
When he eventually realized that this was not a dream, Spock cried for his mother. For a long time nobody answered him, but at length T'Pau appeared and told him he was to live with her now.
Spock did not believe her. It was not until he saw his parents at the feet of the tower that he deduced what she said was true. His mother wept most bitterly for her precious child, but there was no way she could reach him. When Spock made a move to jump off from the window, Amanda screamed for him to stop and fainted in her husband's silent arms.
"You shall stay here and, in time, study for the discipline of kolinahr, the most blessed path for all Vulcans." T'Pau said to Spock after the child had finished crying, handing him a bowl of hot plomeek soup. "When you attain that goal, you shall be free to go as you wish."
"Is that a promise?" Spock asked with a hint of suspicion.
The old woman almost smiled.
"Of course. You may hold me to my promise, as I have held your father to his."
Another seven years passed as Spock grew under T'Pau's administration. He never left the tower, even though he had a breathtaking view of the landscape surrounding it. T'Pau provided him with everything he required in the roombooks, toys, equipments, and whatever else imaginable. His parents still came to visit him but, as the years dragged on, Spock did not realize the visits had become less and less frequent. By the fourth year of his stay he did not even see T'Pau much anymore, because the old woman's failing health did not permit her to user her powers to transport herself into the top of the tower frequently. Moreover, Spock was a gifted student, and T'Pau felt natural to leave him to his own desire to learn about the world.
On the seventh year, however, T'Pau decided that she should supervise Spock's studies closely, for he needed to begin reading for kolinahr. To this end, T'Pau made Spock to braid his hairwhich had never been cutinto a ladder. Whenever she needed to come up to the tower, she would stand at the feet of the tower and call:
Spock, S'chn T'gai, let down your hair, so that I may climb the ebony stair.
So did Spock begin his path towards kolinahr, guided by T'Pau.
*
Kirk's Tale
During the autumn of Spock's fourteenth year, on a clear and chilly day, a Terran knight errant wandered into this treacherous part of the Vulcan kingdom. His name was James Tiberius Kirk, and he was known throughout the seven kingdoms for both his precision with his lance and his silver tongue which nevertheless always got him into trouble. This day was no exception, as he was on the run for stealing a few cupcakes from a very big, very angry man. He had miraculously found shelter in a lady's house, but after she fed him a nice meal he somehow had the misfortune of causing her to burst into tears. Kirk was terrible at dealing with women's tears, therefore he was once more on the road.
Both his body and his spirit were quite tired when he decided to take a rest under a great tree's shades. Before he could fade into sleep, however, his senses were called to life by the most beautiful sound of instrument he had ever heard. Greatly intrigued, Kirk ventured to scout out its source.
It wasn't before long when he came to a beautiful garden with a stone tower in the center. The music seemed to emanate from the very top of it, and the knight wished to climb up to the lovely maiden who must be the one playing. He looked for a door in the tower, but none was to be found.
As his luck would have it, before he could try something drastic, he heard foodsteps approaching. He quickly hid behind the tree and saw a wizened woman approach. The woman intoned:
Spock, S'chn T'gai, let down your hair, so that I may climb the ebony stair.
A great braid of black hair was lowered onto the ground; the woman grabbed onto it, and was lifted into the tower.
After the woman had left, Kirk ventured out under the tower and mimiced the woman's call. The braid was extended once more and Kirk quickly climbed into the tower window.
He jumped onto the floor and looked for the fair damsel, but the only other person in the room was a Vulcan youth his own age, holding a golden lyre but looking very severe. Even so, Kirk couldn't help but notice those dark eyes. He he was certain that he had seen this face somewhere.
"Youyou're a Vulcan!" Kirk blurted out. He really meant to say "oh good Lord you're a guy!?", but it was too impolite, even for him.
"And you are a human, a Terran." The Vulcan youth replied in slight surprise.
"That I am!" Kirk said cheerfully. "The name's James Tiberius Kirk. My friends call me Jim."
The Vulcan looked thoroughly unimpressed by that pronouncement. "I see."
"So? What's your name?" Kirk moved in closer and noticed how the Vulcan didn't budge. He liked that. (On the other hand, the guy could be just contemplating on how to shove him out of the window.)
"I see no reason why should I impart that information to you."
"But I told you mine!" Kirk let out a theatrical sigh. "Look, it's common sense. Give and take, fair is fair."
"I wish to give you nothing and take none from you." The Vulcan pointed out curtly.
Kirk only smiled. "Too late. You've already learned my name. You don't have to tell me yourself you truly wish not to, however, in exchange for that, would you play the song once more for me? I found it most pleasant."
Spock was secretly pleased by this request, for he had a special attachment to both his lyre and the particular song. He obliged the stranger and the magical notes once again flowed in the air. Kirk listened raptly for a while, but the melody tugged at him and a speck of memory shimmered in his mind, and something made him begin to hum the words:
"Oh bonny Portmore, you shine where you stand....
And the more I think on you, the more I think long...."
The song abruptly came to an end. Startled, Kirk looked to the Vulcan, who was regarding him carefully with a near-frown.
"You know this song."
Kirk grinned and saw Spock's countenance darkening, even as a light in those eyes made every fragment fall into place: The Vulcan youth in a tower, the children's ballad, the Terran lady, the painting, the tears at an innocent question....
"You're Lady Amanda's son!" Kirk exclaimed. "I was at your mother's house! It was you in that painting, hanging in the parlor!"
There was a long silence. At last the Vulcan nodded, his young face incomparably grave.
"Yes, I am her son, the one called Spock."
Now the Knight was intrigued. But before he could inquire any further, Spock motioned for him to be quiet.
"You must leave now, for my teacher shall return soon to check on my studies, and I fear she would not be pleased by your presence. You may return tomorrow if you have news of my mother and father, for I have not seen them in many fortnights."
*
Kirk and Spock's Tale
From that day on, the two of them met frequently in the tower. At first Kirk mostly relayed messages between mother and son, and Spock played the lyre for him as a form of payment for his service. Before long, however, their interests in each other grew, and Kirk began to tell Spock of his own travelsall the incredible adventures, the fantastical encounters, and the excitement of going where no men had gone before. The more Spock heard, the more he wished to know.
Spock always listened to Kirk's tales intently, for though he had never sat foot out of the valley, he longed to explore the wide world beyond the confines of this tower. For his part, Kirk was delighted to find that Spock's mind was as agile as his hands, and he found himself wishing he could have Spock as a companion, even though he had always traveled alone until now. Their affection for each other grew steadily, even as Spock was continuing his studies of kolinahr.
Eventually, however, the Vulcan realized that his friendship with the human was becoming an obstacle to his path. With an unaccountably heavy heart, he came to the only logical conclusion possible.
One late afternoon, Kirk once again climbed through the tower's only window, and Spock had already prepared a speech for him. This would be their last meeting for a long while, Spock said, for he needed to complete his commitment to kolinahr, the devotion to total logic through the purge of all emotions.
He knew Kirk would not take it well, being an emotional and highly excitable human. However, he was not prepared for his friend's vehemence and anger.
"You're a fool!" Kirk exclaimed before he could even finish. "What good could possibly come of it! What else is there in this life, if you take away the joy and even the pain? Are you never to know hope and love again? I won't stand for it! And your parentswhat would your mother say of this!?"
Spock tensed a little but still maintained his outward calm.
"My mother is fully aware of the path before me. It was promised that I would complete kolinahr, for only then would I be able to leave the confinement of this tower. My father's honor commands it, as does my own."
Kirk was stunned.
"My apologies. I did not intend to cause you unhappiness." The Vulcan youth said softly. "I had hoped that I could persuade you to accept our...temporary parting with peace. I thought that after my training is completed and I gain my freedom, I would be able to join you in your journey, as you've repeatedly asked."
Kirk opened his mouth but no sound came outs. Instead he stood by the window, gaping at his friend helplessly. True, more than once he had tried to cajole Spock into entertaining the idea of leaving this tower and accompany him in his explorations. However, Spock never gave the slightest of indication that he might in fact be willing, and Kirk believed that he was fighting for a hopeless cause, though for some reason he refused to give in. The fact that Spock had desired the same thing made his heart leap in a way that almost frightened himself.
And Spock was still looking at him, black eyes large and strangely innocent. Kirk thought he looked uncountably sad, especially for someone who thought emotions were beneath him.
"Oh, what the hell." Kirk muttered with no small amount of indignation. Then he took a step forward, grabbed Spock by the collar, and kissed the Vulcan soundly on the lips.
Spock froze under the kiss, neither rejecting him nor yielding. Those lips were soft, yet far from pliant, and Kirk could not coax them to open for him. After a long moment, he took a step back and let go.
"Dammit Spock, I know I'm a good kisser!" He scowled in dissatisfaction. "And you aren't even grossed out by it, so what's the problem?"
Spock looked to him hesitantly. There was no shame nor anger on his face, Kirk noted. In fact, there was nothing except genuine incomprehension. He passionately hated the Vulcan disciplines then, and a rancid ache coiled in his heart.
"You must go, Jim." Spock said. "And I must fulfill the promises of kolinahr. Should we chance a meeting again, I shall be honored to join you. Until then, live long and"
"Don't you understand?" The human cut in. He did not dare to speak in his full voice, lest he should let out an undignified scream. "I want you, Spock. All of you. Without the effects of kolinahr. If you undergo it, you won't be you anymore. And I don't think I can bear looking at you and keep thinking about what you lost...what we lost. Do not do this! Come with me. I will find a way to break you out of here."
Spock was silent for a long while; but even before he finally spoke, Kirk saw the look in his obsidian eyes and knew the answer.
"Fare thee well, friend. Live long and prosper."
*
A few moons after he and Kirk parted ways, Spock fell ill.
Ominous dreams constantly plagued him, depriving his body of adequate rest. He had visions of Jim being hurt, bleeding, and on gasping on the verge of death. Even though Spock knew such dreams were not logical and had no relation to what was actually happening to the knight in the outside world, many a time he still woke up in the middle of the night with a most unpleasant feeling in his heart, unable to return to his slumber.
Spock was determined to be exorcised of these feelings, thus the efforts at kolinahr took on a new significance. Yet even as his mind raced to reach the pinnacle of Vulcan dogma, his body protested. Logic, he found, did not shield him from what lurked beneath his consciousness.
Finally his austere guardian took notice of his increasingly haggard appearance and inquired what ailed him. Like all good Vulcans, Spock answered the direct question honestly. He told T'Pau of his meetings with the human named James Kirk, and how he had terminated their relationship in order to pursue kolinahr.
T'Pau was displeased with her protégé's concealment of the human from her, but still commended Spock for sending Kirk away. The old woman brought more plomeek soup to Spock, hopeful it would free him of his dreams.
It did not.
In fact, the dreams only returned with increased frequency. Eventually Spock could no longer suppress his mental anguish, and T'Pau saw that what she feared had came true. Spock had been alone since the age of seven, without a proper bondmate or even a companion of his own age. When Kirk stumbled into the tower window, his mind must have unconsciously reached out to Kirk's, and thus they unwittingly formed a bond. Nothing else could explain Spock's fixation on someone who had already vanished from his world.
"It must be done." She announced. "I shall have to mind meld with you and erase the human from your memory. Only then will all your connections to him be severed."
"...I see," Spock said slowly. "There is no other way?"
T'Pau arched an eyebrow at him and scowled.
"Need I remind you that, memory erasure or not, after kolinahr you will no longer feel anything for that human? But you are correct, there is no other way."
In a rare display of weakness, Spock dropped his eyes and looked out of the window.
"I understand. Only that....I had hoped to remember." He smiled a little ruefully at that statement, as if admonishing himself for the absence of logic. Then he looked to his teacher, his expression once again inscrutable.
"You have my permission."
*
They had mind melded twice before, and on both occasions, T'Pau's presence in his mind was firm without being obtrusive. Yet strangely, as soon as T'Pau's fingers connected with his meld points for this third time, Spock felt a shudder rising up from the depth of his body, as if his very being revolted at the mere thought.
He did not understand it. T'Pau may be severe at times, but he had grown to trust her as his teacher. Nevertheless, it seemed that his body now simply would not be placated, and T'Pau's mind encountered unexpected resistance no matter what direction she tried to reach. Spock could sense the old woman's surprise and confusion as he endeavored to meditate the uneasiness away.
When T'Pau at last reached the part of his mind which held all his memories of Jim, Spock suddenly realized why he was recoiling from her touch.
It feltand how he disapproved of the word feltlike she was trying to kill Jim, and he was letting her. The memories were all he had left of Jim, and by erasing Jim from his life, T'Pau would destroy what was rightfully his.
Spock thought of the horrified and heartbroken look on his mother's face when he first arrived at the tower. He understood her perfectly now, but it was too late. Already too late. His throat locked up as his body began convulsing uncontrollably.
T'Pau did not let go.
No, his mind wanted to shout through the paralysis. The meld was only one-way, however, and having already received his permission, T'Pau certainly was not paying attention to whatever his mind was trying to say at this moment.
Nonononononono....
His plea died in the dark silence unspoken, like a dead body already buried into the cold grave. T'Pau was skilled. Already he could feel the warmth of those memories leaving him, despite his desperation to not let Jim go.
It was then that he heard the voice, and his own voice came back to him in a terrible flood.
For the first time in his life, Spock screamed.
*
Epilogue
Kirk wasn't quite sure how it happened; but he had Spock back, plus they were both alive and whole. Thus he was not about to complain.
Except he was.
"Bones, I think he's having a nightmare. His eyelids are twitching. What did you give him?"
His physician friend, who was busy fixing a drink, growled back at him.
"Jim, he's a Vulcan. That's what their eyelids do when they sleep. Now will you leave my patient alone to his rest? Poor bastard is so ill I don't even know how he got to you in the first place."
Kirk's face darkened a little at the reminder of Spock's condition. Without quite realizing what he was doing, his hands reached forward to touch Spock's face and lingered there. It had been a close call for them both when Spock arrived to help him defeat the demon known as V'Ger, but the sight of Spock shocked him, and not because the ridiculous braid was gone.
For when he had awoken on those burning plains, it was Spock who laid gasping and dying beside him. There was blood all over the Vulcan, trails of emerald running down the pale skin. Never had the color green look so sinister and alarming. Kirk thought it must had been a mirage, or at least he prayed it was sohe had dreamed about meeting Spock again, but never like this.
He stumbled over and reached down. Spock's blood was hot on his fingertips.
"Spock," he whispered in horror. "What have you done?"
"I came for you because your mind called out for me." Spock said the words as if it was the most natural thing to do, as if it was only logical.
In Kirk's dreams he had practiced eloquent speeches and enraged rants directed at the Vulcan, berating him for choosing some foolish dogma over what could have been. Yet in that moment all those words deserted him. Kolinahr, V'Ger, T'Pau, that village he had promised to saveall of them became a mere afterthought, because he was chilled by the sensation of having Spock's blood on his hands.
"You stupid Vulcan." Kirk muttered as he tried his best to bandage the most grievous wounds on Spock. "You stupid, stupid Vulcan."
"No, Jim, I didn't complete kolinahr." Spock's voice was small. Kirk winced.
"That's not what I meant! Why are you here?"
"T'Pau told me that my destiny lies elsewhere," Spock continued with apparent effort, sounding as saddened as Kirk ever heard him. "In my mind I heard your call. You were in distress, and you mentioned a being called V'Ger. I'm glad that I was able to find him and you..."
Spock fell unconscious after that, and the human could only pray to a deity he wasn't even sure he believed in.
Please don't take him. Not yet.
Perhaps Bones was God's answer to him.
Kirk stole a relieved glance at the physician to find him sipping on a cup of wine while leafing through medical notes. He eyed the cup longinglyhe was suddenly very tired. Three days without sleep did that to the most valiant of men. He was about to clear his throat and ask his friend for permission to have a cup of his own when he felt the body underneath his fingers stirring faintly.
"Jim."
To his ears, that sound was sweeter than any lyre's notes Spock had ever played.
*
Finis
Beta read by dissociate, thanks~~~ <3
Title: Spockunzel
Author: Renata Lord (snowlight)
Characters: Kirk/Spock, Sarek/Amanda, T'Pau
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~4,500
Disclaimer: There is a company called Paramount...
Note: Longhair!Spock. This story contains a very (and I mean very) loose retelling of The Motion Picture too, but in my head it's far more AU than either TOS or XI.
*
Sarek's Tale
A long long time ago, in a faraway kingdom called Vulcan, there lived a couple who loved each other dearly. The man was called Sarek, and the woman's name was Amanda. More than anything, they wished for a child of their own. Alas, Amanda was not a Vulcan but a Terran, and they had great difficulty conceiving a child. Thus when Amanda was finally pregnant, the couple was very, very happy.
A month after Amanda found out she was carrying a baby, she developed a terrible craving for plomeek soup, even though previously she had hated the dish and couldn't bear the smell of plomeek. Like a good husband, Sarek had weeded out all the plomeek plants around their house when they were married; and like a good husband, now Sarek was determined to find some plomeek for his labored wife, who told him that without the soup she would surely perish.
It so happened that miles down the lonely road there lived an old medicine woman called T'Pau. T'Pau was known for her strange powers, her many herbs, and having once told the King to stick it where the sun didn't shine, except in harsher words. But all in all, T'Pau was not an unkind womansurely she would be willing to let the anxious husband buy some of the plomeek plants in her garden? Sarek concluded that it was only logical she would, thus he finger-kissed his wife good-bye and went down the road to visit T'Pau.
To Sarek's great surprise, T'Pau was not at home. He stood before her gate for a very long time, hoping she would soon return.
Noon became afternoon, and afternoon became dusk, yet T'Pau did not appear. Sarek thought of his poor, suffering wife who only wanted plomeek soup now because of the part of him that was within her womb, and he made the decision that would haunt him for many years to come.
That night, Sarek brought back the stolen plomeek and made the most delicious soup known to Vulcans, and his wife's yearnings were assuaged. However, it wasn't long before Amanda began thirsting for plomeek soup again, and once more Sarek had no choice but to climb into T'Pau's garden and make off with the herbs.
On Sarek's third visit, just as he was heading out with the satchel filled with plomeek in his hand, the old woman returned home. She immediately realized what had transpired and descended on Sarek with a terrible fury.
"You no-good pointy-eared thieving fool!" T'Pau bellowed. "What you crushed and uprooted was no ordinary weed but The Plomeek of Eternal Awesomeness! Such a breed's seeds shall not ripen again for another one hundred years!"
Naturally Sarek was very sorry and begged for the medicine woman's forgiveness, entreating her to think of his poor wife and unborn child. Surely there was some way he could make restitution and secure enough ordinary plomeek for the rest of Amanda's pregnancy?
"You shall have your precious plomeek leaves," T'Pau decreed after some consideration. "But in return, I shall take the child who has eaten my plomeek while in his mother's womb. I will do no harm to the child, but he or she must stay in my tower and perfect the attainment of kolinahr, for that is the gift of The Plomeek of Eternal Awesomeness."
Sarek protested that such a separation would be too high a price and certainly kill his wife, who unlike Vulcans was not accustomed to reigning in her emotions. Even the imperious T'Pau finally relented and showed him a rare mercy by agreeing to to not take the child away until he was seven years of age and would allow his parents to occasionally visit him. Sarek gave T'Pau his word upon his honor as a Vulcan.
The husband went home to cook for his ailing wife, who was delighted by the new supply of plomeek soup. Sarek chose to keep the promise a secret from her, lest her fragile heart would be burdened by sorrow. In time, a beautiful baby boy with a patch of dark hair was born to them, and they named him Spock.
*
Spock's Tale
Spock grew up to be a calm and intelligent child, inheriting all of his proud father's Vulcan traits while retaining a soft and sensitive Terran heart. He, too, had a love for plomeek soup, but thankfully by this time Sarek had already planted their own plomeek bushes. They had a perfect life together, even though Sarek often wished his promise was only a figment of his imagination, or a remnant from a nightmare.
Time passed, and the family never heard anything from T'Pau. On the fifth year a rumor began to spread that T'Pau had left the kingdom altogether. With a guilty hope, Sarek chanced a visit to the old woman's house. He found that the fences had rusted, the house's roof had caved in, the great tower looked as if it was about to crumble, and the once-lush garden had became a barren wasteland where not even weeds grew.
Sarek reasoned that T'Pau must have gone back to wherever witches came from to die, and with every passing day without signs of T'Pau's return, he felt more at ease. By the time Spock's seventh birthday came around, he had already almost completely forgotten his promise.
On that night, after Amanda had sung him a lullaby and tucked him into bed, Spock slept soundly. Yet he somehow could not wake up from the dream, for when the morning came and he opened his eyes, he found himself not at home but on the top of a great tower, overlooking a beautiful and forbidding garden.
When he eventually realized that this was not a dream, Spock cried for his mother. For a long time nobody answered him, but at length T'Pau appeared and told him he was to live with her now.
Spock did not believe her. It was not until he saw his parents at the feet of the tower that he deduced what she said was true. His mother wept most bitterly for her precious child, but there was no way she could reach him. When Spock made a move to jump off from the window, Amanda screamed for him to stop and fainted in her husband's silent arms.
"You shall stay here and, in time, study for the discipline of kolinahr, the most blessed path for all Vulcans." T'Pau said to Spock after the child had finished crying, handing him a bowl of hot plomeek soup. "When you attain that goal, you shall be free to go as you wish."
"Is that a promise?" Spock asked with a hint of suspicion.
The old woman almost smiled.
"Of course. You may hold me to my promise, as I have held your father to his."
Another seven years passed as Spock grew under T'Pau's administration. He never left the tower, even though he had a breathtaking view of the landscape surrounding it. T'Pau provided him with everything he required in the roombooks, toys, equipments, and whatever else imaginable. His parents still came to visit him but, as the years dragged on, Spock did not realize the visits had become less and less frequent. By the fourth year of his stay he did not even see T'Pau much anymore, because the old woman's failing health did not permit her to user her powers to transport herself into the top of the tower frequently. Moreover, Spock was a gifted student, and T'Pau felt natural to leave him to his own desire to learn about the world.
On the seventh year, however, T'Pau decided that she should supervise Spock's studies closely, for he needed to begin reading for kolinahr. To this end, T'Pau made Spock to braid his hairwhich had never been cutinto a ladder. Whenever she needed to come up to the tower, she would stand at the feet of the tower and call:
Spock, S'chn T'gai, let down your hair, so that I may climb the ebony stair.
So did Spock begin his path towards kolinahr, guided by T'Pau.
*
Kirk's Tale
During the autumn of Spock's fourteenth year, on a clear and chilly day, a Terran knight errant wandered into this treacherous part of the Vulcan kingdom. His name was James Tiberius Kirk, and he was known throughout the seven kingdoms for both his precision with his lance and his silver tongue which nevertheless always got him into trouble. This day was no exception, as he was on the run for stealing a few cupcakes from a very big, very angry man. He had miraculously found shelter in a lady's house, but after she fed him a nice meal he somehow had the misfortune of causing her to burst into tears. Kirk was terrible at dealing with women's tears, therefore he was once more on the road.
Both his body and his spirit were quite tired when he decided to take a rest under a great tree's shades. Before he could fade into sleep, however, his senses were called to life by the most beautiful sound of instrument he had ever heard. Greatly intrigued, Kirk ventured to scout out its source.
It wasn't before long when he came to a beautiful garden with a stone tower in the center. The music seemed to emanate from the very top of it, and the knight wished to climb up to the lovely maiden who must be the one playing. He looked for a door in the tower, but none was to be found.
As his luck would have it, before he could try something drastic, he heard foodsteps approaching. He quickly hid behind the tree and saw a wizened woman approach. The woman intoned:
Spock, S'chn T'gai, let down your hair, so that I may climb the ebony stair.
A great braid of black hair was lowered onto the ground; the woman grabbed onto it, and was lifted into the tower.
After the woman had left, Kirk ventured out under the tower and mimiced the woman's call. The braid was extended once more and Kirk quickly climbed into the tower window.
He jumped onto the floor and looked for the fair damsel, but the only other person in the room was a Vulcan youth his own age, holding a golden lyre but looking very severe. Even so, Kirk couldn't help but notice those dark eyes. He he was certain that he had seen this face somewhere.
"Youyou're a Vulcan!" Kirk blurted out. He really meant to say "oh good Lord you're a guy!?", but it was too impolite, even for him.
"And you are a human, a Terran." The Vulcan youth replied in slight surprise.
"That I am!" Kirk said cheerfully. "The name's James Tiberius Kirk. My friends call me Jim."
The Vulcan looked thoroughly unimpressed by that pronouncement. "I see."
"So? What's your name?" Kirk moved in closer and noticed how the Vulcan didn't budge. He liked that. (On the other hand, the guy could be just contemplating on how to shove him out of the window.)
"I see no reason why should I impart that information to you."
"But I told you mine!" Kirk let out a theatrical sigh. "Look, it's common sense. Give and take, fair is fair."
"I wish to give you nothing and take none from you." The Vulcan pointed out curtly.
Kirk only smiled. "Too late. You've already learned my name. You don't have to tell me yourself you truly wish not to, however, in exchange for that, would you play the song once more for me? I found it most pleasant."
Spock was secretly pleased by this request, for he had a special attachment to both his lyre and the particular song. He obliged the stranger and the magical notes once again flowed in the air. Kirk listened raptly for a while, but the melody tugged at him and a speck of memory shimmered in his mind, and something made him begin to hum the words:
"Oh bonny Portmore, you shine where you stand....
And the more I think on you, the more I think long...."
The song abruptly came to an end. Startled, Kirk looked to the Vulcan, who was regarding him carefully with a near-frown.
"You know this song."
Kirk grinned and saw Spock's countenance darkening, even as a light in those eyes made every fragment fall into place: The Vulcan youth in a tower, the children's ballad, the Terran lady, the painting, the tears at an innocent question....
"You're Lady Amanda's son!" Kirk exclaimed. "I was at your mother's house! It was you in that painting, hanging in the parlor!"
There was a long silence. At last the Vulcan nodded, his young face incomparably grave.
"Yes, I am her son, the one called Spock."
Now the Knight was intrigued. But before he could inquire any further, Spock motioned for him to be quiet.
"You must leave now, for my teacher shall return soon to check on my studies, and I fear she would not be pleased by your presence. You may return tomorrow if you have news of my mother and father, for I have not seen them in many fortnights."
*
Kirk and Spock's Tale
From that day on, the two of them met frequently in the tower. At first Kirk mostly relayed messages between mother and son, and Spock played the lyre for him as a form of payment for his service. Before long, however, their interests in each other grew, and Kirk began to tell Spock of his own travelsall the incredible adventures, the fantastical encounters, and the excitement of going where no men had gone before. The more Spock heard, the more he wished to know.
Spock always listened to Kirk's tales intently, for though he had never sat foot out of the valley, he longed to explore the wide world beyond the confines of this tower. For his part, Kirk was delighted to find that Spock's mind was as agile as his hands, and he found himself wishing he could have Spock as a companion, even though he had always traveled alone until now. Their affection for each other grew steadily, even as Spock was continuing his studies of kolinahr.
Eventually, however, the Vulcan realized that his friendship with the human was becoming an obstacle to his path. With an unaccountably heavy heart, he came to the only logical conclusion possible.
One late afternoon, Kirk once again climbed through the tower's only window, and Spock had already prepared a speech for him. This would be their last meeting for a long while, Spock said, for he needed to complete his commitment to kolinahr, the devotion to total logic through the purge of all emotions.
He knew Kirk would not take it well, being an emotional and highly excitable human. However, he was not prepared for his friend's vehemence and anger.
"You're a fool!" Kirk exclaimed before he could even finish. "What good could possibly come of it! What else is there in this life, if you take away the joy and even the pain? Are you never to know hope and love again? I won't stand for it! And your parentswhat would your mother say of this!?"
Spock tensed a little but still maintained his outward calm.
"My mother is fully aware of the path before me. It was promised that I would complete kolinahr, for only then would I be able to leave the confinement of this tower. My father's honor commands it, as does my own."
Kirk was stunned.
"My apologies. I did not intend to cause you unhappiness." The Vulcan youth said softly. "I had hoped that I could persuade you to accept our...temporary parting with peace. I thought that after my training is completed and I gain my freedom, I would be able to join you in your journey, as you've repeatedly asked."
Kirk opened his mouth but no sound came outs. Instead he stood by the window, gaping at his friend helplessly. True, more than once he had tried to cajole Spock into entertaining the idea of leaving this tower and accompany him in his explorations. However, Spock never gave the slightest of indication that he might in fact be willing, and Kirk believed that he was fighting for a hopeless cause, though for some reason he refused to give in. The fact that Spock had desired the same thing made his heart leap in a way that almost frightened himself.
And Spock was still looking at him, black eyes large and strangely innocent. Kirk thought he looked uncountably sad, especially for someone who thought emotions were beneath him.
"Oh, what the hell." Kirk muttered with no small amount of indignation. Then he took a step forward, grabbed Spock by the collar, and kissed the Vulcan soundly on the lips.
Spock froze under the kiss, neither rejecting him nor yielding. Those lips were soft, yet far from pliant, and Kirk could not coax them to open for him. After a long moment, he took a step back and let go.
"Dammit Spock, I know I'm a good kisser!" He scowled in dissatisfaction. "And you aren't even grossed out by it, so what's the problem?"
Spock looked to him hesitantly. There was no shame nor anger on his face, Kirk noted. In fact, there was nothing except genuine incomprehension. He passionately hated the Vulcan disciplines then, and a rancid ache coiled in his heart.
"You must go, Jim." Spock said. "And I must fulfill the promises of kolinahr. Should we chance a meeting again, I shall be honored to join you. Until then, live long and"
"Don't you understand?" The human cut in. He did not dare to speak in his full voice, lest he should let out an undignified scream. "I want you, Spock. All of you. Without the effects of kolinahr. If you undergo it, you won't be you anymore. And I don't think I can bear looking at you and keep thinking about what you lost...what we lost. Do not do this! Come with me. I will find a way to break you out of here."
Spock was silent for a long while; but even before he finally spoke, Kirk saw the look in his obsidian eyes and knew the answer.
"Fare thee well, friend. Live long and prosper."
*
A few moons after he and Kirk parted ways, Spock fell ill.
Ominous dreams constantly plagued him, depriving his body of adequate rest. He had visions of Jim being hurt, bleeding, and on gasping on the verge of death. Even though Spock knew such dreams were not logical and had no relation to what was actually happening to the knight in the outside world, many a time he still woke up in the middle of the night with a most unpleasant feeling in his heart, unable to return to his slumber.
Spock was determined to be exorcised of these feelings, thus the efforts at kolinahr took on a new significance. Yet even as his mind raced to reach the pinnacle of Vulcan dogma, his body protested. Logic, he found, did not shield him from what lurked beneath his consciousness.
Finally his austere guardian took notice of his increasingly haggard appearance and inquired what ailed him. Like all good Vulcans, Spock answered the direct question honestly. He told T'Pau of his meetings with the human named James Kirk, and how he had terminated their relationship in order to pursue kolinahr.
T'Pau was displeased with her protégé's concealment of the human from her, but still commended Spock for sending Kirk away. The old woman brought more plomeek soup to Spock, hopeful it would free him of his dreams.
It did not.
In fact, the dreams only returned with increased frequency. Eventually Spock could no longer suppress his mental anguish, and T'Pau saw that what she feared had came true. Spock had been alone since the age of seven, without a proper bondmate or even a companion of his own age. When Kirk stumbled into the tower window, his mind must have unconsciously reached out to Kirk's, and thus they unwittingly formed a bond. Nothing else could explain Spock's fixation on someone who had already vanished from his world.
"It must be done." She announced. "I shall have to mind meld with you and erase the human from your memory. Only then will all your connections to him be severed."
"...I see," Spock said slowly. "There is no other way?"
T'Pau arched an eyebrow at him and scowled.
"Need I remind you that, memory erasure or not, after kolinahr you will no longer feel anything for that human? But you are correct, there is no other way."
In a rare display of weakness, Spock dropped his eyes and looked out of the window.
"I understand. Only that....I had hoped to remember." He smiled a little ruefully at that statement, as if admonishing himself for the absence of logic. Then he looked to his teacher, his expression once again inscrutable.
"You have my permission."
*
They had mind melded twice before, and on both occasions, T'Pau's presence in his mind was firm without being obtrusive. Yet strangely, as soon as T'Pau's fingers connected with his meld points for this third time, Spock felt a shudder rising up from the depth of his body, as if his very being revolted at the mere thought.
He did not understand it. T'Pau may be severe at times, but he had grown to trust her as his teacher. Nevertheless, it seemed that his body now simply would not be placated, and T'Pau's mind encountered unexpected resistance no matter what direction she tried to reach. Spock could sense the old woman's surprise and confusion as he endeavored to meditate the uneasiness away.
When T'Pau at last reached the part of his mind which held all his memories of Jim, Spock suddenly realized why he was recoiling from her touch.
It feltand how he disapproved of the word feltlike she was trying to kill Jim, and he was letting her. The memories were all he had left of Jim, and by erasing Jim from his life, T'Pau would destroy what was rightfully his.
Spock thought of the horrified and heartbroken look on his mother's face when he first arrived at the tower. He understood her perfectly now, but it was too late. Already too late. His throat locked up as his body began convulsing uncontrollably.
T'Pau did not let go.
No, his mind wanted to shout through the paralysis. The meld was only one-way, however, and having already received his permission, T'Pau certainly was not paying attention to whatever his mind was trying to say at this moment.
Nonononononono....
His plea died in the dark silence unspoken, like a dead body already buried into the cold grave. T'Pau was skilled. Already he could feel the warmth of those memories leaving him, despite his desperation to not let Jim go.
It was then that he heard the voice, and his own voice came back to him in a terrible flood.
For the first time in his life, Spock screamed.
*
Epilogue
Kirk wasn't quite sure how it happened; but he had Spock back, plus they were both alive and whole. Thus he was not about to complain.
Except he was.
"Bones, I think he's having a nightmare. His eyelids are twitching. What did you give him?"
His physician friend, who was busy fixing a drink, growled back at him.
"Jim, he's a Vulcan. That's what their eyelids do when they sleep. Now will you leave my patient alone to his rest? Poor bastard is so ill I don't even know how he got to you in the first place."
Kirk's face darkened a little at the reminder of Spock's condition. Without quite realizing what he was doing, his hands reached forward to touch Spock's face and lingered there. It had been a close call for them both when Spock arrived to help him defeat the demon known as V'Ger, but the sight of Spock shocked him, and not because the ridiculous braid was gone.
For when he had awoken on those burning plains, it was Spock who laid gasping and dying beside him. There was blood all over the Vulcan, trails of emerald running down the pale skin. Never had the color green look so sinister and alarming. Kirk thought it must had been a mirage, or at least he prayed it was sohe had dreamed about meeting Spock again, but never like this.
He stumbled over and reached down. Spock's blood was hot on his fingertips.
"Spock," he whispered in horror. "What have you done?"
"I came for you because your mind called out for me." Spock said the words as if it was the most natural thing to do, as if it was only logical.
In Kirk's dreams he had practiced eloquent speeches and enraged rants directed at the Vulcan, berating him for choosing some foolish dogma over what could have been. Yet in that moment all those words deserted him. Kolinahr, V'Ger, T'Pau, that village he had promised to saveall of them became a mere afterthought, because he was chilled by the sensation of having Spock's blood on his hands.
"You stupid Vulcan." Kirk muttered as he tried his best to bandage the most grievous wounds on Spock. "You stupid, stupid Vulcan."
"No, Jim, I didn't complete kolinahr." Spock's voice was small. Kirk winced.
"That's not what I meant! Why are you here?"
"T'Pau told me that my destiny lies elsewhere," Spock continued with apparent effort, sounding as saddened as Kirk ever heard him. "In my mind I heard your call. You were in distress, and you mentioned a being called V'Ger. I'm glad that I was able to find him and you..."
Spock fell unconscious after that, and the human could only pray to a deity he wasn't even sure he believed in.
Please don't take him. Not yet.
Perhaps Bones was God's answer to him.
Kirk stole a relieved glance at the physician to find him sipping on a cup of wine while leafing through medical notes. He eyed the cup longinglyhe was suddenly very tired. Three days without sleep did that to the most valiant of men. He was about to clear his throat and ask his friend for permission to have a cup of his own when he felt the body underneath his fingers stirring faintly.
"Jim."
To his ears, that sound was sweeter than any lyre's notes Spock had ever played.
*
Finis