Saved: Chapter 6
Saved: Chapter 6
Notes: I love a good cult so of course I was intrigued by everything that had been going down in Texas with the FLDS. 'Saved' is really more about runaways than cults so if you like that sort of thing you might like this. The following story is completely fictional and has been written for entertainment purposes only.
“Hey, hand me that taping knife, would you?” Caiden looked over at the tools scattered on a banged up metal table. They were jumbled all together.
“The wide one or the narrow one?”
“Umm…the narrow one, this corner is giving me problems.” Caiden picked up the knife and handed it to Jason, then went back to measuring the piece of drywall he was working on. He had been relieved when they got to the worksite to see familiar tools and materials. On the drive over in the cramped Subaru he had wondered if outsiders built houses the same way men on the compound did. He doubted it, hardly anything seemed the same. They had left the apartment, with four other boys, at five-thirty that morning. At least that was the same, getting to work before the sun had a chance to rise. Rainey had been fast asleep so Caiden had written a note on the back of a paper napkin he had found sitting on top of a speaker.
‘Went to work, I’ll be back soon.’ He had wrapped sixty dollars up in the note and slid it down the front of Rainey’s shirt so that he’d be sure to find it when he woke up. As he did it he had second thoughts about leaving for the day but made his mind up quickly. If they were going to make it out here they’d have to do some things differently, that’s just the way it had to be.
It was nearly noon and the day had gone smoothly. Caiden understood the directions that Jason gave him, and Gary the boss said, ‘Looks like someone’s built a house before’, when he passed by as Caiden helped Jason hang a piece of drywall. Jason had raised his eyebrows and nodded at him making Caiden feel good that he knew what he was doing for once. It was the first time all week. They worked quietly all morning and only after Gary’s comment did Jason say more than a few words to him.
“You’re lucky to have your brother with you. When I left I was on my own. First couple of weeks I must of said about ten words total. He get kicked out too? Seems sort of young.” Jason didn’t look over, he was still working on the corner while Caiden hunched over his work on the floor. It was nice to be around someone who knew what it was like.
“No, he could have stayed. He wanted to come though.” Caiden thought back to the long evenings they spent up on the top bunk, planning and speculating. Rainey had tried to make it sound like an adventure, like the week-long camping trip they had taken with their brothers up to Zion a few years back.
“Think he regrets it?” Caiden was grateful that Jason’s back was turned. His family always said that his eyes gave him away.
“Don’t know.”
But he did know. Rainey would leave with him ten times over no matter what lay ahead. Caiden didn’t know why but it had always been that way between them. It was so different from how it was with the brothers he shared both parents with. Rainey felt like his responsibility. Whenever he would become frustrated with Rainey, Caiden would try to remind himself that Rainey had been chosen especially for him and that he was a gift, not a burden. Sometimes he would pray on it and ask God to protect Rainey because he wasn’t sure that he could do a good enough job by himself. Just the night before, it had occurred to him that this might be a test. He had felt a jolt of anger at the thought of God putting Rainey in danger just to test him. Not that it mattered. Caiden would always take care of Rainey first, even when all he wanted to do was take care of him self.
* * *
“What’s it do?” Rainey turned the pale green tablet over, running his fingertip over the embossed star that covered one side.
“You know how you feel kind of nervous, like you’re not sure what to do or who to trust? It’ll make all that go away.” Zach was sprawled out on his stomach across Jason’s bed, the map that he and Rainey had been looking at spread out in front of him.
Rainey wasn’t sure he knew that feeling. He didn’t know what to do, that was true enough, but he could always trust Caiden and so far he trusted Zach. He hadn’t given him any reason not to trust him. In fact, everyone they’d met so far had helped them out. The lady with the hats, the man with the truck, Chris; even the grouchy guy in the front apartment had pointed them in the right direction.
“Hey, how come you were at that motel if you live here?” When Zach had opened the closet to get Rainey some clothes Rainey could see that Zach had a lot of stuff in there. The t-shirt fit him because he and Zach were about the same size but the jeans were way too long since they were Jason’s; Zach hadn’t had any clean ones.
“Paying the bills.” Zach stared down at the map and traced his finger west, landing on Las Vegas.
“Oh yeah? You think you could get me a job over there? Guess I’m too young looking to go with Caiden.” Caiden had been gone when Rainey had woken up but he had left him a note with almost all the money they had.
“Nah, there’s nothing over there for you. Don’t worry, Jason’s boss pays pretty good. You guys will have some cash if you stay through the end of week. That’s when they get paid.”
“I’m pretty good at fixing stuff or I could clean up. You think I’m too young for the motel too?”
Zach gave a sharp laugh but kept his head down, his finger traveling all the way to California, tapping the ocean when he got there. “No you’re definitely not too young for them, but you should just stay here, you’ll be okay, I’ll watch out for you.” Rainey didn’t say anything else about it. The motel was small, probably not too much work to begin with.
Sitting up, Zach took the pill out of Rainey’s hand. “I wanna roll. You don’t have to but I think you’d like it.”
“Do you have another one?” If Zach was going to take one then it was probably okay.
“Yeah, here.” Zach reached over and opened up the bedside table drawer, dropping a tablet that looked just like the first one into Rainey’s hand. “Let me get you something to drink first though.”
“That’s okay, I’m not really thirsty.”
“It doesn’t matter, If you take these at a club make sure you drink a lot of water while you’re on them, you’ll sweat a lot. When you’re at home you don’t need as much but it’s still good to sip some.” Zach climbed off of the bed and headed towards the kitchen, leaving Rainey on the rumpled up bed. Rainey didn’t know what a ‘club’ was but whenever his momma would give him medicine she told him to drink water with it so he figured this was sort of the same thing. He lay down and put his head on the pillow next to the one Zach had been using. It smelled warm and unwashed. Sticking his tongue out a tiny bit he touched the fabric, it tasted salty.
The bedroom wasn’t like the living room at all. It was practically empty except for the bed and a dresser. The walls were bare with a fresh coat of white paint on them and there was a flimsy metal ceiling fan turning lazily overhead. Across from the bed was a huge closet that had a sliding, mirrored door. Rainey closed his eyes and tried to imagine what Caiden was doing right now. Zach had said that Jason worked for a guy who built houses. That was good. Caiden knew a lot about doing that, his father had always complimented him on how professional looking his work was. Zach came back balancing a glass of water, a glass of orange juice, and a boom box.
“What’s that for?” After last night Rainey had been glad for the peace and quiet that had settled over the apartment this morning. The stereo had been on until the last person went to sleep.
“It’ll be better with some beats.” Zach plugged in the stereo and handed Rainey the orange juice. They each swallowed down a tablet. “C’mon, let’s get the laundry started until they kick in, I told Jason I’d do it today.” Picking up clothes from the floor, the boys made their way through the apartment, working together easily, dumping everything into a big blue basket. When all the clothes had been collected they headed to the bathroom where Zach filled up the tub with hot, soapy water. As Rainey plunged his hands in and started scrubbing he thought about the old washboard he had found in the supply room that he had thought was a sled. His father had laughed and showed him how you could play it like an instrument and explained what it was really used for, said Rainey better not let his mother see it, she might give him the washing to do when the machine was being used by one of the other wives. Rubbing handfuls of heavy denim together, Rainey wished that old wash board here now, not stowed away in that cool, dark room behind the house where no one knew about it.
* * *
“Here, I’ve got an extra.” Jason leaned over and dropped an apple next to Caiden’s crumpled up sandwich wrapper.
“Thank you.” As he bit into it, Caiden wondered if all apples in this part of the state tasted this good. They had broken for lunch and were sitting in the corner of the house that they had been working on all morning, the dust of the drywall coating the floor around them. Caiden had been glad to see Jason pull out a cooler with several sandwiches and pieces of fruit in it. When he had counted there were six of each.
“Zach says you’re headed to Salt Lake, that your brother’s up there.” Caiden would have to talk to Rainey about that, they didn’t know where Dorrin had ended up. Wasn’t right to tell people that like it was the truth.
“We’re not sure, we think he may have gone up that way but we haven’t talked to him since he left.”
“Pretty good chance, that’s were a lot of us end up. He might be different than how you remember him though. How long has be gone?”
“Three years.”
Jason nodded. “That’s a long time.”
“How long has it been since you left?”
“Three years.” Caiden looked at Jason’s face. He looked like most of the boys on the compound. Unlike the other boys at the apartment, Jason would be able to walk right back on and fit in as though he’d never left. His honey wheat hair was cropped close to his ears and neck, the top left a little longer. The pale skin that peeked out from under his pant cuffs when he sat down gave away his true coloring even though his arms, face, and neck had taken on a reddish tone. His hands were nicked and Caiden could make out a faint scar that ran up his forearm. Caiden liked sitting here with him eating lunch, it felt like home.
* * *
“You’re getting soaked!” Zach laughed and pulled Rainey’s arms out of the water, rubbing them up and down. Rainey didn’t know what was happening. He had so much energy. Forget the washboard. He could get all of the laundry done by himself in no time. He just needed to get deeper into the water. Zach’s hands felt so good though, the laundry could wait. Rainey felt like all the pores in his skin had expanded and now they were swallowing up everything that passed over them. He looked down at his arms to check; no, everything looked normal. Grabbing on to Zach’s hands he plunged both their arms back into the tub until the water almost reached their shoulders.
“Why’s it feel like this?” Rainey couldn’t get enough of feeling the warm water all over his arms.
“This is how we would feel all the time if we didn’t have so many negative things blocking us off from it. E just pulls those things away and lets you feel the way you’re supposed to.”
Rainey ran the side of his face along the cool porcelain edge of the tub. Zach was so nice. He had taken him in, given him clothes, given him a place to sleep. He had helped his brother, giving him a job, saying nice things to his roommate about them so that they could stay. Jason was really nice too, taking Caiden to work with him, letting Rainey stay back and hang out with Zach. They were good, and generous, and kind. Zach found Rainey’s hand under the water and began rubbing and pulling at his fingertips. Rainey could feel his fingers stretching and wondered if they’d be longer when he took his hand out of the water.
“C’mon.” Zach slid his hand up to Rainey’s wrist and pulled him up out of the water. Rainey followed easily feeling like invisible strings were pulling his body towards Zach. In the kitchen Zach opened up a drawer and rummaged around, finally pulling out a pack of gum. “This is a good one. It’s got spearmint flavor crystals. They feel awesome.” Rainey unwrapped a piece carefully and slid it into his mouth. Zach was right, the mint poured over his tongue while the crystals snapped and crackled. The foil wrapper had a swirled pattern on it that drew his fingers in an endless loop.
As Zach gently pushed him through the living room and back into the bedroom Rainey felt as though his hands might leave imprints on his back. It felt like his back had turned into soft clay and that Zach’s palms were sinking in slowly. Rainey wondered how long it would be until Zach was touching his heart and realized he wanted to feel that. When they reached the bedroom Zach leaned over and flipped off the light switch giving the room a purplish hue in the late afternoon sun. He pushed a button on the stereo but lowered the volume when Rainey squeezed his eyes shut.
“Lay down on the floor, on your stomach.” Zach was standing behind Rainey and had begun to rub his arms again.
“I wanna take off my shoes.”
“All right, but then lay down.” Rainey kicked off his shoes and pulled off his socks. He could feel each individual fiber in the carpet and wanted to run his fingers through them so he lay down quickly. “All right, put your arms straight out in front of you.” Rainey followed directions, picking at each tiny carpet nub along the way. “Okay, now just relax.” Standing over him Zach picked up Rainey’s hands and pulled him up so that his face was a couple inches from the floor.
“My bones feel elastic. Do you think they’re elastic?”
“Yeah Rainey, they’re elastic, close your eyes and let them stretch out, relax.”
Rainey gave into the pull and felt himself getting lifted up an inch or two higher. Zach held him there for at least a minute while Rainey focused on his chest expanding. “I’m gonna let you down slowly. Don’t be scared, I’ve got you okay?” Rainey didn’t know why he’d be scared; he was only a couple of inches off the ground. As Zach lowered him he got confused. Where was the floor? He should have reached it by now. The breeze that blew past him told him that he was going through the floor. Where would he end up? Under the house? Underground? On the other side of the earth? Maybe he would just tumble endlessly. It was so slow, he wasn’t scared, just confused. When he finally felt the carpet under his cheek he twisted his wrists to hold onto Zach’s hands. His head was spinning, if Zach let go he might keep falling. Zach settled down on top of him, sitting heavily on Rainey’s back, despite his small build. The carpet had reappeared underneath Rainey’s fingertips, so he traced all of it that was within his reach, finding patterns he hadn’t seen before. When Zach stood up after a few minutes Rainey could of sworn that the absence of the weight caused him to float up and he wondered when he had become so light. Closing his eyes he tried to grab onto the carpet to keep him self from floating away. There was nothing to hold on to so instead he pictured sand being poured into his body. When there were storms back home, sandbags were the only things that kept roads from getting washed away. It seemed to work, he wasn’t moving anymore.
* * *
“How long have you known Zach?” Caiden was sweeping up while Jason gathered all the tools and locked them away.
“All my life, we grew up together.” They had finished the room they had been working on, Gary said that they would begin the kitchen tomorrow. He just assumed Caiden was coming back which made Caiden feel like part of the crew even though it was only his first day. Maybe they could stay awhile, maybe it would work out here.
“Really? He seems so different from you. Are you brothers?”
“No, but he tells people we are so don’t be confused if he says that.”
“Why’s he say you are if you’re not?”
“Zach has his own ideas about things. He’s different from most people; believers, outsiders, everyone really.”
“He told my brother that you were roommates.”
“Did he say that at the motel or the apartment?”
“The motel.” Jason nodded and continued organizing the tools.
“Does he work at the motel?” Caiden wanted to know more.
“Sort of. C’mon, let’s go. The guys are probably waiting.” When they got to the front of the house everyone was packing up. Caiden moved some bags of plaster for Gary and by the time he had finished everyone had gotten into their cars and were ready to go. Caiden squeezed into the backseat. He had a window this time which he was grateful for considering how sweaty and tired he was. As Jason pulled away from the job site Caiden rolled down the window and leaned his head on the frame. The hot Utah sun was not giving up until it had gone all the way down.
* * *
“What are you doing?” Rainey could hear Zach laughing from behind the bunch of dripping clothes that were hanging on the line between them. He had been helping Zach put up the laundry but now he was crouching down beneath a particularly wet shirt, letting the water droplets run over his palms and down his arms.
“Helping. I want to help you do everything because you helped me and my brother. I wanna stay here and help you forever okay?”
“Okay, but they’re gonna be home soon so help me get this laundry up.”
“Okay.” Rainey stood up and picked up another shirt trying not to get distracted by the way the fabric felt beneath his fingers. As they hung the last of the laundry Jason’s battered red Subaru pulled up, the boys getting out of it looking hot and tired.
Rainey dropped the rest of the clothes pins into the basket and met Caiden halfway up the lawn.
“Did you have a good day? We had such a good day, I missed you though.” Rainey leaned in and wrapped his arms around Caiden. Untangling himself, Caiden stepped back some.
“Rainey what happened? What are you doing?”
“Nothing, we just had a really good day but I wish you could have been here too. Maybe you can stay with me tomorrow. I don’t like it when you go away.”
“C’mon Rainey.” Caiden took Rainey’s wrist and led him down the driveway to the back of the apartments, away from the others. Leaning him against the wall behind the building Caiden reached out and ran a couple of fingers over Rainey’s forehead.
“You’re sweating and your eyes look strange, they’re big. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, I just missed you.” Rainey hugged Caiden again and this time Caiden let him, stroking his back as he tried to figure out what was happening. He’d never seen Rainey like this. Was he drunk? Maybe. He had acted a little bit like this after he had a few beers but his eyes looked weird, Caiden didn’t remember that happening before. Maybe he and Zach had gotten really drunk, there had been a lot of beer in the refrigerator. But why was he chewing his gum like that? He was chewing it too hard. “I love you Caiden, You’re such a good brother. I don’t want to go anywhere without you anymore okay? Take me with you everywhere, okay? Remember how the preacher used to say ‘Love your neighbor as though he were your brother’? Well I do. I love Zach and Jason and Chris and the lady with the hats and that nice man who gave us a ride and that lady at the motel, even though she charged us more for the room I still love here because she gave you somewhere to sleep and someplace for me to take the longest shower I ever had and there was free ice.” Rainey had moved his hand from Caiden’s back over to his arms, and now they were heading towards the hem of his shirt.
“Rainey, stop! C’mon, let’s go inside.” Caiden pulled away and Rainey followed, grabbing onto his brother’s shoulders as he led the way. Zach would know what had happened, this wasn’t just beer. The apartment was dark, the only person in the living room was Casey who was sprawled out on the couch watching a wildlife documentary with the sound off. He was smoking one of those cigarettes from last night and drinking a beer. Caiden had been introduced to him at the job site, he had seemed nice enough.
“Do you know where Zach is?” Casey looked up at the sound of Caiden’s voice; they could both hear panic in it. Nodding towards the closed bedroom door he took another drag off of the cigarette.
“They’re in there but it’s gonna be awhile if Zach’s rolling.” Rainey was hanging off of Caiden’s shoulders from behind. Tired as Caiden was from the long work day his brother was getting heavy. Regardless he dragged Rainey to bedroom door and pressed his ear to the fake wood to see if he could hear something. He backed away quickly when he heard the faint groans, tripping over Rainey. “Yeah, I wouldn’t bother them right now. Come on over and relax, have a beer. Casey pulled a can off of the six-pack that was at his side and held it out to Caiden. “Looks like your brother’s taken care of.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing, he’s just rolling. That’s usually what happens when you hang out with Zach for the day. Sit down, let him enjoy it.” Caiden was exhausted so he took the advice and slid down to the floor, Rainey following him down like a shadow. Leaning back against the couch Caiden took a long drink while Rainey repositioned himself so that he was practically sitting in his brother’s lap. Casey and Caiden watched a polar bear try to jump onto an ice float and fail. Caiden tried again.
“Why’s he acting like this?” Rainey was running his fingers through the fringe that hung from the bottom of the couch.
“Zach got some amazing E, must have given him one this afternoon.”
“What’s E?”
“It’s a pill, makes everything you touch feel really good, makes you love everyone and everything, whether they deserve it or not.” Rainey had moved his hand away from the fringe and up to Casey’s bare calf, rubbing up and down slowly.
“Rainey! Stop it!”
Casey laughed. “It’s alright, he’s feeling good. Let him be.” Caiden stared at the polar bears, trying to make sense of it all. Another polar bear slipped into the water. Why wasn’t there more ice in the water? It looked like everything should be frozen solid but there were big sections of ocean between the ice chunks that the bears kept falling into.
“Here, lean back Rainey Days.” Casey reached down and gently pulled Rainey’s shoulders against the couch so that his head fell onto the cushion. “Close your eyes, you’ll like this.” Rainey did as he was told, clutching and rubbing at Caiden’s hand all the while. Casey put his hands on Rainey’s head and began making circular motions with his fingers. When Rainey sighed Casey increased the pressure and eventually began tugging at handfuls of Rainey’s fine, dark hair. Caiden watched the polar bears drift away as his brother’s head rolled onto his shoulder, Casey’s hand moving away slowly. Reaching up, Caiden replaced it with his own.
.