Magically Deliciousness from Ms. Sara
.:and if you wanna play:.
1 -- Leave a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation. (if you want.)
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
SARA'S:
1.What do you feel people misunderstand most about you, if anything?
To be completely honest, I don't think people understand much about me at all. The thing I think they most understand though, is how truly grown up my head has gotten. I still don't mind listening to my friends and all, but after this past year, I see how petty some of their issues are. How completely small things are keeping them from being happy. So, when I say something about feeling old, or say something really adult and I get blown off about it, it makes me want to scream. It's hard for some people to understand that having the maturity of someone twenty years older than I am is not necessarily a fun experience.
2. Share lyrics of a song that you identify with. Why does it speak to you?
At this point in my life - Tracy Chapman
Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I've
Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
At this point in my life
I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
If you put your trust in me I hope I won't let you down
If you give me a chance I'll try
You see it's been a hard road the road I'm traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin
I've had a hard life I'm just saying it so you'll understand
That right now, right now, I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life
At this point in my life
Although I've mostly walked in the shadows
I'm still searching for the light
Won't you put your faith in me
We both know that's what matters
If you give me a chance I'll try
You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down
I've been reaching high always losing ground
You see I've been reaching high but always losing ground
You see I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb
And right now right now I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life
Before we take a step
Before we walk down that path
Before I make any promises
Before you have regrets
Before we talk commitment
Let me tell you of my past
All I've seen and all I've done
The things I'd like to forget
At this point in my life
At this point in my life
I'd like to live as if only love mattered
As if redemption was in sight
As if the search to live honestly
Is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it
You see when I've touched the sky
The earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then I'll reach inside and find and give you
All the sweetness that I have
At this point in my life
At this point in my life
I think that sometimes I am the worst luck someone can have in their life. I can turn gold to dust, so to speak. When you have as many hurts as I have, or have caused as many hurts as I have - every person you meet you keep a fair distance from. But, I've falled in love - the REAL love, and you just pray that your skeletons don't screw them up. You pray for your kids that they turn out normal, and you pray that your friends don't rub the fact that you're not in your face. The part that I identify most with is
'You see when I've touched the sky
The earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly'
You wish and wish for things to be different, for stepparents to go away, for money to get easier, or for that person that you love to love you back... but my life needs to be based in reality, and those things don't exist in my reality. I need to be solid and stable. Ah, this could go way into psychoanalyzing me. And... I hate that.
3. What are differences you note between black people and white people?
Okay, for this question we have to assume that one person could stand for the whole group. Or assume that personal stereotypes are true. I'm not really happy with that, but instead I'll take both groups as a generalized culture. In which case, I'd rather be black. White people - you know, I really hate this question. I'm sure you realize that I would. My friends generally meet no stereotype - of any race. I'm actually getting kind of irritated thinking about this one, so I'm going to move on.
4. Why, really, do you write in an online journal?
It started on Diarymonster as an addictive form of meeting new people and learning new things. Now it's about me. It's about freedom of expression, and being able to vent without killing someone. I see the stupid in the world and I can express myself. It's a wonderful thing. I've had a hard year, and if it weren't for some strong drugs and this, I would have gone nuts I think. I can't talk to my friends, not really. I don't like to share the real part of myself with people. This is the closest way I've found to do both.
5. On what subject[s], if any, would you consider yourself an expert?
The two main ones - I'm an expert on custody cases and what they do to your lives. I would also say I'm an expert on being disappointed by people. The first is helpful and painful, in that, I always know the right advice to help others with their cases. I know preventative measures, I know legal advice. I know what loopholes are evident in your papers and I know how they can be used against you. I know about the perception of the lawyers and judges in the MS area, and I know how even something innocent can ruin your life. The painful part about it is that it's all in hindsight, so it doesn't really help my family. Such is life, eh?
But the second. Trust is fragile, but I tend to trust everyone. And they all tend to walk all over me. There is this fine line between being grateful that you're forgiven and taking advantage of someone, and so many people sit solidly on the latter side. When I first had my trust broken it took me forever to realize that that person was not who I thought they were. Even now, I still go through that denial phase, but it's not as long. The simple truth is, you can love all you want to, but love doesn't magically make someone better than they are. When someone isn't worthy of your trust, they aren't worthy. When someone breaks your trust, you have to let them go. Sometimes I feel like there is nothing I haven't seen or experienced that people can do to you.
CHRIS'S:
1. How do you think your life and Abbey's life would be different if her father were absent?
I'd have custody. I'd have a life as a mother. I wouldn't wake up every day in my parent's house wishing that I was anywhere else. I'd be in the same financial situation because I'm not getting help anyway. I wouldn't have to worry about their hypocritical influences, or their nazi way of looking at life and things. I'd not have to be so worried about her picking up on their biases and prejudices. I'd never lose any of her clothes to their house. I'd stop having to have meetings with their teacher because of her stepmom causing trouble. I'd never be worried that I'd go to pick her up and she wouldn't be there because her father ran away with her. I could go on an on with this and I'd only end up a crying mess.
Needless to say, it would be a dream come true for me. But... horrible on Abbey. Who wants to feel unwanted by her Daddy? No. Better this way. I can handle it more.
2. All expenses paid, what one place in the world would you like to spend a year?
Oh geez. Why one place? Screw you, we're making it two places... a year in each. London is one. The culture, the people... I mean, c'mon, the whole place just reeks of awesomeness. And after talking to you so much, New York. I want to hear the noises and sounds and see the people that will ignore me and walk by. I don't think I'd be able to take it much after that, but, for just a year it would be a dream come true.
3. Once your daughter is a bit older how do you see your attitude toward your personal life and goals changing?
What's a personal life? I've never had a life without Abbey. I had her at 16 and since then, every major decision has been made with the idea of her best interests. I don't know what it's like to get up and go wherever you feel like it. I don't know what it's like to spend all of your money on junk. I think as she gets older, she and I will become a mother/daughter partnership of sorts, simply because we are so close in age. I won't ever stop being her mother, but she needs to be independent and live her own life. I will start to devote more time to me and my goals as a woman, because I will be 33 when she graduates, if she does on schedule. That's too young to hole up in the house screaming about my long lost child. I don't know when I'll get to the point that something for me will be more important than something she wants. That's a hard line for a parent like me to get to.
4. How would you like/do you require a significant other to treat you?
Here's where I get hard assed. I want my own own life. I want them to have their own life. I want to say good-bye in the morning and not to have to worry about trusting them for the rest of the day. I'd like for my opinions to count as much as his does. I want a man to treat Abbey like she's a part of his family too, even if he doesn't feel paternal to her... There are all kinds of families. I don't REQUIRE anyone to treat me any way. I want to be treated with respect. I want for everything to NOT always be my fault. I want a man who can accept the faults of himself and me. I want the grown up version of love and romance. I don't want a man to always bring me flowers and make me dinner by candlelight. That freaks me out.
In essence, I want to be treated as an important, intelligent woman who has lived and learned and is respected for that. Geez. This could go on and on.
5. What material object do you value most and why?
My dog! Don't argue Chris, she IS a possession! She loves me unconditionally... greets me at the door and cries when I'm gone. She knows when I am sick, and she knows when I have food I'll share. though not near the scale of Abbey's influence, she always makes me feel better when I walk in the door and hse runs to greet me.
Everyone needs a beagle.
1 -- Leave a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions and your five answers.
4 -- You'll include this explanation. (if you want.)
5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
SARA'S:
1.What do you feel people misunderstand most about you, if anything?
To be completely honest, I don't think people understand much about me at all. The thing I think they most understand though, is how truly grown up my head has gotten. I still don't mind listening to my friends and all, but after this past year, I see how petty some of their issues are. How completely small things are keeping them from being happy. So, when I say something about feeling old, or say something really adult and I get blown off about it, it makes me want to scream. It's hard for some people to understand that having the maturity of someone twenty years older than I am is not necessarily a fun experience.
2. Share lyrics of a song that you identify with. Why does it speak to you?
At this point in my life - Tracy Chapman
Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I've
Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
At this point in my life
I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
If you put your trust in me I hope I won't let you down
If you give me a chance I'll try
You see it's been a hard road the road I'm traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin
I've had a hard life I'm just saying it so you'll understand
That right now, right now, I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life
At this point in my life
Although I've mostly walked in the shadows
I'm still searching for the light
Won't you put your faith in me
We both know that's what matters
If you give me a chance I'll try
You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down
I've been reaching high always losing ground
You see I've been reaching high but always losing ground
You see I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb
And right now right now I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life
Before we take a step
Before we walk down that path
Before I make any promises
Before you have regrets
Before we talk commitment
Let me tell you of my past
All I've seen and all I've done
The things I'd like to forget
At this point in my life
At this point in my life
I'd like to live as if only love mattered
As if redemption was in sight
As if the search to live honestly
Is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it
You see when I've touched the sky
The earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then I'll reach inside and find and give you
All the sweetness that I have
At this point in my life
At this point in my life
I think that sometimes I am the worst luck someone can have in their life. I can turn gold to dust, so to speak. When you have as many hurts as I have, or have caused as many hurts as I have - every person you meet you keep a fair distance from. But, I've falled in love - the REAL love, and you just pray that your skeletons don't screw them up. You pray for your kids that they turn out normal, and you pray that your friends don't rub the fact that you're not in your face. The part that I identify most with is
'You see when I've touched the sky
The earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly'
You wish and wish for things to be different, for stepparents to go away, for money to get easier, or for that person that you love to love you back... but my life needs to be based in reality, and those things don't exist in my reality. I need to be solid and stable. Ah, this could go way into psychoanalyzing me. And... I hate that.
3. What are differences you note between black people and white people?
Okay, for this question we have to assume that one person could stand for the whole group. Or assume that personal stereotypes are true. I'm not really happy with that, but instead I'll take both groups as a generalized culture. In which case, I'd rather be black. White people - you know, I really hate this question. I'm sure you realize that I would. My friends generally meet no stereotype - of any race. I'm actually getting kind of irritated thinking about this one, so I'm going to move on.
4. Why, really, do you write in an online journal?
It started on Diarymonster as an addictive form of meeting new people and learning new things. Now it's about me. It's about freedom of expression, and being able to vent without killing someone. I see the stupid in the world and I can express myself. It's a wonderful thing. I've had a hard year, and if it weren't for some strong drugs and this, I would have gone nuts I think. I can't talk to my friends, not really. I don't like to share the real part of myself with people. This is the closest way I've found to do both.
5. On what subject[s], if any, would you consider yourself an expert?
The two main ones - I'm an expert on custody cases and what they do to your lives. I would also say I'm an expert on being disappointed by people. The first is helpful and painful, in that, I always know the right advice to help others with their cases. I know preventative measures, I know legal advice. I know what loopholes are evident in your papers and I know how they can be used against you. I know about the perception of the lawyers and judges in the MS area, and I know how even something innocent can ruin your life. The painful part about it is that it's all in hindsight, so it doesn't really help my family. Such is life, eh?
But the second. Trust is fragile, but I tend to trust everyone. And they all tend to walk all over me. There is this fine line between being grateful that you're forgiven and taking advantage of someone, and so many people sit solidly on the latter side. When I first had my trust broken it took me forever to realize that that person was not who I thought they were. Even now, I still go through that denial phase, but it's not as long. The simple truth is, you can love all you want to, but love doesn't magically make someone better than they are. When someone isn't worthy of your trust, they aren't worthy. When someone breaks your trust, you have to let them go. Sometimes I feel like there is nothing I haven't seen or experienced that people can do to you.
CHRIS'S:
1. How do you think your life and Abbey's life would be different if her father were absent?
I'd have custody. I'd have a life as a mother. I wouldn't wake up every day in my parent's house wishing that I was anywhere else. I'd be in the same financial situation because I'm not getting help anyway. I wouldn't have to worry about their hypocritical influences, or their nazi way of looking at life and things. I'd not have to be so worried about her picking up on their biases and prejudices. I'd never lose any of her clothes to their house. I'd stop having to have meetings with their teacher because of her stepmom causing trouble. I'd never be worried that I'd go to pick her up and she wouldn't be there because her father ran away with her. I could go on an on with this and I'd only end up a crying mess.
Needless to say, it would be a dream come true for me. But... horrible on Abbey. Who wants to feel unwanted by her Daddy? No. Better this way. I can handle it more.
2. All expenses paid, what one place in the world would you like to spend a year?
Oh geez. Why one place? Screw you, we're making it two places... a year in each. London is one. The culture, the people... I mean, c'mon, the whole place just reeks of awesomeness. And after talking to you so much, New York. I want to hear the noises and sounds and see the people that will ignore me and walk by. I don't think I'd be able to take it much after that, but, for just a year it would be a dream come true.
3. Once your daughter is a bit older how do you see your attitude toward your personal life and goals changing?
What's a personal life? I've never had a life without Abbey. I had her at 16 and since then, every major decision has been made with the idea of her best interests. I don't know what it's like to get up and go wherever you feel like it. I don't know what it's like to spend all of your money on junk. I think as she gets older, she and I will become a mother/daughter partnership of sorts, simply because we are so close in age. I won't ever stop being her mother, but she needs to be independent and live her own life. I will start to devote more time to me and my goals as a woman, because I will be 33 when she graduates, if she does on schedule. That's too young to hole up in the house screaming about my long lost child. I don't know when I'll get to the point that something for me will be more important than something she wants. That's a hard line for a parent like me to get to.
4. How would you like/do you require a significant other to treat you?
Here's where I get hard assed. I want my own own life. I want them to have their own life. I want to say good-bye in the morning and not to have to worry about trusting them for the rest of the day. I'd like for my opinions to count as much as his does. I want a man to treat Abbey like she's a part of his family too, even if he doesn't feel paternal to her... There are all kinds of families. I don't REQUIRE anyone to treat me any way. I want to be treated with respect. I want for everything to NOT always be my fault. I want a man who can accept the faults of himself and me. I want the grown up version of love and romance. I don't want a man to always bring me flowers and make me dinner by candlelight. That freaks me out.
In essence, I want to be treated as an important, intelligent woman who has lived and learned and is respected for that. Geez. This could go on and on.
5. What material object do you value most and why?
My dog! Don't argue Chris, she IS a possession! She loves me unconditionally... greets me at the door and cries when I'm gone. She knows when I am sick, and she knows when I have food I'll share. though not near the scale of Abbey's influence, she always makes me feel better when I walk in the door and hse runs to greet me.
Everyone needs a beagle.