Tribute
When did I first meet you? Around nearly eight years ago?
Time has passed since then and the memories blur together. We were both in primary, me a single year older than you. Yet with your build, it was easy to believe you were two or even three years younger.
Of course, you didn’t catch my attention then. Being a boy with his own troubles at that age, I was looking only out for myself, but the faint memory of us meeting definitely lingers in the recess of my mind somewhere. Lost perhaps, but existing.
Then again, you were an easy person to remember. Star of all School plays, the speech festival, the choir. You were one of the divas of your year and you bathed in the spotlight.
I didn’t know you then, and I didn’t know you any better the next time we met, in the corridor of our secondary school. You were still short, but you compensated with your voice, which made things perfectly clear in no uncertain terms. In hindsight, it was interesting, I don’t ever pay much attention and I’m sure had you remained that memory would have faded into oblivion too.
But then again, things don’t always work out that way do they?
Still, you made yourself known to us. You auditioned, participated in drama and music, throwing yourself with a passion and dedication that far outstrips many.
That was the third time I met you that I can recall, performing those fairy tale productions. Good times weren’t they? In those few weeks of rehearsals, despite being in different productions, the entire cast chatted and mingled in their spare time. Amongst the crowd, you and your friends stood out as helpful individuals and skilled actresses but you made a special impression
Your small size, along with your bright eyes and a eternally cheerful expression as you speak animatedly, often growing louder and more excited as you carry on, your gestures growing more and more dramatic until you and your friends burst into laughter, then slipping on your masks as you begin to act again. You had your own down times, moments where your mouth would twist slightly in dislike or disapproval. But you were only human and your air of optimism brought a cheerful energy to us.
Your role was minor; one of the seven dwarves in a Snow White parody (fitting of your size I had thought) but you played it with humor and grace, helping bring light into the play with your friends.
Needless to say, the plays were a success
That was the last time I saw you
Time passed. Term ended and started again before closing once again for the holidays, allowing everyone to relax and have fun
Amazing how people can find out things from the internet. With it, communications can be made, friendships can be exchanged, news passed along the lines. That’s how my friends found out.
That’s how I found out.
My first reaction? Utter disbelief. I gazed at the pages of writing, willing it to be a joke, a prank.. anything. I called a classmate in your year, one of my oldest friends who told me that it was true.
I didn’t really have anything to say after that. To tell the truth, I couldn’t believe it. The odds of it being you, and not anyone else was so ridiculous it felt impossible. I don’t think I believed because it felt so surreal
Perhaps I didn’t want to believe it.
Time passed slowly and school drifted back into session. On that day, it would seem even the sky mourned your loss, dripping tears on us senior students as we were called to assembly, sitting ourselves before the Principal stood up grimly to address us.
The moment he spoke, I knew.. knew for certain that I wasn’t going to see you again. I looked around looking for expressions and reactions. Several of us were grim faced, resigned. Others, like your dearest friends, whose faces tended to be lit with joy, were desolate, lost.
Even then I felt those words of confirmation with a sense of detachment. I felt hurt, yet unhurt. Perhaps because I didn’t know you so well, maybe I cut off the significance of those words. But as I trudged out the hall with the rest of us, looking at the face of your friends I knew this.
I would never be as hurt as your friends.
They set up a room of remembrance for you. Posters of well wishes lined the walls, candles lit the dim carpet, casting light over the darkened room. I wanted to visit alone, but always there was someone there, watching you.
I don’t know why I wanted to see you privately, many a time I approached the door to lose my courage when seeing someone else inside. I think I was just afraid to admit that someone, anyone could disappear so fast.
Only on the final day, did I slip in, ignoring the other dark figures around the room. I gazed at your picture, the one with your dark wild hair, your eyes gazing into the distance. It was a pensive and grim expression and I disliked it.
I think I would have liked a memory of your smile instead.
Taking a deep breath, I wished you well. I rambled about things, myself, you, life, Heaven and Hell. When I was done, I turned away with a nod and small goodbye
I couldn’t even attend your memorial.
And so now I sit here in the early morning, the town asleep around me, swallowing hard as I wonder what to type, what would be appropriate. How to tell others of you and your story when I didn’t even know it myself.
But one thing is for sure.. you were special.
You will be missed
I don’t know if you can read this, but if you could I want you to know that I am sorry that I couldn’t have gotten to know you better, that we never really knew each other and that this is not a fitting tribute, but the best I can offer.
So please, watch over us, and keep smiling.
Because a smile is better than a tear right?
Goodbye, I hope we will meet again one day
Rest in Peace
Never forget Wednesday 17th of February 2010.