fic: storm in my blood
Liam receives an email from Simon that's marked urgent and he does not have a good feeling about it. Simon hasn't directly emailed them since they were just starting out after X-factor and his name has always carried a sort of ominous ring to it that Liam can't manage to shake.
He's calling them into a meeting tonight itself and that doesn't quite make Liam feel better so he calls Niall.
"Liam? You get the email too?"
"Yeah."
"What'd you reckon it's about?" Niall asks cautiously. Liam shrugs, before remembering Niall can't see him.
"Dunno. You?"
"Well, s'nothing we're going to want to hear," Niall decides and Liam knows that he's right.
--
Only four of them are sitting in chairs across from Simon's desk when Simon calls the meeting into order and Liam opens his mouth but it's Louis who gets the words out first.
"Simon, where's Zayn?" Louis asks and there's an edge to his voice that has Harry gripping his knee. Louis turns to him and silent words flow between them and then Louis turns back to Simon, a tad bit more relaxed.
"Louis," Simon begins bracingly, and Liam does not like where this is going. "Zayn met with me earlier today. He asked that I did not include him in tonight's proceedings."
"What proceedings?" Harry asks at the same time Niall asks "What the fuck?" and Simon raises an eyebrow at the obscenity but otherwise does not reprimand him.
"We have some things we have to discuss," Simon says slowly, and Liam can tell he's choosing his words carefully.
"Just get on with it, Simon," Liam says softly and Simon sighs.
"Zayn's asked that his contract be terminated," he continues finally.
"You're kidding," Louis says immediately, eyes wide. Harry's got his face buried in his hands and Niall's mouth is open but Liam sinks heavily into his chair and does not say a word.
"I'm sorry boys," Simon says gravely, "I tried to convince him otherwise, but he makes a few valid points and -"
"What valid points?" Niall demands to know. "You can't possibly think this is a good idea?" Simon shakes his head.
"I don't," he promises, "But his contract with Syco is up in December, and it makes sense for him to leave before the second album is produced and -" he hesitates. "His being in the band has caused controversy -" he holds up a hand over Louis's noise of protest, "that you might not be able to afford going into this second album."
"It's just a few things being said on twitter! A few rotten articles on bloody sugarscape," Louis argues, "That doesn't even begin to make a dent in our success! We're still winning all the awards!"
"If this was only about the comments, I'd have to agree," Simon admits, "But there is more to it. Inflammatory t-shirts, excessive tattoos, the smoking - he no longer represents a picture of the clean cut boys we wanted when we put you five together."
"I cannot believe this," Harry fumes, "You realize that not only are you asking us to continue without him but you're telling us to give in to his racist fourteen year old bullies?"
"They're not all fourteen year olds," Simon points out. "These are mothers and fathers who buy the tickets for their children to see your shows. And we can handle the story well enough if we take care of it now, leak something to the press."
"Handle it whatever way you want Simon, we're not One Direction without him," Harry says softly. He stands and Louis does too. Liam and Niall follow suit. "If you terminate his contract, you terminate all of our contracts," and his words are spoken slowly and with a finality that only Harry can produce.
Liam doesn't look back to see the expression on Simon's face, he finds he doesn't care, one way or the other.
--
"I'm going to kill him," Louis declares when they've left the confines of Simon's office. It's late enough in the day that they can gather in the parking lot without being barraged by reporters or other Syco employees. "In fact, let's do that right now, Haz," he tugs at Harry's elbow but Harry doesn't budge. Shock has him rooted to the ground. "Harry?"
"He actually wants to quit," Harry whispers, voice rough with bewilderment and Niall tugs Harry into him, lets him settle into the crook of his neck.
"What should we do?" Niall asks over the fluff of Harry's hair and they turn to Liam together. Liam puts his hands up helplessly.
"How should I know?"
"We should talk to him," Louis puts forth and the rest of them nod. Harry pulls away.
"I can go," he offers and then it hits Liam and he swallows.
"No. I'll go."
--
He uses the spare key to let himself in as quietly as he can but Zayn must hear him anyway because he meets him in the foyer. They stare at each other for a moment. Dusk has settled and the room glows only with the light from the kitchen down the hall and the darkness seems only to add to the tension to the room.
Zayn takes a step forward cautiously. Liam doesn't move.
"I take it you've come back from meeting with Simon, then?" Zayn asks, voice low. "It's for the best Liam, I promise -" Something in Liam snaps and suddenly he's grabbed Zayn's shoulders, twisting him around to slam him roughly against the door. Zayn hisses.
"You absolute shit," Liam growls and Zayn drops his gaze. "You go behind our back to quit on us? You don't even bother to mention it? What? You didn't have the courage to say something to our faces? Has it occurred to you that maybe we deserve more?"
"Liam don't - ," Zayn pleads.
"You're abandoning us, is what you're doing. Abandoning your brothers," and the word sounds ugly on his tongue.
"No -" Zayn tries to defend. "I would never -" Liam slams him back against the door once more and Zayn winces but he doesn't struggle.
"Do these last two years matter to you at all? Have you learned nothing?" Liam steps closer, crowds into Zayn's space and from here he can count Zayn's eyelashes illuminated by the light from a nearby lamppost.
Zayn sucks in a breath, gaze falling to Liam's mouth and Liam can't breathe for the heat that ripples between them but he presses still closer, parts Zayn's legs with a knee.
"Liam," Zayn breathes out and it's a plea, a prayer but it's laced with something else, something that turns Liam inside out.
"We are nothing without you," Liam avows, "I am nothing without you -" And then Zayn is kissing him, with a desperation that pulls a whimper from Liam, and Liam cups his face with rough hands, alters the angle so he can deepen the kiss, part Zayn's lips with his tongue and there is a want that overflows from him, visceral and tangible in the few crevices that their bodies create. Zayn's hips are making small frantic thrusts into Liam and when Liam rolls his own hips Zayn groans, breaks the kiss to drop his forehead to Liam's shoulder, and Liam can feel the please please please that Zayn chants there.
He moves to suck at Zayn's neck and Zayn arches forward, head falling back against the door with a thud as he exposes himself for Liam, eyelids falling shut against Liam's gaze. Liam takes greedily, rucking up Zayn's shirt and thumbing open his jeans. Zayn's hard on pokes through the top of his boxers and Liam swipes his thumb over the head roughly, causing Zayn to buck forward.
"Fuck," he moans, pliant to Liam's touch, and Liam can't tease, not now. He splits Zayn's pants and takes him in hand. Zayn pulls Liam flush against him and kisses him dirtily, all tongue and teeth, and Liam groans into it, knees buckling. Zayn's fumbling with the button to Liam's jeans and Liam curses, bats his hand away to get it himself. He shoves his trousers down to his knees and slides their cocks together, taking them both in hand and fisting them fast. Zayn's shut his eyes tightly and Liam growls his disapproval, rests his forehead against Zayn's.
"Look at me," he demands, hand stilling. "C'mon Zayn." Zayn's eyes flutter open, glazed over with arousal. Liam begins to move his hand again and Zayn whines, pulls Liam forward by the neck to bite at his lower lip.
Liam dips his head to watch the length of their cocks together between them, moaning when Zayn lays a hand over his, tightening the grip. Liam's hand catches over Zayn's head and Zayn is gone. He comes with Liam's name on the tip of his tongue and Liam catches it in a kiss, following him over the edge not an instant later.
A moment passes, counted in simple inhales and exhales.
"Well, that was not the vision I had for our first time," Liam muses when he finds his voice again. Zayn has gone boneless against him, eyelashes painting shadows on his high cheekbones.
"Thought about it often, have you?" Zayn teases.
"I have, actually, yeah," Liam tells him and Zayn's eyes snap open. Liam moves forward to kiss him but Zayn turns away from it and Liam's stomach sinks. Without a word he drops his arms, tucks himself into his pants and pulls up his trousers . "I'm sorry," he offers. "I thought you - "
He tries to move away, but something shifts in Zayn's eyes and he grips Liam's forearms, melts into him.
"You thought?" Zayn prompts, looking up at him from under long lashes.
"I thought you wanted -" Liam breaks off, unable to help but be distracted by the way Zayn's mouth parts slightly.
"I do, Liam. I told you I do. But - are you sure? I'm -"
"Perfect?" Liam frowns thoughtfully. "Yeah, I see your point -"
"Lee-yum," Zayn huffs a surprised laugh, swatting at him. "I'm serious."
"Me too," Liam breathes. "About this, about you, about what I said before. We're not a band without you, not a good one anyway. We need you. I need you. Stay."
"I - "
"We've already told Simon we quit," Liam informs him and Zayn's eyes widen.
"You didn't -"
"We did," Liam affirms solemnly. "Harry told Simon where he could stick it and we walked out, Zayn."
Zayn opens and closes his mouth a few times before breathing out a disbelieving sigh.
"I don't know what to say," he says finally.
"Don't say anything. Just. Stay."
Zayn stares at him for a moment before giving him a shaky nod.
"Alright," he says finally. "Alright."
Liam barely has time to grin at him before they hear the lock turn and then someone's trying to push open the door. Zayn moves out of the way and Harry, Louis and Niall come stumbling in, Harry fixing his hair like a disgruntled cat.
"Look," Louis says gleefully. "Liam barely got through the door before he was taking Zayn's clothes off." Zayn turns a shade of red that's visible even in the dull lighting and pulls his trousers up with a muttered curse.
"Fuck off," he mutters, but he's burying a smile in Liam's chest and Liam makes a pleased noise and wraps an arm around him, the tips of his ears burning.
"M'guessing from your come-stained shirt that Liam chose a very satisfying way to convince you to stay?" Louis continues non-plussed, and Liam makes a choked noise and Harry and Niall burst out laughing. Liam chances a glance at Zayn and finds Zayn's staring right back at him, a small smile gracing his lips, so Liam kisses him softly.
Zayn pulls away reluctantly, "Yeah," he says slowly, eyes never leaving Liam's, "Yeah, I'd say he did."
--
It's Niall who finally ushers the rest of them out. Liam's not sure whether it's because he can sense Liam's urgency, or because Zayn has close to nothing left in his pantry but Liam is grateful either way. When Louis glances at the pair of them on his way out, eyebrow raised expectantly, Zayn looks to Liam.
"I think I'm going to stay in," he says slowly and Liam nods.
"Yeah. I'll keep you company."
Louis smirks.
"Alright then kiddies. Play safe," he says, shutting the door behind him. Next to him, Zayn breathes out a sigh.
"We could - whip up something?" Liam suggests. "I know you like my macaroni and cheese."
Zayn smiles.
"That'd be good, yeah."
It's hard to move around in the kitchen with Zayn pressing in close from behind, hands never leaving his waist, but Liam finds he doesn't mind, just leans into the touch and takes his time. Zayn hums a soft tune in Liam's ear while Liam measures out the pasta and falls asleep against Liam's chest while they wait for the water to boil and Liam busies himself counting Zayn's eyelashes, tries to keep his heart from beating out through his ribs.
When it's ready they sit together at the dining table, eating directly out of the pot with an oversized spoon and their knees knocked together, trading cheesy kisses between bites.
It's late by the time they finish and they both seem reluctant to leave the table, call it a night, so they jump from topic to topic, and Liam watches as the weight lifts from Zayn's shoulders steadily and he wonders if he ever understood what happiness was before this.
Finally though, Zayn heaves a sigh, catching his breath from the laughter and stands, stretching. He takes the dishes to the sink to do the wash and Liam comes up behind him, trying not to pout. He's not sure he's allowed anything more so he settles for tucking his chin against Zayn's shoulder and snaking his hands along Zayn's front.
He feels rather than hears Zayn begin to mumble something.
"Hmm?" Liam hums.
"You can stay, if you want," Zayn tells him a little louder, voice hesitant.
"I - really?" Liam asks. "Are you sure?" Zayn turns in Liam's arms, wet hands running along Liam's skin where he can find it.
"Yeah, I want you to. Want this, Li, always have." he blushes slightly.
Liam swallows.
"Yeah, alright."
They end up across from each other on Zayn's bed, crossed legs overlapping slightly. Zayn bites his lip, offers Liam a shy smile that crinkles his eyes and has Liam's heart swelling. And suddenly Liam just has to ask, he has to, can't afford to fuck this up.
"Are we -? Can we - be an us?" he asks Zayn tentatively. Zayn smiles wider.
"I'd like that, yeah," Zayn responds. He pauses, then - "As long as you don't want to - go public or anything right?" he rolls his eyes at the silliness of it, as if he still doesn't understand the fame and the implications and burdens it carries.
"We don't have to," Liam says quickly, but his heart sinks slightly in disappointment. The world should know Zayn is his.
"I don't want you to get caught up in my mess," Zayn tells him stubbornly and Liam tries to protest but Zayn continues, "I want to tell the important people," Zayn assures him, taking both his hands and interlacing their fingers, and Liam doesn't want to fight about this, not now, so he lets it go. "I want the boys to know, and my mum -" Liam chuckles at that.
"What a shock she's in for," he teases but Zayn shakes his head and he's blushing full on now. Liam thumbs at the flush of Zayn's cheek gently and Zayn leans into the touch.
"She knows how I feel," he mumbles quietly. Liam's eyes widen in surprise.
"Your mum knows how you feel about me?" Liam asks incredulously. Zayn shrugs.
"Yeah. I guess Doniya let it slip to her or something. At least that's what she claims," he rolls his eyes with affection and Liam opens and closes his mouth.
"D-Doniya knows?" he stammers. Zayn nods once in affirmation.
"S'probably one of the few things her and Perrie have in common to talk about," he explains. "I have been teased for your sake, you have no idea." He smiles warmly, strokes along Liam's knuckles.
"So Perrie knows then? That explains a lot," Liam mutters, bitterness seeping through, despite how silly Liam knows he's being. "Are you sure she won't want to break things off with you after she hears?"
He tries to keep the question neutral and unfeeling but there must be something in his expression because Zayn opens his mouth to speak, and then closes it, studies Liam closely, a frown creasing his eyebrows.
"You're jealous," he says in wonderment when he discovers it and Liam feels himself blush down his neck and he shrugs, aiming for nonchalance. From the look on Zayn's face, he's not buying it. "Liam, you're," he shakes his head fondly, "She's just a mate, you know it's a PR thing. I love her to death, but not like that. Not even close."
Liam shrugs again.
"C'mon, Li, what is it?" Zayn ask softly, running his hands down Liam's arms to cup his elbows. Liam looks away from Zayn's probing eyes, but Zayn won't let up so he sighs, faces him once more.
"She's seen you naked," he mumbles. Zayn barks a surprised laugh.
"Yeah, once or twice I guess but. So have you and so have the rest of the boys," he protests. Liam stares at him, wonders if he's playing innocent on purpose.
"S'not the same! She's seen you - I dunno. Naked and in bed and just kissed and -" Liam loses his train of thought as Zayn leans forward, hand sliding behind Liam's neck to draw him in.
"Is that what you want?" he murmurs against Liam's lips, "Hmm? Because, don't worry babe, that can be arranged."
Liam can only nod, eyes already watching Zayn's tongue dart out to lick his lips.
Slowly, Zayn leans back to lie down, and they separate briefly so Zayn can tug off his tee. Liam's eyes rake over Zayn's body greedily, taking in what could be his if he doesn't fuck this up. Zayn's chuckling quietly, pliant and easy against the pillows.
"C'mere," he whispers, tugging Liam down to join their lips together. Just the feather-light contact has Liam's blood racing and he deepens the kiss, settling between Zayn's legs and aligning their bodies. Zayn arches into him so Liam touches, runs his hands down Zayn's chest and traces the tattoos by his collar bone.
"I haven't -" he pulls away, rests his head against one hand above Zayn. "I mean. With a guy."
A shadow crosses Zayn's face and he moves out from under Liam to sit up.
"Fuck, I have to tell you something," Zayn confesses. Liam sits up, too, pulls him close.
"Ok," he tries to be reassuring. He braces himself. "Tell me."
"I. I have done this with a guy," he says finally and Liam smiles, relieved.
"That's all? S'okay, Zayn I get that you have a history. It wouldn't be fair of me to -"
"It was Harry, Li," Zayn interrupts, turning to him. Liam pulls away.
"What."
"I'm sorry I -" Zayn pleads, "He was so miserable about Louis and Eleanor. And - and so was I. About you and Danielle so. It just. We were lonely, and there and. It just happened a few times. It hurt more than it helped honestly. And we never - I mean. We talked about wishing we could be in love with each other but -. It was never like that with Harry. Not like it is for you."
Zayn's looking at Liam so hopefully and Liam takes a deep breath, lets it out slow.
"How come you never said anything?" he asks quietly and Zayn gives a humorless laugh.
" And say what exactly? Harry and I are fucking because I'm in love with you but you're in love with someone else? C'mon Li." He reaches out for Liam but Liam avoids the touch.
"You guys fucked?" Zayn's eyes narrow.
"You and Danielle fucked," he counters.
"That's -. This is entirely different. Harry is our friend and he was hurting -"
"Don't you dare suggest I took advantage," Zayn bites out, moving quickly out of bed and away from Liam. "Harry's a big boy, he knows what he wants and -"
The sudden removal of contact stuns Liam back to his senses though and he already holding up his hands in defeat, getting up slowly to move closer to Zayn.
"I'm sorry. I have no right to be angry with you and I'm not, I swear it. I'm just -" he smiles meekly. "I'm just jealous. I'm sorry."
Zayn deflates too, moves into Liam's grasp.
"I know it was wrong. It felt wrong. Painful, even. For both of us. But I. I didn't want to be alone, you know? And you were so in love with her," he finishes helplessly. Liam kisses his forehead gently, trying to take away the hurt, shocked by the idea of being loved by Zayn for so long. They could have done this ages ago, he thinks forlornly.
Out loud, Liam speaks gently, "We don't have to talk about it," he tells Zayn but Zayn shakes his head.
"No, we do," Zayn tells him, shifts to look Liam in the eye."You have to know what you're getting into, and you have to be sure it's what you want. Because otherwise -" he blushes. "Well, either way you're going to be the death of me."
Liam laughs, draws Zayn closer.
"I'll drown you in love then," he declares, and the line is overplayed and Liam wrinkles his nose at the cheese of it but Zayn huffs a laugh and relaxes into him a bit so he counts it as a win. He kisses Zayn on the mouth. "I know you're worried about the press you're getting and what it'll mean for this band. But - I told you. I want this and you and everything that comes with that. Alright? I'm in it, I promise you."
Zayn nods, covers Liam's hand where it rests on his cheek.
"Yeah, alright," he breathes, eyes bright.
--
It's easy to tell the boys because they already know. Their three best mates grin and cheer but Liam only has eyes for Harry, and when Harry notices, Liam nods towards the door to the patio of his flat. Harry follows him out.
"You're sure you're alright with this?" he asks Harry when they're alone. Harry's quick on the uptake.
"Zayn told you about us then?" he asks. Liam nods.
"I've taken too much from you already, Harry. I don't want -" but Harry's shaking his head already.
"Zayn was never mine for you to take, Liam. He always belonged to you. Just - try not to fuck this up?" his words are serious but his eyes are light and loving and Liam tugs at one of his curls before embracing him tightly.
"I love you," he says into the tufts of Harry's hair.
"I know, Li," Harry assures him. "I know."
--
When they tell Perrie she hugs them both tightly and after phoning her management briefly they come up with an arrangement that suits all three of them. They'll maintain the charade for a bit longer, so it doesn't seem like Perrie's been scared off by the threats ("It's a point of pride, Zee. Trust me, I want this.") and then they'll figure out a way to release the break up to the fans.
Perrie takes one look at Liam and smiles sweetly, promises that they won't go on any real dates, just rumors and stories that the boys tell, and a thoroughly embarrassed Liam tries to convince her that he doesn't care, but she just laughs a lilting laugh.
"He's all yours, sweetie," she tells him, "Honestly it's a relief. I find him quite tiresome." Zayn laughs out loud, cuffs her on the head and darts in to kiss Liam lightly and Liam can't help but feel pleased to take him off her hands.
--
They decide Simon Cowell isn't important enough to tell just yet, but they hold hands under the table when the five of them meet to tell him Zayn's back, for good. Zayn squeezes Liam's hand tightly when Simon sighs in relief, tells them how happy he is, and Liam squeezes back. We're all unbelievably happy.
--
They skype Zayn's mum in Bradford together and when the video turns on she practically squeals in delight.
"Liam, darling, how good to see you! I told Zayn, I knew you couldn't stay cross with each other for long," she's beaming up at them and Liam's heart melts.
"Hi Mrs. Malik," he greets her shyly. Zayn squeezes his knee under the table.
"Mum," Zayn says, and Liam swears he's never seen Zayn blush as often as he has these past few days, "We ah - we wanted to tell you something."
Tricia's eyes widen in surprise and then soften in understanding and she nods.
"Oh Zayn," she breathes. "I'm so happy for both of you. You'll take good care of him, right Liam?"
"Mum," Zayn ducks his head embarrassedly and Liam chuckles.
"Yes ma'am," he promises.
"And next time he talks about doing something utterly foolish you talk sense into him, you hear? You tell him his family's not as fragile as he thinks it is, and that his sisters and his mum are strong people, alright? Who love him very much," she finishes softly. Zayn looks up at her through the camera and his eyes are shining with tears so Liam puts an arm around his shoulder and kisses the side of head.
"Yes ma'am, I promise."
--
The next time they run into that sort of shit, it's one small poster in the back of a gigantic signing but it still takes all of Liam's will not to pull Zayn to him, kiss the hurt and pain away.
He manages to hold off until they're back in their hotel room, and then he doesn't hold back in the slightest.
He knows exactly what Zayn looks like by now, blissed out and boneless in almost every angle.
He doesn't think it'll ever stop causing up a storm in his blood.