Selfish Actions
"What's wrong with you?" asked Kazuya to his friend Jin as they walk back to their shared apartment.
"What do you mean?" curiously asked the older one as he cast a glance to the younger man.
"I mean, what's with this being clingy and bratty attitude of yours?"
"Bratty and clingy attitude? What are you talking about?" demanded Jin as he stop walking and glare at his friend who evenly looks at him.
"You're easily pissed off when I don't go where you want to go. If I don’t bring you along when I go out with my friends or if I'll go for sleep over because of our thesis"
"What's wrong with that? I want to go too! And it’s boring spending it all alone" answered Jin
"Jin look, we both has different sets of friends, and have you ever heard me insist on going with you when they ask you to go out clubbing with them? No right?"
"Yes, but you still come right?" retorted the taller guy as if challenging the smaller one to answer that and he did "because you always drag me along. That's why! You know, I don't enjoy going there. But because you’re insistent and stubborn, I always end up going"
"But I want you to come too..." pout Jin as he start to walk again
"That is why, I'm asking what's wrong with you?" ask the other one as he also start to follow his friend.
"Nothing’s wrong with me alright. So stop asking" he said as he clasp his hand to Kazuya and start walking faster going back to their home.
Both are on their last year as University students, Kazuya taking up Commerce and Jin taking up Mass Communication. Since they are friends’ way back in their junior high school days, they decided to rent an apartment rather than staying on their university dormitory for the reason that it would only hinder their social life. And because they're best of friends for such a long time, there were no more secrets between the both of them. They already know each others good qualities and flaws. And this helps their bond to become stronger as the years passes by.
But lately Kazuya is a bit bothered with his friend’s attitude because Jin is not the type of person who wants to spend 24/7 on the same person. As he puts it, Jin is a free sprit who loves to meet different types of people. But although Kazuya also likes people, he’s not as out-going as his friend. That’s why he’s wondering why the older man wants to drag him along every where he goes or tag along with him wherever he goes.
~~~~~
It has been another hell week for Kazuya as he plop down the couch after their nerve wracking exams and thesis session. So all he wanted is to just spend it at home and rest. But it’s like fate is not on his side because as he feels himself being drag to dreamland, he heard a loud bang of the door followed by his friend.
"Kazu... Let's have dinner with Koki and Junno" insist Jin as he saw his roommate slouching on the couch and about to sleep.
"Jin, if you want to go with them just go... I'm not in the mood"
"But, I want you to be there too..." another insistent answer came
"I'm so tired Jin..." Was the only response Jin heard before he noticed that his best friend already drifted to sleep.
Biting back his amusement and irritation at the same time he approach Kazuya and lift him up, then proceed to the young man’s room to settle him down.
'Now I'm going to tell them I can't come' huff Jin as he dial his friend's number and declared that he can't join them because Kazuya is not feeling well.
~~~~~
"Jin, I'm going to meet up Shirota, Tatsuya and Yuichi later" Kazuya announce as he pack some of his things "Don't wait for me, we're staying at Yuichi's dorm to finalize things for our feasibility"
"No!" Jin utter and then march over to where the young boy is and snatch his things out of his reach.
"What are you doing Jin? Give that back to me!" he demand but his friend didn't heed his threat instead he walk out of Kazuya's room and went to his own room.
Torn between anger and curiosity Kazuya went to Jin's room to see what the other one is planning to do. As he reached it he saw Jin taking out his stuff from his bag and produce a larger one and start putting Kazuya’s things inside and went to his closet to get some of his things as well.
"What are you doing JIN!" cried Kazuya as he walks over him
"I'm going with you. I'm not staying here while you're staying at your friend's dorm with your jerk ex-boyfriend staying there as well
"No! You're not coming! Beside Jin it’s been what? 2 years since we broke up so don't worry. I won't go crawling back to him if that's what you're worrying about. You're my best friend you should know that."
"I trust you, but it's him I don't trust" Jin nonchalantly answer
"If you trust me, then stop being clingy and whiny about going with me and stay here" Kazuya glared at him and he glared back saying "try me."
~~~~~
"So Kame, can you please tell me again why is Akanishi kun is joining us today?" asked Yuichi as he looks at the guy sitting on the chair near the door listening to his IPod.
"He said he don't want to be alone in the house because it's boring" lied Kazuya as he give a subtle glare to the oblivious man.
Tatsuya who's listening to his friends conversation saw this and immediately said "excuse me for a while; I think I need to get something from my room. Kame, come with me." then drag the boy out of the room and they start walking back to Ueda's place.
"Are you sure, boredom is the real reason why Jin kun is here?" Tatsuya breaks the silence between them.
"Yes, of course. Is there any other reason?" Kazuya glance at his friend trying to read what’s on his mind.
"Reason? Hhhhmm... That's tough... I'll take a wild guess then... It’s because of Shirota kun." it's not a question but a statement.
"And I really hate you" retorted the younger one and this made Ueda laugh
"Kazuya Kamenashi... I won't be your "other best friend" if I won't understand what's running into that intricate mind of yours"
"If we’re best of friends then how come I can't understand what's running on your mind?" pouted Kazuya
And it was answered by "because you're too busy comprehending what's running inside Akanishi's head"
~~~~~
Since his talk with Tatsuya, Kazuya was asking himself what does that other person trying to tell him.
Honestly, yes he’s trying to know what’s going on with Jin’s mind because he sure is acting really weird for a quite some time now and Kazuya don’t know why and sometimes he gets really frustrated to know the answer.
`Don’t you think Jin’s rather very over protective of you?’ Tatsuya’s voice resounds in his head ‘Are you sure, he’s just a friend to you? And are you sure he also treats you only as a friend? Because from my perception, its way, way different.
These words only confuses Kazuya even more, that he wanted to walk towards the person sitting across him and start shaking him really hard until he get some answers. But he knows that it won’t happen, coz knowing his friend he’ll be pissed off if he’ll do that.
“Jin, can I ask you something?” Kazuya glance at his friend
“Ask away” the other lazily answer as he scan the channel on their television
“Honestly, why did you come along last time?”
“What do you mean?” This time the older one divert his eyes from the television to the person in front of him
“I mean what’s your reason why did you tag-along last time, to Yuichi’s dorm?” Kazuya once again asked
“Like I’ve told you because I want to see if that jerk will do something bad to you and I’ll die out of boredom here”
“I see… Is that all?”
“Well, what do you want me to say?” Jin stares at his friend waiting for his answer.
“Ummm… Nothing! Just forget it” Kazuya then suddenly stand up and went inside his room to sort out the piled up thoughts.
‘Why did I ask that? He might think I’m expecting something… Or am I?’ he then slump down on this bed and ponder.
~~~~~
“No, I don’t want you to go?” Jin cried
“Why not?!” shout Kazuya back “You’re not my mother so stop meddling with my life”
“I’m not your mother, but I’m your best friend and I want the best for you!”
“Then act like one. Not like some clingy kid or nagging mother”
“What did you just said Kazu? Clingy and nagging?”
“Yes…. If not, then give me one good reason why are you acting that way?”
Jin hesitated for a moment before answering “because I don’t want you to be associating with that jerk”
“Is this because of Shirota again Jin? How many times do I have to tell you its way over between us. Why don’t you just mind your own business and leave me alone!” Kazuya stomp his foot and frown at Jin.
“You don’t know a thing…” the older man muttered and about to turn his back to leave when he heard the young one said “Then tell me. I’ll listen.”
“Even if I tell you, you won’t understand. There’s no way you’ll understand” Jin answer
“How can you say that when you haven’t even tried yet?” replied Kazuya
“I just know you can’t. The reason is so complicated that I can’t even explain it myself”
“You’re so selfish Jin… You don’t want me to know what’s running on that complicated mind of yours when I’m nothing but an open book to you” Kazuya said in a low voice but clear enough for Jin to hear and understand.
‘ You’re so selfish Jin…’
This words stab like a sharp knife to his heart causing tears makes its way to his eyes. Not bothering to wipe them away, he turns his back on his friend and took a fast stride towards the door and slamming it shut.
They’ve been friends for such a long time but this is the first time they had this kind of argument. And Kame felt a heavy weight on his heart as he realized Jin got hurt with his harsh words, so he run towards the door and yank it open to see where the other might go.
But after 1 hour of searching he can’t find the older man so he decided to call Koki and Junno to ask if Jin’s with them. But unfortunately they said no.
‘Where did that guy go’ he asked himself as he tries to rake other possible people that Jin might go to but he can’t think of anyone else.
He tried again calling his best friend’s number but his phone was turned off. And this worries him even more. ‘Where are you Jin?’
‘Maybe he’s trying to cool his head off’’ Kazuya reflect as he decided go back to their home and wait there, but if by morning Jin is not home yet, he’ll ask his friends to help him search for his friend.
But when he stepped inside their room, he saw Jin sitting on their couch with a far a way look in his eyes as if lost in a deep thought.
“Jin…” Kazuya softly called out “Where have you been? I was worried about you, you know”
“Sorry to make you worry Kazu. I’m here now” a small voice answered
“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be… Maybe I really deserve what you call me earlier”
Silence linger between the two of them and when Kazuya was about to open his mouth to say something, Jin got up from the couch and approach him and hand a piece of paper.
“Maybe this will explain everything.. I hope… ” then Jin walked towards his room and shut the door behind him.
Kazu chan,
We’ve been friends for such a long time now. Do you really think I’m really selfish…. If that’s how you see me I’m really sorry. I hope these next lines will explain my selfish acts as you might call them…
You can call me selfish but all I want is your love.
You can call me hopeless cause I'm hopelessly in love
You can call me imperfect but who's perfect?
Tell me what do I gotta do to prove that I'm the only one for you
I'll be taking up your time until the day I make you realize
that for your there could be no one else I just gotta have you for myself
Baby I would take good care of you no matter what it is you're going through
I'll be there for you when you're in need baby believe in me
If love was a crime then punish me I would die for you
cause I don't want to live without you
What can I do?
Selfishly I'm in love with you cause I've searched my soul
and know that it's you
So what's wrong with being selfish?
Selfishly in love with you,
Jin
Kazuya was caught off guard with what the letter says. So it means that Jin also feels something for him as well. These past few days, Kazuya was able to sort out his real feelings for Jin, thanks to Tatsuya’s intellectual advice. Though it took him a while to understand what his friend is trying to tell him.
So he proceeds to Jin’s room and softy knock. He patiently waited for the older one to open the door. Few minutes pass by but it seems the one inside the room don’t have any intention of opening the door. So Kazuya tried knocking again. And this time if Jin won’t open it up he’ll maybe tear it down.
Wrap up on his world, he didn’t realized that the door he’s planning to knock down open up and Jin curiously looking at him.
He was only snapped out of it when he felt Jin’s hand on his shoulder and “Kazu… Are you alright?”
“Jin!”
Then without warning Kazuya hugged Jin burying his face on his chest and cried
“You’re really, really, really selfish!”
“Oh… I’m sorry… I told….” Jin started to say but was not able to complete it when he felt soft lips pressing on his stopping what he’s about to say.
“You really are selfish for keeping it to yourself” whispered Kazuya as he once again embraced his best friend who’s about to be his lover.
“What are you saying?” cried a surprise voice of Jin
“It means that… I love you too Jin… My best friend… My partner… And my love” smile Kazuya…
With these words, Jin warmly smile as he felt his heart beat faster and about to burst so he dip down to kiss his precious one. Whispering again and again “I love you…”
- Behind the Scene -
K: Jin, I really love the letter you gave me
J: Really? You like it.
K: Ummm… very poetic
J: Poetic?
K: Yup
J: ahhhh… No it’s not
K: Oh, it’s alright Jin… Don’t be shy…
J: Actually, I should be
K: Why? I didn’t know you have that talent
J: Actually I don’t
K: What do you mean?
J: Are you really serious Kazuya?
K: Yes…
J: Are you sure?
K: Yes…
J: You haven’t heard them somewhere
K: Hmmm… No, not yet
J: Ok… ‘yey! I’m safe!’ Love you Kazu
K: Love you too Jin (hugs Jin)
J: ‘Thanks N'sync! Good thing Kazu haven’t heard that song yet’...
************************************
A/N: Yeah, you got that right... I got the inspiration of writing this when I listen to Nsync song's SELFISH... Hope I did justice with the story.... Comments are very much love! Thanks!
"What do you mean?" curiously asked the older one as he cast a glance to the younger man.
"I mean, what's with this being clingy and bratty attitude of yours?"
"Bratty and clingy attitude? What are you talking about?" demanded Jin as he stop walking and glare at his friend who evenly looks at him.
"You're easily pissed off when I don't go where you want to go. If I don’t bring you along when I go out with my friends or if I'll go for sleep over because of our thesis"
"What's wrong with that? I want to go too! And it’s boring spending it all alone" answered Jin
"Jin look, we both has different sets of friends, and have you ever heard me insist on going with you when they ask you to go out clubbing with them? No right?"
"Yes, but you still come right?" retorted the taller guy as if challenging the smaller one to answer that and he did "because you always drag me along. That's why! You know, I don't enjoy going there. But because you’re insistent and stubborn, I always end up going"
"But I want you to come too..." pout Jin as he start to walk again
"That is why, I'm asking what's wrong with you?" ask the other one as he also start to follow his friend.
"Nothing’s wrong with me alright. So stop asking" he said as he clasp his hand to Kazuya and start walking faster going back to their home.
Both are on their last year as University students, Kazuya taking up Commerce and Jin taking up Mass Communication. Since they are friends’ way back in their junior high school days, they decided to rent an apartment rather than staying on their university dormitory for the reason that it would only hinder their social life. And because they're best of friends for such a long time, there were no more secrets between the both of them. They already know each others good qualities and flaws. And this helps their bond to become stronger as the years passes by.
But lately Kazuya is a bit bothered with his friend’s attitude because Jin is not the type of person who wants to spend 24/7 on the same person. As he puts it, Jin is a free sprit who loves to meet different types of people. But although Kazuya also likes people, he’s not as out-going as his friend. That’s why he’s wondering why the older man wants to drag him along every where he goes or tag along with him wherever he goes.
~~~~~
It has been another hell week for Kazuya as he plop down the couch after their nerve wracking exams and thesis session. So all he wanted is to just spend it at home and rest. But it’s like fate is not on his side because as he feels himself being drag to dreamland, he heard a loud bang of the door followed by his friend.
"Kazu... Let's have dinner with Koki and Junno" insist Jin as he saw his roommate slouching on the couch and about to sleep.
"Jin, if you want to go with them just go... I'm not in the mood"
"But, I want you to be there too..." another insistent answer came
"I'm so tired Jin..." Was the only response Jin heard before he noticed that his best friend already drifted to sleep.
Biting back his amusement and irritation at the same time he approach Kazuya and lift him up, then proceed to the young man’s room to settle him down.
'Now I'm going to tell them I can't come' huff Jin as he dial his friend's number and declared that he can't join them because Kazuya is not feeling well.
~~~~~
"Jin, I'm going to meet up Shirota, Tatsuya and Yuichi later" Kazuya announce as he pack some of his things "Don't wait for me, we're staying at Yuichi's dorm to finalize things for our feasibility"
"No!" Jin utter and then march over to where the young boy is and snatch his things out of his reach.
"What are you doing Jin? Give that back to me!" he demand but his friend didn't heed his threat instead he walk out of Kazuya's room and went to his own room.
Torn between anger and curiosity Kazuya went to Jin's room to see what the other one is planning to do. As he reached it he saw Jin taking out his stuff from his bag and produce a larger one and start putting Kazuya’s things inside and went to his closet to get some of his things as well.
"What are you doing JIN!" cried Kazuya as he walks over him
"I'm going with you. I'm not staying here while you're staying at your friend's dorm with your jerk ex-boyfriend staying there as well
"No! You're not coming! Beside Jin it’s been what? 2 years since we broke up so don't worry. I won't go crawling back to him if that's what you're worrying about. You're my best friend you should know that."
"I trust you, but it's him I don't trust" Jin nonchalantly answer
"If you trust me, then stop being clingy and whiny about going with me and stay here" Kazuya glared at him and he glared back saying "try me."
~~~~~
"So Kame, can you please tell me again why is Akanishi kun is joining us today?" asked Yuichi as he looks at the guy sitting on the chair near the door listening to his IPod.
"He said he don't want to be alone in the house because it's boring" lied Kazuya as he give a subtle glare to the oblivious man.
Tatsuya who's listening to his friends conversation saw this and immediately said "excuse me for a while; I think I need to get something from my room. Kame, come with me." then drag the boy out of the room and they start walking back to Ueda's place.
"Are you sure, boredom is the real reason why Jin kun is here?" Tatsuya breaks the silence between them.
"Yes, of course. Is there any other reason?" Kazuya glance at his friend trying to read what’s on his mind.
"Reason? Hhhhmm... That's tough... I'll take a wild guess then... It’s because of Shirota kun." it's not a question but a statement.
"And I really hate you" retorted the younger one and this made Ueda laugh
"Kazuya Kamenashi... I won't be your "other best friend" if I won't understand what's running into that intricate mind of yours"
"If we’re best of friends then how come I can't understand what's running on your mind?" pouted Kazuya
And it was answered by "because you're too busy comprehending what's running inside Akanishi's head"
~~~~~
Since his talk with Tatsuya, Kazuya was asking himself what does that other person trying to tell him.
Honestly, yes he’s trying to know what’s going on with Jin’s mind because he sure is acting really weird for a quite some time now and Kazuya don’t know why and sometimes he gets really frustrated to know the answer.
`Don’t you think Jin’s rather very over protective of you?’ Tatsuya’s voice resounds in his head ‘Are you sure, he’s just a friend to you? And are you sure he also treats you only as a friend? Because from my perception, its way, way different.
These words only confuses Kazuya even more, that he wanted to walk towards the person sitting across him and start shaking him really hard until he get some answers. But he knows that it won’t happen, coz knowing his friend he’ll be pissed off if he’ll do that.
“Jin, can I ask you something?” Kazuya glance at his friend
“Ask away” the other lazily answer as he scan the channel on their television
“Honestly, why did you come along last time?”
“What do you mean?” This time the older one divert his eyes from the television to the person in front of him
“I mean what’s your reason why did you tag-along last time, to Yuichi’s dorm?” Kazuya once again asked
“Like I’ve told you because I want to see if that jerk will do something bad to you and I’ll die out of boredom here”
“I see… Is that all?”
“Well, what do you want me to say?” Jin stares at his friend waiting for his answer.
“Ummm… Nothing! Just forget it” Kazuya then suddenly stand up and went inside his room to sort out the piled up thoughts.
‘Why did I ask that? He might think I’m expecting something… Or am I?’ he then slump down on this bed and ponder.
~~~~~
“No, I don’t want you to go?” Jin cried
“Why not?!” shout Kazuya back “You’re not my mother so stop meddling with my life”
“I’m not your mother, but I’m your best friend and I want the best for you!”
“Then act like one. Not like some clingy kid or nagging mother”
“What did you just said Kazu? Clingy and nagging?”
“Yes…. If not, then give me one good reason why are you acting that way?”
Jin hesitated for a moment before answering “because I don’t want you to be associating with that jerk”
“Is this because of Shirota again Jin? How many times do I have to tell you its way over between us. Why don’t you just mind your own business and leave me alone!” Kazuya stomp his foot and frown at Jin.
“You don’t know a thing…” the older man muttered and about to turn his back to leave when he heard the young one said “Then tell me. I’ll listen.”
“Even if I tell you, you won’t understand. There’s no way you’ll understand” Jin answer
“How can you say that when you haven’t even tried yet?” replied Kazuya
“I just know you can’t. The reason is so complicated that I can’t even explain it myself”
“You’re so selfish Jin… You don’t want me to know what’s running on that complicated mind of yours when I’m nothing but an open book to you” Kazuya said in a low voice but clear enough for Jin to hear and understand.
‘ You’re so selfish Jin…’
This words stab like a sharp knife to his heart causing tears makes its way to his eyes. Not bothering to wipe them away, he turns his back on his friend and took a fast stride towards the door and slamming it shut.
They’ve been friends for such a long time but this is the first time they had this kind of argument. And Kame felt a heavy weight on his heart as he realized Jin got hurt with his harsh words, so he run towards the door and yank it open to see where the other might go.
But after 1 hour of searching he can’t find the older man so he decided to call Koki and Junno to ask if Jin’s with them. But unfortunately they said no.
‘Where did that guy go’ he asked himself as he tries to rake other possible people that Jin might go to but he can’t think of anyone else.
He tried again calling his best friend’s number but his phone was turned off. And this worries him even more. ‘Where are you Jin?’
‘Maybe he’s trying to cool his head off’’ Kazuya reflect as he decided go back to their home and wait there, but if by morning Jin is not home yet, he’ll ask his friends to help him search for his friend.
But when he stepped inside their room, he saw Jin sitting on their couch with a far a way look in his eyes as if lost in a deep thought.
“Jin…” Kazuya softly called out “Where have you been? I was worried about you, you know”
“Sorry to make you worry Kazu. I’m here now” a small voice answered
“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be… Maybe I really deserve what you call me earlier”
Silence linger between the two of them and when Kazuya was about to open his mouth to say something, Jin got up from the couch and approach him and hand a piece of paper.
“Maybe this will explain everything.. I hope… ” then Jin walked towards his room and shut the door behind him.
Kazu chan,
We’ve been friends for such a long time now. Do you really think I’m really selfish…. If that’s how you see me I’m really sorry. I hope these next lines will explain my selfish acts as you might call them…
You can call me selfish but all I want is your love.
You can call me hopeless cause I'm hopelessly in love
You can call me imperfect but who's perfect?
Tell me what do I gotta do to prove that I'm the only one for you
I'll be taking up your time until the day I make you realize
that for your there could be no one else I just gotta have you for myself
Baby I would take good care of you no matter what it is you're going through
I'll be there for you when you're in need baby believe in me
If love was a crime then punish me I would die for you
cause I don't want to live without you
What can I do?
Selfishly I'm in love with you cause I've searched my soul
and know that it's you
So what's wrong with being selfish?
Selfishly in love with you,
Jin
Kazuya was caught off guard with what the letter says. So it means that Jin also feels something for him as well. These past few days, Kazuya was able to sort out his real feelings for Jin, thanks to Tatsuya’s intellectual advice. Though it took him a while to understand what his friend is trying to tell him.
So he proceeds to Jin’s room and softy knock. He patiently waited for the older one to open the door. Few minutes pass by but it seems the one inside the room don’t have any intention of opening the door. So Kazuya tried knocking again. And this time if Jin won’t open it up he’ll maybe tear it down.
Wrap up on his world, he didn’t realized that the door he’s planning to knock down open up and Jin curiously looking at him.
He was only snapped out of it when he felt Jin’s hand on his shoulder and “Kazu… Are you alright?”
“Jin!”
Then without warning Kazuya hugged Jin burying his face on his chest and cried
“You’re really, really, really selfish!”
“Oh… I’m sorry… I told….” Jin started to say but was not able to complete it when he felt soft lips pressing on his stopping what he’s about to say.
“You really are selfish for keeping it to yourself” whispered Kazuya as he once again embraced his best friend who’s about to be his lover.
“What are you saying?” cried a surprise voice of Jin
“It means that… I love you too Jin… My best friend… My partner… And my love” smile Kazuya…
With these words, Jin warmly smile as he felt his heart beat faster and about to burst so he dip down to kiss his precious one. Whispering again and again “I love you…”
- Behind the Scene -
K: Jin, I really love the letter you gave me
J: Really? You like it.
K: Ummm… very poetic
J: Poetic?
K: Yup
J: ahhhh… No it’s not
K: Oh, it’s alright Jin… Don’t be shy…
J: Actually, I should be
K: Why? I didn’t know you have that talent
J: Actually I don’t
K: What do you mean?
J: Are you really serious Kazuya?
K: Yes…
J: Are you sure?
K: Yes…
J: You haven’t heard them somewhere
K: Hmmm… No, not yet
J: Ok… ‘yey! I’m safe!’ Love you Kazu
K: Love you too Jin (hugs Jin)
J: ‘Thanks N'sync! Good thing Kazu haven’t heard that song yet’...
************************************
A/N: Yeah, you got that right... I got the inspiration of writing this when I listen to Nsync song's SELFISH... Hope I did justice with the story.... Comments are very much love! Thanks!