New York, Saturday Night into Sunday Morning
Deadpool was a little too chipper when he came back to pick up Clint so they could meet up with SHIELD and the FBI. It was probably a good thing that Clint insisted Barney come along, since Black Cat's mojo meant Clint was steadily breaking everything he touched, like chairs and phones and possibly Barney's sanity.
"All right, here's how this is going to go," said Agent Adsit. Clint recognized him as more of a paper pusher, but he was an effective paper pusher, so that made Clint feel a little better about their chances for success. "SHIELD will be coordinating the recovery efforts, FBI is shaking the mob tree to see what falls out, and Agent Barton will be working the angle that somehow Felicia Hardy is involved."
"I have an idea," Clint said.
"Me too," Deadpool said.
"I think we can set a trap," Clint said.
"I think the Bartons should crash with me until this caper is over, since their place is compromised," Deadpool said.
Agent Adsit glanced between the two of them, catching Clint and Barney's collective facepalming, and said, "Well, if I get a vote, it's to work out Agent Barton's idea first."
Clint's plan wasn't terribly refined - turn Ellsden's phone back on, use it to send a voicemail that suggested someone else had the SHIELD files and was ready to sell, and wait for Black Cat to inevitably trace the phone and intercept the message herself.
"Doesn't SHIELD have some flying motorcycles? We could really use some of those right now," Deadpool said, peering down with binoculars at where Barney was standing as the decoy.
"If you want to break into headquarters to get one, you're more than welcome to," Clint said. "Can we get back to the mission? It's time, you've got to get down there. Let's hope Black Cat and her crew were listening for Ellsden's phone."
Deadpool muttered a few comments that Clint didn't strain to listen, and headed down to meet Barney. "Hey there, fella! I have some government secrets for sale! Get your secrets here!"
"Damn it, Deadpool, shut up!" Barney hissed at him.
From Clint's rooftop viewpoint, he could see that the trap worked as Deadpool and Barney were ambushed by a guy and-oh great, Typhoid Mary was in on this too. SHIELD was going to have a field day with all the reports that were going to come out of this. As Clint kept watch, he was either too focused, or too bad-luck-mojoed to hear Black Cat come up behind him.
"Barton, you're beyond useless. We should have just killed you!" she yelled, kicking Clint off of the roof.
Clint grabbed for the edge of the roof, clinging to it tightly, and glared up at her. "I don't know how you're wrapped up in all of this, but I'm going to kick your ass."
That was when the piece of roof he was clutching came loose, and Clint began sliding down the front of the building.
"Stay up there! I'll be right back!" he yelled, grabbing arrows from his quiver and shoving them against the building in an effort to slow his fall. He was too far away to make out what Black Cat said to the others, but suddenly the ground below was filled with flames as Typhoid Mary set a bus on fire. Thankfully, there was no fire where Clint crashed to the ground, so that was a small blessing.
When Agent Adsit arrived with the police, he gave Clint a look that reminded him an awful lot of Coulson's disapproving post-mission faces. "Was this your idea, Agent Barton?"
"It was a little different in my head," Clint said, leaning against Barney as he stretched to make sure he hadn't broken anything important.
"Okay, we've had enough of your help for now," Adsit said. "Go sit tight until you hear from me, and keep Deadpool on a short leash."
Clint sighed at Barney. "We didn't catch Black Cat. We don't have the drive. It's a miracle no one was killed. And we managed to snarl traffic for 10 blocks in every direction."
"Well, look at the bright side," Barney said, "now we get to see what Deadpool's place looks like."
Deadpool's place was surprisingly calm and quiet, considering all the stories Clint had heard about him, and it wasn't a terrible place to swallow some pain meds and rest until he felt like moving again. Thankfully, Barney was just as eager to get this case solved as he was, so he ordered an Uber car for himself and Clint, and they snuck out while Deadpool was distracted.
Or, at least, they thought Deadpool was distracted, because they'd been outside for maybe ten seconds when Deadpool appeared behind them. "Hey, Adsit struck out. I say we go bust heads looking for Black Cat's crib."
"Yeah, about that. We're just going," Clint said.
"Where are we going?" Deadpool asked.
"No, we are going," Barney said. "Not you, we'll handle this. Why is this even so important to you anyway?"
"Because I've got a kid stashed with a SHIELD agent," Deadpool said, a lot more sharply than Clint expected. "I'm not trusting anybody but me to keep them safe. That poor girl didn't ask to be born into my circus. I'm just trying to keep her safe. I really need to see this through, for her."
"I can't tell with him. Is he lying?" Barney whispered to Clint.
Clint shook his head a little. "You can never nail him down." Then, to Deadpool, he said, "Fine. You're with us to the end then. We think we may have a lead."
"Cool, 'cause there's an Uber car right over there we can take. What have you got?" Deadpool asked.
Barney pulled out his phone and showed Deadpool a picture of Ellsden and his cat. "I Googled our dead guy and one of the only hits is this anonymous memorial picture posted online. It looks like he was really attached to his cat - and that cat wasn't anywhere at his apartment. If he trusted someone with the cat, maybe he trusted them with the files too."
"Great, that's worth a shot," Deadpool said, hopping into the driver's seat of the empty Uber car.
"Wait, are we stealing this car?" Clint asked.
"Sorry," Deadpool said as he started the car, "my mask is down and I can't hear you."
Clint felt like knocking on doors was a little pointless, since SHIELD already canvassed the place when Ellsden was first killed, and the neighbors weren't showing any interest in talking to them. At least, they weren't interested in talking to Clint and Barney, and they sure weren't interested in talking to Deadpool.
"Stop telling people you're a reserve Avenger," Clint said to Deadpool as another tenant slammed their door in his face.
"What, worried there isn't enough room on the reserve team for the both of us?" Deadpool said.
Clint glared silently and knocked on the next door. "As much as I don't want to say it, I think you might have been right. We need to be looking for Black Cat," he said. When the door opened, he smiled at the old woman standing there. "Hi there. We're checking around about Jeremy Ellsden. Did he ask you to look after anything? Do you know who might be watching his cat?"
"That boy didn't leave a cat here. No cat!" the woman said sharply. She moved to slam the door, but Clint put his arm in the way to stop her.
"If you don't have a cat, then why is your sweater covered in cat hair?" Clint asked.
"We're not here for the cat. We just need to see that he's okay," Deadpool said, in a surprisingly gentle tone.
The woman frowned at them and walked away, coming back a moment later with a small white cat in her arms. "Neither of us has anybody anymore," she said sadly.
"Well, now you have each other and your cool, old, weird smells," Deadpool said. He pet the cat and casually removed its collar before backing up. "I think we're good here."
"Yeah, we're good now," Clint said, giving the woman a little wave. "Thank you for your time." When they got back into the hallway, Barney was waiting for them, and Clint looked at Deadpool anxiously. "What did you find?"
"Not much," Deadpool said, offering Clint the collar. "Just a 160 gig thumb drive."
"Well I'll be damned. That's got to be all the files. I guess you are pretty useful," Barney said, grinning at Deadpool.
"Hey, did you notice any cat food in there? Does she know how to actually take care of that thing?" Deadpool asked, before gasping a little as Clint pulled him into a hug.
"I am a patriot," Clint said simply. He pulled back just enough to slip his knife from its holster and shove it into Deadpool's chest. "Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord." Barney almost had time to react, but Clint turned and punched him with full strength, stopping only long enough to see that they were both down before turning and running out of the building. He would do what needed to be done.
[Adapted from Hawkeye vs. Deadpool #2. TW for violence and attempted murder.]
"All right, here's how this is going to go," said Agent Adsit. Clint recognized him as more of a paper pusher, but he was an effective paper pusher, so that made Clint feel a little better about their chances for success. "SHIELD will be coordinating the recovery efforts, FBI is shaking the mob tree to see what falls out, and Agent Barton will be working the angle that somehow Felicia Hardy is involved."
"I have an idea," Clint said.
"Me too," Deadpool said.
"I think we can set a trap," Clint said.
"I think the Bartons should crash with me until this caper is over, since their place is compromised," Deadpool said.
Agent Adsit glanced between the two of them, catching Clint and Barney's collective facepalming, and said, "Well, if I get a vote, it's to work out Agent Barton's idea first."
Clint's plan wasn't terribly refined - turn Ellsden's phone back on, use it to send a voicemail that suggested someone else had the SHIELD files and was ready to sell, and wait for Black Cat to inevitably trace the phone and intercept the message herself.
"Doesn't SHIELD have some flying motorcycles? We could really use some of those right now," Deadpool said, peering down with binoculars at where Barney was standing as the decoy.
"If you want to break into headquarters to get one, you're more than welcome to," Clint said. "Can we get back to the mission? It's time, you've got to get down there. Let's hope Black Cat and her crew were listening for Ellsden's phone."
Deadpool muttered a few comments that Clint didn't strain to listen, and headed down to meet Barney. "Hey there, fella! I have some government secrets for sale! Get your secrets here!"
"Damn it, Deadpool, shut up!" Barney hissed at him.
From Clint's rooftop viewpoint, he could see that the trap worked as Deadpool and Barney were ambushed by a guy and-oh great, Typhoid Mary was in on this too. SHIELD was going to have a field day with all the reports that were going to come out of this. As Clint kept watch, he was either too focused, or too bad-luck-mojoed to hear Black Cat come up behind him.
"Barton, you're beyond useless. We should have just killed you!" she yelled, kicking Clint off of the roof.
Clint grabbed for the edge of the roof, clinging to it tightly, and glared up at her. "I don't know how you're wrapped up in all of this, but I'm going to kick your ass."
That was when the piece of roof he was clutching came loose, and Clint began sliding down the front of the building.
"Stay up there! I'll be right back!" he yelled, grabbing arrows from his quiver and shoving them against the building in an effort to slow his fall. He was too far away to make out what Black Cat said to the others, but suddenly the ground below was filled with flames as Typhoid Mary set a bus on fire. Thankfully, there was no fire where Clint crashed to the ground, so that was a small blessing.
When Agent Adsit arrived with the police, he gave Clint a look that reminded him an awful lot of Coulson's disapproving post-mission faces. "Was this your idea, Agent Barton?"
"It was a little different in my head," Clint said, leaning against Barney as he stretched to make sure he hadn't broken anything important.
"Okay, we've had enough of your help for now," Adsit said. "Go sit tight until you hear from me, and keep Deadpool on a short leash."
Clint sighed at Barney. "We didn't catch Black Cat. We don't have the drive. It's a miracle no one was killed. And we managed to snarl traffic for 10 blocks in every direction."
"Well, look at the bright side," Barney said, "now we get to see what Deadpool's place looks like."
Deadpool's place was surprisingly calm and quiet, considering all the stories Clint had heard about him, and it wasn't a terrible place to swallow some pain meds and rest until he felt like moving again. Thankfully, Barney was just as eager to get this case solved as he was, so he ordered an Uber car for himself and Clint, and they snuck out while Deadpool was distracted.
Or, at least, they thought Deadpool was distracted, because they'd been outside for maybe ten seconds when Deadpool appeared behind them. "Hey, Adsit struck out. I say we go bust heads looking for Black Cat's crib."
"Yeah, about that. We're just going," Clint said.
"Where are we going?" Deadpool asked.
"No, we are going," Barney said. "Not you, we'll handle this. Why is this even so important to you anyway?"
"Because I've got a kid stashed with a SHIELD agent," Deadpool said, a lot more sharply than Clint expected. "I'm not trusting anybody but me to keep them safe. That poor girl didn't ask to be born into my circus. I'm just trying to keep her safe. I really need to see this through, for her."
"I can't tell with him. Is he lying?" Barney whispered to Clint.
Clint shook his head a little. "You can never nail him down." Then, to Deadpool, he said, "Fine. You're with us to the end then. We think we may have a lead."
"Cool, 'cause there's an Uber car right over there we can take. What have you got?" Deadpool asked.
Barney pulled out his phone and showed Deadpool a picture of Ellsden and his cat. "I Googled our dead guy and one of the only hits is this anonymous memorial picture posted online. It looks like he was really attached to his cat - and that cat wasn't anywhere at his apartment. If he trusted someone with the cat, maybe he trusted them with the files too."
"Great, that's worth a shot," Deadpool said, hopping into the driver's seat of the empty Uber car.
"Wait, are we stealing this car?" Clint asked.
"Sorry," Deadpool said as he started the car, "my mask is down and I can't hear you."
Clint felt like knocking on doors was a little pointless, since SHIELD already canvassed the place when Ellsden was first killed, and the neighbors weren't showing any interest in talking to them. At least, they weren't interested in talking to Clint and Barney, and they sure weren't interested in talking to Deadpool.
"Stop telling people you're a reserve Avenger," Clint said to Deadpool as another tenant slammed their door in his face.
"What, worried there isn't enough room on the reserve team for the both of us?" Deadpool said.
Clint glared silently and knocked on the next door. "As much as I don't want to say it, I think you might have been right. We need to be looking for Black Cat," he said. When the door opened, he smiled at the old woman standing there. "Hi there. We're checking around about Jeremy Ellsden. Did he ask you to look after anything? Do you know who might be watching his cat?"
"That boy didn't leave a cat here. No cat!" the woman said sharply. She moved to slam the door, but Clint put his arm in the way to stop her.
"If you don't have a cat, then why is your sweater covered in cat hair?" Clint asked.
"We're not here for the cat. We just need to see that he's okay," Deadpool said, in a surprisingly gentle tone.
The woman frowned at them and walked away, coming back a moment later with a small white cat in her arms. "Neither of us has anybody anymore," she said sadly.
"Well, now you have each other and your cool, old, weird smells," Deadpool said. He pet the cat and casually removed its collar before backing up. "I think we're good here."
"Yeah, we're good now," Clint said, giving the woman a little wave. "Thank you for your time." When they got back into the hallway, Barney was waiting for them, and Clint looked at Deadpool anxiously. "What did you find?"
"Not much," Deadpool said, offering Clint the collar. "Just a 160 gig thumb drive."
"Well I'll be damned. That's got to be all the files. I guess you are pretty useful," Barney said, grinning at Deadpool.
"Hey, did you notice any cat food in there? Does she know how to actually take care of that thing?" Deadpool asked, before gasping a little as Clint pulled him into a hug.
"I am a patriot," Clint said simply. He pulled back just enough to slip his knife from its holster and shove it into Deadpool's chest. "Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord." Barney almost had time to react, but Clint turned and punched him with full strength, stopping only long enough to see that they were both down before turning and running out of the building. He would do what needed to be done.
[Adapted from Hawkeye vs. Deadpool #2. TW for violence and attempted murder.]