Everything has an end (except ze pancake)
A keyhole
Taeil/Kyung (Block B)
“What do you mean can’t?”
Taeil’s eyes nearly spill over with disbelief and Kyung handles it poorly, looking away and pretending to have something stuck on his jacket. “I can’t now,” he mumbles as his fingers smooth over the invisible spot on his sleeve, hoping that it’ll be enough.
But Taeil has swallowed his pride so many times and pretended not to have a heart, at least not one so soft and mushy and needy. Suddenly, it all comes tumbling out, a string of words just falling out of his mouth like vomit.
“So you think,” Taeil huffs, as much as a boy like Taeil can huff at all, “that I’m just going to sit around and wait for you. That I don’t have anything better to do, and that no one else is going to love me, anyway, so you can afford to take your time, is that what you think?”
Wincing, Kyung tries to find another spot on his jacket and the room falls silent. Listening hard, he can hear the buzz of electrons in the light bulbs above, and Taeil’s quenched, hushed and hidden sobs.
“No,” he whispers. “No, that’s not it.”
Taeil never raises his voice, but now it cracks open and breaks. “So tell me what it is!”
Kyung has never been stuck in a bear trap, but he imagines that it must be something like this. He can’t back out of it, and he can’t get forward without prying something open and snapping his own leg off.
“I love you.”
“But not enough to fight this out and make it work,” whispers Taeil and there’s an alarming nuance of bitterness in his voice that wasn’t there before. “You know what I think? I think you’re scared!”
His attempt at an insult falls flat when Kyung nods his head and says “yes” and both boys look away, embarrassed.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. They had something good, didn’t they, something solid. Taeil is falling back into the idea that nothing will ever work for him because apparently he doesn’t deserve it, and Kyung will remain in the grey area where everything ends up being his fault.
“Maybe I’m not as brave as I want to be,” Kyung says, lifting his eyes and shuffling his feet like a five year old caught stealing. “I have baggage, too, and I’m tired, and I’m scared.”
“You’re breaking up with me.”
“I’m trying to give us a better chance!” Kyung nearly shouts at him, and Taeil almost flies back. Instead, he pretends to be tough, and crosses his arms across his chest.
“Surely leaving me is the way to go then, very clever.”
Kyung’s eyes sting. Taeil is misunderstanding him on purpose, he’s making it worse and Kyung doesn’t even get a word in to make things right. But when Taeil opens his mouth again, Kyung reaches forwards and covers the boy’s angry mouth with his hand.
“I’m trying to give you a better me, you idiot,” he says, blinking the wet from his eyes. He doesn’t expect Taeil to understand. Taeil always has so many ideas about how things work, how things should work, and Kyung hates to burst a bubble. He doesn’t want to be the bad guy.
“What I mean is that if we’re going to do this, we’re going to make it right. I wanna be that guy for you. I wanna be your man, not a little boy and I don’t want you to think that I’m giving up because that’s not what I’m doing. I just need… time.”
Taeil almost wants to hit him and when he gets his mouth free, Kyung is lucky he doesn’t find it in him to bite. “That’s so fucking lame,” he manages.
“I don’t know how you count, Taeil, but time is a relative term and a few months, a year, it’s nothing in the greater span of things.”
“Are you trying to be clever?”
“No. I’m trying to make things right.”
Taeil is keeping his hands to himself and Kyung doesn’t reach out. Not with his hands.
“I’m not asking you to wait for me, just… keep the door open. Or a window, or something.” He tilts his head, and that petulant look on Taeil’s face is making him smile. “I’d be happy with just the dog door, really.”
Taeil tries to glare at him, but he’s warming; stupid Kyung and his way with words. “I could let you look in through the keyhole once in a while,” he agrees in an airy kind of voice that unfortunately gives him away completely.
“When you’re changing?”
“When I’m not changing.”
“But Taeil~” Kyung wheedles, walking his fingertips up Taeil’s arm before they’re smacked away. The corners of Taeil’s mouth are twitching, and Kyung’s stomach jumps in response.
“Go home,” says Taeil, and Kyung nods.
“I’ll call you.”
“Okay.”
Kyung offers him a smile before the door closes behind him, and Taeil catches himself staring at it. One minute, two, and the footsteps have died out, too. Stupid, stupid Kyung - he doesn’t know what’s good for him. Taeil sighs before he reaches forward, and pulls the door open again.
Just a little.
End.
Taeil/Kyung (Block B)
“What do you mean can’t?”
Taeil’s eyes nearly spill over with disbelief and Kyung handles it poorly, looking away and pretending to have something stuck on his jacket. “I can’t now,” he mumbles as his fingers smooth over the invisible spot on his sleeve, hoping that it’ll be enough.
But Taeil has swallowed his pride so many times and pretended not to have a heart, at least not one so soft and mushy and needy. Suddenly, it all comes tumbling out, a string of words just falling out of his mouth like vomit.
“So you think,” Taeil huffs, as much as a boy like Taeil can huff at all, “that I’m just going to sit around and wait for you. That I don’t have anything better to do, and that no one else is going to love me, anyway, so you can afford to take your time, is that what you think?”
Wincing, Kyung tries to find another spot on his jacket and the room falls silent. Listening hard, he can hear the buzz of electrons in the light bulbs above, and Taeil’s quenched, hushed and hidden sobs.
“No,” he whispers. “No, that’s not it.”
Taeil never raises his voice, but now it cracks open and breaks. “So tell me what it is!”
Kyung has never been stuck in a bear trap, but he imagines that it must be something like this. He can’t back out of it, and he can’t get forward without prying something open and snapping his own leg off.
“I love you.”
“But not enough to fight this out and make it work,” whispers Taeil and there’s an alarming nuance of bitterness in his voice that wasn’t there before. “You know what I think? I think you’re scared!”
His attempt at an insult falls flat when Kyung nods his head and says “yes” and both boys look away, embarrassed.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. They had something good, didn’t they, something solid. Taeil is falling back into the idea that nothing will ever work for him because apparently he doesn’t deserve it, and Kyung will remain in the grey area where everything ends up being his fault.
“Maybe I’m not as brave as I want to be,” Kyung says, lifting his eyes and shuffling his feet like a five year old caught stealing. “I have baggage, too, and I’m tired, and I’m scared.”
“You’re breaking up with me.”
“I’m trying to give us a better chance!” Kyung nearly shouts at him, and Taeil almost flies back. Instead, he pretends to be tough, and crosses his arms across his chest.
“Surely leaving me is the way to go then, very clever.”
Kyung’s eyes sting. Taeil is misunderstanding him on purpose, he’s making it worse and Kyung doesn’t even get a word in to make things right. But when Taeil opens his mouth again, Kyung reaches forwards and covers the boy’s angry mouth with his hand.
“I’m trying to give you a better me, you idiot,” he says, blinking the wet from his eyes. He doesn’t expect Taeil to understand. Taeil always has so many ideas about how things work, how things should work, and Kyung hates to burst a bubble. He doesn’t want to be the bad guy.
“What I mean is that if we’re going to do this, we’re going to make it right. I wanna be that guy for you. I wanna be your man, not a little boy and I don’t want you to think that I’m giving up because that’s not what I’m doing. I just need… time.”
Taeil almost wants to hit him and when he gets his mouth free, Kyung is lucky he doesn’t find it in him to bite. “That’s so fucking lame,” he manages.
“I don’t know how you count, Taeil, but time is a relative term and a few months, a year, it’s nothing in the greater span of things.”
“Are you trying to be clever?”
“No. I’m trying to make things right.”
Taeil is keeping his hands to himself and Kyung doesn’t reach out. Not with his hands.
“I’m not asking you to wait for me, just… keep the door open. Or a window, or something.” He tilts his head, and that petulant look on Taeil’s face is making him smile. “I’d be happy with just the dog door, really.”
Taeil tries to glare at him, but he’s warming; stupid Kyung and his way with words. “I could let you look in through the keyhole once in a while,” he agrees in an airy kind of voice that unfortunately gives him away completely.
“When you’re changing?”
“When I’m not changing.”
“But Taeil~” Kyung wheedles, walking his fingertips up Taeil’s arm before they’re smacked away. The corners of Taeil’s mouth are twitching, and Kyung’s stomach jumps in response.
“Go home,” says Taeil, and Kyung nods.
“I’ll call you.”
“Okay.”
Kyung offers him a smile before the door closes behind him, and Taeil catches himself staring at it. One minute, two, and the footsteps have died out, too. Stupid, stupid Kyung - he doesn’t know what’s good for him. Taeil sighs before he reaches forward, and pulls the door open again.
Just a little.
End.