Comments | so_wordy: brigit's flame - july: week 1, "bad advice"

so_wordy

brigit's flame - july: week 1, "bad advice"

Jul 10, 2011 16:37

*Blinks tiredly* Did I actually get this entry written? I can actually start my day?

Below the cut you'll find a one shot piece for "Bad Advice." Constructive criticism is always welcome. Questions too. Thanks in advance for the read and good luck to everyone! :)

( The Misfortunate Talent of Abigail Warner )

fiction, week 1, brigits_flame, july

Comments 4

leticiae July 10 2011, 22:58:42 UTC

It took me a few moments to figure out what was going on, but then once I figured it out I realized this was a clever story! (I'm slow that way.)

Anyway, I loved the images you created in such selective words, phrases like: Her heart was beating like a hummingbird and She could see the ocean and hear the soft rush of waves as they swallowed the shore. I made see what was around her.

Well done!

so_wordy July 14 2011, 01:48:37 UTC

I am a trickster!! >:D

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Hopefully there will be a second installment in the future.

(The comment has been removed)

so_wordy July 14 2011, 02:03:02 UTC

THORA!

Thank you, dear. I think that talking this out with you really helped to flesh out the plot. You are supremely wonderful. I'm so glad you enjoyed Abby's tale. <3

OH NO I JUST STARTED ANOTHER PROJECT. At least this will be a short story and not a novel, right? It can be completed in 15,000 words, right?

*flails*

Your BF edit! keppiehed July 14 2011, 16:28:35 UTC

Hello! I'm your editor this week!

And wow! Did you put me through my paces! I'm going to leave the entire first section alone, as obviously it was intended to be rife with tech colloquialisms. Corrections are in brackets:

-Either that [,] or she was overly optimistic (if her abuse of [e]nglish grammar meant anything). you can omit either English or grammar, but both together are unnecessary.

-Still, she was grateful for the internet’s ambiguity, [which allowed her to/a] savoring words without context, face, or {tone of] voice. The world was [,] at times, too modern, but there was something to be said for old fashioned networking.

- It was a friendly scene, but her tart stomach knew otherwise. Tart stomach … different, but effective. I like it. That's the way to do it!

-Any day she had to leave the safety of her room was bound to be trying (and that was putting it mildly). I am not fond of parenthetical asides. Because I know you are such a strong writer, I am going to push you to go the extra distance to rephrase this sentence ( ... )