Even If You Never Love Me, Chapter 13
Rating: T-M
Genres: Angst, Romance, Drama
Warnings: A little cuss.
Spoilers: Up through Special Education
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Author's Notes: This is my original plot, guys! No prompts required! Big deal for me...
Summary: "In a perfect world, I'd be able to know what it's like to... hold your hand? Take you on a date? Kiss you? You'd let me feel what it's like to be your boyfriend, just for a day. Just for one day. One day where you're mine?"
Word Count: 2,222
*You guys, you broke my review record! I got 49 for the last chapter! 49! I've never gotten that many! And Colorblind City broke their own review length record and filled two whole fields. I'm pretty sure you guys wrote more words about the chapter than were in the chapter. I'm floored. Yes, after a week, I'm still floored. You are all amazing, and I am so spoiled.
THANK YOU to my wonderful beta, Gottriplets!*
Chapter List
Blaine lets Finn drive them back to the Hummel home. He fills the ride with a fountain of apologies for breaking down like he did, and to each one Finn promises, "Dude, seriously, it's okay."
When they reach the curb Blaine has claimed with a collection of his vehicles, Blaine explains that it is simply too late for him to be bothering anyone, and before Finn can protest, he's on the sidewalk, watching the Lamborghini disappear.
He was going to invite Blaine in to play video games. Whenever something is bothering Finn, he just starts up a first-person shooter and lets his violent instincts take over. Generally after a couple hours of that, his mind sorts out his problems for him. Well, Blaine might not be here, but that video game still feels like a pretty good idea. He grabs a controller and starts gunning down everything in sight.
Something keeps niggling at the back of his mind about Blaine's tearful confession. Something about Kurt's reasons to not date the boy.
"...can't tell when someone's not interested..."
"...doesn't know how to take no for an answer..."
The words play over and over in his head. They bother him, trigger something hidden in his mind.
"...take no for an answer..."
A memory. Kurt... in a funny white hat.
"...you don't understand that no means no..."
Shit! The alien/zombie/mob boss/whatever Finn's fighting shoots him dead, but he doesn't care.
Those words... Everything Kurt said was wrong with him... They were Finn's words. Finn said that to Kurt, all over a stupid duet that Finn barely even remembers anymore, and it's still playing through Kurt's mind like some broken record.
That means... All of the trouble it caused, all the pain Blaine is in, is because of Finn. It's all Finn's fault.
Well, then Finn is just going to have to fix it.
Blaine and Kurt have a really awesome friendship, and he's not going to just let it die because of something he said. He's going to make things right. He just has to figure out how...
"Why is there a bag of trash on the porch?" Carole asks the house as she walks through the door.
Oops. That was Finn. "I was taking it out."
Carole spots Finn on the couch in front of the TV. "Ah. Needed a break, did you?"
Finn shrugs sheepishly, "I got distracted."
Carole laughs good-naturedly, "Well, it's ready for you."
Finn nods and gets up.
Wait. Opportunity. He follows his mom into the kitchen, "Hey, Mom, can I ask you something?"
She begins grabbing items to prepare dinner. "Are you asking to get out of taking the trash out?"
Finn stands awkwardly in the corner, trying to keep his lanky limbs out of the way of the cooking. "No, it's a real question."
Carole immediately sets the ingredients on the counter and sits at the kitchen table, indicating Finn join her. "Of course, Sweetie. What do you want to ask?"
Finn sits, diving into what he hopes is the heart of his problem, "So, if I said something to someone that really messed them up, and now I want to fix it, what do I do?"
Carole looks concerned, reaching out to cover Finn's hand with her own, "Did something happen?"
"No," Finn immediately responds.
Carole isn't convinced, "Okay. Well, is there a reason you're asking?"
"I... wanted the answer?"
Carole frowns, "You already know the answer, Finn. If you say something that hurts someone, you apologize to them and don't say it again."
"Yeah," Finn nods with a smile. It's so obvious; why didn't he think of that?
"So," Carole squeezes her son's hand, "you're sure nothing is going on?"
"I was just wondering," Finn assures. This is between him, Blaine, and Kurt, and he owes it to the other two to keep it that way.
Carole looks like she's going to say something, but stops herself. She instead settles on, "You know you can always talk to me, about anything, right?"
"Of course! You're the best!" Finn hops up, kisses his mom's cheek, and rushes off to mentally prepare a kick-ass apology.
__________
Kurt's staring up at the undercarriage of a car he doesn't remember, looking for a problem he's probably passed up three times.
He can't focus.
The garage is especially busy today. A week of warm weather melted snow to apparently reveal every vehicular malfunction known to man, and with a mechanic out with the flu, everyone needs to be pulling their speedy A-game.
Kurt can't. His mind is elsewhere.
Blaine just seemed so much worse today. The rumor mill responded with full force, each theory more terrifying than the last. Kurt kept trying to catch Blaine, to speak with him himself, but either Blaine has become deaf or he was ignoring him. The former is ridiculous, though the latter doesn't make sense, either. Why would Blaine ignore him? Kurt didn't do anything wrong. He just gave Blaine what he asked for, like a good friend. Right?
And even if Blaine was hurt over something, he shouldn't just shut Kurt out. Okay, so maybe the attempts to speak with him weren't the most valiant of their kind, but when Kurt raced from his fourth period to Blaine's, he really hoped to meet him for lunch. It's not his fault the population of Dalton moves at the pace of a pregnant cow! And then Blaine wasn't even in the cafeteria. And Blaine loves taco salads, so he really shouldn't have missed lunch.
Kurt sighs. His thoughts are barely organized anymore, making it impossible to sort through them for a solution.
A hand taps his ankle before grabbing hold and wheeling him out.
As soon as Burt's face comes into view, the man starts talking, "You've been lying under there like a dead fish for the past half hour. I know it doesn't take that long to find a leak in the fuel line."
So, that's what he was supposed to be doing.
Apparently something shows in Kurt's face, because Burt sighs, "What's on your mind, Kiddo?"
Kurt doesn't like lying to his dad, but it would take way too long to catch him up, and the garage needs the attention. Or something. He shrugs, "Just... school stuff. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be zoning out. I'll get back to-"
"I think you've done enough here for today. It's a Friday; you should enjoy yourself."
"Dad, I-"
"Seriously, Kurt. The guys and I can handle it."
It's not like Kurt's been much of an asset, anyway. "If you're sure..."
"Of course I am," Burt helps Kurt wheel the rest of the way to freedom and sit up.
"All right. I couldn't find the leak, but maybe you'll have better luck."
"I think you did," Burt chuckles, pointing at Kurt's cheek.
Kurt immediately touches his fingers to his face, disgusted as they slide through petroleum-based car drool.
The pure revulsion in Kurt's features just makes Burt laugh harder, "Go wash up. I'll meet you at home."
Kurt has never rushed so quickly to the bathroom.
There's a bag of garbage on the porch. At first, Kurt assumes the bullies are getting lazy, but then he remembers that that's Finn's chore, and it all makes sense.
Italian seasoning warms his senses as he walks through the door. Carole's home, making dinner. He should probably offer to help-
"Kurt, can I talk to you?" Finn thunders down the stairs.
"That depends. Is it more important than dinner?" Kurt continues to the kitchen.
"Yes."
Kurt stops in his tracks, eyes wide. Nothing is more important to Finn than filling his stomach. He turns back to his step-brother, not hiding his surprise.
Finn rocks on the balls of his feet, "We should maybe do this upstairs." He starts up to his room, checking behind him to make sure Kurt's following.
"Is this about Rachel again?" Kurt guesses, trying to get a head start.
"We broke up," Finn frowns, a little offended that no one can keep up with his dating life.
"Right," Kurt spins the mental gears again, but Finn is a mystery. For all their lady chats, Kurt was the initiator. Finn never started a conversation that went deeper than football strategy, but this seems bigger. That's frightening. Not knowing the topic, this feels way too much like an interrogation for Kurt's comfort.
Finn plops down on his bed, leaving Kurt the desk chair, but the chair is low to the ground, creating an imbalance, so Kurt would rather stand, thank you.
Kurt's arms cross over his chest, his armor. Whatever Finn has to say to him, he's ready.
Finn looks Kurt in the eyes, face shining with sincerity, "I'm sorry."
Preparation be damned, Kurt was not ready for that. "What?"
"I'm sorry. I've said some mean stuff to you, so I'm sorry, for all of it. No, that's weak. I'm sorry I called you a girl in third grade. I'm sorry I threw a pee balloon at you, but I really didn't try to hit you. I'm sorry I let them throw you in the dumpster. I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you when the guys made fun of you behind your back. I'm... sorry I joined in, but I haven't done it for a really long time. I'm sorry I never chose you for my team in PE. I'm sorry about the basement, and I'm really sorry I made you feel like you'd be an awful boyfriend... you know, with the 'no means no' stuff."
The 'no means no stuff' made Kurt feel like a sexual predator, but sure, let's go with awful boyfriend. "Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, but what is this all about?"
"I never really apologized for it all, and I should have, because it's still effecting you."
"Finn, I haven't brought any of this up in months!"
"Well, not to me-"
"Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?"
Finn's eyes go wide, the look he used to get when he stepped on one of Quinn's verbal landmines, and guilt splashes in his eyes before he points behind his head.
Kurt follows the indicating thumb, confused until he realizes what he's looking at. That wall. That traitorously thin wall separating their nightly forms, allowing his every sleeping word to travel straight in Finn's ear. Kurt tightens his grip around his chest, "I thought we agreed you wouldn't mention what I say in my sleep."
"Yeah, but that was for when you were commanding your llama army. This is different; it's serious."
Kurt's cheeks redden. This is all so humiliating. He should not be held responsible for his dreams! This conversation needs to end. "Fine. I accept your apology. Are we done?" Kurt steps toward the door.
"No."
Kurt sighs and turns back, letting Finn continue despite every fiber of his being wanting to leave. "What else has my subconscious informed you of?"
Finn swallows then blurts out, "I know you weren't at Mercedes' last weekend. You were on a date."
The oxygen leaves the room. Terror grips Kurt's heart. If Finn knows, it's only a matter of time before his dad finds out. "That's it! We are moving our beds this instant! I swear, Finn, if you mention one word of this to my dad, I will put things in your shampoo your hair will never bounce back from!"
"Kurt. Chill." Finn says from his perfectly calm perch on his mattress.
Zen bastard.
Kurt stops shouting, but maintains his glare. He was not kidding about the shampoo.
Finn continues, "I'm not gonna' tell your dad. I'm coming to you."
Kurt swallows down that horse-pill of fear. "Why? I don't see what business it is of yours."
"You gave your best friend, who is in love with you, one date, and have barely spoken with him since."
Just how freaking specific has his sleep talking become? "This is seriously none of your business."
"And I know you feel terrible about it."
Kurt chokes on whatever words were trying to come out of him next, and he's just left with, "What?" What could Finn possibly know about how he feels? It's Finn. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Dude, it's obvious by how defensive you're getting."
"I am not getting defensive!"
"Yeah, like that. It's like when Quinn used to accuse me of having feelings for Rachel. I got like you are now because I knew it was true. Plus, you've been acting guilty since I asked to talk."
Kurt completely voids his face of emotion. Fine, if Finn wants to play detective, Kurt's just not going to give him any clues.
"Since you obviously aren't talking to your best friend or dad about it, I figured you could use someone. I'm your brother, so... you could talk to me."
"You want me to talk to you?" Kurt means the question to bite with judgement, but Finn's words crumbled his hardened resolve, so it's colored with far too much hope and vulnerability.
"Yeah, Man." Finn pats the bed next to him, "I mean, I already know most of it, right? I don't need to be caught up. You can just vent."
It's tempting. Too tempting. So tempting he goes for it.
Genres: Angst, Romance, Drama
Warnings: A little cuss.
Spoilers: Up through Special Education
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Author's Notes: This is my original plot, guys! No prompts required! Big deal for me...
Summary: "In a perfect world, I'd be able to know what it's like to... hold your hand? Take you on a date? Kiss you? You'd let me feel what it's like to be your boyfriend, just for a day. Just for one day. One day where you're mine?"
Word Count: 2,222
*You guys, you broke my review record! I got 49 for the last chapter! 49! I've never gotten that many! And Colorblind City broke their own review length record and filled two whole fields. I'm pretty sure you guys wrote more words about the chapter than were in the chapter. I'm floored. Yes, after a week, I'm still floored. You are all amazing, and I am so spoiled.
THANK YOU to my wonderful beta, Gottriplets!*
Chapter List
Blaine lets Finn drive them back to the Hummel home. He fills the ride with a fountain of apologies for breaking down like he did, and to each one Finn promises, "Dude, seriously, it's okay."
When they reach the curb Blaine has claimed with a collection of his vehicles, Blaine explains that it is simply too late for him to be bothering anyone, and before Finn can protest, he's on the sidewalk, watching the Lamborghini disappear.
He was going to invite Blaine in to play video games. Whenever something is bothering Finn, he just starts up a first-person shooter and lets his violent instincts take over. Generally after a couple hours of that, his mind sorts out his problems for him. Well, Blaine might not be here, but that video game still feels like a pretty good idea. He grabs a controller and starts gunning down everything in sight.
Something keeps niggling at the back of his mind about Blaine's tearful confession. Something about Kurt's reasons to not date the boy.
"...can't tell when someone's not interested..."
"...doesn't know how to take no for an answer..."
The words play over and over in his head. They bother him, trigger something hidden in his mind.
"...take no for an answer..."
A memory. Kurt... in a funny white hat.
"...you don't understand that no means no..."
Shit! The alien/zombie/mob boss/whatever Finn's fighting shoots him dead, but he doesn't care.
Those words... Everything Kurt said was wrong with him... They were Finn's words. Finn said that to Kurt, all over a stupid duet that Finn barely even remembers anymore, and it's still playing through Kurt's mind like some broken record.
That means... All of the trouble it caused, all the pain Blaine is in, is because of Finn. It's all Finn's fault.
Well, then Finn is just going to have to fix it.
Blaine and Kurt have a really awesome friendship, and he's not going to just let it die because of something he said. He's going to make things right. He just has to figure out how...
"Why is there a bag of trash on the porch?" Carole asks the house as she walks through the door.
Oops. That was Finn. "I was taking it out."
Carole spots Finn on the couch in front of the TV. "Ah. Needed a break, did you?"
Finn shrugs sheepishly, "I got distracted."
Carole laughs good-naturedly, "Well, it's ready for you."
Finn nods and gets up.
Wait. Opportunity. He follows his mom into the kitchen, "Hey, Mom, can I ask you something?"
She begins grabbing items to prepare dinner. "Are you asking to get out of taking the trash out?"
Finn stands awkwardly in the corner, trying to keep his lanky limbs out of the way of the cooking. "No, it's a real question."
Carole immediately sets the ingredients on the counter and sits at the kitchen table, indicating Finn join her. "Of course, Sweetie. What do you want to ask?"
Finn sits, diving into what he hopes is the heart of his problem, "So, if I said something to someone that really messed them up, and now I want to fix it, what do I do?"
Carole looks concerned, reaching out to cover Finn's hand with her own, "Did something happen?"
"No," Finn immediately responds.
Carole isn't convinced, "Okay. Well, is there a reason you're asking?"
"I... wanted the answer?"
Carole frowns, "You already know the answer, Finn. If you say something that hurts someone, you apologize to them and don't say it again."
"Yeah," Finn nods with a smile. It's so obvious; why didn't he think of that?
"So," Carole squeezes her son's hand, "you're sure nothing is going on?"
"I was just wondering," Finn assures. This is between him, Blaine, and Kurt, and he owes it to the other two to keep it that way.
Carole looks like she's going to say something, but stops herself. She instead settles on, "You know you can always talk to me, about anything, right?"
"Of course! You're the best!" Finn hops up, kisses his mom's cheek, and rushes off to mentally prepare a kick-ass apology.
__________
Kurt's staring up at the undercarriage of a car he doesn't remember, looking for a problem he's probably passed up three times.
He can't focus.
The garage is especially busy today. A week of warm weather melted snow to apparently reveal every vehicular malfunction known to man, and with a mechanic out with the flu, everyone needs to be pulling their speedy A-game.
Kurt can't. His mind is elsewhere.
Blaine just seemed so much worse today. The rumor mill responded with full force, each theory more terrifying than the last. Kurt kept trying to catch Blaine, to speak with him himself, but either Blaine has become deaf or he was ignoring him. The former is ridiculous, though the latter doesn't make sense, either. Why would Blaine ignore him? Kurt didn't do anything wrong. He just gave Blaine what he asked for, like a good friend. Right?
And even if Blaine was hurt over something, he shouldn't just shut Kurt out. Okay, so maybe the attempts to speak with him weren't the most valiant of their kind, but when Kurt raced from his fourth period to Blaine's, he really hoped to meet him for lunch. It's not his fault the population of Dalton moves at the pace of a pregnant cow! And then Blaine wasn't even in the cafeteria. And Blaine loves taco salads, so he really shouldn't have missed lunch.
Kurt sighs. His thoughts are barely organized anymore, making it impossible to sort through them for a solution.
A hand taps his ankle before grabbing hold and wheeling him out.
As soon as Burt's face comes into view, the man starts talking, "You've been lying under there like a dead fish for the past half hour. I know it doesn't take that long to find a leak in the fuel line."
So, that's what he was supposed to be doing.
Apparently something shows in Kurt's face, because Burt sighs, "What's on your mind, Kiddo?"
Kurt doesn't like lying to his dad, but it would take way too long to catch him up, and the garage needs the attention. Or something. He shrugs, "Just... school stuff. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be zoning out. I'll get back to-"
"I think you've done enough here for today. It's a Friday; you should enjoy yourself."
"Dad, I-"
"Seriously, Kurt. The guys and I can handle it."
It's not like Kurt's been much of an asset, anyway. "If you're sure..."
"Of course I am," Burt helps Kurt wheel the rest of the way to freedom and sit up.
"All right. I couldn't find the leak, but maybe you'll have better luck."
"I think you did," Burt chuckles, pointing at Kurt's cheek.
Kurt immediately touches his fingers to his face, disgusted as they slide through petroleum-based car drool.
The pure revulsion in Kurt's features just makes Burt laugh harder, "Go wash up. I'll meet you at home."
Kurt has never rushed so quickly to the bathroom.
There's a bag of garbage on the porch. At first, Kurt assumes the bullies are getting lazy, but then he remembers that that's Finn's chore, and it all makes sense.
Italian seasoning warms his senses as he walks through the door. Carole's home, making dinner. He should probably offer to help-
"Kurt, can I talk to you?" Finn thunders down the stairs.
"That depends. Is it more important than dinner?" Kurt continues to the kitchen.
"Yes."
Kurt stops in his tracks, eyes wide. Nothing is more important to Finn than filling his stomach. He turns back to his step-brother, not hiding his surprise.
Finn rocks on the balls of his feet, "We should maybe do this upstairs." He starts up to his room, checking behind him to make sure Kurt's following.
"Is this about Rachel again?" Kurt guesses, trying to get a head start.
"We broke up," Finn frowns, a little offended that no one can keep up with his dating life.
"Right," Kurt spins the mental gears again, but Finn is a mystery. For all their lady chats, Kurt was the initiator. Finn never started a conversation that went deeper than football strategy, but this seems bigger. That's frightening. Not knowing the topic, this feels way too much like an interrogation for Kurt's comfort.
Finn plops down on his bed, leaving Kurt the desk chair, but the chair is low to the ground, creating an imbalance, so Kurt would rather stand, thank you.
Kurt's arms cross over his chest, his armor. Whatever Finn has to say to him, he's ready.
Finn looks Kurt in the eyes, face shining with sincerity, "I'm sorry."
Preparation be damned, Kurt was not ready for that. "What?"
"I'm sorry. I've said some mean stuff to you, so I'm sorry, for all of it. No, that's weak. I'm sorry I called you a girl in third grade. I'm sorry I threw a pee balloon at you, but I really didn't try to hit you. I'm sorry I let them throw you in the dumpster. I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you when the guys made fun of you behind your back. I'm... sorry I joined in, but I haven't done it for a really long time. I'm sorry I never chose you for my team in PE. I'm sorry about the basement, and I'm really sorry I made you feel like you'd be an awful boyfriend... you know, with the 'no means no' stuff."
The 'no means no stuff' made Kurt feel like a sexual predator, but sure, let's go with awful boyfriend. "Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, but what is this all about?"
"I never really apologized for it all, and I should have, because it's still effecting you."
"Finn, I haven't brought any of this up in months!"
"Well, not to me-"
"Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?"
Finn's eyes go wide, the look he used to get when he stepped on one of Quinn's verbal landmines, and guilt splashes in his eyes before he points behind his head.
Kurt follows the indicating thumb, confused until he realizes what he's looking at. That wall. That traitorously thin wall separating their nightly forms, allowing his every sleeping word to travel straight in Finn's ear. Kurt tightens his grip around his chest, "I thought we agreed you wouldn't mention what I say in my sleep."
"Yeah, but that was for when you were commanding your llama army. This is different; it's serious."
Kurt's cheeks redden. This is all so humiliating. He should not be held responsible for his dreams! This conversation needs to end. "Fine. I accept your apology. Are we done?" Kurt steps toward the door.
"No."
Kurt sighs and turns back, letting Finn continue despite every fiber of his being wanting to leave. "What else has my subconscious informed you of?"
Finn swallows then blurts out, "I know you weren't at Mercedes' last weekend. You were on a date."
The oxygen leaves the room. Terror grips Kurt's heart. If Finn knows, it's only a matter of time before his dad finds out. "That's it! We are moving our beds this instant! I swear, Finn, if you mention one word of this to my dad, I will put things in your shampoo your hair will never bounce back from!"
"Kurt. Chill." Finn says from his perfectly calm perch on his mattress.
Zen bastard.
Kurt stops shouting, but maintains his glare. He was not kidding about the shampoo.
Finn continues, "I'm not gonna' tell your dad. I'm coming to you."
Kurt swallows down that horse-pill of fear. "Why? I don't see what business it is of yours."
"You gave your best friend, who is in love with you, one date, and have barely spoken with him since."
Just how freaking specific has his sleep talking become? "This is seriously none of your business."
"And I know you feel terrible about it."
Kurt chokes on whatever words were trying to come out of him next, and he's just left with, "What?" What could Finn possibly know about how he feels? It's Finn. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Dude, it's obvious by how defensive you're getting."
"I am not getting defensive!"
"Yeah, like that. It's like when Quinn used to accuse me of having feelings for Rachel. I got like you are now because I knew it was true. Plus, you've been acting guilty since I asked to talk."
Kurt completely voids his face of emotion. Fine, if Finn wants to play detective, Kurt's just not going to give him any clues.
"Since you obviously aren't talking to your best friend or dad about it, I figured you could use someone. I'm your brother, so... you could talk to me."
"You want me to talk to you?" Kurt means the question to bite with judgement, but Finn's words crumbled his hardened resolve, so it's colored with far too much hope and vulnerability.
"Yeah, Man." Finn pats the bed next to him, "I mean, I already know most of it, right? I don't need to be caught up. You can just vent."
It's tempting. Too tempting. So tempting he goes for it.