A Sentimental Game of Tag
Title: A Sentimental Game of Tag
Chapter: Oneshot
Author: socialriotbitch
Pairing: ReitaxRuki
Genre: Angst, romance, AU
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: MxM, abuse, violence, drinking problems, graphic sex, barebacking,
Summary: How far are people willing to go for love?
Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did, I would be going to every concert on this world tour. Tch.
Comment: TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Wow, I'm feeling angsty. Don't worry though, the sex is consensual, it's romantic despite being fucked up and nobody's doing anything against their own free will. That being said, again, traumas suck so be careful if you've been in an abusive/violent relationship or knows someone who has. Oh yeah, text written in italics red font are parts of the lyrics to Sentimental Na Onigokko by the GazettE.
Ruki's dabbing his cheek with cotton when Reita walks in. He just stands there, leaning against the door, observing quietly as Ruki washes the blue spot under his eye with cold water, hissing when he presses too hard. Occasionally, Ruki looks up to meet Reita's gaze, but he winces and returns his focus to his eye, tending to the still growing bruise.
Neither of them says anything. When Ruki finishes cleaning his face he simply leans against the sink, fiddling with the bristles on his toothbrush and waiting for Reita to leave. He lets out a deep breath when Reita finally turns around, leaving the room without a word. Ruki wants to scream, to yell, to shout, but he knows he can't. Because then Reita would just get mad again, or the neighbours would hear. And the neighbours are definitely going to call the police this time. He notices their stares when he meets them in the hallway, the way they wince at the sight of his face, bruised and sore, with the occasional scars.
They don't understand. They think Reita is forcing Ruki to stay. But the truth is, Ruki is staying out of his own free will. Because Ruki loves Reita, even when he's mad, or worse, drunk, and he has one of his fits. Even when he beats Ruki senseless, Ruki loves him.
A small tear rolls down Ruki's cheek and falls down into the sink. Ruki's caught in this endless game. He can't leave Reita. He loves him too much.
About half an hour later, Ruki crawls into bed, wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt. He makes himself comfortable on the far end of the bed, as far away from Reita as possible. He hears a shuffling sound, and then there's a someone pressing up against his back, and he feels an arm snaking around his stomach, pulling him against a toned chest. He feels lips on his neck in a soothing kiss, and then he hears Reita whispering in his ear.
“I'm sorry.”
More tears push themselves from Ruki's eyes, but he says nothing. Soon, Reita's asleep, still pushed up against Ruki's back, holding him tightly. And Ruki smiles into the darkness. His boyfriend is so cute sometimes.
~
Ruki is busy frying eggs when he hears the bedroom door close, followed by Reita's footsteps crossing the living room.
“Hey babe. What are you doing?”
“I'm making breakfast.”
“Smells good.”
Just like that. No words about yesterday. No arguments, no confrontations. It's like it never happened. Except for the black spot right below Ruki's eye that's slowly starting to swell.
They eat their breakfast mostly in silence, listening to the radio and avoiding eye contact. It's a Saturday morning, they've got the entire weekend together. As Ruki loads the plates into the dishwasher, he starts mentally planning the evening. Maybe they could watch a film, snuggle on the couch, just stay at home. That would be nice, Ruki thinks and smiles to himself.
~
The door slams open, and Ruki hurriedly turns off the TV, leaning into the couch and trying to look like he's not scared. He should have seen it coming. There was no way Reita was going to just stay home on a Saturday night. Much less sober.
Reita enters the living room, standing in front of the couch with crossed arms and a grin on his face. Luckily, he doesn't seem piss drunk today, just a bit tipsy. He leans down and grabs Ruki's arm, pulling him to his feet and kissing him. Reita tastes like whisky, but Ruki ignores it and kisses him back.
“You're so fucking sexy,” Reita says in a husky tone, pulling Ruki's tee off and starting to play with his nipples. Ruki moans and arches into the touch, wrapping his arms around Reita's neck. Reita leans down and takes one pink bud into his mouth, rubbing his tongue against it, pulling Ruki's sweatpants down. He removes them completely, then starts lewdly grinding his clothed groin against Ruki's naked cock, making them both moan.
“Fuck me,” Ruki says, his voice shivering slightly. Reita grins and kisses him again, pushing him backwards to the bedroom.
Ruki lies down on the bed, watching while Reita takes off his clothes. When he's done, he crawls on top of Ruki and kisses him again, grinding his hips into Ruki's. It's all so sweet, and Ruki cherishes it while he can. He knows in a minute or so it'll be over.
Sure enough, suddenly something in Reita's eyes change. His expression goes from one of love and passion to an almost angry face, and he flips Ruki over onto his stomach. Before Reita even has the time to order him to, Ruki gets up on his arms and knees, spreading his legs wide.
“That's my slut. You want it rough?” Ruki groans at the question, pressing his ass back against Reita's cock and nodding. Reita yanks on his hair 'till his neck is strained backwards and leans down to growl into his ear. “Yeah? You want me to treat you like the fucking bitch you are?”
“Please, Reita, fuck me!” Ruki is turning painfully hard, and his eyes are stinging with tears. He has to hold them back. He can't cry now.
But then Reita pushes himself into Ruki raw, and the tears spill in constant streams down his cheeks. It hurts. It hurts so much and all Ruki wants is for Reita to continue. He wants more pain, and before he knows it he's pushing back against Reita, trying to coax him into moving.
Reita chuckles above him and starts fucking him, hard and fast, and he barely even notices that Ruki's bleeding now. It feels as if his ass is being ripped apart, but it just feels so good, and he's not even ashamed when he hears himself begging for more, harder, faster...
Ruki screams out as Reita hits his prostate dead on, but Reita is quick to cover his mouth with his hand, and Ruki's next cries are muffled. “Gotta be more quiet, Ruki. We don't want the neighbours to hear you, do we?” Ruki barely has enough strength to shake his head, moaning into Reita's hand as Reita continues thrusting in and out of his ass, blood trickling down his thighs, and he feels so dirty.
It's not long until Reita's starts losing his rhythm, and he grips Ruki's hips and slams into him a few more times before he reaches his climax, filling Ruki's ass up with his come. Ruki moans into his arm as he comes as well, spilling his seed onto the bedsheets. Reita gets up, pulls his clothes back on and leaves the bedroom, and not long after Ruki hears him turn on the TV.
He gets off the bed, removing the sheets and throwing them in the washing machine, not bothering with putting on fresh ones. Stepping into the shower, he turns it on and waits for the water to run warm. He washes his ass and thighs thoroughly, cleaning off the blood and sperm, then rinses his hair to try and get the sweat out of it.
Ruki isn't stupid. He knows what's going on. Reita's using him for sex. He's been told about it so many times, warned by so many people that he mustn't let it happen. He never thought he'd let anyone use him that way, but now it's how his life is, and he wouldn't change it if he had the chance. Ruki loves Reita, so much that he doesn't care if Reita uses him, if all he wants is sex. He doesn't care if Reita wants to solve every argument they have by beating Ruki, by choking the words out him and hitting him until Ruki gives up. Until they give up talking, and Ruki starts crying, and he falls down on the floor and sobs loudly. He doesn't care if Reita drinks a lot, if he comes home drunk and starts yelling at Ruki, or, like tonight, fucks his brains out because frankly, Ruki would be lying if he said he didn't like it in the least.
Truth is, Ruki knows that Reita is the only one who actually wants him. He knows he's such a pathetic loser that this is the best he'll ever get. A boyfriend who takes advantage of your love for him and uses it to manipulate you into staying with him is still a boyfriend. And Ruki's such a pathetic, ugly loser that nobody else will ever give him the opportunity to even pretend that he's loved.
Ruki wraps a towel around his waist, going into the living room where Reita is sitting on the couch, watching some American TV show. He sits down on the couch and leans against Reita's shoulder, closing his eyes and letting Reita ruffle his hair. Even if nobody will ever love him, that doesn't matter, because he has Reita. And Ruki would never leave him. He smiles softly as he's pulled into Reita's lap, and Reita kisses his neck over and over. Yes, at least he has Reita.
~
“For fuck's sake, Reita, can we have one Friday where you don't fucking come home drunk out of your mind?” Ruki's yelling and he knows he shouldn't, but he's just so tired of Reita always going out drinking on Fridays. He'd planned a nice dinner, pasta and salad, and sat down waiting for Reita to text him and tell him he was coming home from work so he could start cooking, but in stead he was greeted by a piss drunk Reita stumbling in the door at 3 am.
“And can you just fucking stop screaming?!” Reita shouts, and Ruki is fuming with rage.
“I have every fucking right to scream!”
“You're always making huge problems out of little things! I only had a couple of beers!”
Ruki stares at him in disbelief, before he scoffs loudly. “Yeah right! You're so fucking drunk you couldn't even find the right key!”
“Why does everything have to be such a big problem with you?! So I went out and had some fun, maybe you should try that some time!”
“I do have fun, I just don't need alcohol for it! What's really the problem here is that you're being such a self-centred, egoistical bitch that you can't see that maybe, just for once, I wanted to spend some time with you and-”
Ruki doesn't even finish his sentence, because his air is knocked right out of his lungs when Reita punches him hard in his stomach, and Ruki falls to the floor, wheezing to catch his breath.
“Don't you fucking dare talk to me like that!” Reita shouts so loud that he winces at his own voice, the drunken headache only getting worse and worse. “I'm a grown man, I can do whatever the fuck I please!”
Ruki isn't listening. He's leaning against the wall, sobbing quietly, wiping furiously at the tears that only keep falling. I just wanted to spend some time with you. I just wanted us to have fun together. I love you.
Noticing that Ruki isn't paying attention, Reita punches him in the face and stomps into the bedroom, leaving Ruki wailing on the floor. He doesn't care even care if the neighbours call the police. All he wants is for Reita to sober up, and if that means waiting on the floor until he's slept it off, then so be it. Ruki probably lay there crying for an hour, but in the end he was so exhausted that he just fell asleep.
~
Reita's sitting in bed, propped up against the pillows, holding his head and groaning loudly. Ruki walks in with a soft smile, carrying painkillers and a glass of water. He hands it to Reita, who gulps it all down and gives the glass back to Ruki, smiling gently.
“Thanks. Hey, where did you sleep tonight? I didn't feel you come back to bed with me.”
“You must be too drunk to remember, or maybe you were just fast asleep.” A small, white lie. Reita didn't need to know that Ruki had slept on the floor, waking up to wash the blood off his face and check his nose for any broken bones. Luckily, it seems Reita hadn't hurt him too much this time.
“Oh, all right.” Reita reached up to pull Ruki into his arms, cradling him against his chest and kissing his forehead.
Ruki was lying. Reita was never so drunk that he didn't notice when Ruki came back to bed. He'd wake up the instant he felt Ruki's warm body under the covers.
He winced when he saw Ruki's bruised nose. His heart ached when he thought about why that bruise was there. It was his fault. But he didn't say anything, just held Ruki tight and hoped that his tenderness today could make up for his actions yesterday. Either way, he knew Ruki would forgive him.
Reita had known Ruki since high school. He'd always had low self-esteem. He never thought he was pretty, or hot, or any of the things Reita thought he was. Ruki thought of himself as the ugliest guy in school, and he always found new things about himself that didn't fit. Either his eyes were wrong, or his butt was too big, or his arms too thin... He would never believe anyone when they gave him compliments. But worst of all, he didn't believe anyone could ever love him.
Over the years, Reita had more or less accepted it as one of Ruki's weird quirks. Because Ruki didn't love himself, he thought that nobody else could. And so he did everything he could to bring himself down. Reita wasn't sure Ruki believed that Reita loved him, even now. Even after three years together, Ruki probably thought that Reita was just using him. It was a fight Reita had given up long ago. He'd tried telling Ruki that he was gorgeous, that he was sexy, that he loved him, but every time he did, Ruki closed up completely. He started screaming and yelling, telling Reita to stop lying and stop deceiving him, that he didn't have to lie to get Ruki to stick around. It broke Reita's heart every time, but he had simply given up. Ruki was so hell bent on the idea that nobody would ever love him that if Reita tried to tell him he did, Ruki saw it as one of Reita's ways to 'get into his pants'.
Reita knew that he had a sadistic streak. It usually came out when he was drunk, or mad, or horny. Sometimes he would hurt Ruki without even knowing it, just for the sheer pleasure of seeing him in pain. But then, when he saw the aftermath, saw how Ruki struggled to find a comfortable way to sit, saw when he disinfected his wounds, applied band-aids to open cuts, Reita's heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.
They loved hurting each other. Ruki would complain about his body, or shoot Reita disbelieving looks when he told him he was pretty, and every time, without fault, it would feel like something was stomping on Reita's entrails. And Reita would beat Ruki bloody, or fuck him 'till he couldn't even hold himself up, and all the time Ruki would be begging for more.
It truly was a fucked up game. Ruki had so low self-esteem he didn't even care what happened to his body, and in addition, he was a masochist, so he got off on Reita hurting him. Reita simply wanted to mend Ruki's broken little heart, even though Ruki would get mad at him for it. It felt as if they were running in circles, Ruki hurting Reita, Reita hurting Ruki for hurting him, etcetera etcetera.
The bullying kid.
The bullied kid.
It's a see-saw game between me and that kid.
“Ruki?”
“Mm?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Tears started streaming down Ruki's face
“Why are you crying?”
“Because we're so pathetic. We're going to kill each other for sure one day.”
Reita pulled him closer to his chest and buried his nose in his hair.
“But until that day, let's continue loving each other in the way nobody else knows how.”
“By toying with each other's hearts and breaking every bone in our body in the process?”
“Exactly. Because I know that's how you like it. Rough and quick and painful.”
“Then stop being so sentimental and just tie me to the bed and take me like the whore we both know I am.”
Please take care of me, until sundown.
Please play with me, any way you like it.
Until he is pleased,
Let's have fun in ecstasy mode.
Chapter: Oneshot
Author: socialriotbitch
Pairing: ReitaxRuki
Genre: Angst, romance, AU
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: MxM, abuse, violence, drinking problems, graphic sex, barebacking,
Summary: How far are people willing to go for love?
Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did, I would be going to every concert on this world tour. Tch.
Comment: TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Wow, I'm feeling angsty. Don't worry though, the sex is consensual, it's romantic despite being fucked up and nobody's doing anything against their own free will. That being said, again, traumas suck so be careful if you've been in an abusive/violent relationship or knows someone who has. Oh yeah, text written in italics red font are parts of the lyrics to Sentimental Na Onigokko by the GazettE.
Ruki's dabbing his cheek with cotton when Reita walks in. He just stands there, leaning against the door, observing quietly as Ruki washes the blue spot under his eye with cold water, hissing when he presses too hard. Occasionally, Ruki looks up to meet Reita's gaze, but he winces and returns his focus to his eye, tending to the still growing bruise.
Neither of them says anything. When Ruki finishes cleaning his face he simply leans against the sink, fiddling with the bristles on his toothbrush and waiting for Reita to leave. He lets out a deep breath when Reita finally turns around, leaving the room without a word. Ruki wants to scream, to yell, to shout, but he knows he can't. Because then Reita would just get mad again, or the neighbours would hear. And the neighbours are definitely going to call the police this time. He notices their stares when he meets them in the hallway, the way they wince at the sight of his face, bruised and sore, with the occasional scars.
They don't understand. They think Reita is forcing Ruki to stay. But the truth is, Ruki is staying out of his own free will. Because Ruki loves Reita, even when he's mad, or worse, drunk, and he has one of his fits. Even when he beats Ruki senseless, Ruki loves him.
A small tear rolls down Ruki's cheek and falls down into the sink. Ruki's caught in this endless game. He can't leave Reita. He loves him too much.
About half an hour later, Ruki crawls into bed, wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt. He makes himself comfortable on the far end of the bed, as far away from Reita as possible. He hears a shuffling sound, and then there's a someone pressing up against his back, and he feels an arm snaking around his stomach, pulling him against a toned chest. He feels lips on his neck in a soothing kiss, and then he hears Reita whispering in his ear.
“I'm sorry.”
More tears push themselves from Ruki's eyes, but he says nothing. Soon, Reita's asleep, still pushed up against Ruki's back, holding him tightly. And Ruki smiles into the darkness. His boyfriend is so cute sometimes.
~
Ruki is busy frying eggs when he hears the bedroom door close, followed by Reita's footsteps crossing the living room.
“Hey babe. What are you doing?”
“I'm making breakfast.”
“Smells good.”
Just like that. No words about yesterday. No arguments, no confrontations. It's like it never happened. Except for the black spot right below Ruki's eye that's slowly starting to swell.
They eat their breakfast mostly in silence, listening to the radio and avoiding eye contact. It's a Saturday morning, they've got the entire weekend together. As Ruki loads the plates into the dishwasher, he starts mentally planning the evening. Maybe they could watch a film, snuggle on the couch, just stay at home. That would be nice, Ruki thinks and smiles to himself.
~
The door slams open, and Ruki hurriedly turns off the TV, leaning into the couch and trying to look like he's not scared. He should have seen it coming. There was no way Reita was going to just stay home on a Saturday night. Much less sober.
Reita enters the living room, standing in front of the couch with crossed arms and a grin on his face. Luckily, he doesn't seem piss drunk today, just a bit tipsy. He leans down and grabs Ruki's arm, pulling him to his feet and kissing him. Reita tastes like whisky, but Ruki ignores it and kisses him back.
“You're so fucking sexy,” Reita says in a husky tone, pulling Ruki's tee off and starting to play with his nipples. Ruki moans and arches into the touch, wrapping his arms around Reita's neck. Reita leans down and takes one pink bud into his mouth, rubbing his tongue against it, pulling Ruki's sweatpants down. He removes them completely, then starts lewdly grinding his clothed groin against Ruki's naked cock, making them both moan.
“Fuck me,” Ruki says, his voice shivering slightly. Reita grins and kisses him again, pushing him backwards to the bedroom.
Ruki lies down on the bed, watching while Reita takes off his clothes. When he's done, he crawls on top of Ruki and kisses him again, grinding his hips into Ruki's. It's all so sweet, and Ruki cherishes it while he can. He knows in a minute or so it'll be over.
Sure enough, suddenly something in Reita's eyes change. His expression goes from one of love and passion to an almost angry face, and he flips Ruki over onto his stomach. Before Reita even has the time to order him to, Ruki gets up on his arms and knees, spreading his legs wide.
“That's my slut. You want it rough?” Ruki groans at the question, pressing his ass back against Reita's cock and nodding. Reita yanks on his hair 'till his neck is strained backwards and leans down to growl into his ear. “Yeah? You want me to treat you like the fucking bitch you are?”
“Please, Reita, fuck me!” Ruki is turning painfully hard, and his eyes are stinging with tears. He has to hold them back. He can't cry now.
But then Reita pushes himself into Ruki raw, and the tears spill in constant streams down his cheeks. It hurts. It hurts so much and all Ruki wants is for Reita to continue. He wants more pain, and before he knows it he's pushing back against Reita, trying to coax him into moving.
Reita chuckles above him and starts fucking him, hard and fast, and he barely even notices that Ruki's bleeding now. It feels as if his ass is being ripped apart, but it just feels so good, and he's not even ashamed when he hears himself begging for more, harder, faster...
Ruki screams out as Reita hits his prostate dead on, but Reita is quick to cover his mouth with his hand, and Ruki's next cries are muffled. “Gotta be more quiet, Ruki. We don't want the neighbours to hear you, do we?” Ruki barely has enough strength to shake his head, moaning into Reita's hand as Reita continues thrusting in and out of his ass, blood trickling down his thighs, and he feels so dirty.
It's not long until Reita's starts losing his rhythm, and he grips Ruki's hips and slams into him a few more times before he reaches his climax, filling Ruki's ass up with his come. Ruki moans into his arm as he comes as well, spilling his seed onto the bedsheets. Reita gets up, pulls his clothes back on and leaves the bedroom, and not long after Ruki hears him turn on the TV.
He gets off the bed, removing the sheets and throwing them in the washing machine, not bothering with putting on fresh ones. Stepping into the shower, he turns it on and waits for the water to run warm. He washes his ass and thighs thoroughly, cleaning off the blood and sperm, then rinses his hair to try and get the sweat out of it.
Ruki isn't stupid. He knows what's going on. Reita's using him for sex. He's been told about it so many times, warned by so many people that he mustn't let it happen. He never thought he'd let anyone use him that way, but now it's how his life is, and he wouldn't change it if he had the chance. Ruki loves Reita, so much that he doesn't care if Reita uses him, if all he wants is sex. He doesn't care if Reita wants to solve every argument they have by beating Ruki, by choking the words out him and hitting him until Ruki gives up. Until they give up talking, and Ruki starts crying, and he falls down on the floor and sobs loudly. He doesn't care if Reita drinks a lot, if he comes home drunk and starts yelling at Ruki, or, like tonight, fucks his brains out because frankly, Ruki would be lying if he said he didn't like it in the least.
Truth is, Ruki knows that Reita is the only one who actually wants him. He knows he's such a pathetic loser that this is the best he'll ever get. A boyfriend who takes advantage of your love for him and uses it to manipulate you into staying with him is still a boyfriend. And Ruki's such a pathetic, ugly loser that nobody else will ever give him the opportunity to even pretend that he's loved.
Ruki wraps a towel around his waist, going into the living room where Reita is sitting on the couch, watching some American TV show. He sits down on the couch and leans against Reita's shoulder, closing his eyes and letting Reita ruffle his hair. Even if nobody will ever love him, that doesn't matter, because he has Reita. And Ruki would never leave him. He smiles softly as he's pulled into Reita's lap, and Reita kisses his neck over and over. Yes, at least he has Reita.
~
“For fuck's sake, Reita, can we have one Friday where you don't fucking come home drunk out of your mind?” Ruki's yelling and he knows he shouldn't, but he's just so tired of Reita always going out drinking on Fridays. He'd planned a nice dinner, pasta and salad, and sat down waiting for Reita to text him and tell him he was coming home from work so he could start cooking, but in stead he was greeted by a piss drunk Reita stumbling in the door at 3 am.
“And can you just fucking stop screaming?!” Reita shouts, and Ruki is fuming with rage.
“I have every fucking right to scream!”
“You're always making huge problems out of little things! I only had a couple of beers!”
Ruki stares at him in disbelief, before he scoffs loudly. “Yeah right! You're so fucking drunk you couldn't even find the right key!”
“Why does everything have to be such a big problem with you?! So I went out and had some fun, maybe you should try that some time!”
“I do have fun, I just don't need alcohol for it! What's really the problem here is that you're being such a self-centred, egoistical bitch that you can't see that maybe, just for once, I wanted to spend some time with you and-”
Ruki doesn't even finish his sentence, because his air is knocked right out of his lungs when Reita punches him hard in his stomach, and Ruki falls to the floor, wheezing to catch his breath.
“Don't you fucking dare talk to me like that!” Reita shouts so loud that he winces at his own voice, the drunken headache only getting worse and worse. “I'm a grown man, I can do whatever the fuck I please!”
Ruki isn't listening. He's leaning against the wall, sobbing quietly, wiping furiously at the tears that only keep falling. I just wanted to spend some time with you. I just wanted us to have fun together. I love you.
Noticing that Ruki isn't paying attention, Reita punches him in the face and stomps into the bedroom, leaving Ruki wailing on the floor. He doesn't care even care if the neighbours call the police. All he wants is for Reita to sober up, and if that means waiting on the floor until he's slept it off, then so be it. Ruki probably lay there crying for an hour, but in the end he was so exhausted that he just fell asleep.
~
Reita's sitting in bed, propped up against the pillows, holding his head and groaning loudly. Ruki walks in with a soft smile, carrying painkillers and a glass of water. He hands it to Reita, who gulps it all down and gives the glass back to Ruki, smiling gently.
“Thanks. Hey, where did you sleep tonight? I didn't feel you come back to bed with me.”
“You must be too drunk to remember, or maybe you were just fast asleep.” A small, white lie. Reita didn't need to know that Ruki had slept on the floor, waking up to wash the blood off his face and check his nose for any broken bones. Luckily, it seems Reita hadn't hurt him too much this time.
“Oh, all right.” Reita reached up to pull Ruki into his arms, cradling him against his chest and kissing his forehead.
Ruki was lying. Reita was never so drunk that he didn't notice when Ruki came back to bed. He'd wake up the instant he felt Ruki's warm body under the covers.
He winced when he saw Ruki's bruised nose. His heart ached when he thought about why that bruise was there. It was his fault. But he didn't say anything, just held Ruki tight and hoped that his tenderness today could make up for his actions yesterday. Either way, he knew Ruki would forgive him.
Reita had known Ruki since high school. He'd always had low self-esteem. He never thought he was pretty, or hot, or any of the things Reita thought he was. Ruki thought of himself as the ugliest guy in school, and he always found new things about himself that didn't fit. Either his eyes were wrong, or his butt was too big, or his arms too thin... He would never believe anyone when they gave him compliments. But worst of all, he didn't believe anyone could ever love him.
Over the years, Reita had more or less accepted it as one of Ruki's weird quirks. Because Ruki didn't love himself, he thought that nobody else could. And so he did everything he could to bring himself down. Reita wasn't sure Ruki believed that Reita loved him, even now. Even after three years together, Ruki probably thought that Reita was just using him. It was a fight Reita had given up long ago. He'd tried telling Ruki that he was gorgeous, that he was sexy, that he loved him, but every time he did, Ruki closed up completely. He started screaming and yelling, telling Reita to stop lying and stop deceiving him, that he didn't have to lie to get Ruki to stick around. It broke Reita's heart every time, but he had simply given up. Ruki was so hell bent on the idea that nobody would ever love him that if Reita tried to tell him he did, Ruki saw it as one of Reita's ways to 'get into his pants'.
Reita knew that he had a sadistic streak. It usually came out when he was drunk, or mad, or horny. Sometimes he would hurt Ruki without even knowing it, just for the sheer pleasure of seeing him in pain. But then, when he saw the aftermath, saw how Ruki struggled to find a comfortable way to sit, saw when he disinfected his wounds, applied band-aids to open cuts, Reita's heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.
They loved hurting each other. Ruki would complain about his body, or shoot Reita disbelieving looks when he told him he was pretty, and every time, without fault, it would feel like something was stomping on Reita's entrails. And Reita would beat Ruki bloody, or fuck him 'till he couldn't even hold himself up, and all the time Ruki would be begging for more.
It truly was a fucked up game. Ruki had so low self-esteem he didn't even care what happened to his body, and in addition, he was a masochist, so he got off on Reita hurting him. Reita simply wanted to mend Ruki's broken little heart, even though Ruki would get mad at him for it. It felt as if they were running in circles, Ruki hurting Reita, Reita hurting Ruki for hurting him, etcetera etcetera.
The bullying kid.
The bullied kid.
It's a see-saw game between me and that kid.
“Ruki?”
“Mm?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Tears started streaming down Ruki's face
“Why are you crying?”
“Because we're so pathetic. We're going to kill each other for sure one day.”
Reita pulled him closer to his chest and buried his nose in his hair.
“But until that day, let's continue loving each other in the way nobody else knows how.”
“By toying with each other's hearts and breaking every bone in our body in the process?”
“Exactly. Because I know that's how you like it. Rough and quick and painful.”
“Then stop being so sentimental and just tie me to the bed and take me like the whore we both know I am.”
Please take care of me, until sundown.
Please play with me, any way you like it.
Until he is pleased,
Let's have fun in ecstasy mode.