The Adventures of Leppy McGee
Heheh, I was looking through the stuff I have on the computer and I came across the beginnings of a story that I started years ago. And so I present it to you, my humble reader, edited only minimally since first written.
Leppy McGee collapsed onto a moss-covered log cursing his heavy pack and worn old boots. He had set off on his quest with the breaking of dawn, determined to find the cave he was looking for before it got dark. Leppy was beginning to suspect that the directions given to him by the strange smelling dwarf he had met in one of the pubs in the main Leprechaun city of Clovendale were not as accurate as the dwarf had claimed. However, they were all Leppy had to go on if he wanted to find this cave. And he most desperately did want to find this cave. As far as Leppy knew, the cave was supposed to be at the exact spot where he was sitting now, which it obviously wasn’t. He had been wandering around the surrounding forest for a good hour but had failed to find anything. His feet were sore and his stomach empty and he was more than ready to give up. Just as Leppy was about to take his pack off and start making something to eat, a faint buzzing noise reached his ears. His head whipped around and was face to face with a rather angry looking insect.
“Ah! Wasp!” Leppy yelled, and fell backwards over the log. It didn’t delay him long however, and within a few seconds he was back on his feet and sprinting as fast as his tired legs could carry him in what he hoped was the opposite direction. Looking back to see how far away his pursuer was, he tripped over the first of many tree stumps and landed flat on his face. The wasp, suitably amused, flew back home to brag about the successful spook to all his little wasp friends. If only the tree stump had found the situation as funny, many things may have turned out differently.
Leppy groaned and pushed himself into a kneeling position, thinking that he really needed to start watching where he was going. He stood up and dusted off his clothes before looking up, and subsequently almost falling down again. In front of him was the mouth to the cave he had been looking for earlier. Of course, earlier he had found lots of caves, but he knew this was the one he was looking for as it had a “Welcome to the cave of the Magical Tapping Fairy, please knock on the door and wait” sign hanging down from the ceiling. Not seeing any door to knock on, and not having been brought up with the good manners to go looking for one, Leppy just walked in.
The second his foot crossed the threshold there was a loud bang and a flash of light, followed quickly by a great deal of smoke. Leppy coughed and spluttered, and stumbled back out into the open again. After recovering somewhat, he peered through his teary eyes into the cave.
“He-splkfjifj!” Was as far as he got without lapsing into another coughing fit. Eventually it subsided, and he let himself breathe deeply until he was sure he saw a figure in the smoke still pouring from the cave.
“Hello?”
The figure began to move out of the smoke until it was at last discernible as that which Leppy sought: the Magical Tapping Fairy.
“Sorry about that, I’m experimenting with pyrotechnics.” The fairy was not at all what Leppy had expected. Dressed in standard issue white dress, complete with sparkly wand and apparently plastic wings, the fairy was most definitely a drag queen. While he spoke, the Magical Tapping Fairy made a strange waving gesture with his hand that Leppy tried to imitate, but only succeeded in hitting himself in the nose. “Is there a reason you didn’t knock?”
“I…erm…couldn’t see a door.” Leppy mumbled.
“Yes, someone ran off with it last week. So why didn’t you knock?”
“If there’s no door, where do I knock?” Leppy asked, confused. The Magical Tapping Fairy pursed his lips.
“People have no imagination these days. Oh well. How may I help you?”
“I’m on a quest,” began Leppy “I’m sick fed up of being a cliché Leprechaun. With my red hair, pointy ears, small height, fascination with shiny things…” Leppy trailed off as his eyes began to wander across to the fairy’s wand, but he resolutely brought them up again “…and coming from Ireland, everybody sees me as a stereotype. But I’m so much more than that, and I want you to change my physical appearance so people want to find out who I am instead of passing me off as another Leprechaun.”
“Ah, well, physical appearance. That takes some Tapping, I can tell you.” The Magical Tapping Fairy seemed to take great pleasure in considering the options out loud. “Hmmm. Oh, that might- no, they outlawed that last century. What about- damn, souls are worth squat these days. Hrm. Oh…now, that’s an idea,” he turned back to Leppy. “There is something you could get that would help me. A strange thing it is too. A Conveniently Misplaced Metal Stick, a stick made from an unusual alloy with strange properties, the main one being that it makes the Stick disappear and reappear in a completely different location. Not particularly difficult to find, but incredibly difficult to keep. Now, what could we do to aid you…” the Magical Tapping Fairy started looking around for inspiration, then Tapping his wand in the air in front of Leppy. Some objects appeared, and began to slowly float down to the floor. Leppy grabbed them out of the air and inspected each.
“So how do I know you’re actually able to change my appearance? You could just be saying that to get me to find this stick for you.” Leppy said.
“Ah, yes, the proof. Well now, I could always make you taller for your little adventure.” Taking a piece of flat, dark, silver metal the Magical Tapping Fairy peered at it for a few seconds before looking back at Leppy. “By the looks of things you’ll have quite a bit to walk, but it’s fairly easy going. Often the case with the Stick. Probably best if you’re a bit taller, though. Stand still.” The Magical Tapping Fairy took one last long look at Leppy before Tapping him on the head three times. Leppy felt a tingly sensation spread from the top of his head down to his toes and back up again. Without realising it he had closed his eyes, and when he opened them again he was taller than the Tapping Fairy.
“Oh thank you Magical Tapping Fairy, thank you!” Leppy exclaimed.
“Oh come now, it’s Bad Habit to my friends.”
Leppy wasn’t entirely sure how to take this.
“Anyway, this here is the locator, and it’ll show you where you are and where the Stick is, and can also be used as a map. The little yellow dot is the stick, and since you aren’t in range you’re not on it, but you would be represented by a little blue dot.” Habby passed the piece of dark silver metal to Leppy, took another of the objects in his hands and pinned it on the now tall leprechauns’ cloak. “This tells the locator where you are so don’t lose it.”
Leppy read the badge and frowned. “‘Don’t come out the closet unless you’re wearing something absolutely FABULOUS’? Okay then…”
“I knew you’d like that. And finally, my friend, your weapon.” Habby took his hands from behind his back and bowed low, offering the object in his hands to Leppy.
“It’s a spoon.” Leppy said.
“It’s a spoon, he says! I’ll have you know that this here is not just any old spoon, this here is a magical spoon. I don’t give these away to just any old leprechaun you know.” The Magical Tapping Fairy looked around, seemingly checking things off of a mental list. “Right, now, I’m sorry I can’t get you closer than the trees on the edge of the locator but the Stick creates a field around it not allowing things to be Tapped in or out, which is why I can’t just Tap the Stick here. So, would you like me to tap you there tonight? Or would you rather stay here? I have this cosy little back room…”
“Tonight’s fine.” Leppy interrupted. He was beginning to get scared of the looks Bad Habit was giving him.
Habit looked sad for a moment and sighed, before raising his wand again. “Okay then. Hope to see you soon. Goodbye.” And with that, the Magical Tapping Fairy Tapped Leppy away.
There were going to be a lot of other characters, including a Grey Bear, an Evil Scottish Munchkin, and a little yellow rubber duck called Dal, and the main villain was going to be a Mary Sue called Magenta who killed people using the colour pink.
Leppy McGee collapsed onto a moss-covered log cursing his heavy pack and worn old boots. He had set off on his quest with the breaking of dawn, determined to find the cave he was looking for before it got dark. Leppy was beginning to suspect that the directions given to him by the strange smelling dwarf he had met in one of the pubs in the main Leprechaun city of Clovendale were not as accurate as the dwarf had claimed. However, they were all Leppy had to go on if he wanted to find this cave. And he most desperately did want to find this cave. As far as Leppy knew, the cave was supposed to be at the exact spot where he was sitting now, which it obviously wasn’t. He had been wandering around the surrounding forest for a good hour but had failed to find anything. His feet were sore and his stomach empty and he was more than ready to give up. Just as Leppy was about to take his pack off and start making something to eat, a faint buzzing noise reached his ears. His head whipped around and was face to face with a rather angry looking insect.
“Ah! Wasp!” Leppy yelled, and fell backwards over the log. It didn’t delay him long however, and within a few seconds he was back on his feet and sprinting as fast as his tired legs could carry him in what he hoped was the opposite direction. Looking back to see how far away his pursuer was, he tripped over the first of many tree stumps and landed flat on his face. The wasp, suitably amused, flew back home to brag about the successful spook to all his little wasp friends. If only the tree stump had found the situation as funny, many things may have turned out differently.
Leppy groaned and pushed himself into a kneeling position, thinking that he really needed to start watching where he was going. He stood up and dusted off his clothes before looking up, and subsequently almost falling down again. In front of him was the mouth to the cave he had been looking for earlier. Of course, earlier he had found lots of caves, but he knew this was the one he was looking for as it had a “Welcome to the cave of the Magical Tapping Fairy, please knock on the door and wait” sign hanging down from the ceiling. Not seeing any door to knock on, and not having been brought up with the good manners to go looking for one, Leppy just walked in.
The second his foot crossed the threshold there was a loud bang and a flash of light, followed quickly by a great deal of smoke. Leppy coughed and spluttered, and stumbled back out into the open again. After recovering somewhat, he peered through his teary eyes into the cave.
“He-splkfjifj!” Was as far as he got without lapsing into another coughing fit. Eventually it subsided, and he let himself breathe deeply until he was sure he saw a figure in the smoke still pouring from the cave.
“Hello?”
The figure began to move out of the smoke until it was at last discernible as that which Leppy sought: the Magical Tapping Fairy.
“Sorry about that, I’m experimenting with pyrotechnics.” The fairy was not at all what Leppy had expected. Dressed in standard issue white dress, complete with sparkly wand and apparently plastic wings, the fairy was most definitely a drag queen. While he spoke, the Magical Tapping Fairy made a strange waving gesture with his hand that Leppy tried to imitate, but only succeeded in hitting himself in the nose. “Is there a reason you didn’t knock?”
“I…erm…couldn’t see a door.” Leppy mumbled.
“Yes, someone ran off with it last week. So why didn’t you knock?”
“If there’s no door, where do I knock?” Leppy asked, confused. The Magical Tapping Fairy pursed his lips.
“People have no imagination these days. Oh well. How may I help you?”
“I’m on a quest,” began Leppy “I’m sick fed up of being a cliché Leprechaun. With my red hair, pointy ears, small height, fascination with shiny things…” Leppy trailed off as his eyes began to wander across to the fairy’s wand, but he resolutely brought them up again “…and coming from Ireland, everybody sees me as a stereotype. But I’m so much more than that, and I want you to change my physical appearance so people want to find out who I am instead of passing me off as another Leprechaun.”
“Ah, well, physical appearance. That takes some Tapping, I can tell you.” The Magical Tapping Fairy seemed to take great pleasure in considering the options out loud. “Hmmm. Oh, that might- no, they outlawed that last century. What about- damn, souls are worth squat these days. Hrm. Oh…now, that’s an idea,” he turned back to Leppy. “There is something you could get that would help me. A strange thing it is too. A Conveniently Misplaced Metal Stick, a stick made from an unusual alloy with strange properties, the main one being that it makes the Stick disappear and reappear in a completely different location. Not particularly difficult to find, but incredibly difficult to keep. Now, what could we do to aid you…” the Magical Tapping Fairy started looking around for inspiration, then Tapping his wand in the air in front of Leppy. Some objects appeared, and began to slowly float down to the floor. Leppy grabbed them out of the air and inspected each.
“So how do I know you’re actually able to change my appearance? You could just be saying that to get me to find this stick for you.” Leppy said.
“Ah, yes, the proof. Well now, I could always make you taller for your little adventure.” Taking a piece of flat, dark, silver metal the Magical Tapping Fairy peered at it for a few seconds before looking back at Leppy. “By the looks of things you’ll have quite a bit to walk, but it’s fairly easy going. Often the case with the Stick. Probably best if you’re a bit taller, though. Stand still.” The Magical Tapping Fairy took one last long look at Leppy before Tapping him on the head three times. Leppy felt a tingly sensation spread from the top of his head down to his toes and back up again. Without realising it he had closed his eyes, and when he opened them again he was taller than the Tapping Fairy.
“Oh thank you Magical Tapping Fairy, thank you!” Leppy exclaimed.
“Oh come now, it’s Bad Habit to my friends.”
Leppy wasn’t entirely sure how to take this.
“Anyway, this here is the locator, and it’ll show you where you are and where the Stick is, and can also be used as a map. The little yellow dot is the stick, and since you aren’t in range you’re not on it, but you would be represented by a little blue dot.” Habby passed the piece of dark silver metal to Leppy, took another of the objects in his hands and pinned it on the now tall leprechauns’ cloak. “This tells the locator where you are so don’t lose it.”
Leppy read the badge and frowned. “‘Don’t come out the closet unless you’re wearing something absolutely FABULOUS’? Okay then…”
“I knew you’d like that. And finally, my friend, your weapon.” Habby took his hands from behind his back and bowed low, offering the object in his hands to Leppy.
“It’s a spoon.” Leppy said.
“It’s a spoon, he says! I’ll have you know that this here is not just any old spoon, this here is a magical spoon. I don’t give these away to just any old leprechaun you know.” The Magical Tapping Fairy looked around, seemingly checking things off of a mental list. “Right, now, I’m sorry I can’t get you closer than the trees on the edge of the locator but the Stick creates a field around it not allowing things to be Tapped in or out, which is why I can’t just Tap the Stick here. So, would you like me to tap you there tonight? Or would you rather stay here? I have this cosy little back room…”
“Tonight’s fine.” Leppy interrupted. He was beginning to get scared of the looks Bad Habit was giving him.
Habit looked sad for a moment and sighed, before raising his wand again. “Okay then. Hope to see you soon. Goodbye.” And with that, the Magical Tapping Fairy Tapped Leppy away.
There were going to be a lot of other characters, including a Grey Bear, an Evil Scottish Munchkin, and a little yellow rubber duck called Dal, and the main villain was going to be a Mary Sue called Magenta who killed people using the colour pink.