(Untitled)

[socraticthought]

looking for some feedback on something i wrote. constructive criticism, that is... thanks. eh, forget 'constructive criticism,' be brutally honest

Comments

"You're Beautiful, It's True"

[gravitygurl]

awwwww, dan... i love the way you write. :)

<3

-CheLaiNe

[polkadot_shorts]

you stole the name of one of my songs,
uncreative bastard.

[dead_lil_pixie]

i like it a lot, with possible exception noted for the second stanza. the tone does not seem to match, and while the second stanza is also beautiful and well written, it seems to me more like a piece of a different poem/song. i would like to see you continue working through this piece.

[flowerduet]

Beautiful. The only confusing part for me was the line "Watching your breath as you sleep." Are you watching your own breath or a girl's? And if it's your own, how can you watch it if you're asleep? But I thought it was lovely. Especially the lines about forgiving yourself.
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