NUIM, I love you.
Title: NUIM, I love you (1/3)
Author: kalimai
Rating: PG 13 for swearing
Length: Around 11500 words
Recipient: nuclearxsquid asked for AU of any sorts. I hope you enjoy your present. :-)
Warnings: Some swearing, moping, pining, boys being silly, a serious lack of communication, sick!Kevin,
Summary: Kevin leaves to study in Ireland for a year. Mike is not best pleased. Sort of. Summaries are not my forte. College!AU
Notes: Thanks to akire_yta for being an awesome beta and an awesome prompter.You’re a life saver. All remaining mistakes are mine. Title shamelessly stolen from the movie Paris, je t’aime. It's still the 26th in Hawaii. ;-)
Disclaimer: None of this is true. Pure fiction. I mean no harm. It’s all in the spirit of Christmas.
Denise Jonas likes to say that when Kevin and Mike met, it was love at first sight. Kevin denies it loudly but secretly he knows better. At least, she hopes he does because she didn’t raise an imbecile.
It's not just wishful thinking on her part either, because everyone can see how in love these two are with each other. She may be a bit over-invested in their happiness but Kevin is her son and she's known Mike for so long it's as if he was always a part of the family. They just need to realize that and propose; it doesn’t really matter to her who does it first. She has a couple of scrapbooks she's been working on for the last three years, caterers on speed dial, and a list of suitable venues a mile long.
It's going to be a beautiful Spring wedding. Mrs Carden agrees with her.
* * *
When Kevin decides to apply for the exchange program, he doesn't tell anybody. Firstly, because he doesn’t know for a while if he got in, and secondly because he can already imagine how everyone is going to react to the news. Badly. And yes by everyone, he does mean Mike. But now that he has his answer, he sort of has to tell, if only because he's leaving in two months.
Okay, maybe he received his acceptance letter three months ago and kept delaying the announcement, but now that he is back home somebody is bound to find out that he’s slowly started to pack. To be honest, if he knew he could get away with not saying anything, he would give it a try, but as it is his family has no respect for boundaries and because he shares a room with Joe 'Busybody' Jonas he has to tell them soon.
He waits for the Friday family dinner because Mike and Bill are always invited and they never refuse. (Bill has an ongoing love affair with Kevin's mom's cooking. During their first sleepover, Kevin's mom brought them cookies while they were watching The Aristocats. Kevin remembers Bill's wide eyes after taking his first bite. He also remembers Bill stalking his mom all around the house, and asking her if he could marry her cookies. ) He drops the bomb just before dessert- apple pie and ice cream.
“So. I applied for an exchange program” he starts. “ And I got in.”
So far, everything is going great, his dad is congratulating him, telling him what a great experience it will be, and no one is freaking out. At least until Bill asks “When will you leave? Where are you going?”
“Ireland? In two months?” he asks more than he states, because he knows this is the crux of the matter and after saying it at least two people around this table are going to chew him out.
And the room erupts in chaos. Surprisingly his brothers are the most vocal in their excitement (Joe), jealousy (Frankie), and disappointment in him at hiding such news from them for so long (solely on Nick, channeling his tenth grade math teacher). Kevin doesn't know what to say, too many questions at once, and he looks around the table mutely.
To be honest, he's nervous because he's waiting for his mom's guilt trip (he can feel it coming from across the dinner table) and Mike's reaction. There are many ways this could go but none of them are forthcoming. When Kevin was 13, he and Mike swore an oath, to never keep secrets from each other. Tonight is the first time Kevin has so clearly broken his promise and he expects Mike to throw this to his face, awaits it impatiently even. He needs for Mike to lose it and act like the jerk he can so easily be to other people, part of Kevin is counting on Mike's outburst to facilitate his leaving.
But Mike is not saying anything, he just keeps staring at Kevin in silence, stone-faced. He can still hear his family talking in the background but he can’t take his eyes away from Mike, waiting for the slightest change in his expression that would help him figure Mike out. Usually he can read him like a book, but today Mike isn’t giving anything away and Kevin finds this terribly unsettling.
* * *
Mike and Kevin never keep secrets from each other. This is the awesome part of their friendship, and maybe, maybe Mike has been hiding his feelings for Kevin since he was sixteen but it's only for the sake of said friendship. But he never, ever kept silent about moving all the way to Europe ( fucking Ireland!) for a whole year. What the fuck.
He can't talk to Kevin right now, mostly because he knows that if he tried to open his mouth he wouldn't be able to stop swearing at him. He still remembers how scary Mr Jonas got when he caught him trying to teach Kevin how to swear. Twenty years may have passed but Mike isn't afraid to admit that really made a lasting impression on him.
Kevin keeps looking at him warily, waiting for him to say something, or possibly freak out, and if Mike wasn't so stunned and pissed, he'd be smug. Kevin knows him all too well.
* * *
Later laying in his bed, Kevin assesses the situation and he decides that all in all, he got off lightly. If you don't count his mom's guilt trip (she finally cornered him in the bathroom while he was brushing his teeth, unable to escape. He really needs to remember that Mom is the sneakiest of them all and that he should never ever let his guard down around her) and Mike's look of utter betrayal just before he left. He might have some trouble getting over Mike's face and he probably should call him if only to explain, because Mike tends to get epically angry and then unbearable when he's not happy, and by the looks of it he wasn't happy to learn of Kevin's impending departure. Right now would be the best time to call but his stomach is in knots just thinking about it.
He's a coward, he knows he is, this entire situation was brought upon himself by his cowardice. He's been living with it for years; a couple of months more and he can pretend this never happened. He repeats this mantra to himself like a prayer, but by the time morning comes, he's still wide awake.
* * *
Mike spent the entire night after Kevin's announcement waiting for a phone call from him; waiting for Kevin to explain himself all the while trying not to choke Bill to death with one of his dirty socks. (“You can't hold him responsible for your own failures Mike. If you had made your feelings known like I advised you to do when we were young and still innocent, Fluffy wouldn't have had to run off all the way to Europe to nurse his broken heart in the arms of many sexy Irish young things!”) It turned out to be a complete failure on both counts: Kevin never called, and Mike surrendered one of his dirty socks for the cause.
So in the end Mike is the one to call Kevin in the morning, because he can't let it go. This isn't Kevin forgetting to tell him something minor. This is Kevin enrolling for a year abroad, willingly hiding it from everyone, and sharing the news only when cornered. Mike is not stupid, he knows that had Kevin not been living in the family's home, he would have announced it at the last minute, probably just before boarding the fucking plane.
He puts his knowledge of the Jonas family's schedule to good use and calls smack in the middle of breakfast. He chats with Kevin's mom for a few minutes before she calls Kevin. She is usually pretty strict about interruptions at mealtimes but she often lets it slide when he calls.
The minute he hears Kevin's soft “Hey Mike,” all anger leaves him. Because the thing is he may be an asshole sometimes but he is not wired to be an asshole to Kevin. And Bill might have a valid point in saying that Kevin doesn't owe Mike anything. Not even the courtesy of telling him that he is leaving the country. No matter what his feelings for Kevin are, Kevin is his own person.
“So” he says, breaking the awkward silence that had settled between them. “ When are you leaving?” he inquires with a cheer he is far from feeling.
“Sunday, 12th September” Kevin answers without missing a beat but he sounds nervous, like he expects Mike to go off like a bomb any second. Kevin's answer is like slap in his face, he doesn't know why but he thought that Kevin wouldn't have planned anything yet, apart from telling everyone, which is stupid because Kevin has always been well-organized in everything he does. It's just that they don't keep secrets from each other, at least they're not supposed to and if he was a bit more paranoid he would think that Kevin is running away.
“Need help packing?” he asks almost an afterthought. He can hear his inner Bill crowing 'whipped!'. It's not his fault, he tells himself, he is just not wired to be an asshole to Kevin.
* * *
Now that everyone is aware of his departure, time seems to fly by for Kevin as they help him pack and get ready. Well. Almost everyone. His mom is pretty set on hindering any progress he makes all the while pretending to help him pack his suitcase ( a thing she hasn't done since he was 16, going on a camping trip with his friends and she found a pack of condoms in his backpack. They swore never to speak of it again... but not after she gave him The Talk. )
Right now she is sitting in a corner of his room, using technique #16 on her “let's prevent Kevin from ever leaving home” list: she's reading him crucial facts about Ireland. Mostly she relates ridiculous made-up facts about the Irish, especially the mob and then proceeds to urge him not to leave the safety of his home for such a dangerous country. Every day. With new stories.
“Mom!” he finally snaps one day. “ It's not going to work! We're from Jersey. We've been living in Chicago for the last 18 years. The mob is the least of my concern.”
She looks stricken, eyes wide, clutching at the sheets of paper she was reading.
“I just worry, baby” she sighs. “ I know that you're an adult now, but I don't like the idea of you being so far away from home, knowing I can't protect you.”
It's not that Kevin doesn't understand where she's coming from. He dropped the news on them out of nowhere, no explanation nothing, just ' I'm leaving to live a year across the globe from you. This program is supposed to be great. Love you. I leave in two months.' It is so not him, definitely more something they'd have expected from Joe. So he understands that his recent behavior mixed with the distance that will separate them is driving his mom nuts.
He feels guilty but he really can't see himself explain to her that he needs to put some distance between him and Mike. He could deal with unrequited love for the rest of his life, he could even be happy with someone else. He probably wouldn't be able to love them as much as he loves Mike but he could try with what remains of his heart, the tiny part Mike hasn't been able to claim yet. Except his last two relationships ended because of his and Mike's friendship, both Casey and Taylor accusing him of cheating. With Mike. When Casey came to pick up the few things she had left lying around his place; she told him that sometimes she'd felt as if she was the other person. That's the first time in his life he ever felt like an asshole.
He just needs to get away from Mike, put some some distance between them and learn to be his own person. Maybe meet someone and have a shot at a real, healthy relationship. Sadly he can't tell his mom that, it’s not the way they've been raised to deal with problems so he just hugs her tight.
“ I'll call every two days” he reassures her. “And I'll write. Don't worry I can take care of myself.”
“I'll always worry. That's the whole point of being a parent.” she whispers in his ear, holding onto him with all her might. “ Now, get back to your packing while I imagine even crazier stories about the Irish mob” she quips.
And because he was raised properly, he does just that.
* * *
By the time September rolls around , his and Kevin's relationship is somehow back to normal. They've been out a couple of times (movies, dinners) and Mike has spend so much time grinding his teeth while listening to Kevin talk about how excited he is, how great things are going to be, the program, the town, the accent, that it feels like he's been hanging out with a walking, talking advertisement for all things Irish these past few weeks.
They're standing at the airport, Kevin's entire family (maybe not all of them but it feels like it!) Bill, Sisky and Butcher who hitched a ride with Mike as well as Pete, Patrick, Ashlee, and the Way brothers; all of them waiting for Kevin's boarding gate to be announced to make their goodbyes.
Mike is not part of a big family himself but he likes being lost in the sea of Kevin's relatives. It feels like when he'll be holding onto him to say goodbye no one will notice how long he takes, how tightly he hugs, or how wet his eyes are getting. Letting Kevin go is probably the hardest thing he ever had to do.
He’s had weeks to get used to the idea, so as best friend he should be thrilled that Kevin got into a program he is excited about, he should be supportive but the only thing he can think about is a faceless Irish boy or girl kissing Kevin, and Kevin falling in love, coming back home announcing that he's getting married. ( Okay, he admits it, Bill got him to watch My Best Friend's Wedding a couple of times. It's not his fault Bill is a sick bastard.) It's not that he doesn't want Kevin to be happy, it's just that he'd rather Kevin be happy with him. Without him having to fess up and risking their friendship.
When Kevin's gate is announced on the monitor, their group explodes in a flurry of hugs, tears, and kisses as everyone says their goodbyes to Kevin. He finally manages to get Kevin to himself. There are a million things he wishes he could tell him to make him stay. But he doesn't, he is not going to spoil this for Kevin. He hugs him as hard as he can without smothering him.
“I know you can take of yourself just fine, but please be careful.” he says hoarsely. He can feel Kevin's smile against his ear.
“Don't worry. I'll call as much as I can and when you take some time off, you can always come visit you know that.”
Mike knows he could but he doesn't plan to visit Kevin over there. He won't say anything to Kevin just yet, but he's going to do his best to be so busy he can't leave. He’s really thought this through and he’s decided he should use Kevin's absence to try and get back on his feet, learn how to be Mike and not MikeandKevin anymore. The guys keep telling him he needs to get laid, it's been almost two years since he went out with anybody. With Kevin leaving him for Ireland, maybe now is the time to do just that.
“Okay. Enjoy yourself but don't do anything I would do.” he says as he lets Kevin go. Kevin beams.
“So I should basically study hard, be polite and respectful, and never go out?” he teases.
“Pretty much!” Mike snorts. “ Call me when you land, okay? And when...”
“When I'm settled, I know!” Kevin interrupts. Before Mike does anything stupid like kissing him, or declaring his love like the stupid main character in a romcom, Mrs J grabs Kevin once again and doesn't let go. Mike leaves them alone because it looks like they need it. If he'd been alone he would have most likely stayed and watched Kevin go, and maybe even waited until take off. As it is he needs to drop Butcher and Sisky to the Siska's , so he waves Kevin one last time before going. He doesn't think he can stay any longer.
It feels strange to know that tonight if he tried to call Kevin he wouldn't be able to reach him. He gets it in a way but it doesn't feel real just yet.
He's wary of the moment when it will make sense, when it will stop being an idea and become the state of things.
* * *
The moment the plane lands, Kevin feels giddy. It's not that he doesn't miss his family already, it's just the excitement of having so many possibilities; it's dizzying. There is also a part of him which spent hours checking out websites about Ireland, and looking at pictures, that just wants to see the country for itself. He's like a kid on Christmas day, he wants to see his present now! When he leaves custom it's all he can do not to start running until he gets out of the airport and gets his first real look of Ireland.
He gets out and it doesn't even matter to him that all he can see at this point are buses and the airport buildings. It looks magnificent to him because this is the place where he is going to live for the next 10 months or so. This is the place where he is going to get the chance to build a new world that will be his and his himself. He has twinges of guilt but he doesn't dwell on them. This is a new start, he needs to focus on himself. He still takes a couple of minutes to leave a message on Mike's voicemail. He goes to the meeting point where he is supposed to wait for the driver of the shuttle bus who will take him and the other international students to Maynooth University.
There are three girls and two guys, clearly waiting together but doing their best not to talk to each other. He can't help himself and beams at them, he's just so excited, he wants to make friends with every person he meets.
“Hi! I'm Kevin!” he says. One of the girl smiles at him and introduces herself.
“ My name is Inga. Nice to meet you Kevin.” She is soft spoken and has the most charming German accent Kevin has ever heard.
“ Where are you from?” he asks and the conversation starts from there.
Kevin’s first impression is that everything is just so green. There was a time in Chicago when he thought all the pictures he saw of the Irish landscape were color treated but now he knows that it wasn't the case. This is the first thing he discovers about Ireland, and it's his. He's probably never going to be able to explain properly to anyone how beautiful it is but he likes that this is going to be his home now. He'll get to speak proudly about it, tell his family that the rain is just a legend, that it's just beautiful.
He hauls his luggage to the reception office where an harassed-looking RA gives him his key-card and a map of the campus before sending him on his way. It takes him a couple of minutes to figure out the map and find his building but when he does there are no words to convey his joy at seeing a lift.
The room is smaller than the one he has home but he has an ensuite bathroom and that's pretty much the only thing that matters. It's a really generic room, not that different from the one he had his freshman year at Urbana-Champaign. He spends a couple hours hoovering, putting his things away, and unpacking. When everything is to his liking, he decides to make a stop at the Dunnesstores down the road, the driver told them it was a good place to get sheets, pillows and comforters.
Outside the wind has picked up, it's not that cold but it's still chilly. As he walks towards the shops , he thinks to himself, I'm really gonna like it here.’ He’s going to have a great time, he doesn’t need Mike for that.
* * *
Mike wakes up to two messages from Kevin on his voicemail. In both Kevin sounds happy and excited. In the first one, Kevin tells Mike that he just landed and that he has to go to his meeting point and that he'll call later. The second one is longer, and Kevin talks about buying sheets, someone called Inga, how Euro makes everything confusing and 'Oh my gosh Mike, everything is so expensive!' but he doesn't sound all that miffed about it.
Mike gets to work trying his hardest not to think about the fact that to call Kevin he now needs to check the time and add six hour before even coming near a phone. Patrick gives him a wide berth since he teared into the Alex who is supposed to man the cash register after he fucked up a receipt for a customer. Actually, everyone in the shop is giving him a wide berth but he can still feel their eyes on him. Cash-register Alex looks at him as if Mike had taken his puppy, killed it in front of him and then proceeded to eat it raw ( He gets a bit gruesome when he's maudlin.), and Patrick manages to be patronizing while maintaining a 30 foot security distance between them at all time. If it didn't piss him off that much he would be impressed.
This year is going to be so fucking long, he can already tell.
* * *
Kevin's been in Ireland for a month and things are slowly starting to settle. He managed to find Inga again, they're almost neighbors, and he met a couple others people during the orientation days and the Campus Social and Cultural club's meeting. He met Thomas (French, looks like a young Johnny Depp, studies History), Tomas (German, the nicest person he's ever met, studies Psychology), Zac (American, from California, he’s been there for three years and has almost lost his American accent entirely, Masters in business), Cecilia (Italian, she has a warm smile and a very infectious laugh, studies performance and musicology), and Victoria - call me Vicky-T ( from California too, working on her PhD in sheer badassery).
Zac gave him a grand tour of Maynooth, and helped him buy a phone without selling his soul. He’s the one who introduced him to Vicky-T. They’d known each other since they were kids, lost contact after junior high/high school, and found each other a year ago when Vicky-T got a scholarship to work on her PhD in Maynooth. When Kevin asked her if they were an item, she laughed for a good five minutes and never answered.
Kevin and Vicky-T have dinner every Friday. He cooks and she chooses the wine. They take advantage of the fact that Vicky-T’s scholarship allows her to rent a small but homey flat off-campus. They could use Kevin’s place if they wanted, his flatmates are pretty cool, but this way they don’t have to share or mind the amount of noise they make. They’ve known each other for three weeks tops and she knows everything there is to know about his life in Chicago, his family, his friends, Mike. When he’s drunk he gets maudlin and the conversation always ends up being about Mike. Vicky-T doesn’t judge, she just makes soothing and cooing noises at him, takes the blanket to wrap the both of them while they cuddle and watch ridiculous Irish soap operas. In Irish.
This particular Friday, there is no wine on the table because the International society organised a pub crawl and if they hope to come back home walking and not crawling they should really save the drinking for the pubs. Kevin’s not normally a heavy drinker, he tends to save the drunkenness for times when he is sure of his surroundings, but it’s part of learning how to live without Mike. Usually when they went out together, Mike tended to drink a lot less and act like Kevin’s guardian angel. Here there is nobody who feels like it’s their mission to look out for him constantly. Not that Vicky-T, Zac, or any of the others don’t care, it’s just that it’s not their role, they’re out to enjoy themselves too, and they trust Kevin to take care of himself. And it’s better this way when he can stop to talk with people every time he gets a refill at the bar, instead of evolving in a Mike-controlled bubble.
He and Vicky-T went to Dublin yesterday to celebrate the start of the weekend (and Kevin still hasn’t gotten over the fact that his weekends start on Thursday at 2pm. He loves this place!). They spent quite some time shopping on Grafton Street and Vicky-T dragged him to Eddie Rocket’s ( “It’s where I go when I miss California. Get the Oreo malt-shake, it’s to die for!”). While they were gorging themselves on burgers, fries, and malt-shakes she gave him a talk. Kevin felt a little stupid at not noticing this was an intervention earlier because her technique was so close to that of his mom, for a moment there he felt like calling home again to make sure his mother was still in Chicago.
“ You’ve been telling me incessantly that you came here to try and become a Mike-free individual. It’s really commendable and you know I’ll support you in anything you do, but if I have to listen to you wax poetic about Mike’s everything one more time I will have to gag you.” she told him. His mouth was full but had it been empty , he still wouldn’t have been able to answer anything back. There was something in her voice that told him that she wasn’t joking. “So” she continued “ I’ve decided to give you objectives that you’ll have to fulfill every time we go out. Today I want you to stop talking about Mike every time you see something new, interesting, or shiny. If you fail, you’ll have to feed me chicken and eggplant parmigiana tomorrow. Do you agree?” Kevin has never been stupid, so he nodded. He was a little disheartened that his plan turned out to be such an epic failure, especially because he felt like he had been making progress, but he was determined to give it his best from then on.
* * *
Vicky-T still hasn’t told him what his objectives are for tonight. She’s getting ready in her room while he does the dishes. He loves cooking but chicken and Parmesan are the worst to get off a dish, he hates it. He hates himself a little too for failing so spectacularly yesterday. It hadn’t even taken him an hour to be back to his old ways. The look Vicky-T gave him will forever burned into his mind. He pours some more hot water and lets it soak. Vicky-T can deal with it tomorrow. She joins him in the living room, dressed in the shortest black skirt he’s ever seen, knee high black socks, and her legs look like they go on forever. She’s tying her purple woollen coat tightly and the effect is stunning. If Kevin wasn’t so sure that her PhD is about her plans for world domination, he would have asked her out already, though if he ever feel like living dangerously he could still ask her.
“What do you think?” she asked.
“You should put on your high heeled boots.” he answers without missing a beat and she smiles at him proudly.
“Your mission Kevin, should you accept it” she starts like the lamest message from the Secretary while rummaging in her closet to find her boots. “ Is to find a nice boy or girl and to have fun. And before you get all riled up I’m not asking you to have sex. Flirt, laugh, have fun with someone who you might want to take home some day, or not.”
He gets that she is trying to help but he’s not sure that this is the right way to do things.
* * *
Read: Part 2
Read: Part 3
Author: kalimai
Rating: PG 13 for swearing
Length: Around 11500 words
Recipient: nuclearxsquid asked for AU of any sorts. I hope you enjoy your present. :-)
Warnings: Some swearing, moping, pining, boys being silly, a serious lack of communication, sick!Kevin,
Summary: Kevin leaves to study in Ireland for a year. Mike is not best pleased. Sort of. Summaries are not my forte. College!AU
Notes: Thanks to akire_yta for being an awesome beta and an awesome prompter.You’re a life saver. All remaining mistakes are mine. Title shamelessly stolen from the movie Paris, je t’aime. It's still the 26th in Hawaii. ;-)
Disclaimer: None of this is true. Pure fiction. I mean no harm. It’s all in the spirit of Christmas.
Denise Jonas likes to say that when Kevin and Mike met, it was love at first sight. Kevin denies it loudly but secretly he knows better. At least, she hopes he does because she didn’t raise an imbecile.
It's not just wishful thinking on her part either, because everyone can see how in love these two are with each other. She may be a bit over-invested in their happiness but Kevin is her son and she's known Mike for so long it's as if he was always a part of the family. They just need to realize that and propose; it doesn’t really matter to her who does it first. She has a couple of scrapbooks she's been working on for the last three years, caterers on speed dial, and a list of suitable venues a mile long.
It's going to be a beautiful Spring wedding. Mrs Carden agrees with her.
* * *
When Kevin decides to apply for the exchange program, he doesn't tell anybody. Firstly, because he doesn’t know for a while if he got in, and secondly because he can already imagine how everyone is going to react to the news. Badly. And yes by everyone, he does mean Mike. But now that he has his answer, he sort of has to tell, if only because he's leaving in two months.
Okay, maybe he received his acceptance letter three months ago and kept delaying the announcement, but now that he is back home somebody is bound to find out that he’s slowly started to pack. To be honest, if he knew he could get away with not saying anything, he would give it a try, but as it is his family has no respect for boundaries and because he shares a room with Joe 'Busybody' Jonas he has to tell them soon.
He waits for the Friday family dinner because Mike and Bill are always invited and they never refuse. (Bill has an ongoing love affair with Kevin's mom's cooking. During their first sleepover, Kevin's mom brought them cookies while they were watching The Aristocats. Kevin remembers Bill's wide eyes after taking his first bite. He also remembers Bill stalking his mom all around the house, and asking her if he could marry her cookies. ) He drops the bomb just before dessert- apple pie and ice cream.
“So. I applied for an exchange program” he starts. “ And I got in.”
So far, everything is going great, his dad is congratulating him, telling him what a great experience it will be, and no one is freaking out. At least until Bill asks “When will you leave? Where are you going?”
“Ireland? In two months?” he asks more than he states, because he knows this is the crux of the matter and after saying it at least two people around this table are going to chew him out.
And the room erupts in chaos. Surprisingly his brothers are the most vocal in their excitement (Joe), jealousy (Frankie), and disappointment in him at hiding such news from them for so long (solely on Nick, channeling his tenth grade math teacher). Kevin doesn't know what to say, too many questions at once, and he looks around the table mutely.
To be honest, he's nervous because he's waiting for his mom's guilt trip (he can feel it coming from across the dinner table) and Mike's reaction. There are many ways this could go but none of them are forthcoming. When Kevin was 13, he and Mike swore an oath, to never keep secrets from each other. Tonight is the first time Kevin has so clearly broken his promise and he expects Mike to throw this to his face, awaits it impatiently even. He needs for Mike to lose it and act like the jerk he can so easily be to other people, part of Kevin is counting on Mike's outburst to facilitate his leaving.
But Mike is not saying anything, he just keeps staring at Kevin in silence, stone-faced. He can still hear his family talking in the background but he can’t take his eyes away from Mike, waiting for the slightest change in his expression that would help him figure Mike out. Usually he can read him like a book, but today Mike isn’t giving anything away and Kevin finds this terribly unsettling.
* * *
Mike and Kevin never keep secrets from each other. This is the awesome part of their friendship, and maybe, maybe Mike has been hiding his feelings for Kevin since he was sixteen but it's only for the sake of said friendship. But he never, ever kept silent about moving all the way to Europe ( fucking Ireland!) for a whole year. What the fuck.
He can't talk to Kevin right now, mostly because he knows that if he tried to open his mouth he wouldn't be able to stop swearing at him. He still remembers how scary Mr Jonas got when he caught him trying to teach Kevin how to swear. Twenty years may have passed but Mike isn't afraid to admit that really made a lasting impression on him.
Kevin keeps looking at him warily, waiting for him to say something, or possibly freak out, and if Mike wasn't so stunned and pissed, he'd be smug. Kevin knows him all too well.
* * *
Later laying in his bed, Kevin assesses the situation and he decides that all in all, he got off lightly. If you don't count his mom's guilt trip (she finally cornered him in the bathroom while he was brushing his teeth, unable to escape. He really needs to remember that Mom is the sneakiest of them all and that he should never ever let his guard down around her) and Mike's look of utter betrayal just before he left. He might have some trouble getting over Mike's face and he probably should call him if only to explain, because Mike tends to get epically angry and then unbearable when he's not happy, and by the looks of it he wasn't happy to learn of Kevin's impending departure. Right now would be the best time to call but his stomach is in knots just thinking about it.
He's a coward, he knows he is, this entire situation was brought upon himself by his cowardice. He's been living with it for years; a couple of months more and he can pretend this never happened. He repeats this mantra to himself like a prayer, but by the time morning comes, he's still wide awake.
* * *
Mike spent the entire night after Kevin's announcement waiting for a phone call from him; waiting for Kevin to explain himself all the while trying not to choke Bill to death with one of his dirty socks. (“You can't hold him responsible for your own failures Mike. If you had made your feelings known like I advised you to do when we were young and still innocent, Fluffy wouldn't have had to run off all the way to Europe to nurse his broken heart in the arms of many sexy Irish young things!”) It turned out to be a complete failure on both counts: Kevin never called, and Mike surrendered one of his dirty socks for the cause.
So in the end Mike is the one to call Kevin in the morning, because he can't let it go. This isn't Kevin forgetting to tell him something minor. This is Kevin enrolling for a year abroad, willingly hiding it from everyone, and sharing the news only when cornered. Mike is not stupid, he knows that had Kevin not been living in the family's home, he would have announced it at the last minute, probably just before boarding the fucking plane.
He puts his knowledge of the Jonas family's schedule to good use and calls smack in the middle of breakfast. He chats with Kevin's mom for a few minutes before she calls Kevin. She is usually pretty strict about interruptions at mealtimes but she often lets it slide when he calls.
The minute he hears Kevin's soft “Hey Mike,” all anger leaves him. Because the thing is he may be an asshole sometimes but he is not wired to be an asshole to Kevin. And Bill might have a valid point in saying that Kevin doesn't owe Mike anything. Not even the courtesy of telling him that he is leaving the country. No matter what his feelings for Kevin are, Kevin is his own person.
“So” he says, breaking the awkward silence that had settled between them. “ When are you leaving?” he inquires with a cheer he is far from feeling.
“Sunday, 12th September” Kevin answers without missing a beat but he sounds nervous, like he expects Mike to go off like a bomb any second. Kevin's answer is like slap in his face, he doesn't know why but he thought that Kevin wouldn't have planned anything yet, apart from telling everyone, which is stupid because Kevin has always been well-organized in everything he does. It's just that they don't keep secrets from each other, at least they're not supposed to and if he was a bit more paranoid he would think that Kevin is running away.
“Need help packing?” he asks almost an afterthought. He can hear his inner Bill crowing 'whipped!'. It's not his fault, he tells himself, he is just not wired to be an asshole to Kevin.
* * *
Now that everyone is aware of his departure, time seems to fly by for Kevin as they help him pack and get ready. Well. Almost everyone. His mom is pretty set on hindering any progress he makes all the while pretending to help him pack his suitcase ( a thing she hasn't done since he was 16, going on a camping trip with his friends and she found a pack of condoms in his backpack. They swore never to speak of it again... but not after she gave him The Talk. )
Right now she is sitting in a corner of his room, using technique #16 on her “let's prevent Kevin from ever leaving home” list: she's reading him crucial facts about Ireland. Mostly she relates ridiculous made-up facts about the Irish, especially the mob and then proceeds to urge him not to leave the safety of his home for such a dangerous country. Every day. With new stories.
“Mom!” he finally snaps one day. “ It's not going to work! We're from Jersey. We've been living in Chicago for the last 18 years. The mob is the least of my concern.”
She looks stricken, eyes wide, clutching at the sheets of paper she was reading.
“I just worry, baby” she sighs. “ I know that you're an adult now, but I don't like the idea of you being so far away from home, knowing I can't protect you.”
It's not that Kevin doesn't understand where she's coming from. He dropped the news on them out of nowhere, no explanation nothing, just ' I'm leaving to live a year across the globe from you. This program is supposed to be great. Love you. I leave in two months.' It is so not him, definitely more something they'd have expected from Joe. So he understands that his recent behavior mixed with the distance that will separate them is driving his mom nuts.
He feels guilty but he really can't see himself explain to her that he needs to put some distance between him and Mike. He could deal with unrequited love for the rest of his life, he could even be happy with someone else. He probably wouldn't be able to love them as much as he loves Mike but he could try with what remains of his heart, the tiny part Mike hasn't been able to claim yet. Except his last two relationships ended because of his and Mike's friendship, both Casey and Taylor accusing him of cheating. With Mike. When Casey came to pick up the few things she had left lying around his place; she told him that sometimes she'd felt as if she was the other person. That's the first time in his life he ever felt like an asshole.
He just needs to get away from Mike, put some some distance between them and learn to be his own person. Maybe meet someone and have a shot at a real, healthy relationship. Sadly he can't tell his mom that, it’s not the way they've been raised to deal with problems so he just hugs her tight.
“ I'll call every two days” he reassures her. “And I'll write. Don't worry I can take care of myself.”
“I'll always worry. That's the whole point of being a parent.” she whispers in his ear, holding onto him with all her might. “ Now, get back to your packing while I imagine even crazier stories about the Irish mob” she quips.
And because he was raised properly, he does just that.
* * *
By the time September rolls around , his and Kevin's relationship is somehow back to normal. They've been out a couple of times (movies, dinners) and Mike has spend so much time grinding his teeth while listening to Kevin talk about how excited he is, how great things are going to be, the program, the town, the accent, that it feels like he's been hanging out with a walking, talking advertisement for all things Irish these past few weeks.
They're standing at the airport, Kevin's entire family (maybe not all of them but it feels like it!) Bill, Sisky and Butcher who hitched a ride with Mike as well as Pete, Patrick, Ashlee, and the Way brothers; all of them waiting for Kevin's boarding gate to be announced to make their goodbyes.
Mike is not part of a big family himself but he likes being lost in the sea of Kevin's relatives. It feels like when he'll be holding onto him to say goodbye no one will notice how long he takes, how tightly he hugs, or how wet his eyes are getting. Letting Kevin go is probably the hardest thing he ever had to do.
He’s had weeks to get used to the idea, so as best friend he should be thrilled that Kevin got into a program he is excited about, he should be supportive but the only thing he can think about is a faceless Irish boy or girl kissing Kevin, and Kevin falling in love, coming back home announcing that he's getting married. ( Okay, he admits it, Bill got him to watch My Best Friend's Wedding a couple of times. It's not his fault Bill is a sick bastard.) It's not that he doesn't want Kevin to be happy, it's just that he'd rather Kevin be happy with him. Without him having to fess up and risking their friendship.
When Kevin's gate is announced on the monitor, their group explodes in a flurry of hugs, tears, and kisses as everyone says their goodbyes to Kevin. He finally manages to get Kevin to himself. There are a million things he wishes he could tell him to make him stay. But he doesn't, he is not going to spoil this for Kevin. He hugs him as hard as he can without smothering him.
“I know you can take of yourself just fine, but please be careful.” he says hoarsely. He can feel Kevin's smile against his ear.
“Don't worry. I'll call as much as I can and when you take some time off, you can always come visit you know that.”
Mike knows he could but he doesn't plan to visit Kevin over there. He won't say anything to Kevin just yet, but he's going to do his best to be so busy he can't leave. He’s really thought this through and he’s decided he should use Kevin's absence to try and get back on his feet, learn how to be Mike and not MikeandKevin anymore. The guys keep telling him he needs to get laid, it's been almost two years since he went out with anybody. With Kevin leaving him for Ireland, maybe now is the time to do just that.
“Okay. Enjoy yourself but don't do anything I would do.” he says as he lets Kevin go. Kevin beams.
“So I should basically study hard, be polite and respectful, and never go out?” he teases.
“Pretty much!” Mike snorts. “ Call me when you land, okay? And when...”
“When I'm settled, I know!” Kevin interrupts. Before Mike does anything stupid like kissing him, or declaring his love like the stupid main character in a romcom, Mrs J grabs Kevin once again and doesn't let go. Mike leaves them alone because it looks like they need it. If he'd been alone he would have most likely stayed and watched Kevin go, and maybe even waited until take off. As it is he needs to drop Butcher and Sisky to the Siska's , so he waves Kevin one last time before going. He doesn't think he can stay any longer.
It feels strange to know that tonight if he tried to call Kevin he wouldn't be able to reach him. He gets it in a way but it doesn't feel real just yet.
He's wary of the moment when it will make sense, when it will stop being an idea and become the state of things.
* * *
The moment the plane lands, Kevin feels giddy. It's not that he doesn't miss his family already, it's just the excitement of having so many possibilities; it's dizzying. There is also a part of him which spent hours checking out websites about Ireland, and looking at pictures, that just wants to see the country for itself. He's like a kid on Christmas day, he wants to see his present now! When he leaves custom it's all he can do not to start running until he gets out of the airport and gets his first real look of Ireland.
He gets out and it doesn't even matter to him that all he can see at this point are buses and the airport buildings. It looks magnificent to him because this is the place where he is going to live for the next 10 months or so. This is the place where he is going to get the chance to build a new world that will be his and his himself. He has twinges of guilt but he doesn't dwell on them. This is a new start, he needs to focus on himself. He still takes a couple of minutes to leave a message on Mike's voicemail. He goes to the meeting point where he is supposed to wait for the driver of the shuttle bus who will take him and the other international students to Maynooth University.
There are three girls and two guys, clearly waiting together but doing their best not to talk to each other. He can't help himself and beams at them, he's just so excited, he wants to make friends with every person he meets.
“Hi! I'm Kevin!” he says. One of the girl smiles at him and introduces herself.
“ My name is Inga. Nice to meet you Kevin.” She is soft spoken and has the most charming German accent Kevin has ever heard.
“ Where are you from?” he asks and the conversation starts from there.
Kevin’s first impression is that everything is just so green. There was a time in Chicago when he thought all the pictures he saw of the Irish landscape were color treated but now he knows that it wasn't the case. This is the first thing he discovers about Ireland, and it's his. He's probably never going to be able to explain properly to anyone how beautiful it is but he likes that this is going to be his home now. He'll get to speak proudly about it, tell his family that the rain is just a legend, that it's just beautiful.
He hauls his luggage to the reception office where an harassed-looking RA gives him his key-card and a map of the campus before sending him on his way. It takes him a couple of minutes to figure out the map and find his building but when he does there are no words to convey his joy at seeing a lift.
The room is smaller than the one he has home but he has an ensuite bathroom and that's pretty much the only thing that matters. It's a really generic room, not that different from the one he had his freshman year at Urbana-Champaign. He spends a couple hours hoovering, putting his things away, and unpacking. When everything is to his liking, he decides to make a stop at the Dunnesstores down the road, the driver told them it was a good place to get sheets, pillows and comforters.
Outside the wind has picked up, it's not that cold but it's still chilly. As he walks towards the shops , he thinks to himself, I'm really gonna like it here.’ He’s going to have a great time, he doesn’t need Mike for that.
* * *
Mike wakes up to two messages from Kevin on his voicemail. In both Kevin sounds happy and excited. In the first one, Kevin tells Mike that he just landed and that he has to go to his meeting point and that he'll call later. The second one is longer, and Kevin talks about buying sheets, someone called Inga, how Euro makes everything confusing and 'Oh my gosh Mike, everything is so expensive!' but he doesn't sound all that miffed about it.
Mike gets to work trying his hardest not to think about the fact that to call Kevin he now needs to check the time and add six hour before even coming near a phone. Patrick gives him a wide berth since he teared into the Alex who is supposed to man the cash register after he fucked up a receipt for a customer. Actually, everyone in the shop is giving him a wide berth but he can still feel their eyes on him. Cash-register Alex looks at him as if Mike had taken his puppy, killed it in front of him and then proceeded to eat it raw ( He gets a bit gruesome when he's maudlin.), and Patrick manages to be patronizing while maintaining a 30 foot security distance between them at all time. If it didn't piss him off that much he would be impressed.
This year is going to be so fucking long, he can already tell.
* * *
Kevin's been in Ireland for a month and things are slowly starting to settle. He managed to find Inga again, they're almost neighbors, and he met a couple others people during the orientation days and the Campus Social and Cultural club's meeting. He met Thomas (French, looks like a young Johnny Depp, studies History), Tomas (German, the nicest person he's ever met, studies Psychology), Zac (American, from California, he’s been there for three years and has almost lost his American accent entirely, Masters in business), Cecilia (Italian, she has a warm smile and a very infectious laugh, studies performance and musicology), and Victoria - call me Vicky-T ( from California too, working on her PhD in sheer badassery).
Zac gave him a grand tour of Maynooth, and helped him buy a phone without selling his soul. He’s the one who introduced him to Vicky-T. They’d known each other since they were kids, lost contact after junior high/high school, and found each other a year ago when Vicky-T got a scholarship to work on her PhD in Maynooth. When Kevin asked her if they were an item, she laughed for a good five minutes and never answered.
Kevin and Vicky-T have dinner every Friday. He cooks and she chooses the wine. They take advantage of the fact that Vicky-T’s scholarship allows her to rent a small but homey flat off-campus. They could use Kevin’s place if they wanted, his flatmates are pretty cool, but this way they don’t have to share or mind the amount of noise they make. They’ve known each other for three weeks tops and she knows everything there is to know about his life in Chicago, his family, his friends, Mike. When he’s drunk he gets maudlin and the conversation always ends up being about Mike. Vicky-T doesn’t judge, she just makes soothing and cooing noises at him, takes the blanket to wrap the both of them while they cuddle and watch ridiculous Irish soap operas. In Irish.
This particular Friday, there is no wine on the table because the International society organised a pub crawl and if they hope to come back home walking and not crawling they should really save the drinking for the pubs. Kevin’s not normally a heavy drinker, he tends to save the drunkenness for times when he is sure of his surroundings, but it’s part of learning how to live without Mike. Usually when they went out together, Mike tended to drink a lot less and act like Kevin’s guardian angel. Here there is nobody who feels like it’s their mission to look out for him constantly. Not that Vicky-T, Zac, or any of the others don’t care, it’s just that it’s not their role, they’re out to enjoy themselves too, and they trust Kevin to take care of himself. And it’s better this way when he can stop to talk with people every time he gets a refill at the bar, instead of evolving in a Mike-controlled bubble.
He and Vicky-T went to Dublin yesterday to celebrate the start of the weekend (and Kevin still hasn’t gotten over the fact that his weekends start on Thursday at 2pm. He loves this place!). They spent quite some time shopping on Grafton Street and Vicky-T dragged him to Eddie Rocket’s ( “It’s where I go when I miss California. Get the Oreo malt-shake, it’s to die for!”). While they were gorging themselves on burgers, fries, and malt-shakes she gave him a talk. Kevin felt a little stupid at not noticing this was an intervention earlier because her technique was so close to that of his mom, for a moment there he felt like calling home again to make sure his mother was still in Chicago.
“ You’ve been telling me incessantly that you came here to try and become a Mike-free individual. It’s really commendable and you know I’ll support you in anything you do, but if I have to listen to you wax poetic about Mike’s everything one more time I will have to gag you.” she told him. His mouth was full but had it been empty , he still wouldn’t have been able to answer anything back. There was something in her voice that told him that she wasn’t joking. “So” she continued “ I’ve decided to give you objectives that you’ll have to fulfill every time we go out. Today I want you to stop talking about Mike every time you see something new, interesting, or shiny. If you fail, you’ll have to feed me chicken and eggplant parmigiana tomorrow. Do you agree?” Kevin has never been stupid, so he nodded. He was a little disheartened that his plan turned out to be such an epic failure, especially because he felt like he had been making progress, but he was determined to give it his best from then on.
* * *
Vicky-T still hasn’t told him what his objectives are for tonight. She’s getting ready in her room while he does the dishes. He loves cooking but chicken and Parmesan are the worst to get off a dish, he hates it. He hates himself a little too for failing so spectacularly yesterday. It hadn’t even taken him an hour to be back to his old ways. The look Vicky-T gave him will forever burned into his mind. He pours some more hot water and lets it soak. Vicky-T can deal with it tomorrow. She joins him in the living room, dressed in the shortest black skirt he’s ever seen, knee high black socks, and her legs look like they go on forever. She’s tying her purple woollen coat tightly and the effect is stunning. If Kevin wasn’t so sure that her PhD is about her plans for world domination, he would have asked her out already, though if he ever feel like living dangerously he could still ask her.
“What do you think?” she asked.
“You should put on your high heeled boots.” he answers without missing a beat and she smiles at him proudly.
“Your mission Kevin, should you accept it” she starts like the lamest message from the Secretary while rummaging in her closet to find her boots. “ Is to find a nice boy or girl and to have fun. And before you get all riled up I’m not asking you to have sex. Flirt, laugh, have fun with someone who you might want to take home some day, or not.”
He gets that she is trying to help but he’s not sure that this is the right way to do things.
* * *
Read: Part 2
Read: Part 3