(Untitled)

[softer]

I am tired and my head hurts all the time. I am afraid of losing you as a friend. I am afraid of your hands and my hands, of what our brains do, of the things we don't know about each other. I spend these mornings alone; I watch and listen to you sleep. Sometimes I wish that you were someone else, that I were watching and listening to someone

Comments

[succulent]

i know.

[malacia]

so much music feels like sobbing.

how do i hear allen's?

[softer]

there are a few songs here. but you can download music by the six parts seven with almost any musicshare software.

[malacia]

thank you

[photo_album]

this feels like sobbing;
i am living these words. i am tongue-tied and uneasy with the life i am living and it is all right here:

I want to escape and I am perhaps looking for excuses. If I were to fall in love with someone else. If I were to once again fall in love with you. It would be only after a period of forgetting.

i wish i could say -- it will be okay. but i do not think you are trying to make it okay; i think it already is just okay and i think you want more than the realms of okay, but rather happy and relieved.

[softer]

michelle,

i am sorry that things are hard for you right now. i am always sad when people say that they can relate to what i am saying when what i am saying feels terrible. i hope things work themselves out for you; or rather, i hope you can work things out--i believe that you are stronger and more patient than the fates. and as i know i don't make my self the most available human being on earth, my inbox is always open to you, and i hope that you know that.

on a less or perhaps more personal note: your photographs recently--especially the one of the girl in the backyard with the pot--are lovely. that one in particular.. something about the shadows on the shed.. feels incredibly familiar and powerful. what schools're you applying to?

m,

[photo_album]

marina,

i sent pieces of what you wrote to a boy named michael up north. when we spoke on the telephone last wednesday, he said -- michelle, you sound sad. but i could not explain the rips or tears of my heart, but sending him what you wrote explained perfectly how i was, how i am.

as for college, i am applying to nyu; bard; eugene lang; scad in savannah, georgia; northwestern; st. edwards in austin, texas; & brooks institute of photography. it is a very tiring process.

lastly,
thank you.

michelle.

[lemonadekisses]

ya know what mina? i don't know you very well, nor the situation at all, but those words the other chick quoted, i can understand them too.

there gets a point when you feel ...rutted... almost...

and it is quite hard to explain. you did well with your words.

[upgrowth]

i am always wanting to escape. then there are mornings when my room is full of sunlight, and i don't know what to do with myself. i don't know what i want, and i'm afraid i don't want anything. it is strange, but i think it's about learning, after not being able to at all, how to seek things again.

[touchyou]

but is it? we drown in ourselves and wake up after nightmares clutching our cotton sheets to forget that we aren't always lucky enough to be in a dream. the light is only driving us to slam our bodies against the cement, over and over, to a pulp ---- until we sinfinitely explode

[upgrowth]

i do believe that sometimes desires can be satisfied.

and by the way, i'll make you sinfinately explode.

!!

[touchyou]

i'm just a fallen optimist

by explode, do you mean, romantically combust?

!!