sometimes I like to write speeches
[after a billion long years of guerrilla warfare and general misery on your part and over a decade of Union soldiery on his, Eli has finally returned! now he is standing on a makeshift podium in front of the Rebel Alliance or whatevs with a microphone]
Hey guys. Really been a while, huh.
[smiles]
I gotta say, I missed this. 'Round here, with each other, we can be ourselves--black, white, asian, whether we got wings or can fly or are made out of rock. I know it's not much, when the whole world's out to get you, but trust me, it's a lot.
[pauses]
See, the past couple of years I been--well, second-class citizen doesn't even begin to cover it. You guys remember the Fourteenth Amendment? I never been so grateful for a piece of legislature in my whole life. I've seen people like me being treated like animals--worse. I killed a lot of people, maybe some of 'em had slaves but most of 'em were kids like me, didn't even know why they were on the wrong side. It was real easy to kill people who looked at you like you was less than human, just 'cause of the color of your skin. Half the time, I didn't even feel bad about it. I was wrong.
[shrugs off badass longcoat, reveals Captain America costume]
I'm not a killer. I never was. Maybe I was a soldier, but I knew enough to regret every one of the lives I had to take. I did it for my country. Not for Lincoln--even though he was a good man--not for Grant--who kinda wasn't--not even for the state of New York or for my regiment or the amber waves of grain. I did it 'cause America's better than slavery. And even though I knew the Union was gonna win, I never once thought I couldn't make a difference, like I could let Sherman and all them take care of it. Hell, I even thought maybe I could change things, help out with Reconstruction and stop Jim Crowe. I mean, when you think about what you got to look forward to--no way you're even gonna live to see the Harlem Renaissance, let alone Dr. King--you start making plans. Wait until the dust's cleared and round up the freemen, march on Washington almost a hundred years too early. All I knew was, ain't no way I was getting lynched, and I sure as hell wasn't going to sneak around when the government that was supposed to protect me wasn''t going to help out just 'cause of the color of my skin.
I got sent back before I got to make much of a difference. Maybe on some old war memorial you'll see the name Elijah Bradley, but I doubt it. Thing is, though, the America I got back to's been looking a whole lot like the America I left.
[takes sip of water]
That Fourteenth Amendment I was talking about? Some of you guys were Baelheit's drones, don't try and tell me that's not slavery. He ever read you the Riot Act, or he just pull out the guns and the giant robots? You ever hear your Miranda Rights? Any part of the past few years look constitutional to you? Fact is, we had all sorts of laws in place so it never got this bad, and Baelheit just steamrollered all over 'em. This isn't even martial law--you can't talk about law in the same sentence as what Baelheit's doing. He took everything our founding fathers did and wiped his ass with it. You remember reading about the military coups and the banana republics and thinking, "yeah, that sucks, but at least it'll never happen here?" That's 'cause it couldn't, not in America. But this ain't America anymore.
[bows head in respect, then glances upward]
But it can be. We've still got the legislature, the architecture, the history, and the geography. We've still got the people--not as many as I'd want, but still more'n we started out with. All we gotta do is take back our country. Listen, I know it sounds like a lot, but we got some of the best strategic minds on the planet.
[searches crowd for Steve]
We got enough firepower that, if we used it right, we could take on the United States Military--not just this bullshit National Guard Baelheit's got. We got more people on our side than we even know. You telling me these civilians wouldn't take mutant's rights if it meant no more battles in the streets, no more government-sponsored explosions, no more of their tax dollars going to gun down the sweet old lady next door 'cause her grandkid's got horns and she don't particularly wanna give 'em up? They was safer in the old days than they ever been under Baelheit's control. Hell, ask 'em how many roads've been built, how much funding their schools got, if they can even go out at night 'cause the police is too busy trying to find mutants to stop the armed robbery at the bodega. Ask 'em how they like the sanctions, how they feel about the UN breathing down our necks, if they still even got a job now that nobody wants to deal with us. This ain't a government, folks. It's a war council. They know as well as we do, even if they're too scared to admit it.
[another sip of water]
So I think it's about time we started thinking like a war council too. We've been doing a pretty good job of fighting back, hitting 'em where it hurts every once in a while. But if we all work together, as one big rebel army, I bet we can take 'em down for good. Hell, it's not like these guys've never been beaten--look at Vietnam.
[pause]
All of this, though, means we gotta work together, and we gotta listen to each other, and we gotta use each and every one of our resources the best we can. No power struggles, no infighting, we gotta act as one cohesive unit--hang together, or we will most assuredly hang separately. We can do this, guys. We were X-Men, some of us, and some of us were Avengers. We've took down bigger baddies than Baelheit beflore, and we're gonna do it again.
[sip of water]
I've got reinforcements waiting at the border. Just say the word and we've got all the big international players, plus a whole lot more. When the time comes, they'll be ready. We better be ready too.
Hey guys. Really been a while, huh.
[smiles]
I gotta say, I missed this. 'Round here, with each other, we can be ourselves--black, white, asian, whether we got wings or can fly or are made out of rock. I know it's not much, when the whole world's out to get you, but trust me, it's a lot.
[pauses]
See, the past couple of years I been--well, second-class citizen doesn't even begin to cover it. You guys remember the Fourteenth Amendment? I never been so grateful for a piece of legislature in my whole life. I've seen people like me being treated like animals--worse. I killed a lot of people, maybe some of 'em had slaves but most of 'em were kids like me, didn't even know why they were on the wrong side. It was real easy to kill people who looked at you like you was less than human, just 'cause of the color of your skin. Half the time, I didn't even feel bad about it. I was wrong.
[shrugs off badass longcoat, reveals Captain America costume]
I'm not a killer. I never was. Maybe I was a soldier, but I knew enough to regret every one of the lives I had to take. I did it for my country. Not for Lincoln--even though he was a good man--not for Grant--who kinda wasn't--not even for the state of New York or for my regiment or the amber waves of grain. I did it 'cause America's better than slavery. And even though I knew the Union was gonna win, I never once thought I couldn't make a difference, like I could let Sherman and all them take care of it. Hell, I even thought maybe I could change things, help out with Reconstruction and stop Jim Crowe. I mean, when you think about what you got to look forward to--no way you're even gonna live to see the Harlem Renaissance, let alone Dr. King--you start making plans. Wait until the dust's cleared and round up the freemen, march on Washington almost a hundred years too early. All I knew was, ain't no way I was getting lynched, and I sure as hell wasn't going to sneak around when the government that was supposed to protect me wasn''t going to help out just 'cause of the color of my skin.
I got sent back before I got to make much of a difference. Maybe on some old war memorial you'll see the name Elijah Bradley, but I doubt it. Thing is, though, the America I got back to's been looking a whole lot like the America I left.
[takes sip of water]
That Fourteenth Amendment I was talking about? Some of you guys were Baelheit's drones, don't try and tell me that's not slavery. He ever read you the Riot Act, or he just pull out the guns and the giant robots? You ever hear your Miranda Rights? Any part of the past few years look constitutional to you? Fact is, we had all sorts of laws in place so it never got this bad, and Baelheit just steamrollered all over 'em. This isn't even martial law--you can't talk about law in the same sentence as what Baelheit's doing. He took everything our founding fathers did and wiped his ass with it. You remember reading about the military coups and the banana republics and thinking, "yeah, that sucks, but at least it'll never happen here?" That's 'cause it couldn't, not in America. But this ain't America anymore.
[bows head in respect, then glances upward]
But it can be. We've still got the legislature, the architecture, the history, and the geography. We've still got the people--not as many as I'd want, but still more'n we started out with. All we gotta do is take back our country. Listen, I know it sounds like a lot, but we got some of the best strategic minds on the planet.
[searches crowd for Steve]
We got enough firepower that, if we used it right, we could take on the United States Military--not just this bullshit National Guard Baelheit's got. We got more people on our side than we even know. You telling me these civilians wouldn't take mutant's rights if it meant no more battles in the streets, no more government-sponsored explosions, no more of their tax dollars going to gun down the sweet old lady next door 'cause her grandkid's got horns and she don't particularly wanna give 'em up? They was safer in the old days than they ever been under Baelheit's control. Hell, ask 'em how many roads've been built, how much funding their schools got, if they can even go out at night 'cause the police is too busy trying to find mutants to stop the armed robbery at the bodega. Ask 'em how they like the sanctions, how they feel about the UN breathing down our necks, if they still even got a job now that nobody wants to deal with us. This ain't a government, folks. It's a war council. They know as well as we do, even if they're too scared to admit it.
[another sip of water]
So I think it's about time we started thinking like a war council too. We've been doing a pretty good job of fighting back, hitting 'em where it hurts every once in a while. But if we all work together, as one big rebel army, I bet we can take 'em down for good. Hell, it's not like these guys've never been beaten--look at Vietnam.
[pause]
All of this, though, means we gotta work together, and we gotta listen to each other, and we gotta use each and every one of our resources the best we can. No power struggles, no infighting, we gotta act as one cohesive unit--hang together, or we will most assuredly hang separately. We can do this, guys. We were X-Men, some of us, and some of us were Avengers. We've took down bigger baddies than Baelheit beflore, and we're gonna do it again.
[sip of water]
I've got reinforcements waiting at the border. Just say the word and we've got all the big international players, plus a whole lot more. When the time comes, they'll be ready. We better be ready too.