Yo

[solarrayze]

Part of a story...the start actually. Set in the Forgotten Realms....ya. I'm a dork.

Comments

[cosmicastaway]

This is good. Grammar is not yet your forte but you've mastered the ability to say something in just enough words. It's not wordy and I don't feel like I've missed out on details.

I really liked the simile about the shadow and the full moon.

There is one thing disrupting the flow of the story and that's from the middle onwards, where you started to explain why the crew was lucky. Just bits like, "if their passenger had not made it in time" is redundant. I felt as if I had already understood that the crew was screwed up until now.

The "Immolate" line is excellent.

So far, so good. You plan on doing more?

[solarrayze]

probly will do more....but jeeze i need you to pop on a messenger asap, or i gotta email you about private matters.

[cosmicastaway]

I can't get Gmail to work. :/

[solarrayze]

darn...well i mailed you about it, so when you get it, send one back luv

[cosmicastaway]

ps: my google talk is not connecting. Gmail says it's some kind of error on their part, but that is why I have vanished. :[