Don't read this if you like Metal Gear
Sordid Snake
:::Recorded on Codec 16:37 EST on 8/8/08. Location: Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America:::
"Snake, this is Otakon. Come in, Snake!"
"Snake here. Where are you, Otakon?"
"Room 12B. The door's unlocked."
"So that's why you said come in."
"Yes. Where are you?"
"In the closet of room 12B."
"But I checked there and--"
"In the box, Otakon."
"Oh. Right."
"So what's the job?"
"I need you to retrieve an item for me. Well, not so much an item as a set of items."
"How many?"
"Just a few. I showed you a picture at the beginning of the con."
"You mean... Bondage Gear?!"
"Yes, Bondage Gear. It's a special order: you should be able to pick it up at Kissing Is For Pussies at 8790 South Hrper Street. If you need help finding it, just press the triangle button to check your map. Use it frequently; Baltimore is a big city, and I need these items ASAP."
"Snake out."
~*~ After a trip through downtown Baltimore ~*~
"Otakon, this is Snake. I'm approaching the door now."
"Before you enter the room, I need you to do one more thing for me."
"One more thing?"
"This is important, Snake. I want you to equip the Bondage Gear."
"Equip the Bondage Gear?!"
"There's a box in the hall. Use it to conceal yourself while you complete the equipment tutorial."
"...I want hazard pay for this, Otakon."
"Don't worry, Snake, you'll be fully compensated."
~*~ After much twisting and turning ~*~
"Otakon, this is Snake. I have equipped the Bondage Gear, and am now approaching the room."
"..."
"Otakon, do you copy?"
"Mmmphphphp!"
"Oh Christ, not again. Busting door down, now."
"...mmm."
"...What the--"
"Ah, thanks. I forgot I shouldn't gag myself when I'm alone."
"You shouldn't gag yourself when you're alone?!"
"Right."
"Are these--"
"Nipple clamps, yes. Press the square button to tweak them."
"..."
"I said you would be fully compensated, right?"
~*~ After some masterful negotiation and several bottles of beer ~*~
"Alright, Snake. Now that we're both ready, I want you to press the circle button, gently, and hold it down until I say stop. Ooh, yes, exactly like that. OK, once the circle button won't go down any further, I want you to release it, then press it again, quicker this time."
"Quicker?! Like this?!"
"Yes! Press the circle button, Snake! Harder! More rhythmically!"
"Harder?! More rhythmically?!"
"SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"
~*~ The End ~*~