~FML
FUCK MY LIFE AKA THE PSYCHO PMS POST AKA THE POST THAT TALIA WAS TOO LAZY TO PROOFREAD.
I WOULD ADVISE THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY READ THIS. :/
I realized that I kept changing tenses from past to present, and I know that that's irritating, but no, I'm irritated right now, and I'm not going to fix it. Maybe I'll edit it later.
I overslept because I couldn't fall asleep until past four in the morning, and I finally pretty much chugged grape children's allergy medicine until I passed out, woke up at twelve-ish, start trying to clean my room because it looks like a fucking earthquake-tsunami-hellfire shit natural disaster happened in it.
At this point, I feel like I'm going to pass out, I have a headache and have - no lie - an allergy medication pseudo-hangover. I keep picking up my room, make a couple calls to the Veteran Affairs office at my college to work out some financial aid crap. I leave for work at four thirty.
When I get to work at five, my boss tells me that my job is on the line unless I sell more memberships. I'm sorry, it is FUCKING DIFFICULT to sell memberships for Barnes and Noble. I've had people practically throw shit at me when I try to explain our program to them. And it's a GOOD program, too! JFC, people, I'm trying to HELP you.
That threw me off for the rest of my shift, I was so frazzled and pretty much shaking, REALLY trying to get people to get a membership. Apparently I was SOL. Even my assistant manager Whitney, who I adore, said "Damn girl, your luck is just horrible." And I kept knocking stuff over, and then stuff fell over just because I LOOKED at it, and then when Whitney knocked something over and said my luck was contagious. Yes, that is how bad it was. I was like a walking death trap for everything within a ten foot radius.
Anyway, I was supposed to work from 5 to 9:30, but it was slow, so I hinted to my assistant manager that she didn't have to keep me the whole time. I mean, yeah, I like more hours and more money, but I just was not in the mood. People were being so rude to me, my boss really freaked me out (she is under five feet tall, in her fifties, but she. is. scary. I like her alright. But she's incredibly intimidating), she made it sound like I was doing a horrible job, and I felt so bad because so, so many people applied for my job, and I feel like I'm letting her and the store down. I haven't worked there for very long, and she normally will reassure me that book retail is, outside of jewelry, the hardest retail you can do, and that there's a learning curve involved - but I just feel incompetent now.
The assistant manager let me go at 8, thank Joss. I don't have my driver's license yet (whatever, don't make fun) so my mom picked me up. She was walking around in Forever 21 while she waited for me, at the other side of the mall. I'm stuck there for maybe twenty minutes while she's trying stuff on, and so I figure that I might as well try stuff on. My mom ended up getting me a red and black plaid mini skirt. It's cute. (This was the only good part about my day, jsyk.)
By this point I realize I'm coming down with a cold, and I'm sniffling and my throat is hurting really badly. I asked my mom if we could go to this drive-through coffee place so I could get some sort of frappucino. I said I'd pay her back.
She finally relents. We pull up to the window. Normally I get a blended Mexican mocha. But I wasn't really in the chocolaty mood, I wanted something refreshing and light for my throat. I took the chance and ordered a green tea frappucino, which I'd never had before, but I thought, "I love green tea, I should enjoy this."
Wrong. First of all, the stupid bitch was like, "Do you want whipped cream on this?" and I loudly said NO and then she proceeds to put whipped cream on it. It wasn't like she was multitasking. There was no line inside. There were no cars behind ours. She had the can in her hand. She was looking directly at me. She asked. I said no. She still sprayed it.
I hate canned whipped cream, if you couldn't tell. Beyond that, I only like tub whipped cream like Cool Whip on strawberries, ~occasionally pumpkin pie, but not often.
She hands me my drink, which was all liquidy and overflowing with whipped cream, and at this point I'm just like, "Fuck it. Whatever."
As we drive away, I take a sip of the drink and burst out crying because I'm hormonal and it tastes like an asshole. I started sobbing hysterically saying, "I just wanted something cold for my throat. This is lukewarm. I worked half an hour to buy this drink. Half an hour of customers chewing me out because I couldn't find them a pop-up book on African culture." It was pretty pathetic.
I get home, not knowing that I had to do the dishes. With the exception of the car ride, I hadn't sat down in five hours and my feet were really starting to hurt. So I do the dishes, and start pretty much hyperventilating because I'm dropping crap everywhere.
I finally get done and heat up a slice of pizza to eat, which I couldn't finished because I was stressed and nauseas as a result.
This is where it gets me, right here: After this long day, I settle into my room, kick off my shoes, take a breath, I'm exhausted but looking forward to going onto ONTD_AI. Ready for this?
I MISSED THE FUCKING EPIC ADAM TWITTER PARTY WHILE I WAS BUSY DEALING WITH HOLIER-THAN-THOU CUSTOMERS AT WORK. MISSED. EPIC WAS HAPPENING WHILE I WAS BEING TOLD THAT MY JOB WAS AT STAKE, WHILE I WAS TRIPPING ALL OVER MYSELF, WHILE I FELT MYSELF GETTING SICK, WHILE I WAS SIPPING ON MY LIQUIDY ASSHOLE "FROZEN" TEA, ADAM WAS TALKING TO EVERYONE AND EVERYONE WAS FLAILING WITHOUT ME. I WANTED TO BE THERE WHEN ADAM SAID HE WAS TEAM JACOB. FUCK YEAH TEAM JACOB. I WANTED TO BE THERE WHEN HE REFERRED TO "KRADAM" IN THIRD PERSON AND WHEN HE SAID THAT HE LOVED "CLOSER" BY NIN. I WANTED TO BE THERE. I WANTED TO BE THERE WHEN HE ANSWERED QUESTION. AFTER. QUESTION.
I'm just...drained, emotionally and physically. I know it probably seems not that bad from an outside perspective, I think it's one of those had-to-be-there type things. It wasn't any big events that made my day horrible, just so, so, SO many little things. Now my head hurts.
Thankfully, I brought my depression into the Insomniac Post over at ONTD_AI and people gave me virtual hugs. I love them. Is it wrong that I'm starting to hate almost all people that aren't from ONTD_AI? Eh, we're just fucking cooler I guess.
Thought(s) of the Day:
1) I realized that I use the word "pseudo" too much and it annoys people. Also the word "apparently." And the word "seriously," and the phrases, "no, really," "freak of nature," "fiery passion," etc. I'm even starting to annoy MYSELF, my vocabulary knowledge is relatively broad and yet I constantly feel the need to recycle the same words and phrases. My mom is also getting pissed at me because I use superlatives all the time and it irritates her.
2) I wonder if there's a prescription medication you can take for stress-related nausea, to maybe have it not surface as often. I doubt it. But wouldn't it be nice?
3) I really hope soon I can have an extremely happy journal entry, because my journal entries thus far have been kind of "fuck the world," and I'm usually a much less angry person, really. With much less drama. I'm not even high maintenence, I swear....except with SOME things...but still. I've just had a really rough patch lately. May need meds to avoid going completely psycho. Looking into it.
I WOULD ADVISE THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY READ THIS. :/
I realized that I kept changing tenses from past to present, and I know that that's irritating, but no, I'm irritated right now, and I'm not going to fix it. Maybe I'll edit it later.
I overslept because I couldn't fall asleep until past four in the morning, and I finally pretty much chugged grape children's allergy medicine until I passed out, woke up at twelve-ish, start trying to clean my room because it looks like a fucking earthquake-tsunami-hellfire shit natural disaster happened in it.
At this point, I feel like I'm going to pass out, I have a headache and have - no lie - an allergy medication pseudo-hangover. I keep picking up my room, make a couple calls to the Veteran Affairs office at my college to work out some financial aid crap. I leave for work at four thirty.
When I get to work at five, my boss tells me that my job is on the line unless I sell more memberships. I'm sorry, it is FUCKING DIFFICULT to sell memberships for Barnes and Noble. I've had people practically throw shit at me when I try to explain our program to them. And it's a GOOD program, too! JFC, people, I'm trying to HELP you.
That threw me off for the rest of my shift, I was so frazzled and pretty much shaking, REALLY trying to get people to get a membership. Apparently I was SOL. Even my assistant manager Whitney, who I adore, said "Damn girl, your luck is just horrible." And I kept knocking stuff over, and then stuff fell over just because I LOOKED at it, and then when Whitney knocked something over and said my luck was contagious. Yes, that is how bad it was. I was like a walking death trap for everything within a ten foot radius.
Anyway, I was supposed to work from 5 to 9:30, but it was slow, so I hinted to my assistant manager that she didn't have to keep me the whole time. I mean, yeah, I like more hours and more money, but I just was not in the mood. People were being so rude to me, my boss really freaked me out (she is under five feet tall, in her fifties, but she. is. scary. I like her alright. But she's incredibly intimidating), she made it sound like I was doing a horrible job, and I felt so bad because so, so many people applied for my job, and I feel like I'm letting her and the store down. I haven't worked there for very long, and she normally will reassure me that book retail is, outside of jewelry, the hardest retail you can do, and that there's a learning curve involved - but I just feel incompetent now.
The assistant manager let me go at 8, thank Joss. I don't have my driver's license yet (whatever, don't make fun) so my mom picked me up. She was walking around in Forever 21 while she waited for me, at the other side of the mall. I'm stuck there for maybe twenty minutes while she's trying stuff on, and so I figure that I might as well try stuff on. My mom ended up getting me a red and black plaid mini skirt. It's cute. (This was the only good part about my day, jsyk.)
By this point I realize I'm coming down with a cold, and I'm sniffling and my throat is hurting really badly. I asked my mom if we could go to this drive-through coffee place so I could get some sort of frappucino. I said I'd pay her back.
She finally relents. We pull up to the window. Normally I get a blended Mexican mocha. But I wasn't really in the chocolaty mood, I wanted something refreshing and light for my throat. I took the chance and ordered a green tea frappucino, which I'd never had before, but I thought, "I love green tea, I should enjoy this."
Wrong. First of all, the stupid bitch was like, "Do you want whipped cream on this?" and I loudly said NO and then she proceeds to put whipped cream on it. It wasn't like she was multitasking. There was no line inside. There were no cars behind ours. She had the can in her hand. She was looking directly at me. She asked. I said no. She still sprayed it.
I hate canned whipped cream, if you couldn't tell. Beyond that, I only like tub whipped cream like Cool Whip on strawberries, ~occasionally pumpkin pie, but not often.
She hands me my drink, which was all liquidy and overflowing with whipped cream, and at this point I'm just like, "Fuck it. Whatever."
As we drive away, I take a sip of the drink and burst out crying because I'm hormonal and it tastes like an asshole. I started sobbing hysterically saying, "I just wanted something cold for my throat. This is lukewarm. I worked half an hour to buy this drink. Half an hour of customers chewing me out because I couldn't find them a pop-up book on African culture." It was pretty pathetic.
I get home, not knowing that I had to do the dishes. With the exception of the car ride, I hadn't sat down in five hours and my feet were really starting to hurt. So I do the dishes, and start pretty much hyperventilating because I'm dropping crap everywhere.
I finally get done and heat up a slice of pizza to eat, which I couldn't finished because I was stressed and nauseas as a result.
This is where it gets me, right here: After this long day, I settle into my room, kick off my shoes, take a breath, I'm exhausted but looking forward to going onto ONTD_AI. Ready for this?
I MISSED THE FUCKING EPIC ADAM TWITTER PARTY WHILE I WAS BUSY DEALING WITH HOLIER-THAN-THOU CUSTOMERS AT WORK. MISSED. EPIC WAS HAPPENING WHILE I WAS BEING TOLD THAT MY JOB WAS AT STAKE, WHILE I WAS TRIPPING ALL OVER MYSELF, WHILE I FELT MYSELF GETTING SICK, WHILE I WAS SIPPING ON MY LIQUIDY ASSHOLE "FROZEN" TEA, ADAM WAS TALKING TO EVERYONE AND EVERYONE WAS FLAILING WITHOUT ME. I WANTED TO BE THERE WHEN ADAM SAID HE WAS TEAM JACOB. FUCK YEAH TEAM JACOB. I WANTED TO BE THERE WHEN HE REFERRED TO "KRADAM" IN THIRD PERSON AND WHEN HE SAID THAT HE LOVED "CLOSER" BY NIN. I WANTED TO BE THERE. I WANTED TO BE THERE WHEN HE ANSWERED QUESTION. AFTER. QUESTION.
I'm just...drained, emotionally and physically. I know it probably seems not that bad from an outside perspective, I think it's one of those had-to-be-there type things. It wasn't any big events that made my day horrible, just so, so, SO many little things. Now my head hurts.
Thankfully, I brought my depression into the Insomniac Post over at ONTD_AI and people gave me virtual hugs. I love them. Is it wrong that I'm starting to hate almost all people that aren't from ONTD_AI? Eh, we're just fucking cooler I guess.
Thought(s) of the Day:
1) I realized that I use the word "pseudo" too much and it annoys people. Also the word "apparently." And the word "seriously," and the phrases, "no, really," "freak of nature," "fiery passion," etc. I'm even starting to annoy MYSELF, my vocabulary knowledge is relatively broad and yet I constantly feel the need to recycle the same words and phrases. My mom is also getting pissed at me because I use superlatives all the time and it irritates her.
2) I wonder if there's a prescription medication you can take for stress-related nausea, to maybe have it not surface as often. I doubt it. But wouldn't it be nice?
3) I really hope soon I can have an extremely happy journal entry, because my journal entries thus far have been kind of "fuck the world," and I'm usually a much less angry person, really. With much less drama. I'm not even high maintenence, I swear....except with SOME things...but still. I've just had a really rough patch lately. May need meds to avoid going completely psycho. Looking into it.