Comments | solita_sanctua: Subtle - Chapter 3 (Second Draft)

solita_sanctua

Subtle - Chapter 3 (Second Draft)

Oct 26, 2008 15:06

I heard his voice, and I know what was happening. I planted my feet on the rubbery floor. I felt the friction in my small shoes. I look in front of me, really to propel myself forward… anticipating the move of my opponent.

Ryuuzaki…

I gripped my tennis racket. I gritted my teeth. It was a natural response for me…

My eyes, which are ( Read more... )

subtle, fan fiction

Comments 2

neko11lover October 27 2008, 10:26:56 UTC

In all truth, this will be my first time encountering a RyoSakuHorio fic and I have to applaud you. This was a nice encounter to introduce (if I'm right) the triangle (if there's going to be one).

I hope this is okay but here are a few things I noticed: The tenses aren't consistent. You somehow shifted from present to past tense throughout the whole fic. And this sentence: Is there any similarities? =]

All in all, I didn't think it was too dark - the mood was actually perfect. =]

solita_sanctua October 27 2008, 23:11:27 UTC

*smiles*

I know about that Past/Present Tense, it's been pointed to me in my other fics. XD -Also, I made that just... 3 or 4 hours. O_o -I rushed it, and I pushed too much emotion, thus... this emotional chapter. D:

Also, this is not... well, I did not checked the grammars and spelling for this. I just posted this... to let you know guys, how do you think about this turnabout.

And like Miles said, it's looks like the fic is already at turning point. -Shoot. I just have to lessen the... well, this one. AND. Make sure that Ryoma will not see this scene. ^^

-Because if I continue down this road... well, I CAN'T imagine the next chapter, much less to write it. So changes it is... I must follow the Summary. (Yes, I know it's far from the Summary now, really.)

Well, thanks. XD -This is the reason I posted it here. To let people chew me here, and I'll revamp the chapter and post it on ff.net. ^^