( Read more... )

today I left my room for a bit to go to the store and get some water ( Read more... )

It's been a couple of weeks and the dizzying madness of the trough resembles the vague memories that tend to follow nights of binge drinking. I remember things being 'not quite right' but I can't relate to the mind state anymore. All I'm left with is impressions ( Read more... )

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Just words.

They have meaning when they do, and give way to the meaning of other words when they don't. Social constructs, subjective creations of the human mind in its struggle to grasp its own impermanence.

Middle aged history lady said I'm insightful and soothing tonight.
Been a while since a grown up had something nice to say.
I get so used to talking to kids my age. so rarely get to tap in to wells of deeper knowledge.
It just doesn't apply to youth culture
I wish I had friends in their 40s
I had the same talks with my mom, when my mom was 40, and I ( Read more... )

3 weeks pass and the fit of existential angst is a fading memory. I'm trying to sweep the debris under the rug. I wish I understood what was happening, why every few months my mind turns against me. It's like this critical all illuminating light that burns through my minds eye, drawing everything into question. So much doubt in that state, I tear ( Read more... )

Ebb and flow. Again and again. Tiresome tides. I know most of this is chemical, but saying its "all in my head" isn't helping, cause I'm in there too.

Can't help feeling like at some point I need to accept defeat, cut my losses and stop resisting the currents.

The first one broke it. The second made it whole again with found items. A child piecing together a busted toy. A little tape here, staple sutures there. Whip stitched with rusting wires and dressed in dirty cloth. It was the work of love, a passion project. Something someone put themselves into, and it's only the cynic in me who fails to see the ( Read more... )