If I told you I am a compulsive liar... Would you believe me?
I'm feeling neglected tonight, beware ensuing emoness and general randomness.
Hey I even gave you a warning. Heed it.
Oh and do not try to understand... Your brain will explode.
No winds howl out side broken window pane frames. No hail strike my roof. The elements are not harsh and they do not turn against me.
Instead it is calm.
Ordinarily so.
Soft, quiet, with only the ticking of the clock beside me on the wall. It's new. I hate it. Measuring time, shifting through it, mocking my way of living in the now. Framing the past and outlining the future.
I hate it.
I hate the way it keeps pace with my heartbeat, a count down to my death. I have a pipebomb in my chest.
Soft snores from the other people under the roof. Peace. Bliss. Oblivion.
How lucky.
While the faces I usually enjoy stare down at me from the walls. All people I will never meet. Movie stars. Anime characters, strange bursts of inspiration that are yet nameless even to me, their creator, mocking me in their silence.
How can I progress? Move forward, BREATH? How can I step forward, while everything stays still? The world rushes on past my stagnant pond. I am silenced even as I cry out and move with them. I am still. I am overlooked even as I stand on the center stage of the biggest show; my life.
So little I can do, so much I should. I evolve and grow too slow to keep pace with the others, and as I learn the complexities of society and humanity, I begin to yearn for the simplicity of a sparrow, a little yellow weaver, an earthworm, an old dog. Living life with no thoughts, no faults, just pure honest vitality.
I'm lost in this question as the clock keeps ticking. My heart keeps beating.
"Am I alive?"