Today was hard
Tavi is 5.
Summer is here. Routine, non existent. Massive tantrums. Blatant “NO’s” “GIMME” “I WANT” coupled with, a t t i t u d e.
I’m spent. Like, while she was screaming at me, I went out back and prayed to myself “please, god. I can’t have another. I can barely get by with ONE.”
It’s true. It’s been hard. She and Danny had a puking bug back in May and i had a mini mental breakdown. $1400 in hospital bills to pay off. I have been pushed to my limit and it’s getting so hard.
I’ve been off my lexapro for about 6 months now. As soon as I came off it I noticed how badly i needed it. I just didn’t expect that. It wasn’t a high dose or anything. It’s just, we decided to give it one more go at trying for a baby. But, I know in my heart and brain I’m at peace with it not happening now. It’s just not practical. I had the hsg in February. If it’s not meant to be, I’m getting big hints as to why that is...
my patience. It runs soo thin. I know I’ll say I’ll give in until the end of summer then start back on my medication. I want to hold myself accountable to that deal. That I won’t keep HOPING anymore because it’s stupid at this point. It’s just sooo dumb.