this took a wrong turn somewhere
but i'm going to post it anyway, because anybody who saw 'the social network' knows that this is what the movie was really about. i dare you to tell me different. =D
Title: My Wife and Kids
Fandom: The Social Network
Rating: PG13 for gratuitous use of the word 'fuck'
Wordcount: 750
Summary: How the deposition really went down.
"Is that what this is about? We got drunk and had sex once and I didn't call?"
"It wasn't just sex, Mark!" Eduardo spits out, his eyes ablaze.
"Of course it was," Mark replies, tilting his head to the side. Sy smirks at him over his shoulder, endlessly amused. "I had sex with just about everyone. I think. Anyway, what are you complaining about? You were very good."
"Oh, so I was good enough to screw in that ridiculous pool but not good enough to be a part of the company we built together?"
"You were the one who froze our account, just like. What was it you said, Sy? Harpy. Just like a harpy."
"Oh my God, you guys had sex in the pool?! We swam in that pool and you fucked in it?!" Dustin grabs at his chest, wrinkling the plaid something fierce. His face is contorted into something painful, probably regret at having ever agreed to be a part of this, however brief his and Chris' appearances have been so far. Chris, to his credit, doesn't say anything. His mouth is open and he looks horrified, as though he just walked in on his parents having sex.
"IT WASN'T FUCKING!" Eduardo shouts, his cheeks bright red. "OUR LOVE WAS TRANSCENDENT!"
"If our one night stand was so transcendent, why are you suing me again?" Mark asks, propping his chin up on one hand. He looks down at his doodles. One of them is of the stenographer with snakes coming out of her head. He picks up his pen, adds a few bees coming out of her mouth and smiles down at it.
Eduardo's face takes on a purple hue. "I am not suing you, asshole. We are getting a divorce."
"We got married?" Mark blinks and looks up. Eduardo's vision goes red for a few moments, but the next thing he knows a pen is in his hand, business end forward, and he is halfway across the table. His lawyers are tugging at his feet and clothing while Mark just calmly pushes his feet against the floor, rolling his chair backwards.
Mark smirks at him briefly before turning to Sy. "Can we break for lunch now?" He nods at Eduardo, who has been yanked back across the table where his lawyers fuss with getting his clothing back in order. And prying the pen out of his hand.
"He gets cranky when he goes too long without food." Mark waves his hand vaguely in Eduardo's direction. Chris and Dustin bolt for the door when Eduardo makes another lunge. He doesn't get as far as the table before his chief lawyer, the blonde woman who spent the past eight hours glaring at him in the most polite way possible, puts her arms around his shoulders and clasps her hands behind his neck.
Mark just squints at him, stands, and turns on his heel, on a quest for a Mountain Dew. And maybe some Twinkies.
"I'm also getting full custody rights of the children!" Eduardo shouts after Mark's retreating back.
Mark quirks his head at Marylin, following close behind him. "I can only assume he's talking about Dustin and Chris and that I didn't actually sign any documents legally recognizing myself and that raging lunatic as parental figures to some orphaned kids from Peru."
She cocks her head to the side, thoughtful in her incredulity. "We may have to take a longer lunch than expected."
Mark hears a crash from behind him, but it's not loud enough to be Eduardo throwing himself from the plate glass window so he doesn't bother to turn around.
"I'm a big fan of lemon chicken," he says loudly, making sure his voice carries. "Let's find a place that has that."
"YOU ARE A MONSTER!" Eduardo's voice rings out from somewhere down the hall as they enter the elevator. There's possible sobbing coming from another room down the hall and Mark wonders briefly if Dustin and Chris are really strong enough boys to be a part of this. Then he realizes he just thought of them in such a fond, parental way he might as well be their actual father and breathes out a sigh of relief.
"Well," he says as the doors close. "At least I'm the rich husband and not the vicious, gold-digging wife in this scenario."
"I don't know what to say." Marilyn blinks a few times at her reflection. Mark glances at her briefly and shrugs.
"That's okay. Most people don't."
Title: My Wife and Kids
Fandom: The Social Network
Rating: PG13 for gratuitous use of the word 'fuck'
Wordcount: 750
Summary: How the deposition really went down.
"Is that what this is about? We got drunk and had sex once and I didn't call?"
"It wasn't just sex, Mark!" Eduardo spits out, his eyes ablaze.
"Of course it was," Mark replies, tilting his head to the side. Sy smirks at him over his shoulder, endlessly amused. "I had sex with just about everyone. I think. Anyway, what are you complaining about? You were very good."
"Oh, so I was good enough to screw in that ridiculous pool but not good enough to be a part of the company we built together?"
"You were the one who froze our account, just like. What was it you said, Sy? Harpy. Just like a harpy."
"Oh my God, you guys had sex in the pool?! We swam in that pool and you fucked in it?!" Dustin grabs at his chest, wrinkling the plaid something fierce. His face is contorted into something painful, probably regret at having ever agreed to be a part of this, however brief his and Chris' appearances have been so far. Chris, to his credit, doesn't say anything. His mouth is open and he looks horrified, as though he just walked in on his parents having sex.
"IT WASN'T FUCKING!" Eduardo shouts, his cheeks bright red. "OUR LOVE WAS TRANSCENDENT!"
"If our one night stand was so transcendent, why are you suing me again?" Mark asks, propping his chin up on one hand. He looks down at his doodles. One of them is of the stenographer with snakes coming out of her head. He picks up his pen, adds a few bees coming out of her mouth and smiles down at it.
Eduardo's face takes on a purple hue. "I am not suing you, asshole. We are getting a divorce."
"We got married?" Mark blinks and looks up. Eduardo's vision goes red for a few moments, but the next thing he knows a pen is in his hand, business end forward, and he is halfway across the table. His lawyers are tugging at his feet and clothing while Mark just calmly pushes his feet against the floor, rolling his chair backwards.
Mark smirks at him briefly before turning to Sy. "Can we break for lunch now?" He nods at Eduardo, who has been yanked back across the table where his lawyers fuss with getting his clothing back in order. And prying the pen out of his hand.
"He gets cranky when he goes too long without food." Mark waves his hand vaguely in Eduardo's direction. Chris and Dustin bolt for the door when Eduardo makes another lunge. He doesn't get as far as the table before his chief lawyer, the blonde woman who spent the past eight hours glaring at him in the most polite way possible, puts her arms around his shoulders and clasps her hands behind his neck.
Mark just squints at him, stands, and turns on his heel, on a quest for a Mountain Dew. And maybe some Twinkies.
"I'm also getting full custody rights of the children!" Eduardo shouts after Mark's retreating back.
Mark quirks his head at Marylin, following close behind him. "I can only assume he's talking about Dustin and Chris and that I didn't actually sign any documents legally recognizing myself and that raging lunatic as parental figures to some orphaned kids from Peru."
She cocks her head to the side, thoughtful in her incredulity. "We may have to take a longer lunch than expected."
Mark hears a crash from behind him, but it's not loud enough to be Eduardo throwing himself from the plate glass window so he doesn't bother to turn around.
"I'm a big fan of lemon chicken," he says loudly, making sure his voice carries. "Let's find a place that has that."
"YOU ARE A MONSTER!" Eduardo's voice rings out from somewhere down the hall as they enter the elevator. There's possible sobbing coming from another room down the hall and Mark wonders briefly if Dustin and Chris are really strong enough boys to be a part of this. Then he realizes he just thought of them in such a fond, parental way he might as well be their actual father and breathes out a sigh of relief.
"Well," he says as the doors close. "At least I'm the rich husband and not the vicious, gold-digging wife in this scenario."
"I don't know what to say." Marilyn blinks a few times at her reflection. Mark glances at her briefly and shrugs.
"That's okay. Most people don't."