Good News!
This will be going up on my website soonish. Comments welcome.
Good News!
There's a million dollars under your bed! Yes really. Go look; I'll wait.
Huh, that's weird. Did you look really hard? Are you sure? Maybe you should try again, and look really hard this time.
Hmmm, did you look under the carpet? Well, you gotta look under the carpet. I know what I said; but technically under the carpet, under the bed is still under the bed, no contradiction at all.
Nothing? No, you can't just feel for lumps, it could be in large bills spread out in a thin layer. You've got to pull up the carpet. Hey, with a million dollars you can get a new carpet.
I don't think you're putting enough effort into this. You're going to have to tear up the floor too. Of course I'm sure; It's right here on this old map. Can you prove it's a forgery? I didn't think so.
Well of course you have to dig: it's buried treasure, isn't it? You always have to dig for buried treasure. Everybody knows that. Are you stupid or something?
Deeper.
Okay mister i'm-so-smart, prove there's no treasure. See, you can't! It's an irrational claim. You'd have to dig all the way to China. You do believe in China even though you've never seen it, don't you?
Deeper!
I had some of the dirt analyzed. There are minute traces of gold. You're getting closer. No it's not natural, if gold just occurred naturally we'd all be rich, now wouldn't we?
Deeper!!
This guy I know took the dirt sample you sent me, calculated the amount of gold per cubic foot, then calculated the total volume of a column of dirt the size of your bed stretching all the way to the other side of the Earth, then made some adjustments for increased gold density near the core, and viola! scientific proof that there's a million dollars in gold under your bed! Isn't that great?
You can't stop now, you're so close! What are you so mad about? Look at what great shape you got in from all that digging! That's worth a million dollars right there.
I think you really believe that gold is there anyway. Why else would you have dug that hole? I think that you're just afraid that if you keep digging you'll find gold. Why do you hate money so much? Are you some sort of communist?
Okay, that's it, me and some of my friends are going to come over and make you dig. I will not stay out of your bedroom! Your rights? What about my rights? It's totally unfair for you to deny me the right to that gold just because you don't believe it's there. Or rather, claim to not believe it's there: I think you're really just lazy.
Why are you running around telling people there is no gold under your bed? Why do you care what people think is under your bed? That's just more proof that deep down you really know there really is gold under your bed. After all, nobody runs around saying "There's no chocolate under my bed." You only have to deny it because you know it's true.
You agoldists are such hypocrites. You talk about tolerance and rights, then persecute those of us who just want to be left alone to make you dig under your bed. My congressman is going to hear about this.
Good News!
There's a million dollars under your bed! Yes really. Go look; I'll wait.
Huh, that's weird. Did you look really hard? Are you sure? Maybe you should try again, and look really hard this time.
Hmmm, did you look under the carpet? Well, you gotta look under the carpet. I know what I said; but technically under the carpet, under the bed is still under the bed, no contradiction at all.
Nothing? No, you can't just feel for lumps, it could be in large bills spread out in a thin layer. You've got to pull up the carpet. Hey, with a million dollars you can get a new carpet.
I don't think you're putting enough effort into this. You're going to have to tear up the floor too. Of course I'm sure; It's right here on this old map. Can you prove it's a forgery? I didn't think so.
Well of course you have to dig: it's buried treasure, isn't it? You always have to dig for buried treasure. Everybody knows that. Are you stupid or something?
Deeper.
Okay mister i'm-so-smart, prove there's no treasure. See, you can't! It's an irrational claim. You'd have to dig all the way to China. You do believe in China even though you've never seen it, don't you?
Deeper!
I had some of the dirt analyzed. There are minute traces of gold. You're getting closer. No it's not natural, if gold just occurred naturally we'd all be rich, now wouldn't we?
Deeper!!
This guy I know took the dirt sample you sent me, calculated the amount of gold per cubic foot, then calculated the total volume of a column of dirt the size of your bed stretching all the way to the other side of the Earth, then made some adjustments for increased gold density near the core, and viola! scientific proof that there's a million dollars in gold under your bed! Isn't that great?
You can't stop now, you're so close! What are you so mad about? Look at what great shape you got in from all that digging! That's worth a million dollars right there.
I think you really believe that gold is there anyway. Why else would you have dug that hole? I think that you're just afraid that if you keep digging you'll find gold. Why do you hate money so much? Are you some sort of communist?
Okay, that's it, me and some of my friends are going to come over and make you dig. I will not stay out of your bedroom! Your rights? What about my rights? It's totally unfair for you to deny me the right to that gold just because you don't believe it's there. Or rather, claim to not believe it's there: I think you're really just lazy.
Why are you running around telling people there is no gold under your bed? Why do you care what people think is under your bed? That's just more proof that deep down you really know there really is gold under your bed. After all, nobody runs around saying "There's no chocolate under my bed." You only have to deny it because you know it's true.
You agoldists are such hypocrites. You talk about tolerance and rights, then persecute those of us who just want to be left alone to make you dig under your bed. My congressman is going to hear about this.