Help a Sarrah out please

[sometimes_i_win]

Ok. I need some help with an essay I am writing for school. Please read and let me know what you think. If there is something missing or anything.

Thank you

I should have known that it was going to be a bad day when I looked out my bedroom window and the sky had darkened to the color of gunmetal. Looking out into the yard, I saw that my

Comments

[chairmenmeow47]

My mom and dad caught up with me just as I got to the front door and held me as if it was the last time they would see me.

great imagery.

i think it's a great story with some vivid descriptions. my only comment would be that in some places, things should be described rather than stated. like "My mother, always having been very outspoken and very protective of me, was quite offended by the comment Mike had made and went outside to confront him.". maybe just show her as being loud and outspoken, then there'd be no reason to state it. it has more of an effect.

great work!!!!