(no subject)
Fandom: Watchmen.
Characters/Pairings: Rorschach, Comedian, the rest of the Watchmen.
Rating: PG-13, just for language.
Warnings: None.
Notes: How to get Rorschach to take a shower.
The first thing Rorschach notices is that it smells like flowers.
Not only smells like flowers, but smells overpoweringly like flowers, as if somebody has dumped him into a bath full of women's perfumes and bath oils and lotions, and the first conscious breath he takes almost knocks him right back out again with the force of it.
The second thing Rorschach notices is that he's actually in some sort of bath, or some sort of tub or tank, at least, full of what very well could be women's perfumes and bath oils and lotions. The concoction is oddly thick -- and lukewarm, as if he's been lying in there for a while now.
The third thing that Rorschach notices when he slowly and painfully cracks his bruised eyes open is that his mask is still on -- or maybe the third thing he notices is the man that's bruised his eyes in the first place sitting happily smoking on the toilet in Dan's bathroom, he's not sure which.
Man that bruised his eyes -- ?
Rorschach is immediately climbing to his feet -- with some difficulty amid the slippery oily stuff that coats everything around him -- and tensing to dive at his now-former assailant to wreak swift, flowery retribution --
-- when he realizes to his belated horror that he's entirely naked besides the mask, and promptly sits back down again, curling himself into a disgruntled, perfumed ball. The flowery asskicking, he decides, can wait for later, when he gets his clothes back. Plenty of time.
"SMELL LIKE GAY," he spits, and that draws a laugh from the man seated on the toilet.
"I got tired of everyone else bitching about how you smelled like dog shit," the Comedian offers in cheerful explanation. "Your little friend Nite Owl even let me use his house for this and that fucking fruit Mandy brought over his entire beauty cabinet just for you."
Rorschach looks up to see a row of empty bottles lined up by the sink, most of them with remnants of color still clinging to the insides -- colors that are floating in the tub with him now and making rorschach patterns of their own. And near his arm, he notices further, there's a little bright yellow rubber ducky that he doesn't remember Dan having -- that must be the Comedian's touch. Rorschach eyes it and its suspicious red-orange beak (probably made by jews or illegal immigrants or illegal immigrants employed by jews) with mistrust and splashes it away.
"WHERE ARE CLOTHES."
"Atom boy disintegrated them an hour ago."
"Want coat back. Like that coa -- EURRRK. HOUR?"
"That's right."
Rorschach makes a strangled noise that is not transferable to text but sounds something very like HNRRRRRRRGH, making a mental note to somehow scrape off an inch of skin all over his body, and decides that he does not like the way that the Comedian is grinning at him.
"Would you fucking believe them? 'We'll convince him' this, 'we'll talk him into it' that, 'maybe if we bribe him,' 'maybe if we all complain' -- and all it took was a good ol' one-two to the face, and here you are, smelling like a flower shop."
"HOMOSEXUAL FLOWER SHOP WITH HOMOSEXUAL DANCE CLUB BENEATH! HRRRRK. CONSPIRACY. WILL NOT FORGIVE FOR VERY LONG TIME."
"I'm quakin' in my boots. Here, have some more -- what the fuck is this? -- lavender."
"ENNNNNNNNNNHK!" Rorschach replies conversationally as a light purple plastic bottle splashes into the bathtub next to him.
"Bitch, bitch, moan, moan. You know what I hear?"
The Comedian fishes the duckie out of the tub and squeaks it. Squeak squeak squeak --
"VENGEANCE WILL BE SWIFT AND TOTAL!"
"C'mon, it's not like I copped a feel while you were out."
Rorschach once again makes a strangled noise that is not transferable to text but sounds something very like HNRRRRRRRGH, making a mental note to somehow scrape off two inches of skin all over his body, and decides that he really does not like the way that the Comedian is grinning at him.
Suddenly, the idea of a shower doesn't seem so bad.
"LEAVE!"
"But I was just getting comfortable --"
"MUST TAKE SEVERAL SHOWERS IMMEDIATELY!"
And Rorschach's up out of the tub again, grabbing the Comedian by the collar and shoving him out the bathroom door -- into the somewhat shocked faces of Dan, Laurie, Adrian, and Jon who are all seated on the couches in the living room, conspiring bastards, all of them -- and slams the door shut, rushing to turn the shower on --
then has a second thought and the bathroom door is flying open again just far enough for him to hurl something small and bright out after the Comedian --
"TAKE DUCK!"
The door slams shut one more time, and inside the bathroom, the water begins to run accompanied by Rorschach's frantic mumbling interspersed by frequent HRRRGHHH's.
Outside, the other Watchmen look at each other with expressions of disbelief, passing the rubber ducky around in a circle with something just short of reverence.
"I would," Doctor Manhattan says after a short silence, "say that this endeavor was a success."
For the first time in a long time, everyone agrees.
Characters/Pairings: Rorschach, Comedian, the rest of the Watchmen.
Rating: PG-13, just for language.
Warnings: None.
Notes: How to get Rorschach to take a shower.
The first thing Rorschach notices is that it smells like flowers.
Not only smells like flowers, but smells overpoweringly like flowers, as if somebody has dumped him into a bath full of women's perfumes and bath oils and lotions, and the first conscious breath he takes almost knocks him right back out again with the force of it.
The second thing Rorschach notices is that he's actually in some sort of bath, or some sort of tub or tank, at least, full of what very well could be women's perfumes and bath oils and lotions. The concoction is oddly thick -- and lukewarm, as if he's been lying in there for a while now.
The third thing that Rorschach notices when he slowly and painfully cracks his bruised eyes open is that his mask is still on -- or maybe the third thing he notices is the man that's bruised his eyes in the first place sitting happily smoking on the toilet in Dan's bathroom, he's not sure which.
Man that bruised his eyes -- ?
Rorschach is immediately climbing to his feet -- with some difficulty amid the slippery oily stuff that coats everything around him -- and tensing to dive at his now-former assailant to wreak swift, flowery retribution --
-- when he realizes to his belated horror that he's entirely naked besides the mask, and promptly sits back down again, curling himself into a disgruntled, perfumed ball. The flowery asskicking, he decides, can wait for later, when he gets his clothes back. Plenty of time.
"SMELL LIKE GAY," he spits, and that draws a laugh from the man seated on the toilet.
"I got tired of everyone else bitching about how you smelled like dog shit," the Comedian offers in cheerful explanation. "Your little friend Nite Owl even let me use his house for this and that fucking fruit Mandy brought over his entire beauty cabinet just for you."
Rorschach looks up to see a row of empty bottles lined up by the sink, most of them with remnants of color still clinging to the insides -- colors that are floating in the tub with him now and making rorschach patterns of their own. And near his arm, he notices further, there's a little bright yellow rubber ducky that he doesn't remember Dan having -- that must be the Comedian's touch. Rorschach eyes it and its suspicious red-orange beak (probably made by jews or illegal immigrants or illegal immigrants employed by jews) with mistrust and splashes it away.
"WHERE ARE CLOTHES."
"Atom boy disintegrated them an hour ago."
"Want coat back. Like that coa -- EURRRK. HOUR?"
"That's right."
Rorschach makes a strangled noise that is not transferable to text but sounds something very like HNRRRRRRRGH, making a mental note to somehow scrape off an inch of skin all over his body, and decides that he does not like the way that the Comedian is grinning at him.
"Would you fucking believe them? 'We'll convince him' this, 'we'll talk him into it' that, 'maybe if we bribe him,' 'maybe if we all complain' -- and all it took was a good ol' one-two to the face, and here you are, smelling like a flower shop."
"HOMOSEXUAL FLOWER SHOP WITH HOMOSEXUAL DANCE CLUB BENEATH! HRRRRK. CONSPIRACY. WILL NOT FORGIVE FOR VERY LONG TIME."
"I'm quakin' in my boots. Here, have some more -- what the fuck is this? -- lavender."
"ENNNNNNNNNNHK!" Rorschach replies conversationally as a light purple plastic bottle splashes into the bathtub next to him.
"Bitch, bitch, moan, moan. You know what I hear?"
The Comedian fishes the duckie out of the tub and squeaks it. Squeak squeak squeak --
"VENGEANCE WILL BE SWIFT AND TOTAL!"
"C'mon, it's not like I copped a feel while you were out."
Rorschach once again makes a strangled noise that is not transferable to text but sounds something very like HNRRRRRRRGH, making a mental note to somehow scrape off two inches of skin all over his body, and decides that he really does not like the way that the Comedian is grinning at him.
Suddenly, the idea of a shower doesn't seem so bad.
"LEAVE!"
"But I was just getting comfortable --"
"MUST TAKE SEVERAL SHOWERS IMMEDIATELY!"
And Rorschach's up out of the tub again, grabbing the Comedian by the collar and shoving him out the bathroom door -- into the somewhat shocked faces of Dan, Laurie, Adrian, and Jon who are all seated on the couches in the living room, conspiring bastards, all of them -- and slams the door shut, rushing to turn the shower on --
then has a second thought and the bathroom door is flying open again just far enough for him to hurl something small and bright out after the Comedian --
"TAKE DUCK!"
The door slams shut one more time, and inside the bathroom, the water begins to run accompanied by Rorschach's frantic mumbling interspersed by frequent HRRRGHHH's.
Outside, the other Watchmen look at each other with expressions of disbelief, passing the rubber ducky around in a circle with something just short of reverence.
"I would," Doctor Manhattan says after a short silence, "say that this endeavor was a success."
For the first time in a long time, everyone agrees.