SIDDOWN, IT'S STORYTIME
Okay, so I've had these notes sitting around for a while now, taken uhhhhh oh shit, when I was researching births and babies and shit for RP, right. I feel like sharing the entire process of my own birth because apparently it was a nightmare.
Alright so.
My mom went into pre-term labor at 27 weeks, and was put on bed rest. At 32 weeks her blood pressure was way up, so she went to the hospital. My notes are a little vague right here, but I think she got sent to a second hospital that was more equipped to deal with BABY THINGS. There she got really sick because they'd fed her at the first hospital, which they weren't supposed to do, so GJ THERE YOU GUYS. I think her BP settled down after that though, and she went home.
At 34 weeks she had an amniocentisis, presumably to make sure I wasn't a mutant. At 35 weeks they did another one, and determined that it'd be okay if I came on out at 36 weeks.
At 36 weeks, they induced labor because my mom's kidneys were whacking out, and my lungs were finally developed enough, so it was cool. They used a cervix-thinning gel (as part of the inducing labor), and on the second application, my dad made her laugh at about the same time, and her water broke. GO DAVE.
My notes are vague again here, and go in like four directions, so things might be a little out of order here.
There was a huge storm while the whole birthing bullshit was going on. The power went for a while, the roof was leaking, there were tornados in the area, etc. All the patients got pulled into the central area of the floor of the hospital she was on, for a while.
The doctor was not the doctor my parents had been dealing with previously, and was 100% certain that my parents were dead set on a vaginal birth, which was not at all the case. GJ DUDE.
Okay. So my mom was in back labor for twelve hours (back labor is when the baby's head is pressing against the mother's back, which causes pretty nonstop pain until the baby shifts or is moved). The reason it went on so long was because of the aforementioned point about the doctor being confused. They moved her to another room, and there were two attempts at an epidural. The first one the doctor "didn't like", and the second one was after the point where it would have been helpful. At that point things were far enough along that they started trying things to get me out, including suction, something I have in my notes as a "screw thing", and finally got me out with the forceps.
THEN IT GOT REALLY FUN.
The placenta didn't want to come out. They tried anesthesia and went in after it with an episiotomy (don't click the link if you're at all squeamish; basically they make a cut down from the bottom of the vagina to widen the opening the baby is coming out of). Bonus: the episiotomy had a right angle added to it to help even more! This is because the placenta was FUCKING INGROWN. Along with the placenta, they pulled out a hematoma ("a hematoma is a pocket or localized collection of blood usually in liquid form within the tissue") that was bigger than my dad's fist.
AND THEN.
My mom got stashed in what was basically a janitor's closet; she woke up with the late July sun beating in on her through the single window, the door was closed, and there was no call button. She yelled until someone passing by finally heard her, and was in horrible pain the whole time. W T F okay.
She was in the hospital for a week after that because her kidneys were still funky and she still had a ton of pain. I was ready to go home before she was, largely because I was asleep most of the time and was not complaining about anything. (I continued to sleep most of the time and not complain about anything; my mom was the envy of all her friends, because I took naps willingly and slept forever and would wake up and yes, take all my clothes off, but then I'd just sit there and play quietly in my crib until someone came to get me out.)
SO THAT'S THE STORY. Here's a bonus picture of me because I was so fabulous when I was forced into the world and my head was shaped funny from the forceps (I still have a dent in my skull from them).
Alright so.
My mom went into pre-term labor at 27 weeks, and was put on bed rest. At 32 weeks her blood pressure was way up, so she went to the hospital. My notes are a little vague right here, but I think she got sent to a second hospital that was more equipped to deal with BABY THINGS. There she got really sick because they'd fed her at the first hospital, which they weren't supposed to do, so GJ THERE YOU GUYS. I think her BP settled down after that though, and she went home.
At 34 weeks she had an amniocentisis, presumably to make sure I wasn't a mutant. At 35 weeks they did another one, and determined that it'd be okay if I came on out at 36 weeks.
At 36 weeks, they induced labor because my mom's kidneys were whacking out, and my lungs were finally developed enough, so it was cool. They used a cervix-thinning gel (as part of the inducing labor), and on the second application, my dad made her laugh at about the same time, and her water broke. GO DAVE.
My notes are vague again here, and go in like four directions, so things might be a little out of order here.
There was a huge storm while the whole birthing bullshit was going on. The power went for a while, the roof was leaking, there were tornados in the area, etc. All the patients got pulled into the central area of the floor of the hospital she was on, for a while.
The doctor was not the doctor my parents had been dealing with previously, and was 100% certain that my parents were dead set on a vaginal birth, which was not at all the case. GJ DUDE.
Okay. So my mom was in back labor for twelve hours (back labor is when the baby's head is pressing against the mother's back, which causes pretty nonstop pain until the baby shifts or is moved). The reason it went on so long was because of the aforementioned point about the doctor being confused. They moved her to another room, and there were two attempts at an epidural. The first one the doctor "didn't like", and the second one was after the point where it would have been helpful. At that point things were far enough along that they started trying things to get me out, including suction, something I have in my notes as a "screw thing", and finally got me out with the forceps.
THEN IT GOT REALLY FUN.
The placenta didn't want to come out. They tried anesthesia and went in after it with an episiotomy (don't click the link if you're at all squeamish; basically they make a cut down from the bottom of the vagina to widen the opening the baby is coming out of). Bonus: the episiotomy had a right angle added to it to help even more! This is because the placenta was FUCKING INGROWN. Along with the placenta, they pulled out a hematoma ("a hematoma is a pocket or localized collection of blood usually in liquid form within the tissue") that was bigger than my dad's fist.
AND THEN.
My mom got stashed in what was basically a janitor's closet; she woke up with the late July sun beating in on her through the single window, the door was closed, and there was no call button. She yelled until someone passing by finally heard her, and was in horrible pain the whole time. W T F okay.
She was in the hospital for a week after that because her kidneys were still funky and she still had a ton of pain. I was ready to go home before she was, largely because I was asleep most of the time and was not complaining about anything. (I continued to sleep most of the time and not complain about anything; my mom was the envy of all her friends, because I took naps willingly and slept forever and would wake up and yes, take all my clothes off, but then I'd just sit there and play quietly in my crib until someone came to get me out.)
SO THAT'S THE STORY. Here's a bonus picture of me because I was so fabulous when I was forced into the world and my head was shaped funny from the forceps (I still have a dent in my skull from them).