starting up the post's once more
I know with the Virginia Tech shooting I should talk about forgiveness, life and the shortness of it. In a way I am talking about that last one. The shortness of life is important and dear to me, how ever it is not about the rest of that list. Those of you whom are close and I know in my life to be near to me would know about my problem with my mom.
My mother, a person who has all the best intentions of a over sized war club. She loves me and I know this, but with this love comes a too heavy of a price. You can most kindly sum my mother in these words by Lilly, a family member, “your mother has enough overbearing love for 12 kids and it is all focused on you.” That is the nicest way ANYONE close to me has described my mom. There are worse and more accurate ways to describe her but, that is not the point of this post.
My mom has never liked anyone in my life that was not her and dad. Now some of you might think I am stretching this a bit far, but when I say that NO ONE has been immune to her wrath I am not stretching. My last girlfriend she said was “bettering her part in life by trying to get her self pregnant and get me to marry her.” just to let you know we were not even having anything that would let that happen by any stretch. As you might expect my GF did not like my mom after that shit. I would get assaulted with insults from both sides. I ask them BOTH to stop and only one did. Have a guess whom? I did not let my mother's comment pass with out me arguing with her. The argument lasted till I stopped speaking with her for a while. I forgave her and tried to mend the fence.
Time and time again I could rail about that. I could list to all of you who met her and everyone of you has at least SOMETHING that she saw would be bad, but it would make for a long and redundant post. What I wish to talk and get off my heart is about my soul mate, Skye. She is my other half and the reason for striving for the stars.
I have explained this to my mother and told her that bashing her is insulting me and my thoughts and feelings for Skye. I know and understand where she comes from even if I don't agree with them. Lately I have tried to once more patch things up after she said, “I pray everyday for her(Skye's) death.” I warned her that if she went down that path that I would stop speaking with her. Her exact response was to repeat the same words with out so much as a kiss my foot. When she said this I was in a car where I could not escape and move away. I was trapped crying and furious with my self and her for where we were. I don't need some one who does not let me try to be a grownup and an adult. I have explained to her in person, by e-mail, and over the phone, that I do not wish to see or talk to her.
After that my dad calls about 1 month from that last reminder and brings my mother to a dinner with me. I was shocked, betrayed, and hurt by my dad's actions, we have talked and settled it as much as I could. Around my birth day is an event called Stargate. This event was to let my parents come and talk to me. To talk to me my mother would need to apologize about saying that, she prays for my soul mates death, and to see if we can start talking once more. I did not and will never get that chance because on my birthday she came in to my place of work and invaded a spot where I could not move. This is literal. I work for Eye masters and was doing something that required me to keep the lens clean. She then told me that she loves me (contacting me) and left. I could not even tell her to get out because I would scream and loose my job. She then left and gave me flowers. I do not mind her coming in to my job if she did not invade my space but once she crossed that line she proved that I would never trust her with that power ever again. All she had to do is wait 5 days to talk to me, or just leave them at the front desk. I know and understood that it was my birthday but she violated me and showed that she would never respect my boundaries again.
People may not understand why this is so big to me. The way I started to move out of my parents house was because of a fight. The reason why I left then was because I told my mother I need to take a small break from this environment for a few days. She then railed to me about how I was hurting her for needing a break. I walked out of the room saying I needed to calm down and they both followed me and cornered me in my room after keeping me from shutting the door. They came in and I told them that I don't know what I would do if they continued after me and did not give me breathing room. Can anyone think of what she would do next? Well it was to HUG ME. Yes, I warned her I might hit her or something because I felt trapped and she HUGED ME. I froze and my being shut down. This was to stop me from throwing her across the room. I did not move while she did this. Once she stopped, I flailed my hands up. I knocked over two shelves that stuff in it would weigh about 10-20 pounds, and screamed. The bottom line is that I wash my hands of my mother. She is out of my life because I could not and would not accept an apology. Also i would not trust that she would repeat it over and over.
She does not respect my boundaries in any fashion. My mother does not like independent thought on my part. She protest it every time it is not something that she agrees with. She thinks of me as a child. She thinks that Skye has brainwashed me and will harm or kill me. What she would never understand is that that insults me and my soul mate. It makes me feel that she thinks of me as weak and stupid. It hurts that she does not think better of my judgment then to choose someone like that.
Life is short, but life is being your self and living according to what you think is right. To be your self or you do not live. If you have a problem face it and tell it what is wrong and what you need. If the problem keeps up then you try to do your best to avoid it, and move around it. Some times you can't do either and just need to deal but keep a thought on being true to your self.
My mother, a person who has all the best intentions of a over sized war club. She loves me and I know this, but with this love comes a too heavy of a price. You can most kindly sum my mother in these words by Lilly, a family member, “your mother has enough overbearing love for 12 kids and it is all focused on you.” That is the nicest way ANYONE close to me has described my mom. There are worse and more accurate ways to describe her but, that is not the point of this post.
My mom has never liked anyone in my life that was not her and dad. Now some of you might think I am stretching this a bit far, but when I say that NO ONE has been immune to her wrath I am not stretching. My last girlfriend she said was “bettering her part in life by trying to get her self pregnant and get me to marry her.” just to let you know we were not even having anything that would let that happen by any stretch. As you might expect my GF did not like my mom after that shit. I would get assaulted with insults from both sides. I ask them BOTH to stop and only one did. Have a guess whom? I did not let my mother's comment pass with out me arguing with her. The argument lasted till I stopped speaking with her for a while. I forgave her and tried to mend the fence.
Time and time again I could rail about that. I could list to all of you who met her and everyone of you has at least SOMETHING that she saw would be bad, but it would make for a long and redundant post. What I wish to talk and get off my heart is about my soul mate, Skye. She is my other half and the reason for striving for the stars.
I have explained this to my mother and told her that bashing her is insulting me and my thoughts and feelings for Skye. I know and understand where she comes from even if I don't agree with them. Lately I have tried to once more patch things up after she said, “I pray everyday for her(Skye's) death.” I warned her that if she went down that path that I would stop speaking with her. Her exact response was to repeat the same words with out so much as a kiss my foot. When she said this I was in a car where I could not escape and move away. I was trapped crying and furious with my self and her for where we were. I don't need some one who does not let me try to be a grownup and an adult. I have explained to her in person, by e-mail, and over the phone, that I do not wish to see or talk to her.
After that my dad calls about 1 month from that last reminder and brings my mother to a dinner with me. I was shocked, betrayed, and hurt by my dad's actions, we have talked and settled it as much as I could. Around my birth day is an event called Stargate. This event was to let my parents come and talk to me. To talk to me my mother would need to apologize about saying that, she prays for my soul mates death, and to see if we can start talking once more. I did not and will never get that chance because on my birthday she came in to my place of work and invaded a spot where I could not move. This is literal. I work for Eye masters and was doing something that required me to keep the lens clean. She then told me that she loves me (contacting me) and left. I could not even tell her to get out because I would scream and loose my job. She then left and gave me flowers. I do not mind her coming in to my job if she did not invade my space but once she crossed that line she proved that I would never trust her with that power ever again. All she had to do is wait 5 days to talk to me, or just leave them at the front desk. I know and understood that it was my birthday but she violated me and showed that she would never respect my boundaries again.
People may not understand why this is so big to me. The way I started to move out of my parents house was because of a fight. The reason why I left then was because I told my mother I need to take a small break from this environment for a few days. She then railed to me about how I was hurting her for needing a break. I walked out of the room saying I needed to calm down and they both followed me and cornered me in my room after keeping me from shutting the door. They came in and I told them that I don't know what I would do if they continued after me and did not give me breathing room. Can anyone think of what she would do next? Well it was to HUG ME. Yes, I warned her I might hit her or something because I felt trapped and she HUGED ME. I froze and my being shut down. This was to stop me from throwing her across the room. I did not move while she did this. Once she stopped, I flailed my hands up. I knocked over two shelves that stuff in it would weigh about 10-20 pounds, and screamed. The bottom line is that I wash my hands of my mother. She is out of my life because I could not and would not accept an apology. Also i would not trust that she would repeat it over and over.
She does not respect my boundaries in any fashion. My mother does not like independent thought on my part. She protest it every time it is not something that she agrees with. She thinks of me as a child. She thinks that Skye has brainwashed me and will harm or kill me. What she would never understand is that that insults me and my soul mate. It makes me feel that she thinks of me as weak and stupid. It hurts that she does not think better of my judgment then to choose someone like that.
Life is short, but life is being your self and living according to what you think is right. To be your self or you do not live. If you have a problem face it and tell it what is wrong and what you need. If the problem keeps up then you try to do your best to avoid it, and move around it. Some times you can't do either and just need to deal but keep a thought on being true to your self.