The Different Between Us : Chapter Thirteen - What a Best Friend Do
genre : Romance, Drama
rating : PG-13
cast : Jessica/Tiffany
I have no life
She left me
Because of my….
Fault
My fault…
I have no soul
I lose my everything
Everything…
Jessica hasn’t sleep yet for the past 5 days. She cried so much, she didn’t want to eat nor drink. She spend almost of her days in her - their - bedroom, hugged Tiffany’s pillow, smelled her scent. Tiffany hasn’t come home yet or she would never come home again. Even Tiffany didn’t appear in the college anymore. She asked Taeyeon and Sunny about this but they didn’t know about her anymore, they both worried too but can’t do anything. Tiffany nowhere can found, she was like missing.
“please come home…” she said between her sob. “please…”She drowned her face on the pillow.
Her hair messed -- As mess as her bedroom. She didn’t move from her king sized bed, she didn’t move from her sit from the first day they broke up. She was hurt so much, the pain she can’t stand made her half crazy half frustrated. Yuri and Sooyoung called her every 2 hours but she didn’t pick it up. They visited her too and brought her favorite food but Jessica never touched it.
“I miss you…”
She heard a knock on the front door but she don’t walk and opened it like she used too. Footsteps came approached her and her bedroom’s door creak open. She took a glance at the tanned girl and the giant below the pillow that she hugged for the entire days.
“hi Sica” Yuri smiled bittersweet at her with Sooyoung following behind her. Jessica didn’t answer her.
Yuri sat on the edge of the bed as she stroke the blonde girl’s hair, Jessica flinched. Yuri and Sooyoung looked at each other with their sad expression. Yuri covered her mouth with her hand.
“Sica, what’s wrong with you? don’t you remember us?” Sooyoung took a sit beside the blonde. Jessica answered her with the other sob.
“Sica look at me” Yuri wipe her tears. “Sica… look at me, please”
Jessica lifted her head and looked at the younger girl behind her pillow. Her eyes surely swollen and red on the white side of her eyeball.
“oh my god Sica…” she hugged the other girl but Jessica jerk her away.
“don’t!!” she yelled and made both Yuri and Sooyoung jumped in shock.
“are you okay?” asked Sooyoung worriedly.
“don’t touched me! Just my Fany can touch me!”
Jessica face looks so blank but her hurt and sadness can’t be hidden. She looks like someone who lose her mind but her best friends know that there is still the real Jessica on her.
“she promised herself”
“we should find Tiffany as soon as possible”
Jessica looked at Sooyoung suddenly when she heard Fany’s name called.
“Fany… Tiffany… where is she?” she asked just a little girl who just lose her mother. “where is Tiffany? I miss her”
Yuri can’t take it any longer, she can’t watched her best friend like that. It’s just too painful for her. She walked out the room, one hand covered her mouth. Sooyoung sighed and looked at Jessica with a pain smile on her face. She caressed her hair. Jessica didn’t protested now but she hugged Sooyoung and cry on the taller girl’s chest.
“I’ll found her for you, Sica. I promise”
--------------
“you don’t know where is she?”
“I told you for the nth times Yul. I swear I don’t know” Taeyeon sighed and sat down in front of Yuri and Sooyoung.
“I miss her so much, most worried” she buried her face on her palm. “gosh Fany, where are you?”
“she’s been missing for 5 days and none of us know where is she. Tell me this is bad enough”
“totally bad Yul. Look, we need to find her. We must to! Geez… I can’t take it anymore. Just by looking at Sica make me broken already” Sooyoung messed her hair as she stood up and kick the tiny rock.
“Gyuri cause all of this” Taeyeon leaned against the three. “Fany wouldn’t come back until both Jessica and Gyuri make it clear in front of her”
“how? Jessica didn’t want to move from her sit and Gyuri… I don’t see her anymore since…” Yuri straightened her sit in suddenly. She was like snapped back to the reality. Sooyoung and Taeyeon looked at her in curiousness.
“since?”
“since the day we met them in the club” her answer just a whisper and her face like she was thinking about something.
“Yul? You okay?” Sooyoung kneed in front of her and shook her shoulder.
She looked at the two confused girls in front of her.
“do you ever seen her again from the day we met her in the club Taeng? I mean the next day in here, in the campus”
Taeyeon frowned than shook her head slowly, eyes still glued at Yuri.
“I… no. I didn’t”
Sooyoung lifted her eyebrow. “she run away”
-----------
A brown short haired girl stood not far from the coffee bar with a news paper on her right hand. She sighed deeply when she read the headline. She bit her lower lip and decided to walk towards the coffee bar. She stood outside the door and wave when a stunning long brown haired girl waved at her. She mouthed a ‘wait a minute’ to her and she nodded. Wait for her passionately.
She read the news paper - her eyes couldn’t stop staring at the headline of it. The news made her heart stop for a good one second. She didn’t know what she feels, she isn’t so happy nor sad. A tapped on her shoulder make her turn away to face the angelic face behind her. She smiled at her.
“you read a newspaper?”
She sighed. “yeah, I just buy it on my way here. Look at this”
She pointed the headline and the other girl gasped.
“oh my...”
She grabbed the newspaper and read it.
“Park goes bankrupt” she looked at the girl in front of her. “is this…”
“yeah that Park. Gyuri’s. I lose my job now Fany-ah”
Tiffany sighed heavily, she returned the newspaper to Eunjung as she started walked with her head bowed. Eunjung slapped her own forehead until a red mark can be seen, she walked fast towards Tiffany and hold on her hand.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to mention her name”
“it’s okay”
“do you mad at me?”
Tiffany stopped walking and stared at the taller girl. A painful look still appear on her eyes from the day she decided to live with Eunjung. The day she broke up with Jessica. She didn’t in a relationship with Eunjung when she still had a feeling for the blonde girl. The problem is she loves Jessica too much and moving on is quiet hard for her.
“I’m not, Jungie. I just…” she sighed, her eyes watery. Eunjung notice it and she hugged Tiffany tightly while the other girl cried on her chest. She caressed Tiffany’s back and rested her chin on top of Tiffany head.
“please… don’t cry Fany-ah”
“why? She didn’t care about me” she mumble. “I’m totally broken, Jungie”
“but I care”
Tiffany lifted her head and wiped her tears before she looked at Eunjung. Eunjung smiled at her and kiss her in the forehead.
“why you care?” Tiffany asked.
‘because I love you from the first time we met. From the first year of your high school day. Why you don’t notice it?’. Eunjung want to shout those words to Tiffany but she choose for find the other words to answered her.
“because… I’m you friend and I don’t want to see you cry. It’s so… hurt, you know”
Tiffany hugged her. “thank you. I hope Jessica is as good as you”
‘I hope I’m the one who you love’
FLASHBACK
Eunjung POV
I feel tons of water splashed through my face. I jumped in my sleep when the water got into my nose. A tight gripped on my shoulder stand me up and a slapped at my head made me groaned.
“my tub will be empty if I wake you up like this everyday!”
That’s my mom - I call he halmoni sometimes because most of the time she was so fussy and annoying. I rubbed my back head when my mom slapped me again.
“aish! I wake up already. Stop slapping my head. I can’t be the genius if you still doing it”
“a genius won’t late for their first day of school”
I snapped back when I take a look from the watch. I have to arrive at school at 8 but now is 8.15 already and I just woke up. This is so not cool. The bad impression in the first day of school is not good. So I grabbed my towel and ran with full speed to the bathroom. I’m ready in 5 minutes - new record btw - and because of my dad can’t carry me along with him than I decided to run from my home to school.
I was tried to catch my breath when a tapped on my shoulder made me turned around and found a girl with beautiful eye-smile waved her hand at my direction. I don’t know why but at that time, my heart skipped a bit. I gulped as she bowed at me and tell me her name.
“annyeong” she said still with her eye-smile. I was lack of oxygen. “my name is Tiffany Hwang”
“annyeong. My name is Ham Eunjung” I bowed back at her.
“you are a new student too?”
“uh… ye-yeah. You too?”
She nodded cutely - I swear I wanna pinched her cheek.
“we are late and… maybe we should go to the teacher’s room and ask for our class”
I nodded groggily. It is very natural really (I bet you would do the same this with me if you facing this Tiffany Hwang and she gave you her eye-smile).
We walked in silent and knock the teacher room’s door after we found it. A Teacher named Miss. Liu led us to our class. Yes our, me and her has the same class!
------------
Month by month has passed and a feeling grew on heart is very strong. Every time I saw her, I don’t know why but my heart skipped a bit like the first time we met. My heart melted with her puppy-eyes and her smile and her voice and all of her. I can’t think straight, I can’t breath when I saw her. Is this wrong? I think no. it’s not wrong if I fall in love with her. Everyone had a good reason to fall in love with her. She is perfect.
“Jungie? Are you listening?”
She tilted her head in one side as she pouted. I wanna scream and kissed those pink lips of her. She makes me crazy already.
“u-uh? No… I mean yes… yes of course”
“you are not” she sighed and crossed her arms.
Everybody jealous with us, they’re jealous with me for sure. Tiffany is already been a ‘most wanted girl’ at school at the first day. And me? Nuh, I’m just a girl. The just-a-girl if you know what I mean. Everyone said that I am just a lucky girl who can be a friend with her but Tiffany not looked at me that way. She is just… se is just like that. She was too kind and all, so everyone has no reason to hate her. So yeah, I’m not the only one who fall in love with her. But she didn’t know that of course.
Oh gosh…
I really want to tell her that I love her very much but I can’t. I can’t because I don’t want to ruin our friendship. You know… like a drama, I told her that I love her than she refuse, she stay away from me, our friendship broken just like that, my heart broken, she don’t want to know me anymore and we are all over. I just don’t want to be like that, so I just keep it for myself.
“oh that pink totoro. It’s so cute”
I looked at the pink totoro that appear on her computer screen. It’s cute, I’ve to admit it. I looked at the cost bellow the picture and my eyes grow wider.
“it’s so expensive”
“I know” she sighed.
I know she want it so bad and an idea appear on my brain just like that. I apply for a job in the next day and I got an enough salary. It is my first salary in a month and I decided to buy the pink totoro for Tiffany. I almost used all of my money for it. But it’s okay though. As long as she likes it, it’ll be sooooo fine for me.
----------
She gasped when I give her the pink totoro doll.
“omona Jungie. This is…”
“pink totoro you saw at the online store. You like it?”
She took the doll from my hand and hugged it as she smiled widely to me. I patted her head.
“I love this. But Jungie, this is expensive. How do you get a lot of money to buy this?”
I thinking, hard. I don’t want Tiffany knows than I’m working just for buy her the totoro she want so bad. So I lied.
“I was saving my money”
“really? you was saving your money to buy this doll for me?”
“mhm” I smiled and she hugged he tightly. I hope we can stay like this for the rest of my life, but she broke it.
“thank you” she kissed my cheek, I blushed like hell. My face red like a tomato and she notice it. “you blushing!” she pointed my face and laughed.
---------
“staring is not a good manners Ham Eunjung” Hyomin giggled beside me with a book on her lap.
I looked up at her. “I’m not staring at anybody”
“oh yeah? So what are you doing? I watch you staring at Tiffany”
She was right. I can’t help but staring at her from distance even though I can always stood by her side every time I want but I prefer this way if I want to staring at her. Watching her laugh, smile, and fooling around with her friends like this way is more comfortable.
“well, it’s not a violation but Eunjung, if you like her, just go and tell her your feeling”
“I hope I can” I lowered my head as I sighed. “but I can’t”
“why?” She sat beside me.
“it’s just… she is my best friend. I don’t want to ruin it if I told her my feeling. Be like this is enough for me”
“really? you think so? You think you comfortable enough?” Hyomin turn me around, facing me. “Eunjung, I’m your friend too, I don’t wanna see you like this. I mean… hiding your feeling is a violation. Violation for yourself. Don’t you feel burdening yourself?”
She was right. Hyomin was right and I regret it two months later when Tiffany dating someone. I should tell her my feeling, not just bleeded my heart by watching them doing their lovey-dovey. She tells me everything, her feeling towards her girlfriend, her date and all; even their first kiss.
“I’m the luckiest girl in the world, Jungie” she said. Eyes full of joy and I can’t help but smiled at her even my heart break into a pieces.
“sure you are”
“don’t you see it? I mean… she was like… an angel. Oh my god… I love her so much”
Another word that made my heart bleeding. I want to run away and yelled at her that I don’t want to hear her story, but that’s not what a best friend does. So I just sat in front of her, hugged my pillow tight; in hope I can hold back my tears.
END FLASHBACK
TBC
a/n: eunjung POV. is it okay? :/
rating : PG-13
cast : Jessica/Tiffany
I have no life
She left me
Because of my….
Fault
My fault…
I have no soul
I lose my everything
Everything…
Jessica hasn’t sleep yet for the past 5 days. She cried so much, she didn’t want to eat nor drink. She spend almost of her days in her - their - bedroom, hugged Tiffany’s pillow, smelled her scent. Tiffany hasn’t come home yet or she would never come home again. Even Tiffany didn’t appear in the college anymore. She asked Taeyeon and Sunny about this but they didn’t know about her anymore, they both worried too but can’t do anything. Tiffany nowhere can found, she was like missing.
“please come home…” she said between her sob. “please…”She drowned her face on the pillow.
Her hair messed -- As mess as her bedroom. She didn’t move from her king sized bed, she didn’t move from her sit from the first day they broke up. She was hurt so much, the pain she can’t stand made her half crazy half frustrated. Yuri and Sooyoung called her every 2 hours but she didn’t pick it up. They visited her too and brought her favorite food but Jessica never touched it.
“I miss you…”
She heard a knock on the front door but she don’t walk and opened it like she used too. Footsteps came approached her and her bedroom’s door creak open. She took a glance at the tanned girl and the giant below the pillow that she hugged for the entire days.
“hi Sica” Yuri smiled bittersweet at her with Sooyoung following behind her. Jessica didn’t answer her.
Yuri sat on the edge of the bed as she stroke the blonde girl’s hair, Jessica flinched. Yuri and Sooyoung looked at each other with their sad expression. Yuri covered her mouth with her hand.
“Sica, what’s wrong with you? don’t you remember us?” Sooyoung took a sit beside the blonde. Jessica answered her with the other sob.
“Sica look at me” Yuri wipe her tears. “Sica… look at me, please”
Jessica lifted her head and looked at the younger girl behind her pillow. Her eyes surely swollen and red on the white side of her eyeball.
“oh my god Sica…” she hugged the other girl but Jessica jerk her away.
“don’t!!” she yelled and made both Yuri and Sooyoung jumped in shock.
“are you okay?” asked Sooyoung worriedly.
“don’t touched me! Just my Fany can touch me!”
Jessica face looks so blank but her hurt and sadness can’t be hidden. She looks like someone who lose her mind but her best friends know that there is still the real Jessica on her.
“she promised herself”
“we should find Tiffany as soon as possible”
Jessica looked at Sooyoung suddenly when she heard Fany’s name called.
“Fany… Tiffany… where is she?” she asked just a little girl who just lose her mother. “where is Tiffany? I miss her”
Yuri can’t take it any longer, she can’t watched her best friend like that. It’s just too painful for her. She walked out the room, one hand covered her mouth. Sooyoung sighed and looked at Jessica with a pain smile on her face. She caressed her hair. Jessica didn’t protested now but she hugged Sooyoung and cry on the taller girl’s chest.
“I’ll found her for you, Sica. I promise”
--------------
“you don’t know where is she?”
“I told you for the nth times Yul. I swear I don’t know” Taeyeon sighed and sat down in front of Yuri and Sooyoung.
“I miss her so much, most worried” she buried her face on her palm. “gosh Fany, where are you?”
“she’s been missing for 5 days and none of us know where is she. Tell me this is bad enough”
“totally bad Yul. Look, we need to find her. We must to! Geez… I can’t take it anymore. Just by looking at Sica make me broken already” Sooyoung messed her hair as she stood up and kick the tiny rock.
“Gyuri cause all of this” Taeyeon leaned against the three. “Fany wouldn’t come back until both Jessica and Gyuri make it clear in front of her”
“how? Jessica didn’t want to move from her sit and Gyuri… I don’t see her anymore since…” Yuri straightened her sit in suddenly. She was like snapped back to the reality. Sooyoung and Taeyeon looked at her in curiousness.
“since?”
“since the day we met them in the club” her answer just a whisper and her face like she was thinking about something.
“Yul? You okay?” Sooyoung kneed in front of her and shook her shoulder.
She looked at the two confused girls in front of her.
“do you ever seen her again from the day we met her in the club Taeng? I mean the next day in here, in the campus”
Taeyeon frowned than shook her head slowly, eyes still glued at Yuri.
“I… no. I didn’t”
Sooyoung lifted her eyebrow. “she run away”
-----------
A brown short haired girl stood not far from the coffee bar with a news paper on her right hand. She sighed deeply when she read the headline. She bit her lower lip and decided to walk towards the coffee bar. She stood outside the door and wave when a stunning long brown haired girl waved at her. She mouthed a ‘wait a minute’ to her and she nodded. Wait for her passionately.
She read the news paper - her eyes couldn’t stop staring at the headline of it. The news made her heart stop for a good one second. She didn’t know what she feels, she isn’t so happy nor sad. A tapped on her shoulder make her turn away to face the angelic face behind her. She smiled at her.
“you read a newspaper?”
She sighed. “yeah, I just buy it on my way here. Look at this”
She pointed the headline and the other girl gasped.
“oh my...”
She grabbed the newspaper and read it.
“Park goes bankrupt” she looked at the girl in front of her. “is this…”
“yeah that Park. Gyuri’s. I lose my job now Fany-ah”
Tiffany sighed heavily, she returned the newspaper to Eunjung as she started walked with her head bowed. Eunjung slapped her own forehead until a red mark can be seen, she walked fast towards Tiffany and hold on her hand.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to mention her name”
“it’s okay”
“do you mad at me?”
Tiffany stopped walking and stared at the taller girl. A painful look still appear on her eyes from the day she decided to live with Eunjung. The day she broke up with Jessica. She didn’t in a relationship with Eunjung when she still had a feeling for the blonde girl. The problem is she loves Jessica too much and moving on is quiet hard for her.
“I’m not, Jungie. I just…” she sighed, her eyes watery. Eunjung notice it and she hugged Tiffany tightly while the other girl cried on her chest. She caressed Tiffany’s back and rested her chin on top of Tiffany head.
“please… don’t cry Fany-ah”
“why? She didn’t care about me” she mumble. “I’m totally broken, Jungie”
“but I care”
Tiffany lifted her head and wiped her tears before she looked at Eunjung. Eunjung smiled at her and kiss her in the forehead.
“why you care?” Tiffany asked.
‘because I love you from the first time we met. From the first year of your high school day. Why you don’t notice it?’. Eunjung want to shout those words to Tiffany but she choose for find the other words to answered her.
“because… I’m you friend and I don’t want to see you cry. It’s so… hurt, you know”
Tiffany hugged her. “thank you. I hope Jessica is as good as you”
‘I hope I’m the one who you love’
FLASHBACK
Eunjung POV
I feel tons of water splashed through my face. I jumped in my sleep when the water got into my nose. A tight gripped on my shoulder stand me up and a slapped at my head made me groaned.
“my tub will be empty if I wake you up like this everyday!”
That’s my mom - I call he halmoni sometimes because most of the time she was so fussy and annoying. I rubbed my back head when my mom slapped me again.
“aish! I wake up already. Stop slapping my head. I can’t be the genius if you still doing it”
“a genius won’t late for their first day of school”
I snapped back when I take a look from the watch. I have to arrive at school at 8 but now is 8.15 already and I just woke up. This is so not cool. The bad impression in the first day of school is not good. So I grabbed my towel and ran with full speed to the bathroom. I’m ready in 5 minutes - new record btw - and because of my dad can’t carry me along with him than I decided to run from my home to school.
I was tried to catch my breath when a tapped on my shoulder made me turned around and found a girl with beautiful eye-smile waved her hand at my direction. I don’t know why but at that time, my heart skipped a bit. I gulped as she bowed at me and tell me her name.
“annyeong” she said still with her eye-smile. I was lack of oxygen. “my name is Tiffany Hwang”
“annyeong. My name is Ham Eunjung” I bowed back at her.
“you are a new student too?”
“uh… ye-yeah. You too?”
She nodded cutely - I swear I wanna pinched her cheek.
“we are late and… maybe we should go to the teacher’s room and ask for our class”
I nodded groggily. It is very natural really (I bet you would do the same this with me if you facing this Tiffany Hwang and she gave you her eye-smile).
We walked in silent and knock the teacher room’s door after we found it. A Teacher named Miss. Liu led us to our class. Yes our, me and her has the same class!
------------
Month by month has passed and a feeling grew on heart is very strong. Every time I saw her, I don’t know why but my heart skipped a bit like the first time we met. My heart melted with her puppy-eyes and her smile and her voice and all of her. I can’t think straight, I can’t breath when I saw her. Is this wrong? I think no. it’s not wrong if I fall in love with her. Everyone had a good reason to fall in love with her. She is perfect.
“Jungie? Are you listening?”
She tilted her head in one side as she pouted. I wanna scream and kissed those pink lips of her. She makes me crazy already.
“u-uh? No… I mean yes… yes of course”
“you are not” she sighed and crossed her arms.
Everybody jealous with us, they’re jealous with me for sure. Tiffany is already been a ‘most wanted girl’ at school at the first day. And me? Nuh, I’m just a girl. The just-a-girl if you know what I mean. Everyone said that I am just a lucky girl who can be a friend with her but Tiffany not looked at me that way. She is just… se is just like that. She was too kind and all, so everyone has no reason to hate her. So yeah, I’m not the only one who fall in love with her. But she didn’t know that of course.
Oh gosh…
I really want to tell her that I love her very much but I can’t. I can’t because I don’t want to ruin our friendship. You know… like a drama, I told her that I love her than she refuse, she stay away from me, our friendship broken just like that, my heart broken, she don’t want to know me anymore and we are all over. I just don’t want to be like that, so I just keep it for myself.
“oh that pink totoro. It’s so cute”
I looked at the pink totoro that appear on her computer screen. It’s cute, I’ve to admit it. I looked at the cost bellow the picture and my eyes grow wider.
“it’s so expensive”
“I know” she sighed.
I know she want it so bad and an idea appear on my brain just like that. I apply for a job in the next day and I got an enough salary. It is my first salary in a month and I decided to buy the pink totoro for Tiffany. I almost used all of my money for it. But it’s okay though. As long as she likes it, it’ll be sooooo fine for me.
----------
She gasped when I give her the pink totoro doll.
“omona Jungie. This is…”
“pink totoro you saw at the online store. You like it?”
She took the doll from my hand and hugged it as she smiled widely to me. I patted her head.
“I love this. But Jungie, this is expensive. How do you get a lot of money to buy this?”
I thinking, hard. I don’t want Tiffany knows than I’m working just for buy her the totoro she want so bad. So I lied.
“I was saving my money”
“really? you was saving your money to buy this doll for me?”
“mhm” I smiled and she hugged he tightly. I hope we can stay like this for the rest of my life, but she broke it.
“thank you” she kissed my cheek, I blushed like hell. My face red like a tomato and she notice it. “you blushing!” she pointed my face and laughed.
---------
“staring is not a good manners Ham Eunjung” Hyomin giggled beside me with a book on her lap.
I looked up at her. “I’m not staring at anybody”
“oh yeah? So what are you doing? I watch you staring at Tiffany”
She was right. I can’t help but staring at her from distance even though I can always stood by her side every time I want but I prefer this way if I want to staring at her. Watching her laugh, smile, and fooling around with her friends like this way is more comfortable.
“well, it’s not a violation but Eunjung, if you like her, just go and tell her your feeling”
“I hope I can” I lowered my head as I sighed. “but I can’t”
“why?” She sat beside me.
“it’s just… she is my best friend. I don’t want to ruin it if I told her my feeling. Be like this is enough for me”
“really? you think so? You think you comfortable enough?” Hyomin turn me around, facing me. “Eunjung, I’m your friend too, I don’t wanna see you like this. I mean… hiding your feeling is a violation. Violation for yourself. Don’t you feel burdening yourself?”
She was right. Hyomin was right and I regret it two months later when Tiffany dating someone. I should tell her my feeling, not just bleeded my heart by watching them doing their lovey-dovey. She tells me everything, her feeling towards her girlfriend, her date and all; even their first kiss.
“I’m the luckiest girl in the world, Jungie” she said. Eyes full of joy and I can’t help but smiled at her even my heart break into a pieces.
“sure you are”
“don’t you see it? I mean… she was like… an angel. Oh my god… I love her so much”
Another word that made my heart bleeding. I want to run away and yelled at her that I don’t want to hear her story, but that’s not what a best friend does. So I just sat in front of her, hugged my pillow tight; in hope I can hold back my tears.
END FLASHBACK
TBC
a/n: eunjung POV. is it okay? :/