Carry on
Goodness, it's almost May already. I should start putting in the garden for this year. Does anyone have any suggestions on what to plant?
Mal, I've collected some of my favorite recipes, I'd like to send them to Claire. Do you have her address? Or should I send them care of Rachel?
~~~
Packing up those rooms was an ordeal. It really didn't take very long, especially with Edward's help. And now all their things are packed away in boxes, taped and labeled and buried underground.
...Well that was unnecessarily melodramatic.
Half of it was Al's things. That boy collects a lot clutter. The room seems so... colorless, now. I didn't have the heart to cover over the paint on the walls. I kind of like his murals, anyhow. I leave that up to the next resident. ...Hopefully he'll come back, and he can have his room just how it was.... God save him, wherever he is. ...I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure he's fine. He's a tough little boy....
Darren's... Darren's room was weird. He didn't have much that belonged to him. And most of that belonged to Colin... to Ren in the first place. I'd just left all of Colin's things in there, as if I were waiting for him to come back... even after I knew. And then Darren moved right in, and that was what I wanted, wasn't it? ...I am so stupid. So, so stupid. I really can't believe myself sometimes. I mean... it wasn't like that, after all... but I wanted it to be, back then. Or some part of me did.
I still don't know what I feel about Darren. Not Darren, the person, but Darren, the highly complicated situation. I guess that's it, really. It's complicated.
Why can't things be simpler?
So it took me twice as long as it should have to pack up that room. I thought about a lot of things. Most startling of which is that, if Ren is truly gone for good... and I hope he isn't, but I think he very well might be....
...
...if he is gone for good, then I'm on my own again. ...Not even again, I've never been on my own before. But, for the first time since I moved into this house, my resources are finite. Not very finite, what money I have is still enough to last a good long while, but... I find that I have to think about the future. The future of this house, and of the people who will live here. Even after I am gone.
Because this must continue. I may have failed with Ren, but this house is still doing good, in its small way. I have to ensure that this house continues on in the role it fills so well.
So I'm going to divide up the money. Some to keep on hand, in the safe, where it is now... some in the bank, to sit and earn interest... and some to invest. In something. I don't know. I don't know anything about money, or investing. I don't know whether to go it alone, or whether I should hire someone, a financial adviser, or something. I'll have to think on that, I guess.
It's a bit scary, being out on my own. Not for myself, I'm well taken care of for now, so I guess in that respect I'm still depending on him. But to feel responsible for the future, to have something to care for, to have to plan for it, carefully, so it never dies... it's a weird feeling. I feel like someone else ought to make these sorts of decisions. But... there isn't anyone else, and it really is my responsibility now.
...Please God, don't let him forget me. Even if it isn't now, even if it's far off in the future and I am long gone, don't let him forget me. Please....
~~~
*knocks on the door to Sheska's apartment*
Mal, I've collected some of my favorite recipes, I'd like to send them to Claire. Do you have her address? Or should I send them care of Rachel?
~~~
Packing up those rooms was an ordeal. It really didn't take very long, especially with Edward's help. And now all their things are packed away in boxes, taped and labeled and buried underground.
...Well that was unnecessarily melodramatic.
Half of it was Al's things. That boy collects a lot clutter. The room seems so... colorless, now. I didn't have the heart to cover over the paint on the walls. I kind of like his murals, anyhow. I leave that up to the next resident. ...Hopefully he'll come back, and he can have his room just how it was.... God save him, wherever he is. ...I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure he's fine. He's a tough little boy....
Darren's... Darren's room was weird. He didn't have much that belonged to him. And most of that belonged to Colin... to Ren in the first place. I'd just left all of Colin's things in there, as if I were waiting for him to come back... even after I knew. And then Darren moved right in, and that was what I wanted, wasn't it? ...I am so stupid. So, so stupid. I really can't believe myself sometimes. I mean... it wasn't like that, after all... but I wanted it to be, back then. Or some part of me did.
I still don't know what I feel about Darren. Not Darren, the person, but Darren, the highly complicated situation. I guess that's it, really. It's complicated.
Why can't things be simpler?
So it took me twice as long as it should have to pack up that room. I thought about a lot of things. Most startling of which is that, if Ren is truly gone for good... and I hope he isn't, but I think he very well might be....
...
...if he is gone for good, then I'm on my own again. ...Not even again, I've never been on my own before. But, for the first time since I moved into this house, my resources are finite. Not very finite, what money I have is still enough to last a good long while, but... I find that I have to think about the future. The future of this house, and of the people who will live here. Even after I am gone.
Because this must continue. I may have failed with Ren, but this house is still doing good, in its small way. I have to ensure that this house continues on in the role it fills so well.
So I'm going to divide up the money. Some to keep on hand, in the safe, where it is now... some in the bank, to sit and earn interest... and some to invest. In something. I don't know. I don't know anything about money, or investing. I don't know whether to go it alone, or whether I should hire someone, a financial adviser, or something. I'll have to think on that, I guess.
It's a bit scary, being out on my own. Not for myself, I'm well taken care of for now, so I guess in that respect I'm still depending on him. But to feel responsible for the future, to have something to care for, to have to plan for it, carefully, so it never dies... it's a weird feeling. I feel like someone else ought to make these sorts of decisions. But... there isn't anyone else, and it really is my responsibility now.
...Please God, don't let him forget me. Even if it isn't now, even if it's far off in the future and I am long gone, don't let him forget me. Please....
~~~
*knocks on the door to Sheska's apartment*