(no subject)
I had more or less completed the next entry for my intoxication series 2/3 weeks ago, mainly talking about my drinking tastes and habits nowadays. However I didn't like it as it was pretty boring and became a bit preachy, so I binned it. This one has come out the same tho, so sod it.
My first year of drinking was a fasttrack condensed learning period where I went thru all the stages most ppl would have encountered between the ages of 15 to 20 when it comes to booze. I tended to only drink sweet drinks as I liked the taste, so alot of dark spirits with coke and a fair bit of mainstream cider (altho not stuff like White Lightning, horrendous). I was not a beer drinker, I just did not like the taste and doubted I ever would.
Well that changed big time when I was introduced to real ales by my project partner in the 4th year of uni. We met to discuss our project and ended up getting drunk in a Youngs pub nr Southwark tube station. They has Waggledance on tap and after a bit of prompting I decided to try some and all this was new to me. Waggledance is one of the easiest to drink ales I know as it is quite crisp and sweet (being a honey beer), it is also deceptively strong. After four pints of the stuff I was converted and as the year went on I would try more and more ales, such that eventually I got a taste for darker brews as well as bitters. By the end of the year I was a full on ale drinker and had the stomach to prove it. Ales made me fat again (that and home cooking as I moved back home properly that year).
On the plus side I was fast developing a good knowledge of beers and realised the reason I never liked beer initially was that the stuff I tried was basically shit. I hate nothing more than walking into a pub to see that all they have to offer are crap like Stella, Krone or Heineken. In these situations I usually have to turn to Guiness, which I don't mind when it is in good nick, mainly for the creamy texture of the head as the actual flavour (outside of Ireland at least) is nothing compared to a decent dark ale.
Now I know some ppl take offence or think I am a pretentious shite when I say that I don't drink standard lagers like Stella becuz they taste like shit and just exist to get ppl drunk. Well they can fuck off. If you don't take yr alcohol seriously you can never properly enjoy the alcohol itself, just the getting drunk part. Often I hear people talk about how they got pissed and did this or that, or are never going to drink again becuz of something really embarassing they did. These stories are usually funny and I like hearing them But very rarely do I ever hear ppl talk about what they drank that night, how it tasted and what the quality was like. Not many people actually appear to enjoy the drinks themselves. The only exception appears to be when they have cocktails, which most people tend to have only now and then. Usually it will be a bog standard lager or bog standard spirit and mixer. Ppl will say they like the taste of these drinks and they probably do, but often the same ppl rarely try anything new or different, thus acquiring remarkably narrow tastes.
A good example of ppl simply not respecting alcohol is that the vast majority of regular vodka drinkers in this country cannot drink their preferred brand neat. The dominant brand of vodka in this country is Smirnoff, in particular their Smirnoff Red vodka. Now this stuff tastes and smells like paint stripper, no wonder 99% of people drink it with a mixer. The thing is the purpose of the mixer is basically to mask the awful flavour. I don't think anyone can actually like the taste of Smirnoff Red and a mixer more than if they just had the mixer on its own, whether it be coke or juice. If you disagree you have probably just become too accustomed to the taste and your brain relates it immediately to getting drunk. The only mixer I will back up on is Red Bull as some kind of crazy reaction happens when that stuff is mixed with shit vodka that makes it more potent and taste better.
Apart from all this I have found that when I get drunk on nasty booze I act like a complete twat while drunk. Ok, so I am a twat when drunk anyway, but I mean a real twat or even git. One example that sticks out in my mind is when I went down to Brighton with Rosie in order to go out with her mate and her b/f, who I had not met before. They told Rosie they had already bought some booze so we didn't need to bring any. That's nice of them, I thought. But when we got round I realised that what this meant is that they had bought a large bottle of Smirnoff Red and some mixers. Shit. Now I was still grateful, but really if I had known I would have brought some beer. Anyway, they started talking about the club we were going to and I quickly realised that if I don't get drunk I am going to have a really shit night. Yes that's right, we're going to a funk night in Brighton. That means crappy student type mainstream funk wank music with a bit of James Brown thrown in, and I knew the venue was shit. Plus it was on the gay side on the club divide. Oh dear. I'm not homophobic, but I a not too keen on gay clubs, music tends to be shite you see. but then I knew it was going to be anyway.
So I started drinking the vodka even tho I hated the stuff just to get pissed up. Just before we left I knocked back ac ouple of neat doubles just to keep the blood warm as we walked to the club. Then Rosie started on me for reasons I can't really remember, she had been off with me all day probably becuz she knew what my reaction to the club we were going to would be. Now I was drunk I was being an arse right back at her, but with a bit more bile than usual. It had began. We get in there and immediately I knew things were going to get worse, the music was awful, the crowd were twats and the booze selection was awful. I danced for a bit when a couple of tracks I liked came on and then couldn't take it anymore.
I went into the corridor and tried to lean against the wall as best I could. Rosie came out and had a go at me for not enjoying myself and I told her to fuck off and went into some tirade about how she only ever goes out to clubs in Brighton nowadays and never back in London and how this club was a piece of shit and she and her friends know nothing about music and think they are black becuz they think they can get funky when really they are white middle class racists from whitesville Brighton and don't actually Jimi Hendrix. Alright, maybe not that last part, but not far off. I was being a total fucking wanker, I just wanted to piss he roff so she would go away and I coudl continue talking to the bouncer about how Minority Report was one of the worst and stupid films ever. Which I did for about an hour.
Then I needed a shit. So I walked and queued up in the scummy toilets talking to some fellow drunkards about how women are stupid and being generally a sexist asshole. Then finally a cublicle opens up and two guys come out together. Oh, I thought, I don't really wanna take a crap in a pool of ejaculate, but I needed a shit so bad I took the plunge. The toilet looked ok and I started. However at some point my nob touched the bowl and I froze. The state of my head now was really bad, it wa spinning and I was getting really dark fuct up thoughts. I was angry at everything. At that very moment I convinced myself I had cought AIDS from the toilet. I know it's sounds stupid, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I finished up and went out to discover Rosie waiting around for me. Her mates b/f had puked up and been kicked out, turns out he was super pissed too.
So we leave and I start telling Rosie really angrily and with absolute despair that I had caught AIDS from the toilet after the gay guys splooged on it and it was her fault for bringing to the club. Telling her I was gonna die a painful death all thanks to having a crap in a shit club with shit music and shit booze. And it was all her fault. "How does that make you feel?" I asked. Over and over I said I had got AIDS and Rosie basically ran away in front of me. Now I know I am being fucking stupid, but really I was a totally different person, I didn't know what I was saying or doing, all I knew is I had AIDS. Rosie's mates ran away, we got to hers I collapsed asleep.
The next day I woke up suddenly thinking something bad happened. Yes I know, I remember, I've got AIDS! NOoOOOOooooo...... hey wait a minute, how the fuck did I get AIDS? From the toilet!!!!! NOOOOooOOOOOoOOooooo... Wait a minute thats a load of bollocks. Where the fuck am I? Brighton. Where's Rosie? Has she dumped me becuz I have AIDS? I don't have AIDS, shut the fuck up.
I was interupted from my mind fuck debate by Rosie who had slept upstairs walking in with a look on her face that indicated she was very annoyed. I immediately blamed the vodka, I never act like that when drunk on decent booze. Yes I can be loud, but never that much of a fuickiin twat. I can then proceeded to tell her if I had brought some beers along like I planned to it would not have happened like that, so essentially it was her and her mates faults. But I meant that, I'm still a twat when sober.
I found out a year later than my insistence about catching AIDS while walking home that night also convinced Rosie's mate's drunk b/f he also had caught AIDS. He had also been bugged his g/f about it during the night in much the same way I did. This made me laugh for a long, long time and made me feel less like a twat, but not much.
From that day on I swore to alwasy stick to decent booze so I act like a total twat while drunk. The only times I have come close to breaking this is office parties, where we end up in shit pubs and I end up getting quite drunk after a tiring day. I feel a bit sheepish at work the next day, but never on the level of that night.
Nowadays the only spirits I really drink are whisky and rum. I try to have them neat with just a little ice so I can relly appreciate the flavour. I still have mixers now and then, but my rule of thumb is that if I can't drink it neat I won't drink it with a spirit. They are nice vodkas I can drink neat which I do enjoy, but really no spirit beats a good single malt whisky.
Two beer festivals on back to back weekends comin up, can't wait.