(no subject)
Pretending
I should've went for that walk with Heather last night, I should've. But just before she asked me, Dora asked me to go to the movies with her and she said she was happy that I was coming so I couldn't just turn around and say no to her.
She brought along her little sister and friend. The movie was Fun with Dick and Jane.
Dora and I talked before the movie started while those girls and got popcorn, only to upon return start throwing it. It was the sister's friend that was really annoying me! After about fifteen minutes into the movie, the girl kept on trying to get Dora's attention and giggle. I wasn't in on it so I asked her what so funny and all she said was,'nevermind'. Oo Wrong answer. I just wanted to stangle her with my bloody scarf. I said, "No shit?!" And just waited for her to give me an answer. And this is what really got me. The girl started looking up on the screen like all of a sudden it was interesting. She told me and it was so trival, I still didn't get it what was so damn funny.
Well, the way I see it, if you're going to bumping into me when, continuing to throw popcorn after I asked you nicely to stop (maybe not nicely) and you still have the audacity to ask me to move so that you can talk and giggle next to Dora, THEN I MIGHT AS WELL NOT EVEN BE THERE. So, needless to say, when she asked Dora to go the washroom with them. I up and left. I don't need that. I'm not 8 years old and think it's fun to throw popcorn and play silly childhood games like this one she was trying to pull. In no way was it Dora's fault, I know her personality is very passive. So, I felt bad for leaving her because it's not like she wanted me to trade seats and she didn't go to the washroom with them, until too minutes later! Actually, yeah I should be angry with Dora cause she shouldn't have gone too. But at least she damn well knew that I was getting fed up her sister's friend.
I pretended to hold it together.
Went to Starbucks.
Oddly enough, I felt like these girls at the till were laughing at me. So, that pissed me off further and made me feel even more self coinscience. I went into the bathroom and pretended that I knew how to develope an eating disorder by puking up what little I had for supper which is all I ate yesterday. But I just don't have a particular talent for puking on cue. So, this made me even more frustrated. I got an ice tea. (I'm not really attempting to develope bulemia but I know how it is...) I saw Nicole working. See looked really sad or like she was ignoring me. I didn't understand. I'm not sure if it's me or what. Then, when I left, to top the night off me feeling low as low can be, I walked by Fran's mom. Sure, we exchanged smiles but I think it was one of those automatic ones where if you see someone you recognize someone you haven't seen in awhile and smile sort of accidentally. She didn't mean to, I'm sure. I wouldn't be able to smile at myself after what I've done. Or forgive myself for that matter. I started smoking at that point and walked all the way home.
Chain-smoked I did.
Talking very loudly to myself about the outrages on this land. How I hate everything I see and probably looking like a maniac. But I didn't care.
I felt like, as I'd say in my language:
Inca esqueesed m'nik
I felt (basically) like shit.
But it got better after I talked to Heather and had a really good conversation and then today, work was...bareable at least.
Also, Nikki, I talked and were making plans for tonight but Brad is still feeling sick and blah blah, other stuff. That just gets my goat, whenever I want to go out and we make plans, they almost always fuck up. And when I just want to stay home or take a walk, be leisurely, then someone wants me to go somewhere and get myself all dolled up. Last night was a total waste of make-up.
So, you got to believe in luck and karma.
Luck because if you don't, it's like you have no hope or faith that anything good will happen for no reason. It can't always be you who is the runner of the universe. Strange shit happens everyday to people and "Luck" is just giving it a positive connotative explanation.
Karma because if you don't, you would have a ton of people on your list to "getting even" with. That's so draining. I say, "Live and let live." They'll get what's coming to them!
And that is all I says for now...