say something
say something
yunho/boa; g, ~898w
a/n: so um, bamthegreat and i came up with something. inspired by the recent smtown seoul.
--
( say something i’m giving up on you )
It’s funny sometimes, she thinks to herself, when her label mates decide to sing what is going through her mind that evening. Talk about irony, she scoffs backstage, when Tiffany and Kangta are deeply immersed in their duet and all she could think about is how pathetic her current situation is. By the time they’ve reached the second verse, Boa concludes she has heard enough and retreats back into the comfort of her small room. Safe and away from people.
Safe, because no one would disturb her while she dwells deep in her thoughts. Safe, because she knows no one would disturb her, not since it has been established that (Changmin’s words rings in her mind) the queen is not in a mood for anyone right now.
Boa thinks it is ridiculous for her be this hopeless; isn’t she supposed to be stronger than this? Isn’t she stronger than this?
When she absent-mindedly scrolls through her phone’s gallery and comes across an album full with broken memories, Boa drops her phone on the couch in a swift motion - as though she is allergic to what she has seen.
She leans back and glances at the white walls of her temporary haven and knows then that she is anything but strong.
Not when it comes to love. Not when it comes to Yunho.
--
She is forced to wait by the side, and she curses her luck for being arranged to perform right after them. When the light dims and the audience erupts into a roar, Boa pretends to check her mic one last time, her outfit, her hair - anything to avoid meeting his gaze; she knows that there would be no escape once she sees into his eyes.
“Good luck, shorty.” She jumps in her heels when she feels a pat on her shoulder. Boa is forced to glance up, (and mentally breathing in relief) when she sees Changmin grinning down on her. “Not that you need it, anyway.”
Boa wills herself to look at Changmin and only Changmin, giving him a half-sincere smile as she nods. “Thanks.” She quickly says before making her way towards the stage.
She doesn’t look behind.
--
The noise is deafening, and the crowd-her family-surrounds her like a blanket, yet she subconsciously finds herself searching for him. (It is a habit in every encore stage she finds unable to pull away) She sees him then, just as beautiful as always (when has he not? she whispers sadly to herself), smiling, waving to the crowd, laughing, and suddenly, Boa finds it extremely difficult to look away.
She resorts to staring, but not quite looking, at the space before him. It is a fight between her heart asking her to solve this (problem? issue?), because goddamnit, boa, you are clearly not over him, and her mind telling her not to jeopardize this friendship any further.
In a second, when she is still contemplating whether to look away or to hold her stance, he shifts his head from the audience, makes eye contact with her, and that is when she finds herself falling in love with him all over again.
Just like that, words, thoughts, memories gush forth.
“how are you?”
“have you been eating well?”
“i love you still”
“do you miss me?”
And yet, even when her mind is on repeat and she feels her head throbbing in pain, the words remain unmoving inside her lips. She catches herself still stuck in his gaze, the seconds stretch on and on and on and Boa feels it must have gone on to forever.
Then she blinks, and the heart pounding against her chest, the arms that wish to wrap itself around him, lay still as she bends her body to give him a bow.
Yunho catches her looking at him (after all her attempts not to, earlier).
Or is she not?
It doesn’t matter. For in those few seconds, the noise fades into the background, the world dims, the crowd falls in a hush and all that he could hear is the loud beating of his heart. His heart that still calls for her name, even though they’ve agreed that this is all for the best. (who’s best? hers? because it sure as hell isn’t for him.)
“i do. i miss you. i greatly do.”
“do you still love me?”
“i see you haven’t been eating well,”
“are you fine?”
He suddenly finds the air constricting, closing on him and suffocating him. His eyes moisten with tears and it takes him everything not to crumble onto his knees. Boa remains petrified, and his heart softens at the way her eyes seem to speak language to him.
He wants to take a step closer. To fly into her arms, to hold her like he has before. It aches him to see her so broken, but how could he fix her when he is just as broken?
It is only when his line of vision shows the floor did he realize that he had let another moment pass. It only lasted for three seconds. But to Yunho, it is an eternity.
He closes his eyes and pretends that his heart did not break when he made that bow.
The show must go on.
( i’ll be the one, if you want me to.)
--