blam, blam, blam you’re done ... you're fucking done
geez, i just want to rant. well holidays suck. i hate holidays. blah. maybe because my family's never really been huge on them. got some gifts, that was cool i guess. i feel like mon and i are having a fallout or something. i dunno i seem to be mad at anyone for everything. but i do hate how she'll talk to me on aim, then stop and not talk to me for 20 minutes, then tell me she's leaving. one of the reasons i shut down my aim in the first place. i hate looking at all these livejournals and myspace and all. everyone is so cute. blah. i was listening to "tropical london". fuck brody really hurt tim. that so sucks. i saw movies like all day long christmas day. donnie darko, ghost world, american history x, and then donnie darko again. i still haven't seen one hour photo. i think that's what its called. well whatever i have a month of vacation, i'll do it then. "the wars end" just came on ... reminds me of david. but then again what doesn't. man, i miss that kid. man i had so much to say and now its gone. ummm well i guess that's where divine trash gets her icon from ... ghost world. i don't know, someone i just think i'm a girl that wants a boy to love me. man i bet i just sounded so corny. lars ... yeah he'll do. i think i'm gonna make a shirt that says "love me". *singing* "black coat, white shoes, black hat, cadillac" ... ha "time bomb" came on. had to sing along to that. well ... every day i feel more estranged from my friends, i mean i hardly see them, or talk to them, so that sucks. well i think i'm gonna be getting a phone with lilia ... fun, fun, fun. i'm feeling so emotional ... think i'm getting on my period. hopefully i'm not ... i have to go to the gyno tomorrow. ewww ... hopefully i don't back out at the last minute. it's just ummm .... weird. i don't want anyone checking me down there. geez, i need to go see a nutritionist too. i need to lose some poundage, and see if i can get some protein advice, since i don't eat meat. and to top it all off, lately everyone has been telling me i'm mean, i'm a bitch. geez, thanks for saying all that, and it's not like i mean to be cold hearted, its just how i am, its how i have been. sometimes i feel as if i should change my ways. but then i think no, this is me being me, people need to accept that, people need to accept me. its like people hating you for who you are, and that sucks. it sucks a lot. i hate it when people call me stupid. it's like i get it ... i'm not smart but your comments hurt me too. i have feelings, even if people don't think so. i've been listening to anti-flag and mxpx lately ... good stuff. i think music is the only think that puts me in an okay mood. hooray for music. and then i've been getting my spasms again ... sometimes i feel like no one gets me. i suck, i can't remember what else i was gonna write. so the rant ends here.