Red Ribbon [New Glimpses of Faith - Journal]
Red Ribbon.
(Monday, July 13, 2009)
My dream -
I stood standing. My gaze fixed on a lone tree. Its branches spanning wider than my arms could ever dream of reaching. It was barren, if that was the right word. Its branches as bare as what its trunk was. I guess it must be fall, though no leaves resided around its base. Or close by even. But my eyes weren’t looking at the tree as a whole. My eyes were looking at the single strand of red ribbon that appeared to have been snagged on one of its branches. The red stood out so brightly compared to the trees naked limbs. Even compared to its surroundings. Even compared to me, my clothing, it seemed to be the brightest thing within miles. Its ends fluttered. Twisting around each other before looking like they were being pulled in different directions. They danced in the wind. A wind I couldn’t feel on my face or hands. They were so close. If I moved. Not my body. If I just reached out and up with one arm I was most certain I would be able to touch that red. Tug it free from where it was caught if I wished. And yet, I was held immobile by some invisible force. A force that didn’t compel me to move forwards. Just merely bare witness to what was happening before me, as if it was the only thing that mattered in the world.
The red was so bright. Like blood. Real blood. Not that thick dark red color it turns when it mixes with oxygen. But real blood red. The color of bright red balloons you see children clutching onto tightly on a summers day. That single ribbon reminded me of Alex. One of the few children I had come across in my life. The only child I had had the most contact with. Spent so many hours with. Which was funny. She was a child. So small when she was by my side. Not so heavy when I had to lift her and carry her in my arms, which had mostly been while running at the time. But she was far from a child, despite her appearance.
But the ribbon. It reminded me of the one that Alex used to wear in her hair. I guess she still does. Where ever she is. Maybe she was here. That thought alone was conviction enough to get my body to obey my wishes. I turned in a full circle. My eyes searching. First at eye level, looking thoroughly, near and far. As far as my eyes could travel. Searching for her tiny form, as if I would just see her standing there in the near distance. On my body’s second rotation I dropped my gaze. Searching the not so tall ankle deep grass. Skittering from side to side. Desperate to see her, maybe crouched down low, picking at a small flower, or laying in the lush green grass that went on for miles and miles in all directions. I couldn’t spy her. My silent request was denied.
The feeling alone that I should wish to see her again was an odd one at that. One I couldn’t deny was there. I never was that good at lying to myself. I stopped in my previous position. My eyes again fixed on the red ribbon that was snagged on one of the branches of the tree. The tree. The one thing besides green grass and meadow flowers that was visible to my eyes.
I was glad I wasn’t facing the other way. Standing on the other side of the tree. I knew for certain if I was it wouldn’t be long before I would get arm ache from shielding my eyes from the brightness of the sun that was currently beating down on my back. It wasn’t too hot. It was bearable. Pleasant. Warm. Soothing even. But not so soothing that I forgot for even a moment that it was there. Its presence loomed at my back. Casting my shadow forwards in front of me. Although, it wasn’t a dark replica of me, but more of a scrunched up form at my feet. Like a somewhat deflated ball that I could easily kick away if I made an attempt to. I did not.
I knew this, even as my eyes never left that blood red ribbon. Watching it swaying in the breeze that I didn’t feel upon me. I knew, what ever wind was present, it didn’t touch me, and it never would. Not even when I had turned around in two full circles searching for Alex, as if I would find her so easily. I can only ever remember her coming to me once when I commanded. All those other times she had only came when she wanted. A trilling laugh like bells tinkering came from behind me. But I didn’t turn around for fear that the person it belonged to would vanish. My eyes remained fixed on that single strand of blood red ribbon, wondering if the owner had returned to claim it. Wondering if it was indeed Alex.
©(S-O-R) S&W.
(Monday, July 13, 2009)
My dream -
I stood standing. My gaze fixed on a lone tree. Its branches spanning wider than my arms could ever dream of reaching. It was barren, if that was the right word. Its branches as bare as what its trunk was. I guess it must be fall, though no leaves resided around its base. Or close by even. But my eyes weren’t looking at the tree as a whole. My eyes were looking at the single strand of red ribbon that appeared to have been snagged on one of its branches. The red stood out so brightly compared to the trees naked limbs. Even compared to its surroundings. Even compared to me, my clothing, it seemed to be the brightest thing within miles. Its ends fluttered. Twisting around each other before looking like they were being pulled in different directions. They danced in the wind. A wind I couldn’t feel on my face or hands. They were so close. If I moved. Not my body. If I just reached out and up with one arm I was most certain I would be able to touch that red. Tug it free from where it was caught if I wished. And yet, I was held immobile by some invisible force. A force that didn’t compel me to move forwards. Just merely bare witness to what was happening before me, as if it was the only thing that mattered in the world.
The red was so bright. Like blood. Real blood. Not that thick dark red color it turns when it mixes with oxygen. But real blood red. The color of bright red balloons you see children clutching onto tightly on a summers day. That single ribbon reminded me of Alex. One of the few children I had come across in my life. The only child I had had the most contact with. Spent so many hours with. Which was funny. She was a child. So small when she was by my side. Not so heavy when I had to lift her and carry her in my arms, which had mostly been while running at the time. But she was far from a child, despite her appearance.
But the ribbon. It reminded me of the one that Alex used to wear in her hair. I guess she still does. Where ever she is. Maybe she was here. That thought alone was conviction enough to get my body to obey my wishes. I turned in a full circle. My eyes searching. First at eye level, looking thoroughly, near and far. As far as my eyes could travel. Searching for her tiny form, as if I would just see her standing there in the near distance. On my body’s second rotation I dropped my gaze. Searching the not so tall ankle deep grass. Skittering from side to side. Desperate to see her, maybe crouched down low, picking at a small flower, or laying in the lush green grass that went on for miles and miles in all directions. I couldn’t spy her. My silent request was denied.
The feeling alone that I should wish to see her again was an odd one at that. One I couldn’t deny was there. I never was that good at lying to myself. I stopped in my previous position. My eyes again fixed on the red ribbon that was snagged on one of the branches of the tree. The tree. The one thing besides green grass and meadow flowers that was visible to my eyes.
I was glad I wasn’t facing the other way. Standing on the other side of the tree. I knew for certain if I was it wouldn’t be long before I would get arm ache from shielding my eyes from the brightness of the sun that was currently beating down on my back. It wasn’t too hot. It was bearable. Pleasant. Warm. Soothing even. But not so soothing that I forgot for even a moment that it was there. Its presence loomed at my back. Casting my shadow forwards in front of me. Although, it wasn’t a dark replica of me, but more of a scrunched up form at my feet. Like a somewhat deflated ball that I could easily kick away if I made an attempt to. I did not.
I knew this, even as my eyes never left that blood red ribbon. Watching it swaying in the breeze that I didn’t feel upon me. I knew, what ever wind was present, it didn’t touch me, and it never would. Not even when I had turned around in two full circles searching for Alex, as if I would find her so easily. I can only ever remember her coming to me once when I commanded. All those other times she had only came when she wanted. A trilling laugh like bells tinkering came from behind me. But I didn’t turn around for fear that the person it belonged to would vanish. My eyes remained fixed on that single strand of blood red ribbon, wondering if the owner had returned to claim it. Wondering if it was indeed Alex.
©(S-O-R) S&W.