First Morning. [New Glimpses of Faith - Journal]
First Morning.
(April 25, 2008)
You know what was funny? That first morning. Okay, well not funny funny. Firstly, can’t believe I actually fell asleep in someone’s bed without kicking them out, or well me leaving. But I fell asleep with Angel, well kinda guessing half on him from the position I woke up in. It was strange, but in a good kind of way because it felt right. Too tired to even thinking about moving, though I was, and I wanted to, but before I knew it I was out like a log. But God damn, if I didn’t feel so safe with his arms wrapped around me, and a big part of me, one I never knew existed, or well, tried to keep hidden, just wanted to stay there, even if my mind was telling me to just get up and leave. Guess our little blood games wore me out more than I thought. Or us, ‘cause he sure as hell didn’t kick me out. Kinda wondered if he would though, though part of me told me, unconsciously I guess, hell if I know, that he just wasn’t the guy to do that kind of thing.
So I woke up after dreaming of our whole long night together, and came face to face with his neck, and I held my breath. Nerves I guess. But even before I had lifted my head to see if his eyes were open or closed I already wanted to kiss him. I know I was scared, even when I was looking at his closed eyes, and then I slowly relaxed as I looked over the rest of his face, finally looking at his lips until I couldn’t not bend down and bring mine closer to his. I looked up at his eyes to make sure they were still closed and I held my breath again until I couldn’t any longer, wondering if he really was asleep or not. A kiss later and I was smiling against his lips, but that soon faded when a pang of fear shot through me when he spoke. ‘Morning darlin’. I think there was a ‘Hmm’ in there at the beginning. Never stuck around that long before. Damn scary. Felt right too though even if I was torn between leaving and staying. Wanted to stay more than anything though.
Well you know I stayed. And daft insecurities aside he cooked me breakfast, egg on toast. It was pretty good too. But you know, sometimes he confuses me. He looks deep in thought, and then like he’s about to say something. I guess I don’t give him time and tend to jump to the wrong conclusion. And no need for that psycho babble crap, I know me asking him if he craves me, even if I know he does, just to hear him say it makes my back straighten and a smile appear on my lips as my usual confidence slips in place. Well genuine confidence this time because I know he wouldn’t say that to me unless he really meant it. Makes me feel… Well it just makes me feel. Not cold inside and unloved and unwanted. And it’s not like it’s not both ways. I crave him too. I think I crave him more than he craves me. Not that I’d admit it willingly to him…
©(S-O-R) S&W.
(April 25, 2008)
You know what was funny? That first morning. Okay, well not funny funny. Firstly, can’t believe I actually fell asleep in someone’s bed without kicking them out, or well me leaving. But I fell asleep with Angel, well kinda guessing half on him from the position I woke up in. It was strange, but in a good kind of way because it felt right. Too tired to even thinking about moving, though I was, and I wanted to, but before I knew it I was out like a log. But God damn, if I didn’t feel so safe with his arms wrapped around me, and a big part of me, one I never knew existed, or well, tried to keep hidden, just wanted to stay there, even if my mind was telling me to just get up and leave. Guess our little blood games wore me out more than I thought. Or us, ‘cause he sure as hell didn’t kick me out. Kinda wondered if he would though, though part of me told me, unconsciously I guess, hell if I know, that he just wasn’t the guy to do that kind of thing.
So I woke up after dreaming of our whole long night together, and came face to face with his neck, and I held my breath. Nerves I guess. But even before I had lifted my head to see if his eyes were open or closed I already wanted to kiss him. I know I was scared, even when I was looking at his closed eyes, and then I slowly relaxed as I looked over the rest of his face, finally looking at his lips until I couldn’t not bend down and bring mine closer to his. I looked up at his eyes to make sure they were still closed and I held my breath again until I couldn’t any longer, wondering if he really was asleep or not. A kiss later and I was smiling against his lips, but that soon faded when a pang of fear shot through me when he spoke. ‘Morning darlin’. I think there was a ‘Hmm’ in there at the beginning. Never stuck around that long before. Damn scary. Felt right too though even if I was torn between leaving and staying. Wanted to stay more than anything though.
Well you know I stayed. And daft insecurities aside he cooked me breakfast, egg on toast. It was pretty good too. But you know, sometimes he confuses me. He looks deep in thought, and then like he’s about to say something. I guess I don’t give him time and tend to jump to the wrong conclusion. And no need for that psycho babble crap, I know me asking him if he craves me, even if I know he does, just to hear him say it makes my back straighten and a smile appear on my lips as my usual confidence slips in place. Well genuine confidence this time because I know he wouldn’t say that to me unless he really meant it. Makes me feel… Well it just makes me feel. Not cold inside and unloved and unwanted. And it’s not like it’s not both ways. I crave him too. I think I crave him more than he craves me. Not that I’d admit it willingly to him…
©(S-O-R) S&W.