The Search Continues: Sporking of a Twilight/FMA Crossover
*Rubs hands together* All right, let's get started!
Chapter One- Chapter 1
Carlisle Cullen approached the vintage diner slowly. As expected, he found Billy Black waiting at the table in the corner.
Uh, what? The werewolves and vampires don’t exactly get along. Even if they tolerate Carlisle more, Billy Black isn’t likely to actually meet up with him.
They met at this particular diner at this particular table, for two reasons. The first was that this was where these two always sat. The second, of course, was so that no one saw him and Carlisle meet.
Ohhhhhh, I see how it is.
I guess they finally gave up on trying to deny their love. And yet *sighs dramatically* they still are only able to meet in secret! Oh cruel world!
As soon as he sat down, Billy Black asked, "Did you hear?"
"Yes." Carlisle said, taking a sip of his coffee. "I expect the boys to be here tomorrow at the latest."
"Ah," Billy said nodding. "Do you think Victoria has the real stone?" Billy asked.
Wait, what? They already know about the Philosopher’s Stone? That means that “the boys” must be the Elrics, but…uh…how do they know each other? Its not as if Amestris is just around the corner. It’s a fictional country, based off of Europe in the early 1900s. They should not know about these things. At least most bad crossovers have some way of getting the characters into the other world! They don’t just smash them together and hope that it all makes sense!
"Dunno," Carlisle said casually. "If she does, let's hope it doesn't fall into the wrong hands. There's too much going on as it is - we don't need another catastrophe." He took another sip of his coffee.
I don’t like Twilight, or Carlisle, and I can tell that this sounds nothing like him. He’s never casual, because none of the Cullens can ever relax. All of them are too pretentious to ever use slang as well.
"Are we still on for tonight?" Billy asked.
Oho!
"Yes," Carlisle said. "Mustang, Hawkie and Chief Swan will be waiting for us in the woods. I hope Alice passes," he added.
"Even if she doesn't, it will be good to have a seer working for the state alchemist," Billy said. "I know Jacob will pass for sure - he has been training hard," Billy said with a smile. He was very proud of his son.
….what?
Are- are you saying that they have actually been training their kids to become part of the State Alchemist program? Are we seriously supposed to believe that Amestris has a place for this in Forks, Washington?
THEY DON’T EVEN EXIST IN THE SAME WORLD! SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THIS WOULD BE NICE!
"If Alice and Jacob pass their alchemy exam we will have two more state alchemist in this area." he said with a smile.
Carlisle said with a dangrus laugh, "Those two, us, Chief Swan and Leah - that makes six if the homunculi ever decide to visit us."
I have no idea what a “dangrus laugh” is.
Okay, I can actually get behind the idea of Charlie and Leah as alchemists. And I’m glad that the author (so far) isn’t bashing Leah. This still makes no goddamn sense, but whatever.
Billy sighed. He knew just as well as Carlisle that they were doomed if the homunculi ever attacked. Of course, the odds of them attacking this town, given that Victoria had a fake stone, was rare.
…Pardon?
Firstly, a brief explanation of the Homunculi for those that are confused: They are artificial humans, and the main antagonists of Fullmetal Alchemist. They were created with Philosopher’s Stones, and are practically immortal, and extremely difficult to kill.
How, exactly, would Victoria’s possession of a fake stone make the Homunculi not come around? That’s actually the kind of thing the Homunculi would want to keep an eye on, because Ed and Al are coming to town and the Homunculi wouldn’t want to risk one of their “sacrifices” getting killed. On top of that, the Homunculi have several real Philosopher’s stones in their possession, so they don’t exactly have much to fear from Victoria.
"Speaking of Victoria, are you prepared for the vampire war?" he asked Carlisle.
*Blinks* Well. That was…casual.
"Somewhat," he answered. "However, Charlie said he wants Alice trained as an alchemist. He said that is more important right now."
Uh, no, a LOOMING WAR is much more important. I shouldn’t be surprised, considering how they dealt with the approaching Volturi in Breaking Dawn, but…
"It's the same with Jacob," Billy said. "Darn," he said with a sigh, as he realized he had eaten his entire delicious muffin. After looking around quickly, he put both of his hands on his chair, and within an instant, another muffin just like the one he ate appearedd. "That's better, he said with a smile.
That is not how alchemy works. For those that are unfamiliar with the fandom, Alchemy isn’t magic. It isn’t the be-all end-all. You can’t create something on a whim, because Alchemy has some very specific rules. Think of them like Newton’s Laws.
Firstly: Equivalent Exchange. As the show itself states: It is impossible to create something out of nothing. If one wishes to obtain something, something of equal value must be given. As I said above, Alchemy isn’t magic. It’s a science. In essentials, Alchemy is the science of deconstructing, and reconstructing matter. You can’t reconstruct matter that wasn’t there in the first place. For example, you couldn’t create, say, an iron dagger out of a leaf, because the leaf does not have the properties it needs to become a dagger. So, creating a muffin out of a chair? Impossible.
Secondly, doing Alchemy usually requires an array. Think of it almost like an equation. Most alchemists can draw their alchemy circles with chalk, or else they carry them on their person somehow (such as having it tattooed on them, or even just embroidered in their clothes). They channel their energy through this array, and through themselves, and that is how they perform alchemy. Different arrays mean different things. Billy didn’t draw an array, or perform any kind of action besides touching the chair.
The only exceptions to this rule are those that have attempted an Alchemy taboo- Human Transmutation (attempting to bring the dead back to life). Those that have committed this taboo have the ability to do alchemy without arrays.
Also, it may seem early in the story to introduce a count, but trust me, we’re going to need it. I bring you the count of “CANON FAIL”, which is exactly what it sounds like.
CANON FAIL: 2
Carlisle laughed. "I don't think we can use alchemy like that," he said.
No, no you can’t.
"As long as Chief Swan doesn't find out, its ok," he retorted. "He has too many other things to worry about besides a simple alchemy trick."
No, it is impossible. It is not okay. And Alchemy isn’t a trick, it’s a science!
Just then, a tall, slender waitress came up to them. "Anything else, fellas?"
Both men gasped, it was Lust.
I…guess being a homunculus doesn’t pay very well?
Before they could do anything she was gone.
Well, that was pointless.
"Damn," Billy said. "How much do you think she heard?"
If you were worried about that, why were you talking about it in a PUBLIC PLACE?! Couldn’t you have discussed this at someone’s house?
"I don't know," Carlisle said looking out the window just in time to see Lust and Glutney get into a car and drive off.
That should be “Gluttony”. Also, I didn’t know that Lust knew how to drive a modern car. Again, Fullmetal Alchemist is set in a world like that of the early 1900s.
He then saw another very fancy car. "Mustang just got here - we better go," he said, laying down some cash as they rushed out.
Well, at least they paid.
And there is the (abrupt) end to the chapter.
Counts:
CANON FAIL: 2
Trust me, that’s going to go up.
Chapter One- Chapter 1
Carlisle Cullen approached the vintage diner slowly. As expected, he found Billy Black waiting at the table in the corner.
Uh, what? The werewolves and vampires don’t exactly get along. Even if they tolerate Carlisle more, Billy Black isn’t likely to actually meet up with him.
They met at this particular diner at this particular table, for two reasons. The first was that this was where these two always sat. The second, of course, was so that no one saw him and Carlisle meet.
Ohhhhhh, I see how it is.
I guess they finally gave up on trying to deny their love. And yet *sighs dramatically* they still are only able to meet in secret! Oh cruel world!
As soon as he sat down, Billy Black asked, "Did you hear?"
"Yes." Carlisle said, taking a sip of his coffee. "I expect the boys to be here tomorrow at the latest."
"Ah," Billy said nodding. "Do you think Victoria has the real stone?" Billy asked.
Wait, what? They already know about the Philosopher’s Stone? That means that “the boys” must be the Elrics, but…uh…how do they know each other? Its not as if Amestris is just around the corner. It’s a fictional country, based off of Europe in the early 1900s. They should not know about these things. At least most bad crossovers have some way of getting the characters into the other world! They don’t just smash them together and hope that it all makes sense!
"Dunno," Carlisle said casually. "If she does, let's hope it doesn't fall into the wrong hands. There's too much going on as it is - we don't need another catastrophe." He took another sip of his coffee.
I don’t like Twilight, or Carlisle, and I can tell that this sounds nothing like him. He’s never casual, because none of the Cullens can ever relax. All of them are too pretentious to ever use slang as well.
"Are we still on for tonight?" Billy asked.
Oho!
"Yes," Carlisle said. "Mustang, Hawkie and Chief Swan will be waiting for us in the woods. I hope Alice passes," he added.
"Even if she doesn't, it will be good to have a seer working for the state alchemist," Billy said. "I know Jacob will pass for sure - he has been training hard," Billy said with a smile. He was very proud of his son.
….what?
Are- are you saying that they have actually been training their kids to become part of the State Alchemist program? Are we seriously supposed to believe that Amestris has a place for this in Forks, Washington?
THEY DON’T EVEN EXIST IN THE SAME WORLD! SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THIS WOULD BE NICE!
"If Alice and Jacob pass their alchemy exam we will have two more state alchemist in this area." he said with a smile.
Carlisle said with a dangrus laugh, "Those two, us, Chief Swan and Leah - that makes six if the homunculi ever decide to visit us."
I have no idea what a “dangrus laugh” is.
Okay, I can actually get behind the idea of Charlie and Leah as alchemists. And I’m glad that the author (so far) isn’t bashing Leah. This still makes no goddamn sense, but whatever.
Billy sighed. He knew just as well as Carlisle that they were doomed if the homunculi ever attacked. Of course, the odds of them attacking this town, given that Victoria had a fake stone, was rare.
…Pardon?
Firstly, a brief explanation of the Homunculi for those that are confused: They are artificial humans, and the main antagonists of Fullmetal Alchemist. They were created with Philosopher’s Stones, and are practically immortal, and extremely difficult to kill.
How, exactly, would Victoria’s possession of a fake stone make the Homunculi not come around? That’s actually the kind of thing the Homunculi would want to keep an eye on, because Ed and Al are coming to town and the Homunculi wouldn’t want to risk one of their “sacrifices” getting killed. On top of that, the Homunculi have several real Philosopher’s stones in their possession, so they don’t exactly have much to fear from Victoria.
"Speaking of Victoria, are you prepared for the vampire war?" he asked Carlisle.
*Blinks* Well. That was…casual.
"Somewhat," he answered. "However, Charlie said he wants Alice trained as an alchemist. He said that is more important right now."
Uh, no, a LOOMING WAR is much more important. I shouldn’t be surprised, considering how they dealt with the approaching Volturi in Breaking Dawn, but…
"It's the same with Jacob," Billy said. "Darn," he said with a sigh, as he realized he had eaten his entire delicious muffin. After looking around quickly, he put both of his hands on his chair, and within an instant, another muffin just like the one he ate appearedd. "That's better, he said with a smile.
Click to viewThat is not how alchemy works. For those that are unfamiliar with the fandom, Alchemy isn’t magic. It isn’t the be-all end-all. You can’t create something on a whim, because Alchemy has some very specific rules. Think of them like Newton’s Laws.
Firstly: Equivalent Exchange. As the show itself states: It is impossible to create something out of nothing. If one wishes to obtain something, something of equal value must be given. As I said above, Alchemy isn’t magic. It’s a science. In essentials, Alchemy is the science of deconstructing, and reconstructing matter. You can’t reconstruct matter that wasn’t there in the first place. For example, you couldn’t create, say, an iron dagger out of a leaf, because the leaf does not have the properties it needs to become a dagger. So, creating a muffin out of a chair? Impossible.
Secondly, doing Alchemy usually requires an array. Think of it almost like an equation. Most alchemists can draw their alchemy circles with chalk, or else they carry them on their person somehow (such as having it tattooed on them, or even just embroidered in their clothes). They channel their energy through this array, and through themselves, and that is how they perform alchemy. Different arrays mean different things. Billy didn’t draw an array, or perform any kind of action besides touching the chair.
The only exceptions to this rule are those that have attempted an Alchemy taboo- Human Transmutation (attempting to bring the dead back to life). Those that have committed this taboo have the ability to do alchemy without arrays.
Also, it may seem early in the story to introduce a count, but trust me, we’re going to need it. I bring you the count of “CANON FAIL”, which is exactly what it sounds like.
CANON FAIL: 2
Carlisle laughed. "I don't think we can use alchemy like that," he said.
No, no you can’t.
"As long as Chief Swan doesn't find out, its ok," he retorted. "He has too many other things to worry about besides a simple alchemy trick."
No, it is impossible. It is not okay. And Alchemy isn’t a trick, it’s a science!
Just then, a tall, slender waitress came up to them. "Anything else, fellas?"
Both men gasped, it was Lust.
I…guess being a homunculus doesn’t pay very well?
Before they could do anything she was gone.
Well, that was pointless.
"Damn," Billy said. "How much do you think she heard?"
If you were worried about that, why were you talking about it in a PUBLIC PLACE?! Couldn’t you have discussed this at someone’s house?
"I don't know," Carlisle said looking out the window just in time to see Lust and Glutney get into a car and drive off.
That should be “Gluttony”. Also, I didn’t know that Lust knew how to drive a modern car. Again, Fullmetal Alchemist is set in a world like that of the early 1900s.
He then saw another very fancy car. "Mustang just got here - we better go," he said, laying down some cash as they rushed out.
Well, at least they paid.
And there is the (abrupt) end to the chapter.
Counts:
CANON FAIL: 2
Trust me, that’s going to go up.