[fic] Enumerate

[soraki]

Title: Enumerate
Author: Soraki
Pairing: Peter / Caspian
Rating: G / K
Summary: Peter didn’t understand what was changing. And all Caspian could do was hope.
Notes: My first Narnia fic and my first fic in a while. Forgive my rust. It’s in movieverse and it won’t really make sense unless you’ve seen the film. Sticks to the canon pretty closely but

Comments

[svgurl]

Poor Peter and Caspian ... they're separated! It makes me so sad that Peter can never go back!

I loved the way you wrote this fic ... the transition between scenes felt so smooth!

The ending was sad but I loved how Caspian realized the love will never change. Aww, that melted my heart.

Great work!

[soraki]

Yaaaaaaaaaay glad you liked it! It's been a while since I've written so I was a bit nervous but YAY.

Thanks for the love~

[collie_lover]

*whimpers*

Oh, that hurts, right in the heart. But just wonderful!

[soraki]

Hee hee glad you like it! Thank you!

[politelypuzzled]

this was beautiful...i really like how you used the count down and how they changed..very creative and lovely

[soraki]

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it~ I absolutely loved the counting part in the movie. Love love loved

[shadhahvar]

Beautifully written! =D

Plays around in her little Susan-who-suddenly-isn't-annoying-as-fuck-unlike-in-the-novels-for-me/Caspain sandbox.

I like how you wrote the third to last scene as well, and then the one after that. I missed your writing, Lovely!

[soraki]

YOOOU *OM NOM NOM NOM*

....what is it with you and het?? And with us failing at sharing fandoms? UGH SUSAN IS A COCKBLOCK IN THE MOVIE SHE MUST DIE.

And spaaaaaanx. I miss my crack!Kyou Kara Maou story with Morgif and Chewbacca. And I miss yoooou. *snuggliepoooo*

[shadhahvar]

OM NOM NOM NOM YOURSELF~

I know. Het's like a disease! Besides, Peter was the biggest mofo'in' cockblock in that film. And Aslan. You know, being Christ and all, and being authored by C. S. "Love if not for Christ is a human failing and screw families" Lewis.

I miss you too!

It's a flame of love, I swear!!!

[danya717]

Okay, you're in college English, you should be using less fragmented and simplistic sentence structure. Also, if you're goig to intersperse dialogue with commentary, you need to do it in a consistent way. Your pace is a bit off. Fewer paragraph breaks would be nice. You have some awkward wording and grammatical errors, but not something basic English students would notice. Has this been beta'd by someone else yet? OH NO I DID NOT JUST FIND A RUN-ON SENTENCE. BITCH PLEASE. How exactly does the title relate to the rest of the fic? It would also be nice if there was a greater correlation between the counting and the scenes following them.
<3
please don't eat me

Re: It's a flame of love, I swear!!!

[soraki]

"Okay, you're in college English..." umm yeah. at PIERCE. where all I do is ogle my professor. grade A edumacation right thurr.

MY WRITING IS FRAGMENTED TO SYMBOLIZE THE ~TORMENT~ OF PETER. I THINK. OR IT COULD SYMBOLIZE MY NON-EXISTANT ATTN SPAN. OOOOH SHINY. *__*

Beta read? PFFT. Have I reread it since I wrote it? PFFT. WHAT? I WROTE IT? NO ONE TOLD ME. ;_______;

The title? It's not Fall Out Boy so be happy.

Greater correlation between the counting and the scenes? I think it'd be nice if there was ANY correlation. Once again IT WAS THE ~TORMENT~ OF PETER'S SOUL.

THIS IS THE RUN ON SENTENCE THAT NEVER ENDS IT GOES ON AND ON MY FRIEND ONE PERSON STARTED SINGING IT, NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS, AND THEY'LL CONTINUE SINGING IT FOREVER JUST BECAUSE THIS IS THE RUN ON SENTENCE THAT NEVER EEEENDS, IT JUST GOES ON AND ON MY FRIEEEEEEEEEND....

Re: It's a flame of love, I swear!!!

[rusalchka]

IAWTC

Re: It's a flame of love, I swear!!!

[soraki]

YARLY. DUN YOU KNOW FANFICTION IS SRS BSNS.