(Untitled)

[sorcerer86]

So today we read Robinson Crusoe in English class, and instead of doing the normal homework, I asked my teacher if I could do something rather creative and rewrite the story. Apparently he agreed, so here's my story: I appreciate your feedback, and if there are grammatical mistakes please tell me where they are

Comments

[notanotherwar]

it's pretty damned good. only major error is when you say "someday"

"Someday I found myself totally inert..."

"Someday, when I was sure of myself..."

Replace "someday" with "one day" and it will be right.

in any case: j-e-s-u-s christ i wish my german was one one-thousandth as good as your english. it's a good story, too.

you said you wanted my feedback

[cherryblossom19]

i think this was a interesting read from a curious and creative perspective. very understandable and clear. kudos!

if i made any changes it would be little things like making some of your verbs stronger or adding certain adjectives here and there. i mean i dunno how it translates, but it would be things like "The sun had already begun to set." into "The fiery sun had already begun to slide into the horizon." but that's my style of writing, i'm always into the descriptions.

i also agree with dave about your english being incredible. damn yo- you are the shit. <3