Numb3rs fic: Christopsomos (Millie, Robin, Liz, Colby, et al., PG-13)
Title: Christopsomos
Pairing/Characters: Ensemble (featuring prominently Millie, Robin, Liz, and Colby)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "That's a... beautiful bread, Millie," Don choked out.
Word Count: 457
Spoilers: none
Notes/Warnings: Pretty CRACKY. Inspired by this. Unbetaed. Written purely for my own amusement, but I hope it amuses you too. ALSO, I hope I don't, like, offend any Greek people with this. Um. ALSO, I don't remember any canon about Millie's heritage/ethnicity/whathaveyou, but if we did get some indication and it was not this, you know... sorry.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, nor do I profit from their use here. This is only for fun.
The meal was a traditional one, according to Millie. It felt like a trip to the Mediterranean right there on the Eppes's patio. Eggplant, feta cheese, tomatoes, spiced yogurt with cucumbers, seafood and pasta... It was a feast, a celebration of the end of the semester for the academics among them, and the closing of a big case for the law enforcement crowd. Wine flowed liberally, loosening tongues in conversation and mirth around the large wooden table.
As the meal reached its end, Millie excused herself to the kitchen. "I have to get the Christopsomos!" she explained. They all waited in anticipation until she came back out and plunked a... uniquely shaped loaf of bread onto the table.
Colby coughed. Next to him, David bit his lip. Hard.
"That's a... beautiful bread, Millie," Don choked out.
"Thank you, Don, isn't it lovely? I still remember my dear grandmother baking this when I was a child..."
She went on, about the beautiful history of the recipe, passed down through the generations, as they all sat there, torn between mortification and amusement. Finally she sliced into it and Charlie grimaced.
"It has this lovely mix of spices, I can't wait for you to taste it..." she said, passing several pieces around the table.
Later, Robin, Colby, and Liz were in the kitchen with Millie, helping to clean up. Robin broached the topic delicately.
"The Christopsomos really was wonderful, Millie, I was so impressed." She paused. "I... I couldn't help but notice, though, that, uh..."
Colby and Liz shot each other wide-eyed, amused glances. Robin went on, valiantly.
"That the shape was, uh, rather... reminiscent... of, well. It was sort of..." She trailed off.
"It's a cross, dear. It's traditionally a Christmas bread."
"Oh, well, yes," Robin said desperately. "It's only... from a certain angle, I suppose... it looked sort of... phallic," she whispered.
Across the room Colby looked quietly gleeful, trying to suppress his laughter. Liz pinched him. He poked her back.
"Phallic!" Millie said loudly.
"She means it looked like a c--" Colby clapped his hand over Liz's mouth and the final word was muffled.
"You obviously know nothing about Greek baking," Millie started, ignoring the horrified expression on Robin's face, "if you think that... I didn't know it looked like a cock." She grinned. Robin smiled tentatively, unsure.
"That's why it's my favorite bread!" Millie exclaimed. "Did you see Don's expression? Priceless! I am going to bake this every chance I get for this household, and they will never say a thing. It's brilliant."
"Oh," Robin said.
On the other side of the kitchen, Liz leaned against Colby, tears of laughter soaking into his t-shirt.
Pairing/Characters: Ensemble (featuring prominently Millie, Robin, Liz, and Colby)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "That's a... beautiful bread, Millie," Don choked out.
Word Count: 457
Spoilers: none
Notes/Warnings: Pretty CRACKY. Inspired by this. Unbetaed. Written purely for my own amusement, but I hope it amuses you too. ALSO, I hope I don't, like, offend any Greek people with this. Um. ALSO, I don't remember any canon about Millie's heritage/ethnicity/whathaveyou, but if we did get some indication and it was not this, you know... sorry.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, nor do I profit from their use here. This is only for fun.
The meal was a traditional one, according to Millie. It felt like a trip to the Mediterranean right there on the Eppes's patio. Eggplant, feta cheese, tomatoes, spiced yogurt with cucumbers, seafood and pasta... It was a feast, a celebration of the end of the semester for the academics among them, and the closing of a big case for the law enforcement crowd. Wine flowed liberally, loosening tongues in conversation and mirth around the large wooden table.
As the meal reached its end, Millie excused herself to the kitchen. "I have to get the Christopsomos!" she explained. They all waited in anticipation until she came back out and plunked a... uniquely shaped loaf of bread onto the table.
Colby coughed. Next to him, David bit his lip. Hard.
"That's a... beautiful bread, Millie," Don choked out.
"Thank you, Don, isn't it lovely? I still remember my dear grandmother baking this when I was a child..."
She went on, about the beautiful history of the recipe, passed down through the generations, as they all sat there, torn between mortification and amusement. Finally she sliced into it and Charlie grimaced.
"It has this lovely mix of spices, I can't wait for you to taste it..." she said, passing several pieces around the table.
Later, Robin, Colby, and Liz were in the kitchen with Millie, helping to clean up. Robin broached the topic delicately.
"The Christopsomos really was wonderful, Millie, I was so impressed." She paused. "I... I couldn't help but notice, though, that, uh..."
Colby and Liz shot each other wide-eyed, amused glances. Robin went on, valiantly.
"That the shape was, uh, rather... reminiscent... of, well. It was sort of..." She trailed off.
"It's a cross, dear. It's traditionally a Christmas bread."
"Oh, well, yes," Robin said desperately. "It's only... from a certain angle, I suppose... it looked sort of... phallic," she whispered.
Across the room Colby looked quietly gleeful, trying to suppress his laughter. Liz pinched him. He poked her back.
"Phallic!" Millie said loudly.
"She means it looked like a c--" Colby clapped his hand over Liz's mouth and the final word was muffled.
"You obviously know nothing about Greek baking," Millie started, ignoring the horrified expression on Robin's face, "if you think that... I didn't know it looked like a cock." She grinned. Robin smiled tentatively, unsure.
"That's why it's my favorite bread!" Millie exclaimed. "Did you see Don's expression? Priceless! I am going to bake this every chance I get for this household, and they will never say a thing. It's brilliant."
"Oh," Robin said.
On the other side of the kitchen, Liz leaned against Colby, tears of laughter soaking into his t-shirt.