daydream believer
I have no idea why I am doing this, especially since I have an exam this coming Tuesday that I should be studying for. But it has been a long time since I updated, and it’s been a long time since I’ve written something worthwhile. So here goes:
I just watched the latest episode of One Tree Hill and it left me with a smile on my face. I know what people may think, that I still watch teenage dramas and that I’m pretty lame. Well, I am not sure if I can say anything to allay that sort of thinking, but what I do know is this: There are some good lessons to be learned from these kind of shows. Growing up, I was never involved in any drama of any sorts at school. High school was sort of just a journey that I had to make before going on to college, and real life. As such, I never had to deal with crazy relationships, crazy people, but also not any really deep and meaningful friendships either. This is not to detract from the fact that I met some really awesome people with whom I still keep in touch with to this day. I cherish their friendship and I can’t imagine my life without them. But what I mean to say is that I wish I had a deeper and less superficial relationship with people in high school. I know that there were a lot of fake people there, but there was also many good people that I never got to know, and now it is too late to go back.
What this episode of OTH showed me was that despite how I saw other people at school, they are probably not what I imagined them to be. I cannot pretend to know people that I barely talk to and guess how they are deep inside. In this episode, one of the kids’ teachers asked them to spend an hour with one other person in the classroom and try to get to know them and see if that changed their perception of the other person. Being a television show, this was obviously achieved at the end of the show. The script and the great directing seemed to make it all the more real. And truth be told, I secretly do wish I could hearken back to the day when I actually felt strong feelings in this heart of mine. Like, even if it were sorrow, it would still feel a million times more real than what I feel in my every day life. Maybe it is because we’ve been living in a society that hates to dream, and is more about reality and practicality than it ever was before. Perhaps that is what real life is, but I used to remember a time when I dreamt of how life would be and I actually felt driven by my emotions; to do great things.
Being the nerd/unsocial butterfly that I was in high school sort of allowed me to relate to the goth girl that was in the episode. I reminisce about how I didn’t really try my hardest to be friends with people back in high school and like her, I do miss high school a lot. It was the last time I would be with people that I grew up around, living in the shelter of life at home and not having to worry too much about anything. Now that I am here in Texas, I feel like because I did not make the effort back then, I have fewer friends to speak of that I can really talk to, and the idea of a high school reunion seems nice but not as significant as if I had really made strong, strong ties back then. And it’s not just about wanting to be more popular, or being privy to the gossip and drama that was high school. I wish I were more involved because then I would feel like I belonged. I always felt like I was outside looking in and that always tinged everything in a lonely gray.
In any case, I thought I would write this entry because I wanted to share a little bit more about myself. Sometimes, I’m so wrapped up in everything that’s happening around me that I don’t have time to sort through my own feelings. But every once in a while, it is nice to just write it all out and just get it out of my system, or at least out of the forefront of my consciousness. Sadly, it’s only moments like these that I decide to write my thoughts down: when I am contemplative, nostalgic, etc. But it is also these times that I feel most alive, focused on what I am feeling right now, and nothing else. Is it selfish to be like this; to want to just indulge my sense of self importance and write about myself? In many ways, yes, but I also wanted to share a piece of myself with everyone else out there. Yes, I am going to put this on my LJ so that whoever wants to read it can. Judge me if you will, and so be it. This is the real me, a facet anyhow, and I guess it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I just want to be me.
Oh, yes, and thanks to everyone who continues to keep in touch with me, or who checks in and reads my posts. Even if I don’t talk to you, or if you don’t talk to me, I appreciate your read and I will probably be thinking about you, too. It’s amazing how short life is, and yet we let each day pass by as though we lived forever. If we could but dream for a day each week, or month, or year, and be content. I think that would make for a wonderful time, now wouldn’t it?
Back to studying now, I guess. Life gets so complicated so quickly. I wish humans weren’t capable of worrying so much. =P Good day, peoples.
I just watched the latest episode of One Tree Hill and it left me with a smile on my face. I know what people may think, that I still watch teenage dramas and that I’m pretty lame. Well, I am not sure if I can say anything to allay that sort of thinking, but what I do know is this: There are some good lessons to be learned from these kind of shows. Growing up, I was never involved in any drama of any sorts at school. High school was sort of just a journey that I had to make before going on to college, and real life. As such, I never had to deal with crazy relationships, crazy people, but also not any really deep and meaningful friendships either. This is not to detract from the fact that I met some really awesome people with whom I still keep in touch with to this day. I cherish their friendship and I can’t imagine my life without them. But what I mean to say is that I wish I had a deeper and less superficial relationship with people in high school. I know that there were a lot of fake people there, but there was also many good people that I never got to know, and now it is too late to go back.
What this episode of OTH showed me was that despite how I saw other people at school, they are probably not what I imagined them to be. I cannot pretend to know people that I barely talk to and guess how they are deep inside. In this episode, one of the kids’ teachers asked them to spend an hour with one other person in the classroom and try to get to know them and see if that changed their perception of the other person. Being a television show, this was obviously achieved at the end of the show. The script and the great directing seemed to make it all the more real. And truth be told, I secretly do wish I could hearken back to the day when I actually felt strong feelings in this heart of mine. Like, even if it were sorrow, it would still feel a million times more real than what I feel in my every day life. Maybe it is because we’ve been living in a society that hates to dream, and is more about reality and practicality than it ever was before. Perhaps that is what real life is, but I used to remember a time when I dreamt of how life would be and I actually felt driven by my emotions; to do great things.
Being the nerd/unsocial butterfly that I was in high school sort of allowed me to relate to the goth girl that was in the episode. I reminisce about how I didn’t really try my hardest to be friends with people back in high school and like her, I do miss high school a lot. It was the last time I would be with people that I grew up around, living in the shelter of life at home and not having to worry too much about anything. Now that I am here in Texas, I feel like because I did not make the effort back then, I have fewer friends to speak of that I can really talk to, and the idea of a high school reunion seems nice but not as significant as if I had really made strong, strong ties back then. And it’s not just about wanting to be more popular, or being privy to the gossip and drama that was high school. I wish I were more involved because then I would feel like I belonged. I always felt like I was outside looking in and that always tinged everything in a lonely gray.
In any case, I thought I would write this entry because I wanted to share a little bit more about myself. Sometimes, I’m so wrapped up in everything that’s happening around me that I don’t have time to sort through my own feelings. But every once in a while, it is nice to just write it all out and just get it out of my system, or at least out of the forefront of my consciousness. Sadly, it’s only moments like these that I decide to write my thoughts down: when I am contemplative, nostalgic, etc. But it is also these times that I feel most alive, focused on what I am feeling right now, and nothing else. Is it selfish to be like this; to want to just indulge my sense of self importance and write about myself? In many ways, yes, but I also wanted to share a piece of myself with everyone else out there. Yes, I am going to put this on my LJ so that whoever wants to read it can. Judge me if you will, and so be it. This is the real me, a facet anyhow, and I guess it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I just want to be me.
Oh, yes, and thanks to everyone who continues to keep in touch with me, or who checks in and reads my posts. Even if I don’t talk to you, or if you don’t talk to me, I appreciate your read and I will probably be thinking about you, too. It’s amazing how short life is, and yet we let each day pass by as though we lived forever. If we could but dream for a day each week, or month, or year, and be content. I think that would make for a wonderful time, now wouldn’t it?
Back to studying now, I guess. Life gets so complicated so quickly. I wish humans weren’t capable of worrying so much. =P Good day, peoples.