Anti-Spork: The Darkest Hour by Mrs. Hyde - Chapter 2 Part 2 (Section A):

[sos_sporkers]

SOS: Um…hey, guys. Welcome to another part of my anti-sporking. I apologise for being so late with this, but…this part is my absolute favourite of The Darkest Hour and I honestly think it’s the best 6424 words ever written in literature. So, often times, I would find myself just sitting in front of the computer, floundering, because I didn’t know how to translate my incoherent squeeing into something that was vaguely comprehensible. I…uh…have to apologise, because there will likely be a lot of actual line-by-line anti-sporking going on in this chapter, which I really didn’t want to do, because I wanted more people to head over and check out the original. So, I’m sorry I’ll be quoting so extensively. It’s just that I can’t find any other way to impress upon you the beauty of this part.

Mantra: *Cold glare* Isn’t there something else you should apologise for?

SOS: Er…

Mantra: *Grits teeth* You’d better not be thinking about skipping your apology, you hypocritical WHORE. You sunk as low as you could fucking GET in the last chapter, and a bit of humility is the least thing you could do to make up for it.

SOS: *Meekly* I’m really sorry for being a stupid Suethor in the last chapter?

Mantra: And what else?

SOS: I’m really sorry for abusing my power and writing a horrible self-insert when it’s my job to rip apart self-inserts that abuse their powers.

Mantra: And?

SOS: And I’m really sorry for raping Mrs. Hyde’s beautiful canon, implying that a quick little speech would get rid of all of Edward’s problems. That was presumptuous of me.

Mantra: *Taps fingers against elbow and waits patiently*

SOS: And I’m sorry for the horrible writing there. It was wooden and dry and un-beta-ed and doesn’t belong in the same universe as Mrs. Hyde’s writing.

Mantra: You know, you should really be glad that I have a sense of decency. That I won’t sink as low as you. I could take away your Keyboard of Power as punishment for this crime and leave you here to do this chapter alone. But I won’t. Because I’m not a bitch like you are. I, for one, am actually gracious enough to let you have someone to help you through painful times.

SOS: *Very meekly* Yes, thank you.

Mantra: *Disgusted snort* To think that you dared claim your Suethor days were over…*Pops away*

SOS: Ah, I love it when she makes me her bitch...

Anyways, so…I’ll be splitting this chapter into four sections: the train ride, the church scene, the home scene, and the cemetery scene. For each section, a different sporker will be joining me. Firstly, the train ride. Say hello to Nagare, kids.

Nagare: *Stonily* You brought me back to life for this shit. This had BETTER be good.

SOS: *Chipper* Oh, don’t worry. It IS good.

So, this part starts with Edward using ‘Carlisle’s money that was filling his pockets’ to buy a ticket, so that he won’t have to sit outside when it was raining/snowing.

Nagare: *Rapidly reads through previous parts* Wait…so, Carlisle was actually sending him money throughout his travels? I didn’t know that. How would he send Edward money? I mean, it’s not like Edward had an address or anything, right? He wasn’t staying in any one place for long enough. Or was it just that he took money with him when he left and he still had some left over? I have a feeling that I’m missing something here…

SOS: Oh, what do I care? The important thing is the SYMBOLISM here. His buying the ticket here actually carries through the motif of the last chapter - trying to reintegrate back into humanity. He is doing everything he can to prevent from having to sit outside alone. And train-riding is such a common experience that’s slightly unpleasant but still fundamentally human, that this scene can be read as nothing BUT another of Edward’s attempts to return to humanity. The mention of ‘rain that was half-sleet’ emphasises the cold, which is quite significant after the line in the first Chapter about the revellers that were ‘islands of warmth in the cold night.’ Again, linking belonging and being human with warmth, an essential factor for life.

Nagare: His whole physical journey is basically symbolic for his attempt to return to humanity, with him taking increasingly human transportation. At first, he travelled by foot, with his vampiric speed, an obviously supernatural way to journey. And then he started stowing away on cargo transports, more human now, but still removed from humanity. And here, when he is finally heading home and basically clinging to the impossible in the hopes of belonging in human society, he is finally taking a passenger car.

SOS: Mrs. Hyde once again creates a VERY nice sense of his age and his origin from another time period by having him be scandalised by the poor customer service and appalled at the high prices. Again, he’s not been a vampire for long and if he were human, it was VERY likely that he would have lived to see this age anyways, but after that period of voluntary exile, this little bit really showed us how detached he has become, how ignorant he was about human society now. Which is a huge contributor to why he can’t belong. He can’t accept the world as it is, and instead clings to a bygone era.

Nagare: So, as much as his vampiric nature is at fault for alienating him, most of his problems still stem from his personal psychology, and this entire fic is showing him conquering himself.

SOS: Yes, his inner darkness, a theme explored by many great writers. It says something that I consider this to be the best and most thorough exploration.

Nagare: *Raises eyebrows* I didn’t think you’d resurrect me for such a pleasant task.

SOS: *Snorts* Oh, just wait ‘til you see…

Edward ALMOST decides to not do it, just in defiance to the ticket seller, but eventually relents anyways, thus showing just how desperate he was to be accepted back into society, to gain some warmth.

Nagare: Huh…he uses a rather nice insult here, ‘the antagonistic boor behind the glass.’ Not that I can’t handle swear words, but I really think the stiff, prudish, sophisticated, almost melodramatic way Edward insults people adds to his character quite a lot. It certainly establishes a rather distinct style of narration and creates a ‘tone’ for his character, so that, if this fic contained shifting POVs, we would be able to tell his apart from others at a glance.

SOS: Keep in mind that this is something Meyer never manages to accomplish. Hell, she had teenage boys talking about a brown-hair as ‘chocolate’. All of her characters sound exactly like herself…and now I feel bad for saying that, because creating distinct tones and remaining them is one of my big weaknesses.

*Shakes head* Moving on.

Edward wait for the train and notes that everyone was keeping away from him because of he looked rough (having lived out in the elements so long). Again, this is a constantly repeated theme, how people instinctively avoid Edward due to their instinctual fears of him, and how much angst it creates that he can read their minds, and thus know exactly what they think of him. All the insults that people think but are too polite to voice out loud might as well have been shouted at him, from his perspective. And every time it’s brought up, it only serves to make the story more tragic.

Nagare: A bit part of the reason is definitely because we read the story from Edward’s perspective, and therefore we know just how much effort he has put into fitting in. And so watching all of his efforts being dashed away so careless by these people is upsetting, to say the least.

SOS: And then there’s the knowledge that…if you had seen a guy like that, you KNOW you would have reacted the same way. So, this fic makes you feel like a horrible human being. Because Mrs. Hyde is a sadistic bastard who likes beating up the audience as much as beating up her characters.

But, of course, another constant theme is brought up. The people around him, whilst avoiding him because of their primal fear, are also irrationally attracted to him, because of the Dazzling Effect. Of course, what to all other vampires is a precious gift is only another obstacle for Edward, as it is this supernatural power that prevents him from ever going through all the steps of a relationship with someone. It’s always INSTANT ATTRACTION, and with relationships, the most important part is the journey to mutual affection. (BY THE WAY, DID I MENTION BELLA WILL BE IMMUNE TO DAZZLING? I MUST HAVE THE BLUE HOUR NAO, DAMMIT!)

Nagare: I know it’s quite immature, but this line amused me: ‘he had been living out in the elements, and it showed in his appearance, his clothes wet and rumpled, his hair a mess.’ He says that as if his hair WASN’T a mess before, when we all know who he’s based off of.

SOS: Edward talks about how he’s already regretting this decision, showing yet another side of his character that’s been constantly brought up in the past few parts. He wants to belong, and yet he also fears social contact. It’s entirely reasonable, given what he’s had to gone through and his first experiences with socialising in school, but Edward has a tendency to long for social contact and yet shy away from it when he has to perform it. Why? Because of his powers and all the TMI that comes with them. Again, his innate nature becoming an obstacle in the way of his desires.

Nagare: Of course, that’s not all. In this case, for example, it’s less about the unpleasant things they are thinking and more to do with how they are interrupting his idealistic fantasies. Throughout the last bit of the last Part, Edward has been romanticising his childhood. And now he is returning to his home, and he’s placed all of his hopes on it…and these people, who are so rude and unwelcoming are reminding him of how things has changed and he can’t belong. He is still clinging to a child’s world, where everyone was nice and friendly and the world was fantastic, and he doesn’t want reality intruding on it.

SOS: Precisely why I will be needing a lot of help with this chapter.

The train arrives and Edward gets all queued up at the doors first, and I have a FAINT suspicion that he cheated a little bit in order to get there first. Reading about how eager he is about all this is NOT making me optimistic about the outcome.

Nagare: Especially when this is basically a mirror of when he first arrived in Chicago, and we’ve all seen what’s happened there.

SOS: This following line is quite interesting.

‘…the car was filthy-slushy, muddy footprints tracked across the floor, and he could see fingerprints smeared all over the fogged windows as he sat. In his time that would not have been allowed.’

It’s amazing that Mrs. Hyde has managed to make the supernatural senses vampires have into a curse rather than a gift…and in such an original way, too! Most people would have written angst about sensory overload, but Mrs. Hyde has taken a VERY interesting approach. With his ability to see so many details, it’s inevitable that he would start spotting unpleasant things where normal people would see none.

This is also quite a great metaphor for his mind-reading. With his sensitive eyes, he can see flaws and imperfections almost immediate where normal people would not notice unless close inspection was paid. And this prevents him from enjoying a perfectly human experience, which he had been longing for. Just like how he could discover dark secrets and dirty thoughts immediately when other people have to spend time knowing the person first. And this prevents him from making friends, another human experience that he longs for.

Nagare: Disregarding that, it’s still a nice reminder of how Edward romanticises everything in his past. Those were the only good memories in his life, so of course, he does to them what any human would do. Exaggerate the good part (the parts that he most often focuses on) until they are blown out of proportion and take up the entirety of his mind. No doubt, the trains in the 1910s weren’t any cleaner than the ones in the 1920s. Anyone with common sense would know that packing a large number of people into a small place would inevitably mean filth. But Edward is convinced that this same phenomenon simply didn’t happen in ‘his day’. Because his days were perfect. They had to be. Because if they weren’t…he’d have absolutely nothing good left to cling to.

SOS: The passengers enter the cars and Edward rather amusingly complains about the crowds. I have to say that despite this being Edward…this is almost like a version of Bella Swan done right. Edward complains about quite a lot of stuff and snarks at everything and everyone around him and seems rather proud of his own cultured-ness. But Mrs. Hyde pulls it off so well just because she makes it clear that she understands Edwards has a pole up his ass and is very amused by it. And, later, she has someone call him out on it. And he remains likeable just because of the witty way he comments on his situations and the many unusual expressions he uses - something Mervin and Mrs. Hyde are very good at.

Nagare: Well, that and it’s basically an injection of Growing Up Cullen, and that is always welcome in any Twilight rewrite or parody.

SOS: *Amused* How lovely of you to mention that, because this next part? Definitely took inspiration from Growing up Cullen. And it’s easily the funniest moment of this fic. It’s also basically a snapshot of what Edward’s character would be like if you stripped away all the angst caused by his ability to belong.

Edward describes a passenger shoving his way into the car, stepping on Edward’s toes, and then taking the last seat, despite the number of women present who were still standing. In his narration, he makes his contempt towards this person very clear. His propriety and obsession with being a gentleman really endears himself to readers as he shows that he is a decent and considerate person, when all was said and done.

Nagare: A very nice fishslap, might I add, after seeing how desperately Meyer tried to insist that Edward was decent and gentlemanly in canon and yet failed. Mrs. Hyde here achieves the same thing with a few short paragraphs and absolutely no hand-holding. Very impressive.

SOS: The contempt and derision he shows towards the man for not being gentlemanly is really nothing short of cute. I can’t help but imagine him sniffing primly at him here.

Nagare: And it’s a nice contrast to what he’s usually contemptuous towards in canon.

SOS: Well, not only that, but he doesn’t just sit there and sneer at the man. He actually puts his internal monologue into action and offers his seat to an elderly woman. The woman flutters and thanks him, and takes his seat.

Nagare: A rather small action, but it goes a long way to show just how decent a person he is. Because underneath all the prudishness and angst, he IS a decent person.

SOS: And that just serves to make what eventually happens to him all the more heart-wrenching.

Nagare: Another rather nice symbolic moment is here, too. If that man wasn’t so rude and inconsiderate and stepped on Edward’s toes (thus earning his ire), then would Edward have decided to give his seat to the elderly woman, or would he have been preoccupied by his own problems? I don’t know. But I wonder if this isn’t symbolic for how as vulgar as human society is, it does bring out the good in people.

SOS: Edward moves to the back of the car and glares at the man on the way, who is obviously terrified. And for the first time, he isn’t frustrated by the air of danger he carries with him. So, his sense of righteousness and moral superiority is what appeases his guilt at frightening people? Teaching those who are scum a lesson is what allows him to feel justified in using his vampiric nature against them? *Raises eyebrows* Very nice foreshadowing there.

Nagare: And do I even need to mention the showing, as opposed to telling here? Meyer spent four and a half books and a novella trying to convince us that Edward is gentlemanly and chivalrous, and yet he still came off as an asshole. And Mrs. Hyde had us utterly convinced of Edward’s chivalry in two paragraphs, without trying to beat the trait into our heads.

SOS: Of course, after he’s gotten over his moral outrage, God notices that Edward is trying to fit in, and we can’t have that! No, no belonging until Mrs. Hyde has him broken and on his knees and begging for mercy. So, his vampiric nature rears its ugly head, and he is overwhelmed by the blood of the people around him.

Nagare: Again, vampires are, by definition, always plagued by a desire for blood. You can’t have that trait just pop up randomly whenever you want it, Meyer, for either angst purposes or trying to convince us how epic Bella and Edward’s romance is. If you want his conquer over his own nature to be all triumphant and THE POWER OF LOVE, then you actually need to show us just how much the bloodlust was making his life miserable, as Mrs. Hyde is doing here, and making it a constant presence in his life. Otherwise, it just looks like he’s wangsting about nothing.

SOS: The problem is apparently even worse than usual, because he’s gotten used to his ability to go for a long time without eating. So, he hasn’t hunted in quite a long time. And now that he’s travelling in daylight again, his hunger for blood is growing even more prominent. And he’s in a train with nothing to do. He has nothing else to focus on, so the blood around him naturally starts to overwhelm him. Before, he had been preoccupied with nostalgia and excitement, but now…there was nothing except bloodlust. And that’s just going to end SO well, isn’t it? *Sighs*

Nagare: See, Meyer? His desire for blood has to create some disadvantages to him! It has to actually make his life horrible! It has to be an obstacle to what he wants!

SOS: Speaking of, you know what else is a constant presence in Edward’s life? Super-strength and all the annoyances that come with that. And sure enough, we’re reminded of it here, too, as he has to let go of the handrail in case he accidentally grips it too tight and dents it. This whole passage seems to be a parade of reminders of just how vampiric he is, of all despite all of his humanity, he simply isn’t human anymore.

Nagare: But it’s nice to see that he has NOT lost his humanity entirely, either, because he has to actually force himself to not breath - an involuntary act as a human that he’s been doing for a majority of his life. Despite his body, in mind, he is a very human person, with human reactions and all. And being forced to do unnatural things to accommodate unnatural urges just emphasises how estranged he has become. And he is a character filled with contrasts, somehow being both young and old, both human and unhuman, all in one single scene. Portraying that compellingly takes seriously talent.

SOS: Oh, and in case you STILL aren’t convinced that vampirism sucks, he gets a metaphorical boner that’s so pleased by the blood around it that it’s leaking, and he has to hide it by basically fellating himself. On a public train. I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of anything more unpleasant than that.

Whilst people are avoiding him - here, Edward actually calls himself dangerous and Mrs. Hyde somehow manages to not make it sound narmy (likely because she’s shown us plenty of times why people would think Edward was dangerous and made his bloodlust prominent enough that we would buy her claim) - when people walked past him, his sensitive sense of touch would still pick up their heat, and even without the smell of blood, that was enough to make his boner leak even more.

Nagare: *Head desk* I figured I’d get the dirty scenes…

SOS: But, again, this calls back to the most beautiful piece of symbolism in this entire fic, ‘islands of warmth in the cold night.’ Warmth was a symbol for belonging, for human contact. And it worked too, because warmth, heat, was essential for life. And here, that very warmth that Edward had been longing for is now a simple reminder of his darker desires and nature. Because nothing he likes will be left undefiled before the end of this fic.

Nagare: The penis metaphor gets even more blatant here, too, with him having to bite his lips and ‘penetrate’ himself in order to appease his lust, basically engaging in masturbation in the hopes that it will sate him. *Sighs* I can’t believe I let myself get roped into this…

SOS: Edward stares out the window and hopes that his erection will wilt and his lust will go away, saying this in the process. ‘…why was it that it always seemed to strike at the worst moments? He’d been fine when he wasn’t thinking about it!’ And this must be the most brilliant example of how Edward is somehow simultaneously both a teenager and an elderly gentleman psychologically. One second, he can be sniffing about the rising prices and how chivalry is dead, and the next, he’s complaining about spontaneous erections that always pop up at the most awkward moments.

Nagare: And it’s another reminder of how he deals with his problems and just how unhealthy it is, too. Just don’t think about it and maybe it will go away. Granted, it’s how most people deal with unwanted erections (at least, that’s how I think they deal with it), but it’s still a rather nice call-back to just how bad Edward’s problem-solving skills are.

SOS: Finally, the train rides comes to a stop and Edward eagerly gets out. In fact, he is so eager that he even shoves some people aside, in complete contrast to his previous obsession with chivalry and gentlemanliness. He boarded the train with the intention of trying to blend back into human society, participating in human activities, and basically just belonging. And what happened? First, he was reminded of the passing of time and how things are not idealistic anymore and he is finally seeing the darker parts of society, depressing enough by itself. But then, his biology acts up and turns this nostalgic exercise into a battle with his inner demon, spending what should have been a fun ride back to his childhood home trying to stop himself from murdering everyone present. ‘Epic fail’ is not enough to convey what happened.

Nagare: From what I can discern, this chapter is basically Edward’s ties with humanity being cut away one by one, so by emphasising how alienated he has become, Mrs. Hyde is making his last few connections seem even more precious, so that when she DOES cut it, we will be able to comprehend Edward’s profound sense of loss better. If not for the fact that this fic contains fantastic character development, I would be tempted to say that she wrote it as an exercise to see just how many litres of tears she can wring out of her readers.

SOS: Edward describes the clean, crisp air he is now able to breathe a ‘godsend.’ Yes, Edward, it IS a godsend. Mrs. Hyde helped you out a little there because she doesn’t want to break you yet. No, the effect wouldn’t be NEARLY so nice now, when you still have a few shreds of hope you can cling to. No, when Mrs. Hyde aims for utter despair, she GOES for utter despair and won’t stop until she has accomplished her goals 120%.

He fills his lungs with hair before holding his breath…despite not needing oxygen. Maybe he is doing it just because it’s what he used to do as a human. Maybe he’s doing it because suffocation does cause him some pain, and having his lungs filled with air is just less uncomfortable. Maybe it’s just because the air really does smell that nice. I don’t quite know. There are countless explanations, but I was still rather baffled by that sentence.

Well, anyways, Edward walks through the neighbourhoods, and even though he wasn’t paying attention, being preoccupied with his hunger, his muscle memories still remained and he found himself naturally on the way home. *Sighs* The one time we see his body actively helping him out, they’re leading him to his doom. How nice.

Nagare: Again, this is almost like the entrance into Chicago all over again. He is becoming overwhelmed by nostalgia and almost starting to live in his past, engrossed in happier memories, convinced that what he would find at the end would help him, please him…and we all know it’s not going to happen that way. This fic is a tale of alienation and exclusion, and he is not going to find respite so easily at the hands of an author like Mrs. Hyde. We KNOW what’s coming, and that sense of dread, of uncertainty, just hangs in our stomachs for this entire Part, growing colder and colder the more we see just how much Edward is putting on this journey.

SOS: He really has to stop expecting that some part of the world has stood still for him. He really has to stop expecting that the past he clings to still exists. And he REALLY needs to stop putting all of his hopes on finding something that everyone knows doesn’t exist. Because when he does that, the fic REALLY becomes painful.

Oh, that dread thing? Yeah, exactly what Nagare described happens in the next paragraph. Edward walks along and realises that the suburb his home was in isn’t much changed. He can remember everything, the houses and who lived there and all the memories associated…all of this, everything around him, is conspiring together to create a false hope for him. After all, if all the houses were still there and superficially unchanged, then surely, his childhood home must also remain, right? Surely, that element of the world hasn’t changed, right? After all, it was such a staple, such a constant, in his own childhood that nothing could’ve changed it, right?

Nagare: And I think we all know the answer to that.

SOS: Edward chooses THIS moment to recall an amusing childhood incident where he fell out of a tree and broke his arm. Really, showing me how he had idealised his childhood, wearing rose-coloured lenses even when recalling something as unpleasant as a broken arm, is NOT going to assuage me that something horrible isn’t going to happen.

Nagare: This exact thing happened when he first entered Chicago, too, with him recalling swimming at the lake! The literary symmetrism here just clues everyone in on how things are NOT going well, because we’ve seen these circumstances before, and we remember what has happened last time. And we aren’t all blind dorks in denial, like Edward here.

SOS: What happens here is quite interesting. This is a very short passage, just over 100 words long, but I think I shall have to Spork it to show you just how intriguing this is. Not to mention, a major motif is carried through in this, so it’s important enough to warrant quoting anyways.

He unconsciously gripped his left forearm; there had been a knot on the bone there when the cast had come off, and he’d rubbed at it, fascinated, for months afterwards.

SOS: This is the aftermath of falling out of that tree, by the way. It had to have been a very unpleasant experience, but that experience changed him and left a unique mark on him, a very nice metaphor for obstacles in life in general.

Nagare: The fact that it was strange and unique and almost a battle-wound meant that the little lump gave him a sense of identity, too. It made him unique.

Feeling the remnants of his wound under his flesh, evidence that he had been broken before but was now mended and whole once more,

SOS: This is quite interesting. Let us compare the healing performed here with his regeneration as a vampire, shall we? The human process took longer, was probably a lot more unpleasant, and still ended up leaving a mark. On the surface, it’s clearly inferior to regeneration. BUT, regeneration is the equivalent of leaping to the destination whilst human healing actually offers a process, a journey. Edward probably grew and learnt from the experience - like be careful when climbing trees - something he wouldn’t have done if healing was offered to him on a silver platter.

Secondly, the healing process was what allowed him to create a friendship with the doctor that saw to him. It showed him just how much his mother cared for him. It involved connection, of community, of connection. It was a common effort by every person who was responsible for him at the time, and thus created a sense of inclusion and bond. But regeneration is a solitary process. He heals by himself, and so, because of this self-sufficiency, he becomes removed from the rest of humanity, he becomes excluded. He is able to do everything by himself, so he can’t find a way to belong, because belonging is built on mutual activities and helping each other out.

Thirdly, because the healing process took long, occupied a large period of his life, and took effort and care, it carried significance. That incident is now a part of his memory, and because of it, he can now recall the doctor. But regeneration is entirely instinctual, doesn’t require any effort, and is so fast that it might as well be instantaneous. As a result, all of his injuries meld together in his memory, and he barely thinks about them. Edward, who comforts himself with memories, has an ability that will muddles memories and makes past events insignificant. By this point, his body can’t be any more antagonistic towards him if it tried to murder him in his sleep!

Nagare: And that sentence is pretty impressive foreshadowing, too, especially as we know Mrs. Hyde is about to break him in a few moment’s time. All we’ve seen is how drastically the world has changed from his childhood memories, so this is almost like Mrs. Hyde warning the readers that, ‘Yeah, you know that healing thing? Won’t happen to Edward. At least, not until he earns it.’

SOS: And depending on what happens in The Blue Hour, it can ALMOST foreshadow healing and mending and becoming whole again, this time not because of a doctor who treats purely physical injuries, but because of a friend and lover, who heal emotional trauma. *Sighs* This is why I’m actually quite worried about The Blue Hour, because…dammit, look at Edward here. It’s going to take someone VERY special to be able to put him back together and make him feel ‘whole’. I’m very worried how Mrs. Hyde’s Bella will turn out, though I guess the only thing I can do is trust in her…

had been what had first sparked his interest in medicine,

SOS: How nice, that injury was what inspired his career choice, his dream, his goal in life - a goal that he is still trying his hardest to pursue now. It really was the thing that gave him identity and purpose and a reason for existence.

Nagare: Again, we see here how unpleasant circumstances can serve as inspiration for very pleasant things. How it is trauma that prompts people to heal. It is darkness that makes people long for light. This is a subtle foreshadowing of how Edward’s dark experiences in the following chapters will prompt him to become an even better person, but mostly? This just provides yet another contrast between vampiric powers and traditional human healing and how one inspires dreams whilst the other doesn’t.

made him first wonder what it would be like to be able to heal.

Nagare: *Raises eyebrow* Let me amend my words. Not only does it inspire dreams and goals, it also inspires kindness, compassion, and empathy. Going through painful experiences and having to give a lot in order to overcome it is what allows us to sympathise with those that have to go through similar things, and with regeneration, where you can heal infinitely faster than those around you at no cost to yourself, it distances you from them, subtracts one more common experience you could share, and prevents empathy.

SOS: And this passage really brings to the fore just what a decent guy Edward is. What is his first thought when he’s watching his personal injury heal? How he can bring the same comfort to others. How he can help others. How he can make the world a better place by removing pain. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, no matter what Edward does, fundamentally, at the core, he is a decent and selfless person. Yes, decent and selfless. I have honestly just used those two words to describe Edward Cullen and I do NOT regret it.

But the lump was gone now, he realized, the change from human to vampire correcting all flaws and blemishes and defects in the body, leaving only sculpted perfection behind.

Nagare: And there you go. What identified him, what gave him purpose, what made him human, what filled him with compassion…gone. Forever.

SOS: I hate to go on philosophical tangents, but let’s discuss the concept of perfection, shall we? I mean, it is a rather large theme in Twilight, if Twilight can be said to have themes, as (supposedly), the books used the words ‘perfect’ and ‘perfectly’ 278 times in total.

It’s really quite scary here how Mrs. Hyde summed up a personal theory I had in regard to perfection so succinctly, with ONE whimsical childhood tale.

Humans are imperfect creatures, and we live in an imperfect world. Every single thing we have ever come into contact with has been imperfect, and thus we only know imperfection.

Therefore, for something to be ‘perfect’ in the eyes of humanity, it has to have facets of imperfection. It has to have flaws.
It is those flaws that make perfection relatable, comprehensible…the flaws make perfection perfect. Without those small imperfections that allow us to understand perfection, perfection wouldn’t be perfect.

Not to mention, what is static and incapable of growth is not perfect, and the only things capable of growing are flaws beings.

And here, we see the perfect example of why imperfection makes something perfect: human healing is long, painful, involved, troublesome, and just plain unpleasant. But it is BECAUSE of this unpleasantness that it creates bonds, camaraderie, and community. It is BECAUSE of these imperfections that it becomes significant. BECAUSE of these flaws that it inspires hope and compassion. BECAUSE of this trouble that it can define a person and give them identity and a sense of purpose. BECAUSE it is inferior, it is ultimately superior to anything unhuman.

Nagare: Not to mention the theme of disconnection being made here. Everything Edward defined as his own, every little imperfection that made him who he is, is taken away. In a sense, he must feel like he’s wearing someone else’s skin. Sure, his appearances wouldn’t have changed that much, but enough so that he could almost convince himself that he’s a stranger. As in, he feels alienated from the very body he is in. The more I read, the more distant the chance that this guy will ever be able to belong in any way at all. I mean, even his own body…

SOS: To be fair, his body is pretty much the Big Bad here…which is appropriate, really, when you consider that it’s a body of a teenager, and bodies do strange, strange things when you’re a teenager.

Anyways, with that, we finish our little sporking segment.

Edward briefly wonders if Doctor Hemingway still lives where he used to and…OH MY GOD.

‘…his son had just recently made a name for himself with a new book.’

HE WAS THAT HEMINGWAY? I thought it was just a silly shout-out! He was actually THAT Hemingway? As in, Ernest ‘For sale. Baby shoes. Never used.’ Hemingway? REALLY?

‘He’d been older than Edward by a few years, popular and handsome and athletic…’

*Jaw slowly drops* Ernest Hemingway was born in 1899, which WOULD make him two years older than Edward. His first novel was published in 1926, which would make Edward’s comment about his new book VERY consistent with the timeline. HE WAS ACTUALLY BORN IN OAK PARK, ILLINOIS, which Edward said was where Doctor Hemingway used to live. HIS FATHER WAS AN ACTUAL DOCTOR!!! THEIR FUCKING LOCAL COMMUNITY HAD A LOT OF FUCKING CHURCHES!!!! HE LEARNT TO HUNT, FISH, AND CAMP AND PARTICIPATED IN MANY SPORTS AT SCHOOL, so he was ACTUALLY ATHLETIC!!!!!!

AND LOOK AT THIS PHOTO:




HE IS ACTUALLY KIND OF SORT OF HANDSOME IN A VAGUE WAY!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?

EDWARD GREW UP WITH HEMINGWAY? WHAAAAAAAT? SERIOUSLY, WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?

I DON’T EVEN

WHAT THE FUCK?

Nagare: *Heaves sigh* I knew I’d have to do this. How fantastic. *Grabs SOS’s head and slams it into the table, knocking her out*

Now, let me translate her incoherent babbling into something that made actual sense.

As we can see, Doctor Hemingway was not a character randomly thrown in just for a shout out. He had a very clear purpose in this story - to prompt Edward to reflect on the nature of perfection, a very big fishslap to Meyer, as well as to make this chapter more heart-rending by making Edward recall even more childhood memories. Despite being a character that’s only mentioned once, he is vitally important to Edward’s character growth.

And yet every aspect of his and his son’s personality is historically accurate to a ridiculous degree, so obviously, Mervin and Mrs. Hyde researched this.

Did they intend for this to be a fun shout out, but just gave it depth, or did they write in the doctor first and then realise, ‘Hey, a doctor in Chicago! Wonder what we could do with that?’?

Of course, it doesn’t matter either way, but it is still quite jarring to realise just how much significance that one throwaway character carries.

SOS: *Mumbles groggily* And I wonder what repercussions this would have in the modern day, where Edward has to use things Hemingway has written for English assignments. Because that is going to be EPIC. DUDE, he grew up with HEMINGWAY. HE FUCKING GREW UP WITH HEMINGWAY! WHAT THE FUCK?

Even though he’s really only 20 something years old, Mrs. Hyde STILL manages to create the advantages of immortals of happening to know important historical figures. BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK? HE KNOWS HEMINGWAY?

Look, I’m not complaining about this. I think it’s an utterly brilliant shout out moment and Fridge Brilliance, but…WHAT THE FUCK? HE KNOWS HEMINGWAY? HE GREW UP AROUND HEMINGWAY? AND HE’S AN ENTHUSIASTIC READER? WHAT THE FUCK?

Nagare: By which she means that this moment was so full of genius that she is reduced to swearing. Fridge Brilliance has a tendency to do that to you.

SOS: *Sits upright and rubs at forehead* Okay, I think I’ve gotten over that…

Anyways, Edward points out that he’s not popular, handsome, or athletic, so he hadn’t really talked with Hemingway that much…SERIOUSLY, HE KNEW HEMINGWAY? WHAT THE FUCK? And I can just see his face when he’s in high school, writing essays on the brilliance of Hemingway, and regretting that he didn’t talk to the guy more to get inside information. But seriously, WHAT THE FUCK? Okay, I swear I’ll stop doing that, but it’s just…WOW, that was an unexpected moment. Seriously, what the-

Nagare: *Punches her in the face* GET. OVER. IT. YOU. IDIOT.

SOS: *Wheels back* Gah! Awww…fine, I will. But…seriously…*Shakes head quietly*

Edward points out to himself that Doctor Hemingway most likely wouldn’t forget him just because a decade has passed, so it might be a bad idea to try and go to his house. Again, his vampiric nature forcing him away from the people he had bonded with and liked once. Even more poignant when you remember just how many positive things he associated with Doctor Hemingway.

Nagare: Well, that and he was a famous author’s father. In a few decades time, I imagine Edward will be kicking himself over not talking to Hemingway more extensively.

SOS: Seriously, if you want me to get over that little shout out, you need to stop reminding me of it constantly.

Avoiding Doctor Hemingway wouldn’t be too difficult, as he apparently lives in a different direction than Edward’s destination, but Edward points out that he still runs the danger of being seen around here, just because he once lived here for so long, so he would have to be on constant vigilance.

It kind of frustrates me to see how much he is risking here for nothing, and how for all the dangers he considered, it never occurred to him that having the confirmation that nothing from his childhood existed anymore would break him. But I guess denial is as much a part of his personality as the urge to impersonate Cleopatra.

Nagare: Again, for once, his extra senses help him out…by preventing him from meeting those from his past and reaffirming his good memories. Meaning, even when they’re doing things that are of benefit to him, those powers still end up being utter BITCHES to him.

SOS: Well, that thought makes him instinctively look around - yet another reminder of his humanity, yet another thing for us to relate to him to, yet another reason his inability to belong is so frustrating, yet another way his fall from grace will be heart-wrenching - and with that, I finish the first segment of my anti-sporking. Thank you, Nagare, you can leave now.

Nagare: *Raises eyebrows* Really? I…just get to go free?

SOS: Well, you’re kind of sort of dead, so you have to stay in the afterlife, which is a huge, gaping void but…find some way to entertain yourself until I can put your True Love in there so you two can have EPIC Femmeslash. Bye! *Pops her away with a cheerful tap of her finger*

Go Forward to: Chapter 2, Part 2, Section B

Go Back to: Chapter 2, Part 1, Section D