Ignorance is Bliss: Chapter 2:
Chapter 2:
Yay! This is chapter 2.
Mantra: This story does not warrant any kind of cheering. The only word that should be attributed to it is 'Ugh'.
NG55: *Groan*
I hope you like my story so far.
Mantra: Does bile fascination count as 'like'?
NG55: If by like, you mean severely do not like and wish it were written better, then yes. I do "like" this story.
The first few chapters will be kind of like an introduction of the characters and settings, so don't get bored!
Mantra: Really? You were trying to establish characterisation and setting? It looks awfully like wanking to me.
NG55: Could you take your hand out of your pants for FIVE minutes?!
SOS: And how telling is it that this Suethor thinks of establishing basic details like characters and setting as 'boring', and is almost apologetic that she has to do it?
NG55:Um, Suethor? PLENTY of stories start off with establishing and fleshing out the characters before the plot gets moving! It's called build up!
The action and drama will start soon enough!
Mantra: *Melodramatically scandalised* W-what? Action and drama in a Twilight story? What are you THINKING, man? What would Meyer say?
NG55: Hey, maybe it'll be like the movie version of Eclipse, which actually has good action scenes! *Reads ahead* ....I didn't think so. *Groan*
Enjoy!
Mantra: *long-suffering sigh*
NG55: *Playing video games* Hmm? What's that? Did I see "Enjoy" written there?
Inside the class was louder.
Mantra: *Exaggerated surprise* Really? A room filled with teenagers is going to be loud? I never would have guessed!
NG55: *Spiral-eyed* Oh God...high school...classes...no one shutting up...*Curls under chair* I'm not doing it! No no no! Too many bad memories!
Naomi closed the door behind her softly. Instantaneously 23 heads turned in her direction. The room became quiet.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 2
Mantra: I'm going to guess that someone drew a gigantic dick on her face whilst she slept. It's the only reason why a whole room of teenagers will even notice her.
NG55: *Peeks out* Oh God...not the pretentiousness again...*Whimpers and crawls back under*
The water droplets sparkled on her jet black hair like diamonds and her skin glistened in the light. Nami smiled sweetly and turned to the teacher. There were a few intakes of breath coming from the students.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 1
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 3
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 7
Mantra: *Disgusted* She's BASKING in their attention! Look at that! She's totally getting off on it!
NG55: I knew it all along. *Grips steel pipe* All right, Sue, you and me, out back! NOW!
Mantra: Please remember to leave a piece for me.
NG55: Don't worry, I'm just going to bludgeon her half to death. You can have the remainder.
Mantra: *Licks lips* Sues, they taste best charred to a crisp.
“Sorry I’m late. I got held up in the office.”
Mantra: Nice to see that she's a shameless liar, too, just like Bella.
NG55: Is Stewie Griffin going to pop in and shoot her with one of his lazer guns?
Her soft musical voice rang throughout the classroom. The teacher blinked twice and smiled reassuringly.
“No worries. Just take a seat and we’ll continue with the lesson.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 4
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 10
Mantra: Of course, she'll never get in trouble. She's FAR too beautiful for that. Why did I ever expect anything different?
NG55: Of course they do. Because they're beautiful and deserve everything on a silver platter.
Today you can just listen and see how the class is.
SOS: In my experience, even if you fully intend to drop the class, teachers still make you participate in the class and LEARN until your last day there. What is this bullshit of 'just seeing how the class is'?
NG55: I wish my classes were that easy.
You can sit next to Mr. Cullen in the back.”
Mantra: ...Looks like Emmett isn't getting away after all...
NG55: *Whimpers* Not Emmett! Noooo!!! Please, I'll do anything! Stop ruining the awesome characters!
As if on cue a boy or rather a man, raised his large hand in response.
Mantra: Yeah, the teacher kind of DID cue him to raise his hand, you know. It's not that unusual for someone to wave their hand to indicate where they are.
NG55: That's true enough.
Naomi’s eyes met with the deep gold ones across the room and she smiled again.
Mantra: (Naomi) Fantastic! My plan is going swimmingly! Soon, the only cool vampire in this story shall be reduced to MY bitch!
NG55: Hey, Sue? I have a better idea. You can be MY bitch.
Mantra: Oh, now you're just teasing me.
“Thank you, Mr. Wiley.” The teacher looked dazed and confused,
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 11
Mantra: Ah, I see this Sue can use the Imperius.
NG55: Wiley? ....*Twitches* ...Okay, I'm calm, I won't do it!
but to hide it, he turned to the board. She was glad he didn’t make her introduce herself.
Mantra: Yes, I'm sure you're glad that you got a teacher who doesn't do his job and is a paedophile. That will make coercing him into doing what you want a lot easier, huh?
I see many after school oral exams in this Sue's future.
NG55: It must be how she got to be an underwear and lingerie model in the first place.
Nami made her way to the back. She swiftly avoided backpacks and chairs, without having to look down.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 2
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 5
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 12
Mantra: And what kind of motherfucking superpower is THAT? You can't have your avatar do all this shit and maintain that she's human! IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! This story is set in REALITY! Where humans do NOT have backpack and chair sensors built in! Therefore, you have to play by the rules of reality!
NG55: Trying to make us look bad, since we normies aren't beautiful enough to avoid obstacles flawlessly without even looking? Suethor, take your hand out of your pants!
Everyone turned to look at her as she passed. Only one person’s attention wasn’t on her.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 13
Mantra: Poor Emmett, he's trying so hard to ignore his inevitable fate. I'm sure this Sue will see this as a challenge and try even harder to warp Emmett into the doting, personality-less boyfriend she wants.
NG55: (Emmett) If I don't look at her, if I don't pay attention, maybe the Sue won't notice me and make her lovebait...
In the back Emmett Cullen was slowly scribbling the notes from the board.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 6
Mantra: See what I mean? He already knows all this stuff, because he's been through high school countless times before! He's even deliberately writing slowly to consume even more time! The only explanation is that he's deliberately ignoring the Sue!
NG55: ....Emmett, thank you! Good boy! Keep at it!
He didn’t turn when the new girl moved her chair and sat down noiselessly.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 14 (Oh, isn’t she just SO graceful?)
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 7
Mantra: Because, like vampires, this Sue can rape the laws of friction right up the ass too!
NG55: You do NOT sit in your chair at a desk noiselessly! It doesn't work that way!
Her skin had a sweet fragrance.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 15 (Oh, shut up, the Sue wrote that line so I’m counting it.)
Mantra: What Twilight Sue would you be if you weren't a Bacon Person, right?
NG55: *Groan* I should have seen this coming.
Not from perfume, she didn’t seem to be wearing any. It was like honey.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 16
Mantra: There are honey-flavoured perfume now? Weird...
NG55: *Googles* There IS honey-flavoured aroma candles...but no, not perfume.
It had been a week since Emmett’s last hunting trip with his brothers. He was thirsty, but he could stand it, only if she wasn’t so close.
Mantra: She must be a really sucky Bacon person, then, since, in Meyer's verse, even when completely sated, vampires are STILL tempted by human blood A LOT.
NG55: Bella Sue can attest to that.
Naomi noticed how disinterested he looked while writing. He barely looked at the board, but continued writing with an exclusively elegant script.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 9
Mantra: Deary, he's not bored by the lesson. He's bored by you.
SOS: And the one with the pansy, gay writing is EDWARD. Emmett isn't pretentious enough to write in Edwardian script in the modern day!
NG55: (Emmett) *Writing* Dear Penthouse, I just had a dream that I met these guys, Sam and Dean Winchester, and they totally crashed Edward's future daughter's wedding and killed a few vampires. It was freakin' awesome! And Dean had a damn awesome car, I want to see it. There was also this guy they said was an angel, named Cas or something...he was cool, he could smite you by just looking at you! I hope this dream comes true. It'd be freaking sweet.
Of course she had already noticed.
Mantra: How blatant are these asspulls going to get? You can't claim to notice something, and then immediately claim you already noticed it. Stop trying to seem smarter than you are, Sue. It only makes you look that much more stupid.
NG55: No kidding. Oh God, I was hoping Emmett would avoid this a LITTLE longer, but no. *Whimpers*
This was no ordinary human boy…or man. Her eyes studied his insanely beautiful features.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 9
Mantra: (Naomi) *Arily* Yes, I suppose he could make for a good fucktoy.
NG55: Hey, Sue? *Holds steel pipe behind back* I have something for you. Why don't you come over here and get it?
She didn’t try to be discreet, since she knew he would know she was looking anyways.
Mantra: Of course, it never occurs to her to give her classmate a modicum of respect and NOT gawking at him as if he were a zoo animal.
NG55: Honestly! If you're that intrigued, at least talk to them!
A mass of perfect black curls framed his pale face. A strong jaw, a straight nose - all perfectly angular. His skin flawless, but whiter then hers. The familiar bruise like shadows showed distinctly under his eyes.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 11
Mantra: Familiar? What, have you seen vampires before? Or are you just good pals with Cesare?
NG55: Words fail me. Now I'm just bored out of my skull. I don't know, which is worse? Boredom, or rage?
Mantra: All of them better than pain, I guess.
NG55: Hmm... I suppose so.
It was as if he had a sleepless night, but Nami knew better.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 3
Mantra: How? Seriously, how would she know if he slept well or not? If she can see circles under his eyes, why WOULDN'T she assume he didn't sleep well?
NG55: Don't tell me she knows he's a vampire. Otherwise, I am convinced that this is one of the worst Twilight Sues ever.
He had a hint of dimples that probably looked cute when he smiled.
Of course, Naomi hadn’t missed his size.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 12
Mantra: (Naomi) *With arms outstretched* Seriously! It was THIS big!
NG55: *Snicker* Nice.
Right now, this person looked anything but cute.
Mantra: Great. Fantastic. Now, will you back off of him and go chase after someone who deserves you? Like Edward?
NG55: Hey, screw you! Emmett is cute in his own way! But that doesn't matter because he's an Awesome, you bint! *Charges at her, but is held back*
Mantra: *Pulls NG55 back into her seat* Save your rage, dear...this is only going to get worse.
NG55: You're right. *Keyboards some iced tea and chips* I'll need all the sanity I can preserve...
He was maybe a good foot taller then her. Large muscles rippled along the length of his arms. He was enormous. His impassive face turned in her direction. He seemed dangerous.
Mantra: Of course, what does the Sue judge him by? His apperance.
NG55: Oh yes, forget that he might seem like a nice guy, or even just a guy who's paying close attention and taking notes, therefore being a good student. Nope, he's only worthy if he has looks to back him up. That's what all the Sues go for.
What struck her most about him were his eyes. The deep shade of gold, surrounded by speckles of black, bored into her emerald green pools.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 19
Mantra: Specks of black? Vampire eyes in Twilight can only be three colours, red, yellow, or black. Not a mixture of them!
NG55: It's even clear in the movies! They have golden eyes most of the time!
At least, in the case of the Cullens.
A million questions swirled in her head. Why were his eyes this color?
Mantra: Apparently, despite being in the MODELLING industry, this sue has never heard of contact lenses.
NG55: Yes, you would think..
How could he go to school for such a long time, in a small town? Naomi swallowed back her curiosity.
Mantra: Yes, I'm sure she's very practiced in swallowing.
SOS: Wait...look at that question.
She knows.
She knows he's a vampire.
NG55: .....You can't be serious.
SOS: Why would she be curious as to how he manages to go to school in a small town, otherwise?
She fucking knows.
NG55: ....*Sobs*
They were still looking at each other as if trying to figure out their secrets. From the disinterested look, now Emmett’s eyes reflected the curiosity in Nami’s.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 4
Mantra: (Emmett) I wonder if eating Sues can cause indigestion...
NG55: (Emmett) She must be a Sue...crap. I thought I was safe.
She smiled brilliantly. Maybe he was expecting her to be scared.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 13
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 20
Mantra: YOU SMUG LITTLE BITCH! No! Emmett does NOT get off on other people's fear! That's JASPER you're looking for!
NG55: That's right! Emmett is...well, EMMETT! He's tough and very strong, yes, but he's a big teddy bear! He's a NICE GUY! Who just happens to be a vampire! He doesn't feed off fear! He's just a guy! Just because someone is a vampire does not mean they get off on fear.
A movement caught her attention and she looked down.
Mantra: But then, she realised she couldn't. That's when she figured out that her darling, beloved Emmett had torn her head off.
NG55: (Naomi) Oh hey...is that a rock in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
His large hand was still holding the pen and scribbling away. Naomi bit her lip to keep from laughing.
NG55: (Naomi) Look at that guy, holding a pen! How ridiculous! Look everyone, he's holding a pen and WRITING with it!
He followed her eyes and casually put his pen to the side.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 14
Mantra: Fantastic. He's already altering his behaviour to suit her.
NG55: I don't understand. What's so funny? What's the joke? Did I miss something???
They both turned back to the front.
“So much dedication.” Nami murmured quietly, knowing he would have no problem hearing. Her tone dripped with sarcasm.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 5
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 15
Mantra: Oh yes, how DARE anyone be dedicated to their school work. How DARE anyone value the chance for more knowledge.
If this is the level of your passion to school, how the FUCK did you manage to skip two grades?
NG55: Hey, I dislike school and homework and stuff, but I don't laugh at people who work hard! Jeez Sue, aren't you a bitch. What is your problem? Of course he's working! He's Emmett! He can do anything. 'Cause he's an Awesome.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his smooth lips twitching upward, but he controlled it.
Mantra: of course, Emmett will be SO amused by someone demeaning his efforts at school work...like he doesn't get enough of that already, from Edward...
NG55: (Emmett) If I make her think I'm amused, maybe she'll lay off.
“I’m Nami. It’s nice to meet you.” She slightly tilted her head towards him and extended her small hand. A daring look clouded her eyes.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 16
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 21
Mantra: And here we have the Verb-Noun Mismatch Syndrome!
SOS: What, does she think he'll be AFRAID to shake her hand? The man wrestles BEARS!
NG55: Okay, this I gotta see.
He looked at it for a second. A smirk spread across his face. The dimples showed. He really was cute after all.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 17
NG55: (Emmett) I knew it, a Sue. All right then. *Stabs her with a spork, to which no one notices*
“Emmett, it’s a pleasure.” He said but made no notion of shaking her hand.
Mantra: Oh, Emmett, you ROCK.
NG55: Good! Keep it up, Emmett!
As stubborn as she was, Naomi didn’t drop her hand.
What was she trying to do, get herself killed? No, she wanted to find out for sure.
SOS: See? She knows. And that just makes no sense. How did she come to know them? How did she react? Why is the Volturi not after her? What happened when she acquired this knowledge? EXPLAIN! You can't dangle facts like these out here and never explain!
NG55: *Facepalms* This is an outrage. Who wrote this?!
A frustrated expression crossed Emmett’s eyes.
Mantra: Eyes can have expressions now? What, do they have little faces in their pupils or somthing?
NG55: (Emmett) I'm not shaking your hand! You have cooties!
Should he let her win or, make her feel awkward and ignore her?
NG55: She has no respect, does she?
Mantra: And we're suddenly in Emmett's head now?
SOS: You were expecting respect from a SUE? A TWILIGHT Sue at that?
NG55: ...It was too much to expect, wasn't it?
Mantra: And, just for the record, I fully support ignoring her. Or maybe killing her with a spork.
NG55: Go, Emmett! Make us proud!
This was the first human that didn’t shy away from his colossal size or murderous intent.
NG55: MURDEROUS INTENT?!?!?!? WHAT MURDEROUS INTENT?!?!?!! HE ISN'T EDWARD!!!!!!
Mantra: What the fuck? People in Forks Highschool didn't KNOW Emmett was a vampire! So how would they even know, even if he had them? They'd be shying away from him because the Cullens looked freaky! Not because they suspected him of being a mass-murderer!
NG55: That's just it. The Cullens stuck out like sore thumbs! That was about it!
Not that she was special,
Mantra: *Bursts out laughing* Oh, PWNED, Suethor. Seriously, totally pwned by your own creation, Suethor.
NG55: Ha! Awesome!
but she seemed to be mocking him.
Mantra: And we're supposed to like this little bitch because...?
NG55: Because the Suethor said so.
And her scent. It was so sweet it irritated him. He stopped his breath.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 22
Mantra: *Raises eyebrows* Somehow, I don't think that's how Bacon People worked, Suethor.
NG55: Vampires don't breathe. They only take in breaths in order to articulate speech!
He wanted to turn around and ignore her, but her eyes challenged him. Emmett never backed down from a challenge. His hand slowly wrapped around hers.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 18
Mantra: Is this going to be the basis of their relationship - her using Emmett's pride against him? Because that is just SO romantic.
NG55: How lovely, Sue. How lovely. ...Emmett! No! You're better than this! No!
The difference in sizes was comic.
Mantra: Which comic? DC or Marvel?
An icy sensation spread through Nami’s hand. A warm one through Emmett’s.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 6
Mantra: A hating one through me.
NG55: Wow, those two sentences had nothing to do with each other!
Carefully, while eyeing each other they shook hands.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 19
Mantra: *Dryly* Sue, the key to checking someone out is to do it SUBTLY.
NG55: Otherwise the other person is creeped out and uncertain!
As soon as it had started he dropped her hand as if he had burned himself.
Mantra: *Grins* Aw, Emmett. You ROCK.
NG55: (Emmett) Yeowch! That burns! Sue Hands always burn...
Both instantaneously turned back to the front.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 20
Mantra: What a romantic meeting. I can see how these two can become couples.
NG55: Even Lady and the Tramp's first meeting was more romantic! And they didn't even like each other! ...In fact, I could be watching that right now...
Even though she was sitting in the back, all eyes managed to still be on her.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 23
Mantra: Because the citizens of Forks randomly have eyes on the backs of their heads now?
NG55: I always knew something was wrong with them....
They were mostly curious and somewhat surprised.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 21
Mantra: A small part of them was disgusted and horrified.
NG55: Because they have nothing better to do than oggle the new girl and one student getting acquainted.
Mr. Wiley had apparently noticed the lack of attention.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 22
Mantra: DUDE, every eye on the class is on her! A blind man can tell they're not paying attention!
NG55: (Mr. Wiley) Why is no one paying attention?! It's not as if I'm teaching a high school class and a hot girl just walked in!
“Okay, today I’m going to let you guys get acquainted. But tomorrow, you have to concentrate.
SOS: TEACHERS! DO! NOT! DO! THAT!
Mantra: Especially not in the Senior year...
SOS: NOT! EVEN! JUNIOR! SCHOOL! TEACHERS! DO! THAT!
NG55: NO teachers do that! EVER! ...Except Kindergarden.
This year you are graduating, it’s no time to be fooling around.”
SOS: YOU KNEW HOW STUPID YOU WERE AND YOU STILL WENT AHEAD AND DID IT?
NG55: *Facepalm* It's official, the Suethor has absolutely no concept of reality.
He sighed when he once again realized no one was listening. Naomi sent him an apologetic smile which he waved off.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 24
Mantra: (Teacher) Lifting your skirt at me isn't going to help, Ms. Delacour. Now, all of you either pay attention or I'll put the whole class in detention.
Hey wait, that rhymed...
NG55: Ooh, now it sounded like a musical! 8D
Suddenly the room was filled with noise.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 23
Mantra: (Noise) Quickly! Fill the room! Maybe we can drown the Sue this way!
NG55: Just noise? Not "a" noise, or "a loud" noise, or anything? Just noise?
People were talking and dragging their chairs closer to Naomi’s and Emmett’s desk. She threw a glance at him. The impassive face was back on.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 25 (Of course, EVERYONE is ONLY interested in HER.)
Mantra: What? His expression didn't change at all during his conversation with you! So how can it go back to something?
NG55: (Emmett) 'Cause I'm Batman...
He was frozen still, like a statue - his attention elsewhere.
Mantra: (Emmett) Oh yeah, Rosey has the best legs ever, I'm gonna go home tonight and lick my way all the way up it...mmph...
NG55: (Emmett) I wonder if Rose will wear that dress tonight...
The other 22 pairs of eyes were looking expectantly at her.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 24
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 26
Mantra: (Eyes) Have you seen our bodies? It's kind of awkward floating around like this...
NG55: Because it's not like they could be doing other things...
“Uhm…hi everyone. I’m Nami. It’s nice to meet you.” Naomi said. Her musical voice chimed throughout the room. She wasn’t nervous, just clueless as to what to say.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 28
Mantra: Because models never have to speak to crowds.
NG55: ...Really? Just...really? You're a MODEL! You are surrounded by people ALL. THE. TIME!!
Mantra: Oh, and according to my promise...remember who it was that claimed ‘she wasn’t incompetent’ last chapter?
“So how old are you anyways? I’m Katherine” A girl with straight blond hair asked.
Mantra: (Katherine) In Forks, everyone speaks in disjointed sentences. My alarm clock is frog-shaped.
NG55: That's very true, indeed. I'm wearing slippers.
“Sixteen.” Nami answered. She had expected this question. Without waiting, she continued. “I skipped freshmen and junior year.” Her British accent broke through.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 7
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 30
Mantra: Darling, stop it. We all know you're deliberately doing this to fish for praise. Frankly, I am sick to death of you.
NG55: How did I figure that pointless information strictly for fishing for praise was going to come back and bite us in the ass?
“Are you from England?” Asked a boy. He was tall and lean; his hair carefully combed and gelled to resemble even disarray. “I’m David.”
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 25
Mantra: And...is this character's hair or name important to the story at all? Whatsoever?
NG55: By the next paragraph, we won't even remember him.
“Well in a way. I was born there,
Mantra: THEN YOU'RE FROM ENGLAND!
NG55: If you're not born in the country you live in, then yes, you ARE from a different country! Regardless of how much time you spent away from it!
but I’ve lived here since I was twelve.”
Mantra: No, you haven't. You moved here about a month ago.
NG55: I think she's referring to having lived in the U.S., but obviously the Suethor worded it wrong to make it sound like she's been in Forks all this time and we know that's not true.
Mantra: Dude, you're only sixteen. Living anywhere 4 years is NOT going to make you instant forget your actual nationality.
NG55: Even with citizenship, it never changes that you were born in another country!
Mantra: Four years isn't even enough to get an American citizenship...
Nami didn’t want to talk about it, but she knew there was no getting out of it.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 8
Mantra: Well, how about you just say that YOU DON'T FUCKING WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?
NG55: Exactly! Just simply say, "I appreciate your curiosity, but it's not something I like to talk about. I hope you understand." and there you go!
“Where did you live before coming to Forks?” Asked a boy who looked more like he belonged in an office rather then a classroom. He wore silver rimmed glasses and a button-down shirt. “Jason.” He added.
Mantra: *Tiredly* Suethor, do you think introducing random character means you have a developed and well-thoughtout world? Because it doesn't. It really doesn't.
NG55: (Jason) Jason Voorhees. *Puts on hockey mask, grabs machete and stabs the Sue*
Naomi grinned.
Mantra: I don't get it. I just can't see the humour in this situation.
NG55: (Naomi) It's so hilarious when people ask me things!
“Los Angeles.” There were murmurs and disbelieving looks.
Mantra: (Random Student) No way! I thoguht for sure she came from Mars! I mean, look at her forehead!
NG55: (Random student) L.A.?!?! But that's IMPOSSIBLE! NO ONE comes from L.A.!!
“I know, I don’t look as tan as I should.” Nami saw Emmett snort silently from next to her.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 9
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 26
Mantra: (Emmett) And I thought Bella was the bitchiest bitch in town...
NG55: Just because you come from a sunny place does not mean that you're able to naturally tan!
She had the urge to stick her tongue out at him and pout. Instead she lightly kicked his leg under the desk. She didn’t want to hurt herself.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 27
Mantra: *Sighs* Should I get your bottle and blankie for you, Sue?
With exaggerated slowness, he turned his head to the side.
Mantra: -dreading what he would see.
NG55: Exaggerated slowness??? You mean he's taking his time? ...YEAH! Go, Emmett!
His cheek was raised, so Naomi suspected he was smiling.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 31 (Of course, he can only be amused by her, not annoyed!)
Mantra: ...And you can't tell by looking at whether his mouth is curved?
NG55: Apparently she's oh-so magical at reading people from ANY angle.
“I’m Anna. Are you an actress? I have the feeling I’ve seen you before.” Asked a girl.
Mantra: You know, with all her bragging about having been on the cover page of almost all popular magazine, you'd think she'd be a tad more recognisable.
NG55: That's very true indeed!
She looked popular and maybe a little preppy. At least she hadn’t asked about modeling.
Mantra: You know, even if she did ask, that still doesn't compel you to tell the truth. My favourite fruit is oranges.
NG55: Oh, as if we needed to even know that. Did I leave the stove on?
“You’re right.”
“I’ve seen you before too.” Noted several people
Mantra: And yet no one, in a class of teenagers, can tell who she is. I suspect she's not nearly as popular as she says...
NG55: If only that were true. This is purely for the sake of "build up"...or the Suethor thinks Forks is a small town that knows nothing of the outside world. *Eye roll*
“No, nothing like that. I’m just a regular girl.” Nami smiled brilliantly.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 28
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 32
NICKNAME MISUSE: 10
Mantra: Well, she'd better hope none of her classmates ever go to another supermarket in their lives, much less newspaper-stands.
NG55: Oh great. Are we going for "Liar Revealed"? *Facepalms* I hate that.
She didn’t expect to be met with so many looks that suggested she was lying. This time Emmett pursed his lips to keep from laughing.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 33 (Oh, she’s so BEAUTIFUL, no one could believe she isn’t an actress, despite having no proof of her acting ability!)
Mantra: (Emmett) Dude, I have NEVER seen a more blatant Sue, and she expects us to buy it?
NG55: (Emmett) It's not like Alice has all kinds of magazines, anyway.
Naomi nudged her elbow into his stone hard ribs.
Mantra: Okay, lady, you've met him for FIVE minutes! You are NOT in a sort of relationship where doing that is appropriate! HANDS! OFF!
NG55: Honestly! You kick him and then you nudge him in the ribs?! You're so rude! You don't even KNOW him! How dare you!! HANDS OFF EMMETT!
(Sue) PAY ATTENTION TO ME, DAMN IT!!
“Ow.” She said under her breath, using her other hand to rub the now tender spot.
Mantra: And whose fault is that, I wonder?
NG55: Wait. Why didn’t Emmett stop her from doing that? I thought he was trying to keep his identity secret? Letting her do that would just reveal to her that he’s either REALLY not normal or goes around wearing body armour under his clothes!
SOS: Remember? She already knows he's a vampire.
NG55: *Facepalms* To think I was trying to repress that memory...
Emmett put his hand in front of his mouth. Casually of course, but Nami knew it was to hold in the hysterics.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 29
NICKNAME MISUSE: 11
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 34 (Of COURSE, he can only be amused! He can’t POSSIBLY be facepalming in the face of her stupidity!)
Mantra: Actually, he's trying to prevent himself from vomiting in the face of such a shameless bid for attention.
NG55: (Emmett) Seriously, and I thought Bella was bad...
He had realized where he had seen her.
Mantra: On a wanted poster by the PPC!
NG55: That's what I was gonna say!
Mantra: Brilliant. Shall we celebrate the moment with some femmeslash?
SOS: NO!
He and his family had seen her on the cover of many magazines and commercials and thought she was a vampire too.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 35 (It’s the Twilight universe. It counts.)
Mantra: *A bit sulky* And yet none of her classmates ever read magazines or watch TV?
NG55: ....Seriously? They thought she was a vampire? Come on, only BELLA would be that stupid!
But now he had proof she was just an extraordinary human girl. That overly sweet fragrance and the warmth of her skin were enough to give her away.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 40
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 30
Mantra: *Flatly* Give her away. The Suethor even adhere to canon in that she talks of humanity as if it's a dirty secret.
NG55: She must love Meyer's philosophy that humans are chumps and vampires must rule the world.
Naomi Delacour, the famous model prodigy.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 43
Mantra: You mention those three words ONE more time and I swear I will BITE you.
The bell rang. The everyday shrill noise startled everyone. Naomi and Emmett both rose quicker then the others.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 44
Mantra: (Emmett) DAMMIT, can't you see I'm trying to get AWAY from you?
NG55: (Emmett) She's following me! Damn it!!
Their walks were fluid and graceful, like models’.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 46
Mantra: Okay, magazine models and T-walk models are DIFFERENT!
NG55: She's obviously a print model, so unless she had lessons on the runway or WAS on the runway, she should know that just because you're a model does not mean you WALK like one unless you are on the runway.
The gigantic Cullen however was faster. He was already gone by the time Nami reached the door to the classroom.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 12
Mantra: Run, Emmett! Run!
NG55: Good! Keep it up Emmett and get AWAY from the Sue!
There she was met by David and Jason.
Mantra: Her very own Mike and Eric
“Hey, Nami, do you want me-” Both guys began. When they realized the other was there, they glared at each other.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 47
Mantra: How do you not notice someone standing RIGHT NEXT TO YOU?
NG55: They must have wall eyes.
Naomi didn’t want both of her to walk her because it would be too tense, neither did she want to choose.
Mantra: They didn't even say anything yet, lady. How arrogant do you have to be to instantly assume that the ONLY reason people would want to talk to you would be to fawn over you and be your servant?
NG55: Honestly! *Throws hands up* They could have wanted to ask if she needed help finding her next class, or what had to be done for homework or what materials she would need. But no, she has to be THAT arrogant. And hey, another thing to chalk up for the Sue Cliche. LOVED by everyone for no reason other than existing. When did you get here, Kim Kardashian?
At that moment Bella rounded the corner. Nami put on an apologetic face on.
NICKNAME MISUSE: 13
Mantra: Of course, she doesn't ACTUALLY feel sorry for snubing the poor boys. That would involve compassion!
NG55: (Sue) Crap! It's Bella! I have to look like I care!
“Sorry you guys, Bella asked me before I came to class. Maybe tomorrow? Is that okay?”
Mantra: Well, she's even a chronic liar, just like Bella!
Dude, why are you giving them hope? You know you wouldn't walk with them tomorrow! You're just being needlessly cruel!
NG55: Dude, if I didn't know any better, considering she thought they were asking her out...she just implied BELLA asked her out!!! *Rolls over laughing*
Mantra: *Laughs* Oh, she even has the implied femmeslash of the original Twilight! Meyer'll be proud.
NG55: Awesome! Bravo, Suethor!
The sweetness in her voice was too much.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 48
Mantra: The students finally can't stand it anymore and rose as one and stabbed her with a spork. 'Gah!' David said. 'I swear that girl sounded exactly like Umbridge!'
NG55: And all the students had diabetes.
David and Jason could just helplessly watch after her and nod as she lightly jogged to Bella.
From a dark corner Emmett quietly chuckled.
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 33
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 49
Mantra: *Freaks out* GAH! Since when did Emmett become a silent movie villain?
NG55: No! His character is slowly becoming ruined! *Sobs*
He too was gazing at the weird human girl.
Mantra: Of course! She's the Sue! Who else would he be staring at?
NG55: He SHOULD be staring at his WIFE! His WIFE! Sue, he's MARRIED, you bint!
She wasn’t afraid to touch him or talk to him.
Mantra: In fact, she INSISTED upon touching and talking to him, when he clearly didn't welcome the attention! That's not bravery, Suethor, that's rudeness.
NG55: You arrogant, rude, selfish, inconsiderate little BITCH... Screw you! If this were the real Emmett, he would pay you NO time of day! EVER!
Also she didn’t stare like other humans did.
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 50 (Oh, isn’t she just SO speshul?)
Mantra: *Incredulous* DUDE! She did NOTHING but stare at you!
NG55: Don't you DARE make him oblivious or stupid, Sue!
“How long is it going to take for these slow humans to figure out who she really is? I’ll make a bet with Jasper.”
SHE ADVERBED ADVERBIALLY: 34
Mantra: I hope, Suethor, that you're alluding to her model career. Because if she turns out to not be human, I WILL KILL YOU.
NG55: .......Oh God no. Oh GOD now. WHY?!?!?! *Cries* She BETTER be alluding to her modeling career. PLEASE!
SOS: Well...*Pops Mantra away* That's the end of chapter 3! And already, we see shades of Edward creeping into Emmett. God, this is going to SUCK.
FINAL COUNTS:
SHE ADVERED ADVERBIALLY: 34 (That’s 2.1% of the fic, or every 48 words approximately. It’s MARGINALLY improved over the last chapter, but still not nearly as low as it should be.)
SHAMELESS SELF PRAISE: 50 (Inversely, this percentage rose up quite a bit, reaching 3.1% or every 32.5 words. I am NOT amused.)
NICKNAME MISUSE: 13 (The Suethor used the Sue’s name 29 times in this chapter, so this percentage improved a BIT, too, though the narrator still seems equally undecided as to what to call the Sue.)
Go Forward to: Chapter 3
Go Back to: Chapter 1, Part 2