Bound For Glory: Chapter 13, Part 2
"So this it huh?" A man asked.
William: I know-very disappointing.
The Voice: I know, right? I mean, I started sporking this because I thought it’d be all light-hearted fun, but noooooo, this fic presses all of my buttons. It freaking SUCKS. But that might just be because I’m far, FAR too protective of the One Piece canon…
William: I was more referring to how the Stu is hung like a pea.
"Yes Admiral, Broly said that he killed the Captain.
Brian: NO. HE DIDN’T. HE PUNCHED THE CAPTAIN AND THEN TOLD HIM TO DIE, AND TRUSTED THAT HE’D GO AND DO IT.
William: There is a REASON the Marines want to see a body or at least a head before handing out bounties. I don’t see why they won’t apply the same standards here.
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 4
He also said that the rest of the crew might be dead as well."
Brian: WHY DIDN’T HE JUST FUCKING KILL THEM? WHY LEAVE IT TO CHANCE? All he’s doing is ensuring there’ll be people seeking revenge on him, and that’s ANNOYING!
William: And you’re telling me the Marines will be happy with a ‘MIGHT’ when they want someone dead?
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 5
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 32
"Well if they were we wouldn't be here to make sure now would we?" The admiral replied.
Brian: …I have no idea what that sentence said. What, did a comma eat your dad, Stuthor?
William: You know, the Marines didn't exactly TRUST the Shichibukai. It's probably standard protocol to make sure that the Shichibukai had done what they were told to do. Though it's just plain stupid to make a fucking ADMIRAL do it.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 33
"No Admiral Weston."
"Alright then, let us continue on."
Brian: What the hell was the point of that?
William: Exposition.
Admiral James 'Ferro' Weston,
Brian: *Stonily* Don’t give a character a nickname unless it’s actually important to the story or characterisation. It does NOT magically make your characters deeper.
William: And do I smell some author favouritism here? The names for your Marines are all ordinary and western and standard, whereas the names of the pirates are a lot more diverse (and, in most cases, stupid).
was sent by Xander
Brian: By WHO?
The Voice: Oh, he was this guy that meandered on screen for a few second back in Chapter 3.
William: That is NOT how you write an over-arching plot, Stuthor!
The Voice: Oh, but he did it for a REASON. If he paid any attention to Xander meanwhile, he’d have to write how he managed to overtake the World Government in such a short time, and how he won the loyalty of the Marines, who were trained to take down pirates, when he wants to be the Pirate King himself, and that’s just too much effort, you know. So he’s just going to completely ignore that and bring him back up when he’s in power already.
to make sure that Broly did kill the pirates that he claimed.
William: And...why is Xander so concerned about one group of pirates? It's not like they're a threat to him! Why is he putting so much effort into making sure they're dead?
Brian: Authorial intervention. The Stuthor has to try and cram an action scene in to every single fucking chapter.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 33
James is a pale skinned twenty nine year old man,
Brian: Oh, fuck me. Do you have to ground the story to a stop to describe in intricate detail exactly what every character looks like in laundry lists EVERY TIME someone comes on screen?
William: Not only is he too lazy to come up with his own characters, he’s too lazy to write the characters his READERS thought up for him into the story properly! He just copy-pastes from the profile and then writes them in the same generic prose he does everyone else, so that everyone sounds exactly the same as each other!
Brian: At hey, isn’t it interesting that the only non-teenagers are villains?
with dark brown hair, and metallic grey eyes.
Brian: *Snarls on principle*
He wears a dark grey vest,
William: *Doubtfully* And nothing on underneath? That’d look funny.
Brian: Maybe he means a tank top?
black pants, a big black overcoat,
William: *Snorts* Right, an undershirt and an overcoat, and absolutely nothing else on. Like that doesn’t sound ridiculous.
Brian: I guess it makes sense that fans of this shit would have terrible taste.
a grey fedora hat, black shoes.
William: Can it get ANY more obvious that you copy-pasted this from a list? The last item doesn’t even have an ‘and’!
Brian: Then again, that sort of thing is hardly noticeable, what with how many grammatical errors are crammed into this
.
Over it all he wore his marine Admiral jacket.
William: That’s not a jacket, you IDIOT. It’s an OVERCOAT. And you look STUPID wearing two overcoats.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 38 (For this whole section.)
James walked up to the boat
Brian: The boat? You’d think the Marines would be able to afford a freaking ship for their ADMIRAL.
William: …Er, I think he means the Stu’s ship (and it’s a goddamned SHIP, dammit, if it’s the size of Moby Dick).
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 40
and looked onwards at it,
The Voice: STOP! WITH! THE! FUCKING! LOOKING! I GET ENOUGH OF THAT FROM HEAD OF BLACK!
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 3
he then called:
Brian: (Weston) David S. Payne, you are being charged with being a Gary Stu, warping canon, warping reality, accomplice to over 2000 counts of murder, homicide, being a racist bastard, ripping off of canon, and failing humour forever. You’re sentenced to death by Spork.
"Okay you pirates! I've found you!
Brian: (Weston) It’s your turn now! Count to forty and NO PEEKING!
William: Does the concept of STEALTH even EXIST in this universe?
Now let's make this easy and let my subordinates kill you please!
William: …IF THEY WERE THAT OKAY WITH BEING KILLED, THEY WOULDN’T BE FUCKING ALIVE.
Brian: EVERY TIME I think the people in this fic can’t POSSIBLY get any more stupid, they do. That’s…actually kind of impressive.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 41
I really don't want to do this right now!" James called out,
William: And, of course, this is all about what YOU want, and not whether or not innocent people are protected from pillaging pirates.
Brian: And your subordinates are there not to support you in your mission, but to do everything you can’t be bothered to do.
William: And you’d think that going in and fucking KILLING them would be easier than shouting at them and try to negotiate so that they surrender their lives willingly.
SOCIOPATHY: 8
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 11
"If you come out
Brian: -of the closet-
now I'll make your deaths fast. I promise!”
William: LIAR. Nothing is fast in this fic, EVER.
Brian: What, implying that if they didn’t come out, he’s going to take his sweet time torturing them? He’s a fucking ADMIRAL. Why would he even waste time with a bunch of pirates who’ve JUST set step into Grand Line?
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 12
________________________________________
"Is he really threatning us?" Riru asked scared.
William: WHAT DOES IT SOUND LIKE, YOU IDIOT?
Brian: Actually, I’d be confused too. Because he kind of fucking FAILS at being threatening.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 42
"Yeah, seems like it." Avery sighed.
Brian: Oh, so it’s only the WOMEN that are scared that a FUCKING ADMIRAL is coming after them. The male members of the crew are all cool and collected and in control, huh? Well, that just tells me they’re fucking STUPID and don’t know what MARINE ADMIRAL means!
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 17
"What do we do?" Karma asked.
William: Sit around and wait for the Stuthor to save you, as always.
"Huh..." Chase sighed.
Brian: THE WORST THING YOU COULD DO IS SIT AROUND AND FUCKING MOPE!
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 7
"Chase?" Kit looked at him.
William: (Kit) Are you going to contribute anything except sighing and angsting? Because if you’re not, you might as well go ahead and throw yourself overboard.
"I'm going." He announced.
Brian: (Chase) Screw this, I’mma goin’ home!
William: *Sneers* Yeah, so he can cry to his mommy about how all the big boys were meeeean to him!
"Wait what?" The crew yelled.
Brian: -in synchronisation. They had to practice for days to get that right.
"I'm the First Mate,
William: (Chase) -who doesn’t do anything.
Brian: Hey! The pirates that don’t do anything are far, FAR more interesting and dynamic than these assholes!
I'll go and take care of this guy as fast as I can." He explained.
William: *Boggles* My GOD, the ARROGANCE!
Brian: You were PWNED by a Shichibukai, who’s already engaged in combat with the rest of the crew! What the FUCK makes you think you can take on an ADMIRAL alone?
William: He’s bullshitting. It’s the only explanation. He’s just saying that so he can get out and then run for the hills.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 44
"Chase you can't leave like that! You aren't ready to battle!" Riru explained,
Brian: Yeah, if you wait until that fucking wimp is ready to fight, you’d all be decomposed.
William: Oh, implying that he IS strong enough to take down an Admiral alone if he wasn’t injured? BULLSHIT.
"Your wounds will open up again."
Brian: Just what the hell do you think injuries from being NUCLEAR BOMBS look like, Stuthor? They’re definitely not lacerations or puncture wounds!
William: DUDE. HE IS GOING UP AGAINST A FUCKING ADMIRAL. He won’t have to worry about his wounds opening up, because he’ll be DEAD.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 21
"Does that mean I'll die?" Chase asked.
Brian: We can only hope.
William: Don’t worry. If that doesn’t kill you, I will.
"There's a possibility."
Brian: How? David was completely okay with his spine fucking shattered! What’s a few open wounds gonna do?
William: I’m not concerned, Stuthor. We’ve all seen what lengths you go to, to make sure your little self-inserts all survive. You’re much too wimpy to kill any of them.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 23
"Hmmm...not the answer I was looking for,
Brian: WHAT, YOU WERE HONESTLY EXPECTING TO SURVIVE???
William: WHY ARE YOU EVEN CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR WOUNDS? IT’S A FUCKING ADMIRAL. HE’D DECIMATE YOU EVEN IF YOU’RE COMPLETELY UNINJURED, YOU ARROGANT PIECE OF SHIT!
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 25
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 45
but oh well." Chase shrugged and began to walk off.
Brian: So, tell me, if your characters aren’t the least bit concerned, then why the hell should I be? THIS IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE TENSION!
"Chase I'm going too." Avery stood and followed Chase.
William: Oh, of course, the two remaining MEN head to battle, while the perfectly combat-capable females are stashed into the kitchen. OF. FUCKING. COURSE.
Brian: *Snorts* Nah, they’re just eloping together.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 18
"Eh, no stupid.
Brian: I’m so torn. On the one hand, SOMEONE finally pointed out what a fucking IDIOT Avery was being. On the other hand, that someone is FUCKING CHASE, and he’s responding to perhaps the only intelligent sentence to come out of Avery’s mouth in this chapter.
William: So, he’s purposefully making sure that he’s alone, even though there’s readily available backup? That’s not sacrificing, Stuthor. That’s just STUPID. THERE IS NO FUCKING REASON WHY AVERY CAN’T COME ALONG. NONE.
Brian: Except, of course, for how the frail little wimmins need a Big Strong Man there to protect them!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 46
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 19
You stay here. I'll take care of them by myself." Chase looked at Avery.
William: HOOOOOOOOOOOW?
Brian: I can’t even scream at him for the sheer arrogance, because you know he’s right. The Stuthor will pull SOMETHING out of his ass to make sure everything is sunshine and rainbows and none of his avatars are hurt.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 48
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 4 (I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THE LOOKING, DAMMIT.)
"But..."
Brian: (Avery) -even I can see how fucking STUPID that is!
"But? Thats an order, all of you stay here.
Brian: FUCK YOU.
William: There’s no really much else you can say.
SOCIOPATHY: 9
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 49
As First Mate, while David's down I'm in charge and how you guys have to sit here and wait for my return!"
Brian: Now he’s just having a fucking BABYFIT!
William: He’s going to run to his room, slam the door, and fling himself onto the bed next!
SOCIOPATHY: 10 (He’s taking advantage of his new power very quickly, isn’t he?)
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 50
"And if you don't?" Kit asked tearful,
Brian: OH, FUCK YOU, STUTHOR. You’re just bashing Kit because she hurt Broly while your pathetic self-inserts couldn’t!
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 21
which got the rest of the crew to bring tears up as well.
William: Implying they weren’t really upset, but was just acting along with Kit because it’s their obligation?
Brian: Eh, it’s probably not too far from the truth. I see no reason for these people to have an emotional connection with David and Chase, certainly. They don’t even know anything about them beyond their names! All they know is that these two guys showed up, beat them up, and now they have to follow their orders.
"Huh...can we not cry please?
William: Tell that to the fucking Stuthor! He’s the one insisting on writing his females as weepy, fainting flowers-and in the One Piece universe, no less!
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 8
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 22 (Of course, the Big Strong Man doesn’t get teary at all! Crying is GIRLY, after all!)
I don't do good with that.
Brian: No, you don’t do good with anything. At all. Ever. YOU DISGUSTING MURDERER.
William: And, of course, this is all about YOU. No one is allowed to express emotion if YOU’re uncomfortable with it. Everyone must censor themselves to accommodate YOU.
SOCIOPATHY: 11
I'll be back." Chase sighed,
William: I’m going to REALLY enjoy killing you, you arrogant little toad.
"Later."
Brian: Unless you have access to a time machine, I think we can assume that.
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 5
With that he walked out and looked at James.
William: And while he was starring dumbly like the brainless moron he is, an ACTUAL FUCKING MARINE officer quickly shot him in the head. The End.
"Hahaha you!
Brian: (Weston) Don’t I know you from another fanfic? Oh wait, every character this Stuthor writes is the same. Excuse me!
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 9
Wow, you're 'The Electricfying' Chase M. Dragon!"
William: And that is the stupidest name I have ever heard. Any canon pirate with that name would have committed suicide out of sheer embarrassment.
Brian: Why the hell would an ADMIRAL be impressed? He’s precisely NO BODY. He wasn’t even the one to kill the Shark King! Just why would the Admiral even know he EXISTS?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 52
James smiled, "I didn't know you were part of his crew."
William: Why would it MATTER? He’s NO ONE. He shouldn’t even be a blip on the Marines’ radar! Just where the fuck did he get a reputation? He hasn’t done ANYTHING!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 54
"I have a nickname?" Chase asked.
Brian: No, he’s just calling you that for shits and giggles. WHAT DO YOU FUCKING THINK?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 55
"Yeah, we are currently working on the bounty you have.
William: Why does he have a bounty at all? No, seriously, WHY? Give me ONE reason.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 56
Brian: If your pirates have entered Grand Line without even a fucking BOUNTY, then something is deeply, deeply wrong
with your pacing.
Then again, you're about to die so it won't matter." James explained with a grin.
William: NO. HE’S NOT. BECAUSE YOU’RE EXACTLY LIKE EVERY OTHER GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING VILLAIN WE’VE SEEN. ALL YOU DO IS STAND AROUND AND TALK. I’ll believe you when you ACTUALLY FUCKING KILL HIM.
Brian: YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO! Just shoot him and be done with it! What are you doing standing around and bantering? EFFICIENCY IS A VIRTUE!
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 13
"Yeah, yeah whatever."
William: *THE VERY FAST KILLING OF MANY*
Brian: Arrogance is NOT likeable. The tension and uncertainty and anxiety involved in going up against someone you know is far stronger than yourself, for the sake of your dream or your friends, is what makes fights worth watching! If the characters don’t care and are STUPIDLY reassured in their abilities, it just makes the readers want to smack a bitch!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 57
Chase jumped down from the boat, and landed on his feet.
William: -and broke his legs. HELLO? You made the ship the same size as the Moby Dick!
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 26
Once he did he struggled to keep his balance.
Brian: That’s why LADDERS exist, you know. And seeing as Weston here is perfectly fine with waiting patiently until you’re ready (as every single fucking villain does), I don’t see why you can’t use it.
William: Because he wants to show off his Awesome Landing Skillz. And FAILED, of course.
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 1
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 58
"Hmph, personally I'd fight you. The thing is,
Brian: (Weston) -the Stuthor wants to keep you alive because he’s a fucking wimp.
William: (Weston) -you’re not worth the effort.
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 10
Brian: And is it EVER going to be explained why a fucking ADMIRAL is interested in a small-fly like him?
William: The Stuthor just wants the big-names to go after him, because it makes him feel more important. Screw what canon says, maintaining his wank fantasy is far more important.
you're weak now so whats the point?
Brian: THERE IS NO POINT. NONE OF THE ACTION SCENES IN THIS FIC HAS A POINT. GAAAAAAAAAH!
Men! Attack!" James pointed at Chase and alll of his men began to fire.
William: Oh my god, YES. Finally, they DO something!
Brian: I thought for sure the men would throw the guns aside and fight him physically. That’s what the Stuthor has his characters doing in every fight, after all-chuck their weapons so he can draw the scene out more.
"Hmph..." Chase grinned
William: That is REALLY not the sound of grinning.
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 11
as he let the bullets pass through him since he was made of lightning.
Brian: …So, he’s immune to bullets…but not to explosions?
William: And just a few chapters ago, he wasn’t immune to PUNCHES?
Brian: WHY DO YOU LOVE RAPING YOUR OWN CONTINUITY SO MUCH????
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 59
"Oh yeah, that stuff won't work on you huh?
Brian: WHY NOT? ARE YOU EVER GOING TO EXPLAIN THAT?
William: No, keeping track of your story is for losers who aren’t Inhuman X. Speaking of, if Weston here KNEW about Chase’s power and its mysterious ability to make him immune to bullets and bullets only, why did he order his men to shoot Chase? Did he just FORGET? Yeah, I can see how he got promoted to Admiral, alright.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 60
You can make anything pass through you huh?"
Brian: …Are you saying he CHOSE to get hurt during all the fights before? …Do you have ANY idea how fucking stupid that is?
William: I’m assuming not. If he can’t be bothered to put in a few commas, then what makes you think he’ll be bothered to read through the earlier chapters and confirm what he’s writing isn’t contradictory?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 61
Weston sighed, he didn't want to have to fight an injured.
Brian: He is a PIRATE. You really can’t have a sense of honour here, because if you leave him be, HE WILL PILLAGE VILLAGES AND MURDER PEOPLE AND BE A PAIN IN THE ASS.
William: And given that he clearly thinks highly enough of himself that he’d WILLINGLY challenge you to a one-on-one fight while injured, I’d say he deserves to have his ass kicked. It might give him some perspective.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 62
Though it looked like he had no other choice.
William: And just what the hell do you plan to do? Eneru, in canon, was basically a fucking GOD, because no one could stand a chance against his power. No weaponry could hurt him-not physical and superpower’d attacks-and there weren’t any defences against his attacks either. Luffy was the first person he’d ever met who could even fight back against him. Just what the hell can Weston DO to Chase, huh? Just why should I feel anxious?
Brian: It’d only work if Weston had a Devil Fruit power over a non-conductive element, and if that was the case, it’d make even less sense why he told his soldiers to shoot Chase first.
"You coming at me or what?" Chase grinned as he slipped into his stance.
William: I’m going to imagine he just struck a prissy-schoolgirl pose. It SLIGHTLY dulls my urge to castrate him with a blunt butterknife.
"You're walking a fine line here kid,
Brian: Yes, he invokes an emotion that exactly sits on the borderline between unadulterated disgust and murderous rage.
you're on the verge of death and want to fight me?"
William: NO, HE IS FUCKING NOT. You can’t just TELL us that he’s close to dying and expect us to buy it. We’ve seen how he acts. HE’S CLEARLY PERFECTLY FUCKING FINE AND JUST WHINING ABOUT HIS INJURIES BECAUSE HE’S A GIANT FUCKING PUSSY.
Brian: EVEN YOUR OWN CHARACTERS SEE HOW FUCKING STUPID CHASE IS BEING! DO YOU EVEN READ YOUR OWN FIC?
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 26
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 63
James asked as he scratched the back of his head, "What are you trying to do?"
Brian: Nothing. None of this has any point. This story has no fucking purpose since the very start. It’s just a big, steaming pile of NOTHINGNESS.
"Hmph, there's no point in running."
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 12
William: Yes, I agree. It’s pretty stupid to think that a six-people crew sailing a ship meant for hundreds of people can’t POSSIBLY outrun a fully staffed Admiral fleet from the Marines. BUT THAT DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHY YOU’RE FIGHTING HIM ALONE. When you realise you can’t run, you put your FULL FUCKING EFFORT into fighting. So why the FUCK don’t you have the rest of the crew out here with you?
Brian: Because this is all about him dying in a blaze of glory, to hide what an utter wimp he is. And if he had someone else out there with him, they might steal the spotlight, and he won’t be able to enjoy his melodramatically heroic death.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 64
"What do you mean?" James asked.
William: Have I mentioned how much I hate these characters being vague on purpose? It doesn’t mean you’re smarter than the other characters. It just means you’re an insufferable asshole who likes baiting people.
Brian: Have I mentioned how much I hate these character standing around and TALKING? Don’t you have more important fucking things to do? What do you care what he means? Just get on and KILL HIM ALREADY! His philosophy doesn’t matter! You want him DEAD!
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 14
"Everyday us pirates walk a fine line
Brian: BULLSHIT. WE DO NOT BUY IT.
William: If you want us to believe that your protagonists are constantly in danger, SHOW THEM BEING CONSTANTLY FUCKING IN DANGER! When all they do is win every single fucking fight effortlessly, or lose without any serious casualties, IT DOESN’T WORK! Particularly not when even THEY don’t think they’re in danger, constantly puffing up and preening arrogantly and smirking and having a ball during every fight!
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 27
putting ourselves in danger for our dreams.
Brian: Name ONE fight you’ve entered in order to progress your dreams. ONE.
William: In fact, name one crew member whose dream you know. ONE.
SOCIOPATHY: 12
Evnetually the time comes where we will die.
Brian: And I can’t WAIT.
William: It’s certainly not going to happen in-story. That might disrupt the Stuthor’s wanking.
So there's no point in running away.
Brian: …Dude, did you just say that since you’re going to die anyways, there’s no point in trying to live?
William: Then why the FUCK are you even trying to fight back? You’re going to die one day anyways, so just lay down your weapons and let him slit your throat! There’s no point in running away!
Brian: AND YOU DARE TO CLAIM THAT YOU HAVE A FUCKING DREAM? YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE THE POINT IN LIVING, AND YOU CLAIM THAT YOU ARE CHASING AFTER A FUCKING DREAM? FUCK YOU!
William: I have a feeling this is how he justifies his murders. I mean, those people are going to die anyways, so what’s the matter with making it a little earlier than usual?
SOCIOPATHY: 14 (FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING HOW FUCKING DREAMS WORK)
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 65
Same goes for Marines, Shichibukai, Yonkuo, ordinary people, and so on.
Brian: Yes, and you see any of them committing suicide? THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEY’RE RUNNING AWAY FROM DEATH. That just means they’re far more courageous than you can ever HOPE to be. It means they have the strength and power to LIVE.
William: Just what kind of tone are you even going for, Stuthor? One second, you’re all, ‘Oooh, we have DWEEEEEEEEEEAMS!!!’, and the next, you’re going, ‘Everyone’s going to die anyways, so what’s the point in living?’??? Those two are very different sentiments, and you can’t have a single character voice them both one after the other!
Brian: He’s just trying to sound all ~*~deep~*~ and failing miserably. Or copying the inspirational moments from canon and failing MISERABLY. Same thing.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 66
Aren't well running?"
"Running from what?"
"From death."
"What?"
Brian: I have to agree with you there, Weston. I have NO fucking clue what the fuck he’s going on about.
William: He probably doesn’t even know what he’s going on about. He’s just baiting for time so he can live a few moments longer, the WIMP.
"You see we ignore the fact that eventually we have to die.
The Voice: Don’t presume to speak for the rest of humanity, you dipshit. I’m well aware that I’m going to die. This is why I try to make the best of my short time here on earth and NOT try to get myself killed by being a STUPID BASTARD.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 67
William: Your own captain is the one constantly putting off his death, as though he had command over it. That kind of undermines your argument.
So why hide? Why run?
Brian: Because NO ONE IS HIDING AND RUNNING. Not embracing death doesn’t mean not accepting it! People are well aware that they are mortal-they just choose to live their life to the fullest instead of trying to commit fucking suicide!
The Voice: Haven’t you heard of the saying that it’s the journey that mattered, not the destination? Given a life where I quickly commit suicide and one where I make friends and enjoy my hobbies and have a fulfilling career and retire in a small, peaceful town, and eventually die in my sleep? I’m going to choose the latter, and not because I’m fucking running from death. It’s because I KNOW how to live!
Embrace it,
William: Just…stop, Stuthor. Shut up. The more you try to look intelligent, the most you look stupid. At this point, I’m embarrassed FOR you.
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 68
so once again I ask. Aren't we all running?"
Brian: FUCK. NO. There’s your answer.
The Voice: TRYING TO LIVE A FULFILLING LIFE ISN’T RUNNING FROM DEATH! IN FACT, KNOWING AND ACCEPTING THAT I’M GOING TO DIE HAS ONLY MOTIVATED ME TO MAKE SURE THAT I USE THE SHORT LIFE I HAVE TO ITS FULLEST! FUCK YOU!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 69
"Huh...I think it's time for you to die.."
William: AGREED.
Brian: Why do I get a feeling that that promise is never going to be fulfilled?
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 13
James stuck his hand out and made it into a spear, "I ate the Ferro Ferro fruit
William: WE CAN FUCKING TELL WHAT YOUR POWER IS! YOU DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT IN A HUGE MONOLOGUE!
Brian: At least TRY to integrate exposition into your story, dammit! Don’t halt everything so we can learn about pointless trivia!
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 15
allowing me to become liquid and solid metal.
Brian: …He…turns into metal. To fight against someone with LIGHTNING as their power.
William: DOES THE MARINES KNOW ABOUT CHASE’S POWER OR NOT?? WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY SEND THIS IDIOT IF THEY KNEW???
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 71
You know like mercury.
Brian: Can you turn into EVERY type of metal there is? Because if so, then simply changing your arm into a spear is the least efficient way you could use it.
William: Especially since we just fucking SAW that Chase is supposed to be immune to attacks like these, because he’s apparently made out of fucking LIGHTNING for now! Do you even realise what you’re writing, Stuthor?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 73
So now it's over..."
William: No! It’s not over! Your power won’t fucking WORK on him, AS WE HAVE SEEN, and his power would be doubly effective against you! What is WRONG with you?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 74
James began to run at Chase,
Brian: And, of course, an ADMIRAL would be stupid enough to give the enemy time to prepare for an attack while unbalancing himself. Of course.
William: And he would rush into a situation without even thinking about how CHASE JUST PROVED HIS POWER WON’T FUCKING WORK ON HIM AT THE START OF THIS FUCKING SCENE, YOU FUCKING MORON!!!
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 2
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 75
and he just stood there.
William: And that’s the ONLY time it made the LEAST amount of sense. Because that attack WOULDN’T FUCKING WORK ON HIM!
As James got close Chase realized something. He couldn't move.
William: I thought you didn't want to move?
Brian: Again, it’s far from tense, Stuthor. We’re not the least bit worried for him because a) he didn’t intend to move in the first place, so it’s not like this inconvenienced him, b) Weston’s power has NO FUCKING WAY of injuring him, or even mildly inconveniencing him, and c) WE KNOW YOU’RE A FUCKING PUSSY!
"Die!" James yelled as he lunged forwards,
William: I love how a Marine Admiral sounds EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME as a common thug in this universe. Character voices are for losers.
but his spear got caught in a wall of ice.
Brian: A completely unnecessary wall of ice. Congratulations, Ms Knight-in-Shining-Armour, you were COMPLETELY USELESS.
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 3
William: And isn’t it SO nice that the protagonists’ allies have the canonical powers of Marine Admirals and Gods, while their opponents have third-rate powers at best? You can tell the Stuthor is crafting a tale of suspense and intrigue, oh yes.
Upon that ice a shadow stood. James could see who it was clearly,
William: Then it’s HARDLY a shadow, is it?
THESAURUS RAPE: 4
and didn't like who it was, "You..."
Brian: Did the Stuthor honestly think this is suspenseful? We freaking KNOW who it is. It’s someone who’ll help out the protagonists for no other reason than the Stuthor is a pussy, and they have ice-related power.
The Voice: And even if we didn’t know, the Stuthor spoils it the Author’s Note anyways!
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 76
________________________________________
Next Time: Unable to fight Chase is saved by a miracle,
The Voice: SEE?
William: Anyone with half a brain cell could have worked it out without the Stuthor shouting it from rooftops.
or more like a queen. A Snow Queen!
Brian: Unless she actually rules an empire (IN WHICH CASE WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING WANDERING AROUND), that’s hardly true. Just because she got a certain nickname as a pirate, doesn’t make her actually a fucking Queen. Luffy got named ‘Straw hat’, but he’s hardly a piece of headgear, is he?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 77
As the rest of the crew waits on the ship for Chase's return,
William: Because that’s what good little wimmins should do.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 22
Chase watches the person that just saved his life fight against an Admiral.
Brian: So, once again, the protagonists sit to the side with their thumbs up their asses while someone else takes care of their problem for no reason?
William: Why the hell are these even protagonists in the first place?
Then when things get down to it, another miracle happens!
Brian: You know, most authors are ashamed of their ass pulls.
William: Miracles may be wonderful in reality, but they are NOT FUCKING GOOD in fiction. Unlike reality, things have to happen for a reason!
Review!
William: Here’s my review. *Makes rude gestures at the fic*
FINAL COUNTS:
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 75+27 = 102
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 107+13 = 120
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 76+5 = 81
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 230+77 = 307 (AND we’ve broken 300. Man, this count is skyrocketing.)
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 95+15 = 110
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 94+3 = 97
SOCIOPATHY: 110+12 = 122
THESAURUS RAPE: 34+4 = 38
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 88+22 = 110
SWEATDROP: 7+1 = 8
YOU PREJUDICED BASTARD: 22
COCKFIST: 3 (Forgot this last chapter)
Go Forward to: Chapter 14
Go Back to: Chapter 13, Part 1